Shady Love
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Disclaimer: I, LittleShizukaChan, the self-proclaimed dubber of the Master of Adjectives, do not own Simpson quotes, Yu-Gi-Oh, its characters or ideas.
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Dedications: I dedicate this chapter to My Guy Si, the cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems! …Wait. That's not right… He's my baby This one's for you, Master of Adjectives!
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Chapter One: Of Love And Shopping
"Please, Bakura? Pleeeaaase?" Marik whined in his usual whinny voice. It was particularly useful in matters of the whine, promoting a certain suggestive whininess to his whinny words.
"No!" Bakura snarled in return, clasping the wrist of his partner in crime; the crime of Saturday afternoon shopping sprees.
Sometime during the middle of the week, the two had begun to dread their outdated clothes that they'd purchased on Monday evening and set out on a mission-quite-possible for some tight pants and some cut off short tops. Despite the fact that no one else in Domino city wished to see the pale tone of Bakura's belly skin or the obvious vacant lodging between Marik's legs, the two fancied themselves the fashion prides of the English dubbed world. Had it remained Japanese, lets face it, they'd be naked.
The issue currently wedged between the denying-the-obvious and obviously-in-denial couple was that Marik craved the sensual, creamy flow of a vanilla milkshake shared between them while Bakura had previous taken Marik out of his will for laughing at someone's pants, blowing into his straw and causing an assault of backwashed ice cream mush to claim territory to Bakura's face. That day was now strictly referred to as "A Day That Will Live In Vanillamy".
"But Bakura! You never do what I want… Don't you care about what I think?" Marik asked, picking up the pace of his girly step to knock hips against his partner.
Bakura, less then secretly aroused, replied with blunt anger, as always, "Don't you think that if I cared about what you thought, I'd do a lot more caring about what you thought instead of not thinking about caring at all!"
Marik's vacant stare portrayed a mass of intelligence that would not fill a thimble. Aggravated and cursing himself for ever spending his life savings on "Hooked on Phonics, The 'Special' Addition", the pale one released the wrist of the tan and continued on down the street by himself, a mass of shopping bangs threatening to pull his shoulder from within its weak socket if he did not set them down soon. Marik, forever the obedient puppy, trotted after him as though his swaying backside was an Egyptian delicacy.
Not too long after, Yugi, the fourth Power Puff girl, emerged from the Turtle Game Shop in a pair of knee length black shorts and a tight black top minus two sleeves. If it'd been minus just one sleeve, he would stand out even more and it was already difficult for him to fit in with the crowd. And narrow crevices. Since neither boy was actually fond of the pipsqueak's overenthusiastic company and blinding smile, they ignored his presence even more then they ignored people who wore brown and pink at the same time. But of course, it's tricky to forget the faces of the two homicidal maniacs who terrorized you and your friends for the better of your Duel Monsters infatuation.
Upon noticing the pair, Yugi lit up with that I-know-we've-had-some-issues-in-the-past-but-lets-be-best-pals-now smile. He ran to them as fast as if they'd been Tea's breasts. The two were a committed couple now, by the way. It was her or Joey.
"Hey guys! What're you up to on such a bea-" He began
"Shopping. Bags heavy. Want be home with feet on table. Eat steak…" Bakura's reluctance obviously outweighed his ability to be coherent.
Yugi blinked his gargantuan purple eyes and pointed back to his house, as if it really needed to be specified, "You could come in and rest for a little while."
"No, I don't want to have sex with you." Replied Bakura as his lips took an 'o' formation and his eyebrows came together in knitted confusion.
"Wha… I didn't say that." Yugi blinked.
"I am not fat!" Cried Marik, looking down upon himself and admiring the flatness… and there was much to admire. Not a bump in sight.
"I… What? I didn't say that!" Yugi looked from side to side as though surrounded by people instead of his imaginary entourage of naked Elf Maidens.
"Why would you say that? You know how sensitive and feminine Marik is!" Bakura shouted, slightly tilting to the side with the weight of the bags.
"Wha… But I… You… Ahhh!" The extra small serving of man grabbed his head and turned, fleeing to the safety of his frail old grandfather's arms.
Bakura and Marik, conniving diva kings, set off with a job well done ridding on their shoulders. Head games were the specialty of both and together they formed a force so great that if it were not for the gravitational aid of Yugi's massive hairstyle, his skull would surely pop. However hilarious the idea seemed, it was also dangerous. Who knows what sort of evil would spill forth from that colourfully burdened cranium? Thoughts of naked duel monsters and mental cartoons involving Pegasus and his ever present wine glasses.
Whitey and Tan Master M decided to head home with their not-so-stolen-but-more-or-less-visa'd loot and attempt a disturbing homemade replica of the fashion shows that had curtly refused their retro/new age homosexual style for something more along the lines of Usher. Neither Bakura nor Marik knew what Usher was but they assumed it had to do with a wedding and the last thing they needed were people thinking they were man and manwife-to-be.
Their personal plans seemed foolproof until Kaiba came into view walking straight towards them…
I know what you're thinking. NO, I don't hate Yu-Gi-Oh. But this story is meant to be from a twisted Maruka (Marik and Bakura, most disturbing of both worlds) perspective. Now this is the first comedy I've ever done without Princess Hallie so be gentle. And send me lots of reviews so I know if I should continue or let the homo-moe-bows rot like so many uncared for bananas… . And so on… and so forth.
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Hopefully, I'll see you next chapter!