Bad Beginings

Note: First ever story. Set during the Barlet administration, after the kidnapping.

Disclaimer: Insert usual disclaimer here -

Josh was leaning against the wall behind his door trying to relax. He hadn't done this for a long time, but anything was worth a shot given how he was feeling.

It had started again and he hadn't even noticed. The sirens were in his head. It was like a word that you couldn't quite remember or something in his peripheral vision that he couldn't get focus on. They were there, in the background all the time and he was desperately trying to make them go away before anyone noticed.

The week hadn't been all that stressful, things were getting back to normal after the shutdown, but maybe he was still trying to deal with the shutdown and being replaced by Angela.

He took a deep breath, hoping that when he exhaled, the sirens he could hear would be gone. No such luck.

There was a knock on the door. He quickly moved back to his desk and grabbed a report before he granted entry.

"I found the report you wanted on the Department of Transportations budget expenditure for the last 5 years". It was Donna.

"Um… remind me again why I wanted that?" Josh didn't want to ask, but thought it would be more suspicious if he didn't ask and missed something major that would attract a lot of attention than to give in and ask Donna.

"Your 2 o'clock on the Hill. The research being undertaken on the need for more subway systems in major cities and how that affects getting the 7 swing votes from congress for environmental policy". Donna said it like she almost didn't believe she had to repeat it.

"Right… sorry, I've been busy today." Josh really wouldn't think of anything else to say to stop her from wondering why he couldn't keep track of current legislative priorities.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay"? It wasn't the first time Donna had asked him this question in the last few days, and she couldn't shake the feeling that it was more than just Josh being tired.

"What? Yeah, I was just reading this report when you mentioned it and it wasn't at the front of my mind. I had forgotten about the meeting on the hill." Josh was starting to get agitated with her and wished she was just put the report down and leave.

"Josh, you don't usually get this unfocussed unless you've been working on six different things for three days straight that Leo expected you to have done the day before he assigned them to you.

"What are you? Even my mother doesn't bug me this much!" He took a breath. He didn't want to have this argument with Donna. "Can you grab me some lunch? I haven't eaten in a while, and I'd say that's not really helping me think to clearly." Josh could think of nothing he wanted to do less than eat right now, but thought this was the best way to get her out of his office and asking him questions he didn't have answers to.

He closed the door once Donna was gone in an attempt to keep the noise out. He sat back down and his desk and picked up the report Donna had just placed on his desk hoping to find the information in it that would deliver the votes needed to pass the bill.

Really he was just hoping to focus on something long enough to forget about the sirens he kept hearing. He just needed some time to focus he told himself. He needed to get this done.

Donna was halfway down the hall when she heard his door slam. Josh didn't usually keep his door closed unless he was in a really bad mood or something had gone wrong that he was trying to fix, which admittedly happened more often than Josh would like to admit, but hadn't happened since he was the hero of the shutdown.

She saw CJ look up from where she was standing at Carol's desk at the sound of the door slamming and figured she would ask CJ if she knew what had happened to make him such a difficult person.

"What's his problem today?" CJ said as she took a few steps towards Donna as Donna approached her office door.

"So you've noticed it to? I figured he was just being, you know, Josh with me, but I don't think it's just me. When I asked if we was okay, he asked me to go get him lunch, which is strange because he hasn't wanted to eat for a couple of days now." Donna had only just thought about Josh's lack of appetite now, but having realized it, she was beginning to think something really wasn't right.

"Is it something we should worry about?

"Not yet, but this is how it usually starts – He can't keep track of what he's doing or what he's asked for, he doesn't talk to people… next will be the yelling, although I'd say door slamming is the lead-up to that." Donna tried to say this like it was amusing, just Josh being Josh, but there was no way to mask it.

"How long has it been since he…. Since he's been like this?" CJ didn't quite know how to sat it, or even if it was her place.

"A long time. I don't know how long, so it has to be a while"

"Yeah."

"I should get Josh's lunch, he needs to eat something." Donna said this more to herself than to CJ as she walked out of the bull-pen and towards the Mess.