Hi all! *holds up Rafture youngling.* Lookit this little birdy here. See its feathers? See how they're all ruffled? Yup, that may be an indicator of things to come. I got caught up in all the fuss about "OMG Cole steals girlfriends!" for a while, but then I stopped and thought about it, and—holy cow. So then, this.

Oh, and if the guest reviewers from "Myrtleberries" who asked for a story about Lloyd's capture are reading this, I'm definitely working on it! Man, it is not easy, so it may take a while—but I promise I'm on it!

By the way, the end of this one-shot is my official theory about some stuff from the "Rebooted" season. Check the date this was published—I know nothing about what lies ahead. Pure speculation here.

Lastly, smileaway96, if you're out there . . . octagons. I'm so sorry. -_-''

Disclaimer: I don't own Ninjago!

Cole:

Okay . . . where to start. Now usually, it's my job to figure out what's up with a situation, what exactly went wrong and how to fix it, fast. I've managed pretty well I guess, so far.

But this time, I do not have a clue what happened.

Heck, things used to be going pretty well. I had my own little place, my own niche in the team. We all got along fine, give or take. I wasn't anywhere near the most popular among the four—later five—of us, but that was okay. I wasn't in it for the fame, but I had a few fans, was a few people's favorite. A little awkward, but . . . kinda nice.

Ah, I'm getting off-topic. And I guess the topic is—

What happened?

Seriously. One minute Jay's rummaging through the junkyard with us, still cracking his jokes and being his usual chattery self, and goes inside for a screwdriver. Two minutes later I go inside as well, and out of nowhere he starts hollering I'm a backstabber and tries to throttle me. What in the world did the others even tell him? I don't remember ever doing anything that could get him that ticked off . . .

Come to think, only something about Nya could get him that ticked off. Nya's the only topic he's ever serious about. But . . . what's that got to do with me? We've known each other for years and Nya never showed the slightest interest in me. He knows that. Why would he suddenly think I was involved in anything with her?

Well, I guess there was that one time the other day when he almost caught me and Nya holding hands across the table. But he didn't seem upset about it back then; I don't think he even noticed. And although in hindsight I guess it wasn't a very smart thing to do, it seemed natural at the time. Nya had been acting weird; I asked her a regular question and she got all jumpy. I figured she was just nervous about our upcoming mission or something, so when she reached out her hand to me I figured I should take it—just so she felt better. It was only when Kai and Jay came in that we realized how awkward the situation was.

But that was days ago, and that was nothing. I haven't even talked much to Nya since then—too busy. So why . . . why would Jay have any reason to think I'd done something to her? It doesn't add up.

Well . . . maybe I've had it. I've always been the leader, the one whose fault it implicitly is whenever anything goes wrong. Every failure and setback in our history as a team has, to a degree, rested on my shoulders. It's my job.

And I'm sick of it. I don't know what's going on with Jay and his girlfriend right now, but so help me, I still have some self-respect. I'm not so self-abasing as to say she couldn't possibly be interested in me. She never was, but she could be. So if he's going to blame me out of the blue for stealing his girlfriend, well, maybe I should give him something to blame me about.

It's stupid. It's a terrible and immature idea. But I've been good old rock-solid dependable vanilla-flavored Cole for so long, and what good did it do me? Apparently it doesn't matter how much I've tried to be fair, how much I've tried to do what's best for the team, how long I've tried to hold us together and help us through the rough patches. Apparently all that disappears the minute Jay gets some delusion that I'm after his girl. Even the fans have started hating on me, and what did I do to deserve it? Nothing!

So to heck with good old Cole. Maybe I'll be the immature one for a change.

Jay:

Let's see, let's see, let's make a list here. There was that time I fastened wood-and-paper wings to myself and jumped off a building. There was that time I got a dragon angry on purpose. There was that time I tried to use maple syrup as hair gel. There was that time I randomly tried to beat the stuffing out of one of my best friends for no reason—

Oh wait, that happened just this afternoon. And yeah, it definitely tops the list of stupid things I've done in my life. What hit me?

I mean, I hadn't heard anything concrete. All I heard from PIXAL was that Cole was Nya's "perfect match." She didn't say "Cole's been flirting with Nya," or "Cole is trying to steal Nya from Jay" or even "I think Cole is a slight and teensy-weensy bit interested in Nya." All she said was that Cole and Nya would be perfect together. And just at that second Cole showed up, and the first thing I did was assume he'd tried to take Nya from me.

Shoot, now I sound like a possessive jerk. Truth is, I am possessive. Maybe—don't you dare tell anyone!—maybe I'm a little insecure. "Boundaries," Nya always says. Always keeps me at arm's length a little, always keeps me guessing a little. I always wind up worrying she doesn't really love me; I always wind up worrying I don't measure up.

So I get defensive when there are any threats to . . . you know. "Her and me." But still, it wasn't fair to blame Cole like that—blame him for something he is, not something he did. Maybe he is Nya's perfect match, but that's not his choice. He can't help that, no more than I can help being an inventor and a fast talker.

I get the worst feeling that I may have accused him for nothing. Thinking back, he looked seriously confused when I blew up at him. Chances are he never even made a single move towards Nya.

And that . . . well, in those circumstances I guess that was pretty rotten of me. But it's too late to take it back now. The fight started—I started it—we both said and did a lot of things we shouldn't have, and now Cole's started flirting with Nya for real. I think he's doing it to spite me. In a way I . . . guess I can't really blame him, but I can't just take it lying down either. So I guess it's just gonna be war now . . . me and my big mouth. And here I thought Kai was supposed to be the one with the quick temper.

Nya:

I'm not usually the type to whine, but—what is wrong with me? I was never like this before. It's so wrong, and I know that it is, and still I do it anyway.

Confused. Why in heck would I be confused? Sure, I always liked Cole fine. He has a lot of qualities I admire, and his personality is a lot like mine—we're both intense, responsible, no-nonsense, determined to get the job done and get it done right.

But I never really saw him as anything more than a friend before. It never even crossed my mind to do that. Jay—the minute he met me, he was already asking if I liked blue—I always just assumed we were together. He came sailing in with a smirk and a pickup line, never even imagining I might tell him to buzz off—and to be honest, I never imagined doing that either. He was interested, I was fine with his interest, things went sequentially from there. And as I got to know him, I realized I really did like him. He's funny, and sort of charmingly dorkish. He can be a teensy bit of a jerk now and then, but deep down he's as kind-hearted as any of the others—just that his sense of "humor" sometimes kicks in before his sense of how someone else might feel. He never means to make anyone feel bad.

We were happy dating. Never really stopped to think about the relationship, but I enjoyed it. Always kind of assumed it was a given thing.

So really, I had no right to suddenly become so confused. I'd never seen anything in Cole before, why was I suddenly seeing something in him now? And if he really was my perfect match, why hadn't I ever noticed him before? Something doesn't add up.

But it's not fair to him. Or to Jay. To either of them. I shouldn't have started flirting with Cole. I shouldn't have let him and Jay start fighting. I shouldn't have strung them along and kept them hanging, like some heartless tease. I'm making things worse, when I should be trying to make them better.

I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be a flirt, or a tease, or a cheat, the one hanging boys by a string and feeling important when they fight over me. That's sick. I don't want any part of it.

So . . . why am I doing it? Why don't I just make my choice and say it straight? Why do I smirk, "Like I'll ever tell!" when I know that'll make them fight more?

Snap. Something is wrong with me.

Overlord:

I can't even begin to tell you how perfectly things have worked out. The ninja, no surprise, underestimated me. I suppose they think that until I steal the Golden Ninja's power, I'm nothing more than a particularly noisy screensaver. Now that I'm trapped in a hard drive getting powered by Electrocobrai, well, they may be right. But they apparently forgot that I could think, and that I once had control. And that will be their doom.

So simple, really. So easy. I researched the ninja before I started my plans. I found many things about them—many weaknesses. Particularly, I found that the blue one is utterly infatuated with the red one's sister. I found many records of his behavior becoming irrational and even aggressive whenever his relationship with her is threatened. Your classic lovestruck buffoon.

Oh, what a weakness. What an adorable and so very exploitable weakness.

After all, the ninjas' most dangerous attribute is their solidarity, the way they work as a seamless unit. Break that, and you break them.

And I have broken them. I pitted the blue one against his own leader. Obviously Kai was not an option, and Zane was too methodical, too logical. I'm quite sure he is incapable of love, and I needed someone who would be responsive to . . . advances. That was Cole. I came up with a deliciously simple fabrication, planted it in the girl's head, and let her think it over for a while.

It worked. General Cryptor and my new servant Wu recently reported that Jay and Cole were seen fighting, that they have started to trip each other up instead of helping each other. The team is falling apart. Soon it will crumble and dissolve—and when the ninja and their Techno Blades are divided, they will no longer pose any threat to me.

Really, I didn't even expect it to work. I'm honestly surprised that nobody figured it out. I controlled the elevator in Borg Industries Tower. I controlled all the machinery and cameras in the tower, all the machinery and cameras in the city. I even controlled PIXAL, a being with free will, by thunder. And yet it never occured to anyone that I also controlled the Perfect Match machine?

Fools. Poor, petty, heartbroken little fools.