FanFiction
CASTLE
Kate Beckett & Richard Castle
Set after sneak peek 5 for 4x20 (spoilers for 4x19 / 4x20)
Betrayal
Castle knows she heard him and confronts her. The few cursive lines are her thoughts, btw ;)
Disclaimer: Not my characters. I just love them and I enjoy playing with them.
She, Kate Beckett, was finally willing to admit her feelings, to herself and him. And now this. Great, just great. This was the time he chose to hook up with some girl he met on a flight. He started turning back into the Rick Castle he was 3 years ago. Back when they had their first case together. Back when he was an ass.
She followed him as he walked towards the crime scene. She worried about him.
„Castle", she said as she lifted her hand to briefly touch his arm. „Is everything okay?"
The look on his face was...confused, hurt? She didn't really know what it was. It was as if he tried to hide his emotions behind a mask.
„Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't it be?" And he started walking again.
That didn't convince her. There was definitely something off today. Well, not just today if she was honest, but for a couple of days already. He seemed different. Farther away, keeping his distance. No innuendos, no smiles for her.
Once again she lifted her hand to touch his arm. This time, though, she really grabbed him and spun him around. His surprise was to be openly seen on his face.
He raised an eyebrow, „What?" The word came out short and annoyed.
„I don't know what. You tell me. You've been behaving strangely for days. What's going on?" She still didn't let go of his arm, but she loosened her grip a bit.
Her answered seemed to make him really angry. He narrowed his eyebrows and his nostrils widened.
"Are you really asking me what's going on?" Oh, was he angry. So very angry.
Now it was her turn to look confused, puzzled. "I don't know what you mean."
"Well, you seem to know a lot more things than you admit!", he answered harshly.
"What -", she started and then it hit her. Oh! Oh no. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Not like this. She opened her mouth, closed it again. How could she possibly find the right words for this? How could she explain to him why she didn't say anything? We need to talk, now. "Castle, I'm so sorry."
"Really?", the sarcasm was heavy in his voice. "If you are so sorry, why did you lie to me ever since your shooting?"
This was really neither the time, nor the place to do this, but whatever. "I wasn't ready then. My life was completely fucked up. I didn't want to put you through that. I wanted to be stable first. I'm even going to therapy. Still." The tears started to well up in her eyes as she continued. "I'm sorry, Rick, I really am."
He was awfully quiet. But she needed to tell him everything and for once he was listening. So she took the chance and spilled it all out.
"When I first met you, you just really annoyed me. Then, after a while, I enjoyed having you around. But I wouldn't even admit that to myself. And then, that summer you went to the Hamptons. Man, I finally admitted to myself that I liked you! But, it wasn't supposed to be. Not then. With my mom's case being brought up again, it also brought back my old self. I hid in her case again, hid in those meaningless relationships. I wasn't ready for the real thing. But now I am, Rick. I'm trying, so hard, to be good and to show you that I do feel for you."
Castle had been staring at a spot on the floor the whole time. Now his eyes flicked up and locked with hers. She took a step towards him, shortening the distance between them. He didn't move away, didn't break the eye-contact, so she reached up with one of her hands to cup his cheek.
"Look, I was scared. Scared, that if we gave this a shot and it wouldn't work out, that I'd lose you and whatever it is that we have. Because this is important to me. You are important to me. Now I realized that waiting is not so good either. We're drifting apart." After a moment she added, "It hurts, Castle. Every minute I'm away from you. It's as if something's missing."
Their eyes were still locked. She wouldn't look away, not today. She took one more step towards him, their bodies almost touching. She lifted her other hand to the other side of his face, stroking her thumb gently over the skin under his eye.
Her next words were a mere whisper, but they made him struggle to keep standing anyways. His knees felt weak and he stumbled forward a bit.
"I love you, Castle." Whoa, did I really just say that?
Her hands were still on his face, warm against his cheeks.
And then the words really kicked in and with the realization he pulled her tightly to his chest. Grabbing her at both sides of her waist. They were in full body contact now. He slightly bent his head at the same time that she lifted hers and their lips met halfway, softly pressing together.
She pulled away, too soon and yet at the right time. He wasn't ready to really give into it yet. She had betrayed him, had lied to him. Castle wanted to forgive her, so he looked into her beautiful hazel eyes and then pulled her closer once more. He hugged her tightly, one arm around her lower back, the other over her shoulder blades.
Castle buried his face in her hair and murmured close to her ear, barely loud enough for her to hear: "That doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you, though."
"We'll work it out." She answered back just as quietly and he felt her smile into his shoulder.