My Mistake
Katherine sat on Tanya's couch in the small apartment, staring at a picture of herself and Tommy. She would be leaving to return to London in a few hours, after her visit for Christmas break.
"What's on your mind honey?" Tanya asked as she sat next to her.
"Tommy." Kat sighed.
"What about him?" Tanya raised an eyebrow. "What did he forget this time?"
"He didn't forget anything." Kat shook her head. "It's me that has the problem."
"And?…"
"I'm not sure I can take this long distance thing anymore." Kat bit her bottom lip and stared at the ceiling. "I love Tommy, I know I do, but I'm not sure that's enough. Phone calls are far and few between, I see him even less… Christmas is really the only time I get to see him unless I want to follow him on circuit during the summer. We've made this work for three years, but I just can't take it anymore Tan. I have three more years left on my contract and Tommy just started school… We can't be together for a long time."
"Oh baby girl." Tanya sympathized as she placed a hand on her friends shoulder.
"What should I do Tan?" Kat asked. Her voice breaking and a single tear rolled down her white cheek. "Tell me what to do!"
"I can't tell you what to do Kat. This is your life, you have to decide. Is love worth it?"
"I used to think so…" Kat bowed her head as sobs racked her body, her salty tears dripped off her chin onto her jean skirt. "I love him so much it hurts. I can't stand being away from him like this."
Tanya remained silent as she wrapped her arms around her friends slender frame. Kat rested her forehead on Tanya's shoulders and continued to sob. Tanya rubbed small circles on Kat's back, letting her cry herself out.
"I know what I have to do." Kat said after a few minutes of silence. She stood from the couch and walked out the door. Kat walked around the park trying to build the courage to talk to Tommy, and do the hardest thing she would ever have to do.
"Kat!" a familiar male voice called from behind her. Katherine turned around to see Tommy approaching her. A bouquet of red roses clutched his hand and a smile plastered on his face. "Tanya said you left the apartment a while ago. I figured I'd find you here."
"Yeah, I just needed some fresh air." she said quietly. "I have to leave soon."
"I know." Tommy said sadly as he finally stood in front of her. "What's wrong Kat, you look like you've been crying."
"I…" Kat shook her head. She started having second thoughts about what she had planned to do. "I just miss it here. I miss everyone. It's hard being so alone."
"We all miss you too Kat. I count the days till I get to pick you up at the airport." Tommy flashed her one of his heartwarming grins. Kat let a small smile form on her lips as well. "I got you these." Tommy handed her the roses.
"Oh thank you Tommy." She held the bouquet up to her nose and inhaled the sweet aroma deeply, letting her eyes fall shut as she enjoyed the heavenly scent. As she opened her eyes she saw Tommy kneeling in front of her, she felt her heart stop at the same time her jaw dropped.
"Katherine, I know we've got a lot to work out with the distance between us… but I know that I love you with my whole heart. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Once we've both finished school and accomplished our dreams, would you marry me?" Tommy pulled out a red velvet box and opened it to reveal a single diamond ring set in silver.
Kat's breathing grew heavy, her eyes looked everywhere but at Tommy, and she chewed on her bottom lip. This was what she wanted, right? Tommy wanted her for forever, but it meant a few years of never seeing each other first. What if things changed in those years with the distance between them? Could she really put her heart on the line for so long?
"Kat?" Tommy said shakily. He had thought that she would have accepted right away, after all, they loved each other, right?
"I'm so sorry Tommy." Kat choked out, tears streaking down her face in gentle streams. Her heart was breaking, but she thought this was the right thing. Love just wasn't enough. They had to follow their own dreams and not try to stay tied to the past. "I just can't."
Tommy stood up and met her eyes. Confusion and hurt glaring out at her from his soft brown eyes. "Why?" he nearly exploded. "Am I not good enough for you or something? We've lasted three years Kat, why now?"
"No it's not that Tommy." Kat protested. "I just… I just can't promise to marry you." She dropped the roses onto the cold ground and turned and ran. Her heart shattering with each step.
Tommy stared at her retreating back, unsure of what just happened. The day that had quickly started off as the best of his life, quickly turned into the worst day. He felt his world shatter around him, he felt devastated, he had been broken by the one person who promised never to hurt him. That day Tommy locked his heart away, and swore that he would never love again.
I'm so glad you made time to see meHow's life, tell me how's your familyI haven't seen them in a whileYou've been good, busier then everWe small talk, work and the weatherYour guard is up and I know why'Cause the last time you saw me Is still burned in the back of your mindYou gave me roses and I left them there to dieSo this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night And I'd go back to December all the timeIt turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mineI'd go back to december, turn around and make it all right andI go back to december all the timeThese days I haven't been sleepingStaying up playing back myself leaving When your birthday passed and I didn't callAnd I think about summer, all the beautiful timesI watched you laughing from the passenger side, Realized I loved you in the fallAnd then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mindYou gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye So this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that nightAnd I'd go back to december all the timeIt turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mineI'd go back to december, turn around and change my own mind andI go back to december all the timeI miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right And how you held me in your arms that September night, The first time you ever saw me cryMaybe this is wishful thinking Probably mindless dreamingIf we loved again I swear I'd love you rightI'd go back in time and change it but I can'tSo if the chain is on your door, I understandBut this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night And I'd go back to decemberIt turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine andI go back to december, turn around and make it alright andI go back to december, turn around and change my own mind andI go back to december all the timeAll the time
Six years later… Reefside…
Katherine sat tapping her nails on the table in the coffee house. 'Will he even show up? He was supposed to be here an hour ago.' Kat thought to herself. She couldn't blame him for not coming.The last time she had seen him, hadn't been a very good scene. She'd tried dating after a couple years, but everyone just reminded her of what she had lost with Tommy.
Just as she was about to give up hope, he walked in the door. The years had been good to him, he was still handsome as ever, with an air of maturity and wisdom. He quickly spotted her and made his way to her through the crowded coffee house. She stood up to greet him. "Hi Tommy." She said with a smile. He didn't smile back.
"Kat." He nodded. Her smile faded and she nodded back. They took their seats across from each other as the waitress came over to them. Tommy ordered himself a mocha while Kat ordered a chai tea. They sat in uncomfortable silence while they waited for their drinks.
Once they had their drinks Kat took a small sip, then took a deep breath. "I hear you're pretty busy around here. I'm glad that you found the time to meet with me."
"Well, you took the time to call me, so I guessed I better take the time to show up." Tommy said nonchalantly. Kat's spirits fell a little more, he was so cold to her. But again, she couldn't blame him for that.
"How's your family? I haven't seen them in a long time. My parents said that they moved away a couple years ago… I hear David's getting married."
"You're pretty well informed." Tommy shrugged. Kat took another deep breath. Maybe this had been a bad idea.
"It's warmer here than Angel Grove. Do you like it?" Kat asked.
"It's alright." Tommy replied. He took a sip of his mocha and stared out the window. 'This was a mistake, I should have told her I was too busy.'
"What made you decide to study paleontology?" Kat asked as she absently stirred her drink.
"No offense Kat, but what do you want? You didn't come all the way to Reefside for small talk." Tommy said pointedly making eye contact with her for the first time.
Kat bit her lip and stared up at the ceiling, a sign Tommy knew meant something was on her mind. Even after all these years he still remembered everything about her. "I'm so sorry." She finally said as she still stared at the ceiling.
"You said that before Kat." Tommy shook his head. "Before you ran away."
"I hurt you." Kat swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Tommy gave her a look that clearly said 'duh'. "I keep replaying that day in my head, and I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"Yeah well, a little late for apologies Kat." Tommy shook his head again. Tommy started to get up but Kat's hand shot out and took hold of his forearm. He looked back at her, looking into her deep blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"Please, just let me explain." She begged. Tommy really didn't want to hear an excuses for why she left him standing there so long ago, but the crack in her voice told him she was suffering too. He complied and sat back down.
"So explain." he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. Kat nodded silently, trying to think of how to explain things.
"Do you remember our summer before I moved to London?" She asked without looking up at him.
"Yeah, it was probably the best time in my life." Tommy nodded thinking back to the summer after graduation. After they had passed on the powers to the new turbo rangers, Tommy and Kat went on vacation together. They spent over a month at his uncles cabin, away from the rest of the world. They were the only ones in their world, and that was all they wanted at that time. He made love to her for the first time that summer.
"Mine too." Kat added quietly. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and Tommy instinctively reached out to wipe it away. His hand was still on her cheek as they locked eyes again. Tommy had only seen Katherine cry twice before, she had been so strong around everyone. Refusing to let anyone know she was hurting at any time.
Tommy cleared his throat as he withdrew his hand. "You never cry." He stated.
"Usually no." She sobbed. "You and Tanya are still the only people to ever see me cry."
"Kat…"
"Do you remember the night before I left for London? I cried for hours." Kat let out a small sad laugh. Tommy simply nodded.
"I held you for hours as you cried. You fell asleep in my arms on the park bench." Tommy recalled.
"You carried me home without waking me up. I was so disorientated when I woke up in my own room." Kat gave Tommy a small smile as she wiped away the last tear with the back of her hand. Tommy nodded as he remembered that night too. It had been the first time Kat ever cried in front of him, the second had been the day she walked away from him.
Tommy sighed and shook his head. "You didn't come here to reminisce Kat, you asked me if you could explain, and you're doing anything but that."
"I know, it just harder than I thought it would be." Kat replied as she looked down at her drink again. "I was scared Tommy."
"Scared? Scared of what? Me? I wouldn't have ever hurt you Kat."
"There was so much distance between us Tommy…"
"We knew that going in Kat. We lasted three years that way. Then when I decided that I wanted to make all our promises mean something, you decided it was time to go. Do you have any idea what it's like being in my shoes?"
"No." Kat shook her head sadly. "I don't know how you felt, but I know how I felt."
"Did it make you happy?" Tommy said coldly. Kat flinched.
"No."
"Was it easier being free from me?"
"No."
"Then what Kat? You didn't call or write to me ever again. No apologies, just a broken heart, dead flowers, and a stupid ring I couldn't seem to get rid of." Tommy shook his head. "This was a mistake Kat, I'm sorry." Tommy stood up and started to walk away.
"I still love you!" Kat called after him. Tommy froze in his steps. He turned and looked back at her.
"What?"
"I never stopped loving you." She explained. A few people in the café watched the former couple with interest now that they were talking openly across the room. "I lay awake almost every night wishing I could go back in time and change everything. You offered me everything I ever wanted from you, and I threw it back at you. I've never been able to move on from that day."
"Then why Kat? Why didn't you say yes?" Tommy asked barely above a whisper.
"Because I… What if things had changed Tommy? What if I had said yes but then we never made it? I hardly ever got to talk to you with our crazy messed up schedules, I saw you even less. Words on a piece of paper couldn't hold me in the middle of the night when I was missing you."
Tommy moved closer to her, after realizing that a few people were watching them. "You don't think that I felt the same thing? I missed you like crazy, I slept with your picture in my hands almost every night. I kept your letters in my pocket everyday. I read them at least three times a day. I had every right to be scared of our relationship but I threw myself into it, and you pulled back. You hurt me, more than even Kimberly did." Kat shrank back into her seat with his words. "What do you want from me Kat?"
"Nothing!" Kat cried as she stood up from the table. "I just wanted to see you. To make sure that you are alright."
"After six years? You wanted to 'check up' on me after six years?"
"It was a stupid idea. I'm sorry I took up your time." Kat said as she began to walk out of the café. Tommy followed closely behind. He took her arm once they were outside and spun her around to look at him.
"You don't get to walk away this time Kat." Tommy said as he held firmly to her arm. "Why now? What's going on that you suddenly had to come see me?"
"It was as stupid idea, I'm sorry Tommy." Kat shook her head as she tried to free herself.
"What's a stupid idea? What were you thinking when you called me, after all this time?"
"I was thinking that I still loved you, and I'm an idiot to think that you might still have feelings for me too… Adam said that you never been serious with another woman after me… I came here to apologize… and maybe… maybe make amends. It was hopeless dreaming, that's all." Kat was rambling but Tommy made sense of it.
"You came to ask for a second chance?" Tommy raised an eyebrow. Kat bit on her lip and looked down, confirming Tommy's suspicion. They remained silent for a moment, before Kat dared to look up at him again.
"I'm sorry." She said as yet another tear slid down her cheek. Tommy pulled her to him and pressed his lips to hers. It wasn't the sweet passion filled kiss that Kat had hoped, instead Tommy conveyed all his hurt and anger into that kiss. It was rough and hard, Tommy bit her lip causing it to bleed. Her body jerked in his arms at the sudden sharp pain he had caused. She tasted the metallic taste of her own blood mingling with the sweet taste of Tommy that she had missed so much. The combination made her head spin. Adding to that, the pain from her lip that Tommy had cut with his teeth, Kat nearly collapsed as her knees grew weak.
Tommy's arms wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her up as he continued the assault on her mouth. He forcefully slid his tongue into her mouth stifling a moan that rose from the back of her throat. He had never been so rough or forceful with any woman, but this was what he needed from Kat. He needed her to feel the pain that she had caused him, and judging by the way she was reacting to him, she needed it from him.
After a few more moments of his angry lustful kissing, Tommy released Katherine. She stared at him, lust and passion burning in her eyes. Tommy gave her a slight smirk, knowing that he had put that there in her.
"Tommy…" Kat started, her voice deep and her accent heavy with arousal.
"Good-bye Kat." Tommy nodded and then got into his jeep and left. Kat sadly got into her car and left as well, slowly licking her lips that still tasted of her own blood and Tommy. 'What just happened?' She asked herself as she started the drive back to her apartment in Angel Grove.
Tommy got back to his house, anger and hurt still coursing through his body. He paced back and forth in his living room trying to figure out just what Kat had wanted him to do. Did she expect him to fall for her all over again and just slip back into their relationship? Did she want him to just forget the way that she crushed his heart in one foul swoop?
He picked up the phone off his coffee table and dialed a number. He waited impatiently for the other end to be picked up, tapping his foot and huffing the whole time. "Hello?" Came a deep voice after several rings.
"Bro, I need some advice…"
Three days later… Angel Grove…
Kat sat in her apartment staring at old photos, her legs curled up against her chest and tears streaking down her face. She gave a small sad laugh as she wiped the tears away. She almost never cried, even in private, just in case someone were to stop by unexpectedly. But crying was all she had been doing since Tommy left her standing there in the parking lot.
She ran her tongue over the healing cut in her lower lip, remembering the emotions that seemed to pour out of Tommy that day. She wasn't sure, but she felt that she probably hurt him more by admitting her buried feelings to him.
"Stupid girl." Kat scolded herself aloud as she stood from the couch. She walked into the kitchen to get herself something to drink, but stopped when she heard the doorbell. She rolled her eyes as she walked toward the door. "Tanya, I told you that I'm fine. Just leave me alone for a while."
There wasn't a vocal response to her, instead the person on the other side of the door began knocking. Kat sighed as finally grasped the door handle and pulled the door open. A gasp escaped her mouth as she locked eyes with none other than Tommy Oliver.
"Hey Kat." Tommy said slowly. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Um, yeah sure." Kat held the door open and Tommy stepped inside. He looked around Kat's modest apartment, there wasn't much personality to it, giving the impression that she hadn't been living there long. After talking with Jason the other day he knew that to be true. She had only been back in Angel Grove for a month.
"I um… I've been doing some thinking… and well…" Tommy ran a hand through his short hair. Something Kat remembered he had a tendency to do when he was stressed out or nervous. Just what did he want today? "Well… I talked to Jason the other day…"
"What are you trying to say Tommy." Kat crossed her arms under her breasts trying to keep her own nerves in check.
"You were right, I still have feelings for you." Tommy blurted out. Kat felt her whole body go numb.
"You… you do?"
"Yeah." Tommy nodded as he let out a deep breath. Kat bit on her bottom lip as she waited for him to continue. "Look Kat, we can't just pick up where we left off…"
"I wasn't expecting that." Kat protested.
"I didn't say you were." Tommy shot right back. "Let me finish please."
"I'm sorry." Kat nodded.
"We can't just pick up where we left off and we can't just start all over… Does that make sense?"
"I think so." Kat replied slowly still thinking over what he was saying.
"I can't just forget about that day, but if you're patient with me Kat, like you were before, I can move past it. I want to start this off slow and easy. We're not going to rush into anything, but… I want you back. God help me, you hurt me in the worst way, but I haven't been living without you."
"Ever since I got on that plane I've felt that way Tommy." Kat said sadly. "I spent everyday missing you, wishing that I could take it all back. But I knew it was too late."
"For the record Kat." Tommy said as he gently took her hand. "If you had called me anytime after that day I would have taken you back in a second. After two years I finally gave up hope that you still loved me." Kat stared at him with wide eyes.
"Tommy I… I'm so stupid and…"
"It's okay Kat." Tommy shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it right now, actually probably not for a long time, but someday Kat I want to sit and really talk about it. For now let's just go enjoy some dinner and catch up."
"I'd like that Tommy." Kat smiled at him before Tommy bent down the few inches and gave her the softest of kisses.
"So Dinner?"
"Yeah." Kat replied dreamily.
"Good, you're paying." Tommy grinned as he started toward the door.
"Huh? Excuse me?"
"I drove all the way here, I'm driving us to dinner, you pay for dinner." Tommy explained with the same cheesy grin on his face.
"Oh that's the way it's gonna be huh Oliver?" Kat grinned back at him.
"You know it Prissy Kitty." They walked out the door with Tommy's arm draped over her shoulder, leaving their troubled past on the doorstep in the chilly evening air. Both hoping that it would wither and die like those roses left on the sidewalk all those years ago, wishing that something new would bloom and flourish from the ashes of the past.