Dead. That four-lettered word that can cause so much pain.

Elizaveta died. She was DEAD. She was what no one could grasp. How could this happen? The flu. The stupid flu. Maybe if we had more money we could have seen the doctor faster. Maybe if we hadn't gone traveling that week before, she wouldn't have caught it. Maybe if we took the symptoms seriously she wouldn't be… Dead.

But maybes won't do anything. They can't change the past and they sure as hell don't make anyone feel better. The really surprising thing is... I don't want to play my piano. Hell, I don't even want to look at it. It's just not the same without Elizaveta's adoration in her eyes while she sat next to me and listened quietly. I haven't been to that room since… What happened.

ooooo

Gilbert came over today. I didn't think I would be able to handle him just yet, but today he acted a lot different than his usual obnoxious self. Apparently, Elizaveta's death has taken a toll on him as well. He was pretty quiet today, much different from the norm. He even managed to show that he cared and he even tried comforting me. It was a nice change.

oooo

Gilbert came over again. I'll be honest and say that yes, I actually enjoyed his visit. It gets pretty lonely around here without her. Not only that, but whenever he is around I can forget about everything that has happened. But then I feel terrible for trying to forget. It's too soon. What would she think?

oooo

Gilbert invited me to go out and drink with him today.

He said, "It'll be a nice change. It's time to start moving on."

But it's only been three months. That's not enough time, right? So I declined.

"Next time." I said.

"Well… See you next time then." He said. A hurt look appeared on his face, but vanished when I blinked. He walked out without another word.

When will it be enough time to let go? I ask myself this question every day. Why can't I do it? It's almost been half a year now.

ooo

I still haven't called Gil back. Maybe I should. I do feel terrible; he was only trying to help.

I did it. I called Gil. He sounded surprised to hear me.

"Gil?"

"What's up?"

"Can I still take you up on your offer?" The words that came out of my mouth shocked me.

"Of course. What time?"

"How about now?"

"Sure. I'll be over in a sec."

Click. Am I ready to forget?

oooo

Half an hour later, he showed up at my door, wearing his usual red scarf and black tee.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah." I locked the door behind me.

"What made you change your mind?"

"I have no idea." I left it at that, and he seemed to accept my answer.

oooo

We arrived at some Irish pub. Practically no one was in it. Just us, the bartender, and some drunken Brit who was spewing nonsense about ungrateful Americans. Gil sat at a two seated table, rather than the bar. That British fellow was rather obnoxious at the moment. Gilbert interrupted my thoughts about just how many drinks that man had tonight.

"So it's hitting you pretty hard, huh?"

"What is?" I asked.

"Don't be stupid. What else? Her… You know."

"Oh" Yeah, it did hit me pretty hard, but I thought tonight was about forgetting. I decided to change the subject. "How many drinks do you think that fellow has had in the past hour?"

"That really sucked, Roddy. That's the only thing you could think of?"

"I just want to forget. Can we leave it alone?"

"You shouldn't forget her Rod, she was your wife."

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Move on, but don't forget. She was a part of your life. You still love her. It is possible to move on and not forget you know. She'd like that."

"I can't move on, Gil! I've TRIED."

"Have you?"

"Kind of."

"So you haven't?"

"…"

"Roderich. Move on. It's what she would have wanted. Do you really think she'd appreciate you drowning yourself in your own sorrow and becoming a sad little hermit?"

"Not really."

"Exactly. Now drink up." He pushed one of the two bottles of beer that was placed on our table towards me and grinned. I'm not much of a drinker, and I knew I'd regret this later, but I drank it. Chugged, more like. I must have had about 20 after that. I slowly felt my eyelids closing until everything faded out.

oooo

I woke up and saw lights going by really fast. I felt really dizzy. "Where am I?"

"My car, dipshit. Man, I can't believe it only took you three beers to pass out! You're such a pussy."

"Thanks." I held my head and winced. Only 3? It felt like a lot more.

"You're lucky my tolerance is really high or I would have had to buy a hotel or something. I didn't think you were such a priss. Do you EVER drink?" He continued on making fun of me for the rest of the way, it seemed like.

"Thanks for the ride." I slammed the door shut and cringed at the sound that now rattled in my head. I waved behind my back with the hand that wasn't holding my head. He honked and pulled out, heading for his own house I presumed.

I went inside and flopped onto the couch. Shit, I'm never drinking again. I don't know how he does it. Stupid German.

oooo

The next day, Gilbert came to check up on me. He claimed it was only to make sure I didn't die of alcohol poisoning or something. I personally just think he felt bad because he was the one who took me out drinking. But then again, this is Gilbert. He isn't often associated with caring feelings.

Of course, his checking up on me didn't mean he was extra careful to NOT make a lot of noise on the way in. He just had to slam the door and trip on every loud object he could. I swear he did it on purpose just to bug me.

"Well, the awesome me made you potato stew. I don't know if it has anything for hangovers in it, but it tastes good!" He pushed the bowl into my hands.

"Thanks?" I inquired. Again, Gil isn't often associated with caring feelings.

"What? I can't do something nice for you every once in a while?"

"Not without a reason."

"…"

"So what is it?" I rolled my eyes.

"Well I actually felt kinda bad about your hangover. I figured that since you're a bit German yourself, you'd be a little used to alcohol." I glared at him. "But apparently not. So I wanna make it up to you!"

"And how would that be?" I grew suspicious.

"I'm gonna reward you with an awesome date with the awesome me of course!" He exclaimed. His eyes widened for a second and quickly added, "If it's not too soon for you I mean. I'd completely understand if you didn't want to…"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes. Okay. I'll go out with you. But you're paying for everything."

"Sure! See you tomorrow, then!" He practically skipped out of the door. Of course he slammed the door shut on his way out. I cringed for what seemed like the thousandth time since he came over.

Wait… I said yes?

oooo

How could I have said yes without even thinking about it? I didn't feel ready for this! I'm not even gay! Right? I had a wife. Then am I bisexual? I couldn't be. I am totally and completely straight. I've never had a gay thought in my life! Ever. Well maybe once or twice, but I blamed Liz for that! Her and her gay fantasies. She always tried to get Gilbert and me to do things together. Which I always rejected, without even thinking about it. That doesn't mean I didn't think about it later, though…

And that brings me back to thinking about Elizaveta. She died just half a year ago. Would she be all right with me going on a date with one of our close friends already? I felt terrible. I wish I could just talk to her. But that, I know, is impossible.

Am I already moving on?

Tomorrow came by fast. Before I knew it, tomorrow was today and someone was knocking on the door. He's actually on time? I hate to say it, but I'm impressed. Maybe he's actually going to take this seriously?

I opened the door and he flew into the room. "FINALLY! IT'S FUCKING FREEZING OUTSIDE!" He exclaimed, shaking snow from his already snow white hair. It was kind of cute actually. No wait, I didn't just think that. Besides, it's not cute when the snow melts into my carpet.

He was hopping up and down to get some warmth. "Turn up the heat, Roddy, before I get frostbite or something! If I do, you'll be paying for this date instead of me."

I sighed and went over to the thermostat, turning it up about 10 degrees. "So where are you taking me anyway?"

"ICE-SKATING!" He said, still bouncing up and down. He looked like such a happy child at the moment.

"I can't skate."

"Neither can I, we'll learn together!"

"This sounds like a very bad idea."

"C'mon! It'll be awesome!" With that, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. I blushed and turned away to hide it. He practically threw me in his car and started it up, turning the heat up all the way. The ride mostly was him chatting away about stupid things, like his pet chick and how Ludwig's dogs kept trying to eat it. I rolled my eyes and sighed, looking out the window.

This is going to be a long night.

oooo

"There it is!" He pointed to a froze-over pond. No one else was around.

"Are you sure it's safe?"

"Yeah, I used to take West here all the time when he was little." He smiled to himself.

He parked and grabbed a bag and got out of the car. Me, still inside the car, couldn't hear what he was saying but saw him motioning me to join him. I got out and went to him.

"What's in the bag?""

He unzipped the bag and threw a pair of skates at me. "I'm pretty sure they'll fit ya." They did.

I hesitantly wobbled towards the pond. Why did I agree to come along? Gilbert appeared next to me.

"Ready to learn?"

"I thought you didn't know how to skate?"

"I lied. But you'll learn, too!" I glared at him. Now I'm going to be the only idiot on this block of ice.

He moved towards the pond and started skating. He mostly stuck to his figure eight pattern. He did tricks every now and then, too. "C'mon! It'll be summer and the ice will melt before you actually get over here!" I grumbled and stepped on. The moment I did I slipped. And fell. Right on my ass. Gilbert had managed to fall down right then, too. But he fell forwards, clutching his stomach and laughing on his knees. "Oh god, that was awesome! You should have seen your face!" He kept laughing. I huffed and started crawling back onto the snow. I didn't trust myself to skate back to land.

Before I knew it, he was holding me back. Really close. I felt my face heat up. "Don't go yet, I'm sorry. I won't laugh again. Just try again, okay?" This time he let go of me and helped me up with his hand. When I was up, he didn't let go of mine. My face was getting redder and redder. "Let's do it together. Surely my awesome must rub off on you at least a little bit this way." I rolled my eyes.

He pushed forward with his skates and I rolled after him, clutching onto his hand as if my life depended on it. And I'm pretty sure it did. We were on a roll, and I even tried skating a little myself. But of course, I got my skate caught in his and we tumbled forward. Somehow he landed on top of me, face to face.

I felt my face heating up more than it has already.

"I kind of like your style." He said with a sly smile.

"That was an accident!" I said, obviously flustered.

"Sure it was." He smiled even wider and before I knew what was happening, he lowered his face and kissed me. At first I froze, but then I got into it, too. My eyes started to close and I got even more into it. Eventually we had to breathe. "That was awesome." He said, his grin even wider than the last one. I managed to get even redder.

"It really was an accident…" I mumbled.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." He smirked.

I guess I have "officially" moved on. But I haven't forgotten her. I had the feeling that if she were here, she'd be encouraging this. Probably taking a few pictures while she's at it.

oxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox

So what did you think? 3 My first oneshot everrrr. Reviews would be awesome. They also make me write more oneshots. :3