Naya heard about a tradition in which on Leap Year Day, girls are the one who are "suppose" propose to their partner. She'd read up on a few weeks ago, when she was bored at home, wishing she was spending time with Heather. Today she's sat in her trailer, a ring in a black velvet box across the table from her, quietly sobbing because there is no way that Heather would marry her.
Within seconds the door to her trailer is burst open and a beaming blonde haired beauty is bounding into Naya's trailer. "Nay-", she pauses when she notices her best friend slumped in the the seat, tear tracks on her sodden cheeks. She looks at the ring box. "Who gave you that?" she asked, her blood running cold at the thought of someone taking her away.
Naya shakes her head sadly and sobs out, "I was suppose to give it to someone"
"Who?" Heather blurts out quickly. Naya remains silent. Her body overwrought with sadness. Heather's eyes are glued on Naya, who slowly brings her head up and connects her eyeline to Heather. Eyes that were once strong and dark seemed almost grey with emotion. Unspoken words between them both sound louder than if either of them had said a thing. Heather hangs her head after what felt like the longest minute, "Nay.." she sighs, "I can't..." she turns on her heel and walks away.
Heather closed the door behind her and took a deep breath to supress the onslaught of emotion that was coursing it's way through her body. She stepped down the few steps and stopped at the bottom. She turned to face the door in a last minute change of mind and walked back up the steps. Just as she reached out her hand to pull the handle she could hear Naya crying.
In another world she would have stepped through the door and ceased the moment, taking the ring and sliding it on her slender finger. She would have flung her arms so tightly around Naya, showering her in kisses, repeating, "Yes Nay of course i'll marry you," over and over until she believed it. But this was the real world. She had a long term boyfriend who she loved. And although Naya was buried deep in her heart, it had to be this way.
Behind the trailer door, Naya cried until every last tear was squeezed out. It felt like forever. It wasn't just the emotional pain but the physical one and her heart was crying with her. That's what having a broken heart felt like. She could feel it falling to pieces in her chest. She would rather not be here than feel like this.
Her phone vibrated against her leg and she was pulled back to reality. A tiny ray of hope ran through her as she pulled the phone out of her pocket and closed her eyes, hoping to open them to see the only name she needed to see. It wasn't her. she slid the phone across the table watching as it went too far and fell off the other side. She made no attempt to catch it before it fell. "Stupid piece of crap" she mumbled to herself.
Her phone buzzed again and she ignored it. She didn't want to be tormented with messages or calls that werent from Heather. She was the only one Naya wanted contact with, but ironically Heather was the one person who wouldn't contact her.
She slumped forward and laid her head on her arms which were laid out in front of her to form a headrest.
Just as she got comfortable, there was a loud knocking noise on her door, "Leave me alone!" she yelled at the person behind the door.
They knocked again, louder and for longer, "I said get lost!" she angrily shouted again.
The knocking became more frantic. Naya got up from her seat, letting out an angry puff of air and reached for the handle and swung the door open, "I said fuck-"
She stopped mid sentence. And glared at the person standing before her. Their eyes red and puffy and full of tears
Her heart quickened in her chest and she wasn't aware that she was talking until she actually heard herself, "What are you.. I mean.. What... Wh-why are you crying?" she stammered.
"I love you," Heather replied, voice thick with raw emotion. She swallowed any kind of sob that was threatening to ruin the moment. "I love you Naya." She paused and dropped her head to look at the floor. "I don't know if we can ever be together, things are complicated.." she raised her head to capture Naya's eyes in her own, "I just want you to know that I love you"
Naya stood still, her facial expression remained emotionless, not wanting to give anything away in fear of getting hurt. She'd been here too many times, usually with guys. Saying they love you one minute then the next walking out of her life forever. She had to keep her guard up.
"Please say something Naya," Heather pleads, "please.. Just anything,"
The atmosphere that hung between them was almost a smog, that caught in the back of your throat, leaving you unable to breath. It's opaqueness awash with a raw emotion that felt foreign to both of them.
Heather barring her soul was a first. Naya was the only one who had shared her feelings. The sincerity in Heathers tone felt like a bonding agent that was trying its best to piece together the fragments of Naya's broken heart.
Naya stepped back in an invitational way and Heather took a step forward. Naya shook her head and put a hand up in between them, it lightly brushed Heathers stomach before she flinched it back to her side.
Heather quirked her eyebrow in confusion and stepped back to the top step where she originally stood.
Naya opened and closed her mouth to speak. An internal conflict rendering her speechless for the minute. She knew her shattered heart was telling her to say what she felt, but her head being the louder and wiser voice at that moment, took charge of the situation at hand. She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders in defeat, "I can't," she spoke out softly, stepped back and closed the door on her best friend.
Heather stood rooted to the spot. Her heart constricting in her chest which seemed to be pulling at her lung, stopping her from breathing altogether. She opened her mouth to get an intake of air but nothing came and her pulse started to race. She turned quickly making everything spin in it's place and made her way down the steps. Nothing was still. It was swaying around her and she wanted nothing more than to get to her trailer as quick as she could.
Putting one foot in front of the other to move, normally seemed like something her body did involuntarily, but today she had to think about every step she took. It felt like she was trudging through mud, with each foot falling further and further into the ground, the closer she got.
With all the strength she had left in her body she ran up the steps, yanking the handle of her trailer down and falling forward on the floor behind the door. She kicked it closed and and lay still on the floor.
She wanted to cry out, she wanted to scream and kick her legs out in any kind of release that would stop this dull ache in her chest. But no one would hear, no one would come and help and see what was going on and not just anyone, Naya. She wouldn't come to her rescue this time. This time her heroine wouldn't be there to save her from the darkness.
She dragged her body to an upright position and moved herself, until her back was flush with the door, stopping anyone from barging in on her.
She stared straight ahead, focusing on nothing in her eyeline, but everything in her head. She moved her hand to push away the hair that had fallen down around her face and thats when she realised she was crying. Her body had given in to the wave of emotion that wracked her body and she felt hot tears fall off her chin and onto her shirt.
She let herself cry for a few minutes, until she stood up to move to the table where she spotted her iPod sat charging in it's docking station. She figured she could put some music on and cry to her hearts content and no one would hear her above the sound of the music.
She pressed play "There's always that one person who will always have your heart.." Usher's soulful voice sung out. Her breath hitched in her throat and she skipped the track.
The soft thump of a RnB base chimed in before the sultry vocals of Alicia Keys rang out, "Even if you are a million miles away, I can still feel you in my bed.."
She angrily grabbed the iPod and threw it onto the sofa and it bounced off a cushion and onto the floor by her feet. She fell backwards onto the sofa and let her body cry.
Heather never cried like this. Every time she'd fallen out with Taylor she'd be angry and hurt but she'd never cry like this. She'd felt loss but never to this extent.. The last time she felt like this.. Well that just didn't bear thinking about but it felt the same. Like someone had taken her heart right out of her chest, found the special part of it saved for Naya, with a picture of them together and ripped it to shreds and discarded it, like it meant nothing.
"Wh-why-y-y?" she sobbed to herself. She knew no one could answer or would answer but she just needed to know why.
Her phone beeped in her pocket and with frantic movement she pulled the phone out of her pocket.
Dianna's name flashed on the screen and she read the message. "Is Naya with you? She won't pick up her phone."
She ignored the text. Why would anyone think she would be with Naya..oh yeah because they're best friends she scoffed to herself.
Her phone beeped again. With a roll of her eyes she looked at the screen. Her eyes widdend when she saw the name 'Naya 3' she swiped the message across the screen to see what she had to say.
":'(" was all the message said.
She sobbed out a few tears and wiped them away with the back of her hand before replying with the same message back ":'("
She sat in silence for a few minutes before she grabbed her bag and made her way to the tin shed. If there was one thing that Heather could do, it was dance away her emotions.
She opened the door cautiously, snaking her head around the edge of the door to see if anyone was in there. The lights were off and the squeak of the door echoed off the walls. The only light was a flickering one in the corner, that never seemed to get fixed, despite their numerous complaints. The lighting staff were getting slack.
She reached to the side for the light switch, squinting as the light flashed on, abruptly. She threw her bag on the floor and walked toward the stereo system. She no idea of the music that would come out of the speakers as she pressed play, all she knew was that she wanted to dance.
As Florences's haunting lyrics sung out through the speakers, Heather looked at herself in the mirror.
"Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments, I can see no way, I can see no way, and all of the ghouls come out to play.."
She rolled her neck and and her wrists, stretching out her arms and shaking her legs, watching herself in the mirror. Her eyes seemed sunken in and were no longer the sapphire blue that lit up the room. A pained expression across her face.
She moved around the room with grace, reverting back to her early dance lessons. She missed contemporary dance now that she'd thrown her heart into street dance classes.
She moved around the studio with such fluidity, embracing the freedom the music allowed her to feel.
"Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out woah.. It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake him off woah.."
Her phone was ringing in her bag, but she couldn't hear it due to the music's volume and the fact that she was lost in her movements. It rang again but to no avail.
"And given half the chance would I take any of it back, it's a final mess but its left me so empty, it's always darkest before the dawn.."
A few stray tears escaped her eyes and she felt the lyrics as she danced. She spun on the spot a few times to try and rid the feelings that had crept up on her and she moved off the spot to the front of the room and moved in time with the beat.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw the door move slowly and watched someone slip inside. She made no attempt to swing her head to get a better look, but she knew who it was. They sat on the floor by the door to try and keep out of sight.
"And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, and here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road.."
As the last chorus played out, Heather dropped back into the song and moved accordingly. She ended with her head down in front of her.
"You knew I was here didn't you," the voice called out, cutting through the silence. It bounced around the room making it sound louder than it actually was.
"Yeah," was all Heather managed to say. She brought her head up and looked back in the mirror. She daren't make eye contact with them.
"Who were you dancing for at the end there Heather?" they asked, assure they knew the answer to the question.
"Me," Heather replied, making no attempt to look their way and acknowledge their presence.
"No it wasn't.." they argued back.
She turned her head quickly, to face them, anger forming on her face, "Did you think that was for you?" she shot back.
"I know it was for me," they replied timidity and stood up.
Heather balled her fists, her knuckles turning White with rage. She stormed across the studio, "Do you think everything in this world is about you Naya? Do you think everything I do is about you? Can you not see how hurt I am, that maybe I just wanted to dance?" she shouted louder than she thought it was.
"I'm sorry," Naya replied in the smallest voice possible, "I shouldn't have come here.. I just..,"she sighed, "Nothing, I should go." she turned and made her way to the door.
"Don't go," Heather called after her.
Naya stopped walking and turned around to face Heather. Their eyes, both full of sadness and hurt, locked into each other in that all too familiar way they were used to.
"Why did you come here?" Heather asked, swallowing her apprehension for the answer.
Naya walked back towards Heather and stood in front of her, not too close but close enough that it wouldn't feel too uncomfortable. "I umm..." she cleared her throat, "I wanted to sing you a song." she looked at Heathers face for a reaction.
"This isn't Glee club, Nay, this is real life and singing songs doesn't make things go away," Heather sighed.
"Please," asked Naya, "just hear me out. If you've heard enough just tell me and I'll shut up and leave, okay?"
Heather thought about it for a few seconds, then nodded her head, "okay." she made her way to middle of the studio and watched as Naya stood in front of her taking deep breaths. "Do you need me to play any music?" she asked.
"No.. Thank you, I um.. I want to sing acapella to you," Naya said, wringing her hands over and over, to try and calm herself down. It was a nervous twitch that she never grew out of and couldn't stop no matter how much she hated it. It had even started spilling out into her acting.
Naya stood in front of the mirror and took one final deep breath before she started.
"I feel weak, we've been here before,
'Cause I feel we keep going back and forth,
Maybe it's over, maybe we're through,
But I honestly can say I still love you,
Maybe we reached the mountain peak,
And there's no more left to climb,
And maybe we lost the magic piece,
And we're both too blind to find,
Let's start over,
Let's give love their wings,
Let's start over,
Stop fighting 'bout the same old thing,
Let's start over,
We can't let our good love die,
Maybe we can start over,
Give love another life,
I can see that we're not happy here,
So why would we keep pretending when there's nothing there?
Maybe you like it, well, I don't,
And maybe you'll settle, well, I won't,
Maybe we reached the mountain peak,
And there's no more left to climb,
And maybe we lost the magic piece,
And we're both too blind to find,
Let's start over,
Let's give love their wings,
Let's start over,
Stop fighting about the same old thing,
Let's start over,
We can't let our good love die,
Maybe we can start over,
Give love another life,
I know that this will hurt you,
I know you'll cry,
I know I called you selfish, but that's a lie,
I feel I know that's the best for us,
Let's start over.."
She stopped singing as her voice broke on the last note and tears spilled out.
Heather stood up from her seated position and faced Naya, "That was on our playlist."
Naya took a deep breath and smiled a small but sad smile, "Mmhmmm," she answered back.
The silence that fell between them seemed like the loudest thing in the room. The static noise ringing in their ears.
"Is that what you really want?" Heather asked, trying to mask any emotion. If she showed any, she wasn't sure what it would be. Should she be angry that by singing a song things would change? Should she still be hurt by the rejection that would haunt her for life? Happy that maybe Naya wanted to finally sort things between them?
"I think so," Naya replied, not able to look Heather in the eye.
"You think so? THINK?" she shouted, "You came here and sing me that song! That song Naya! With its hopeful lyrics and you *think*," she emphasized, "you want to be with me? What kind of messed up bullshit is this Nay?" She angrily marched past Naya and headed to where she left her bag.
"Heather please!" Naya called after her and jogged over to her. "It's not that easy."
"And you think it was easy for me to come over earlier and tell you I love you,"
"No, I know that's not easy, remember?"
Heather looked downcast, reminded of the day Naya had told her she was in love with her. she sighed, "You had a ring in that box today Naya. You were going to propose. So how can you only think you want to 'start over', " she aired quoted, "if you wanted to ask me to marry you?"
"What would have been your answer?"
"Does it really matter now?" Heather rubbed her forehead in frustration.
Naya shortened the gap between them and reached out to hold one of Heathers hands. She entwined their fingers together. They fit perfectly, like each others hand was carefully carved to sit flush with the other. "Yes, it does matter.." She squeezed Heathers hand, "Tell me what it would have been."
Heather took a deep breath, looked to the ground and scuffed the toe of her shoe along the floor. She lifted her head but didn't look at Naya.
She swallowed thickly before replying, "I probably would have said no.." her voice drifted off toward the end.
Naya let go of Heathers hand and stepped back.
She pinched the bridge of her noise and let put a small, sarcastic laugh, "I beg your pardon? No?"
Heather didn't say anything in return. There was nothing she could say. She didn't want to lie to Naya, she meant more to her than some healf hearted promise.
"Wait so let me get this straight. You come to my trailer, tell me you love me and because I'm hurt, Me, Heather not you, I'm hurt, I say I can't and you get upset. Then you come here, dance for me and don't even bother saying you weren't because I know you and I sing you a song about wanting to start again, from our stupid fucking playlist that god only knows why we made in the first place.." she flexes her hands in anger, trying to supress the frustration, "and I say I think that's what we should do, because hell if I know what the right thing to do here is, you get mad at me and then I ask you what your answer would have been if I had asked you to marry me.." she took a breath and shook her head, "and you say no!"
Heather stares back at Naya and bites her bottom lip. Her chins starts to wobble and she can feel herself wanting to cry.
"We're done Heather. I'm done here. You're very good at playing a game that I'm not interested in playing," she turns on her heel and walks back towards the door.
When she reaches the door she holds it open and turns back to Heather, "I guess love really is a losing game." She slams the door behind her.