My past… I don't recall…
But from what I remember…
IT WAS HORRID…
"Hey… hey you there…"
I remember turning around to look at her… her name was…
"HEY, SUZU!"
"Huh?" she said, turning her head sideways… it must be her cousin… his name was…
"OTTO!" she exclaimed, letting her doll drop to the ground as she ran towards him with open arms.
"I missed you… Suzu…"
I remember… blinking many times… it was… a shock to me… I found myself… saying her name… quietly… unheard…
"Su… zu…"
"Oh, cousin! You never met my friend!". I recall her running towards me… her hand… it touched my shoulder.
"Oh? What's your name, boy?" said her cousin, coming closer to… us…
"Der ra… Der ra… Der… ra…" I said quietly. I did not want to look at him… I did not like being put on the spot.
"Drocell Keinz! He's gonna be living with us! Isn't that splendid, Otto?" she said… with a smile. My face… it was burning. I wanted to leave… badly.
"I suppose, Suzu… but I heard them gingers cause trouble…". She… did not say anything… she just… smiled. "Ha, ha! Just kiddin', Red!" said he, rubbing my head with his… awfully large hands. I needed to leave…
"Come… Suzu!"
And she… left me… alone… I remember… my eyes… they were wet. I looked at her doll on the floor. I knew I had no other choice…
"A craft? That's wonderful, Drocell!" she exclaimed when I told her the news. From then on, I was devoted to the art of making dolls… that is all I remember…
"My! He's a good craftsman!"
"Yes… he's been making dolls ever since the family took him in!"
"Splendid!"
Somehow, I moved up in my ranking…
"My, my! Now the craftsman's the family's puppeteer! He entertains guests during the family's parties!"
"All while being their butler? He is amazing! Keinz, is he?"
"Yes… Drocell Keinz!"
I recall turning around from my work to look at them… that was when I had smiled for the first time. Everything… was so… happy… why… why…
"Black hair, blue eyes… sounds 'lot like that girl you work for… Suzu, is she?". I smiled. "Well… I'm not gonna get in the way of your doll making… a white sash, huh? Doesn't that mean… well, I'm not gonna judge your intentions… Mr. Keinz…". He was… the one who gave me supplies. I took them, and created… a masterpiece.
I recall… walking down a dark hallway… with the doll in my hand… I was… I was…
"He, he! Please! No… stop that!"
I heard something from the room…
"Marriage? Don't be ridiculous!"
"But Niles York said he bought a white sash…"
"Niles York is a saint!"
"But… Suzu… what if he's planning to propose to you?"
"Propose? I couldn't care less! I have no intention of marrying that useless servant!"
"Don't you mean butler?"
"Servant… butler… Drocell… all mean the same thing…"
"So you don't love him?". Her head… it… turned… it… it… it… looked at me…
"I never did…"
Crack!
I could not hold back the pain… my head was spinning… I could not… would not… REFUSED to understand… whether it was the doll breaking, or the absent of memory… I knew what I felt that day… it haunts me like the plague… and it was not over yet…
"Suzu… SUZUKI! I need… I need to know the truth! Why... WHY DO YOU NOT LOVE ME?"
"He, he… he, he… isn't it obvious? You're…". She touched my cheek…
"WORTHLESS…"
My eyes… they… were wide…
"He, he… but don't worry…". Her hand warmed up my cheek…
"You'll… find someone… someday… that loves you… loves a… servant…". She… she… laughed… why… why…
"Why, Suzuki? Why not you?", I pleaded.
"Why… why… WHY?" she said, letting go of my cheek… not looking at me…
"In your terms, Drocell... I'm… the Master… and you are… you are… merely…"
"THE PUPPET…"
Then… if that is how it should be…
"My Lady! Your butler…"
Then… I must…
"Drocell Keinz…"
In order to survive… to love…
"Is…"
To not be alone…
I must… I must…
"Dead…"
"Suzu… k… i…"
That is all I remember…