Hero
By: gengen0776
Please Dean, can you come? I need to see you… Ronnie's words echoed in Dean's ears as he exited the highway heading into the small town just outside of San Antonio, Texas. There was a sadness in her voice that sent Dean's heart racing with worry. Lulu's fine, I promise…I just…please…I need to see you. No, further words had been necessary. Dean had long ago promised to be there for Ronnie and had failed her once, he wouldn't fail her again.
As he drove past the hospital, Dean remembered the day nearly six months earlier when Lulu had been released from the hospital. He smiled, recalling how happy and relieved they'd all been that day. He and Sam had left a few weeks later and had visited as often as they could, but the last time had been well over three months earlier. He regretted taking so long to visit again especially with his deal coming due in little over a month.
He pulled up to Ronnie's house at dusk. The door to the Impala gave a familiar creak as he stepped out into the cool April evening. The lights shone welcomingly in the front window as he approached the door. He rang the doorbell expecting to hear the sound of Lulu running to the door and calling excitedly to Ronnie. Instead he was greeted by a tired and frail looking Ronnie as she opened the door.
"Thanks for coming so quickly," she breathed, forcing a weary smile as she stepped aside. Dean moved into the house, pausing at her side. He stared down at her, noting the dark smudges beneath her doleful eyes. Leaning into her, he circled his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, not liking how thin she felt. He heard her sigh as though taking comfort in his proximity as she leaned against him and slid her arms around his neck. "God, I missed you."
"I missed you too, Keek." He breathed her in another moment, suddenly afraid to let her go. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He heard her sigh again as her hands slid from his neck and tenderly caressed his cheek as she pulled away.
"Dinner's almost ready," she stated as she moved away toward the kitchen. Dean watched her walk away noticing how her once fitted clothes seemed baggy on her now. Her sudden frailty alarmed him and he searched his memory struggling to remember if she'd been thinner last time he'd seen her. Had he just not noticed her wasting away? "You coming?" she called from the kitchen. Closing the front door behind him, he hurried after her. "Thought you could cook these bad boys and the potatoes on the barbecue." She handed Dean a plate containing two rib steaks and two potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil with a hopeful smile. "I made your favorite desert for later." She ticked her gaze to the apple pie, cooling on the stove.
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"So, Lulu's still okay? I mean, no relapses or whatever," Dean asked as he cut another piece of steak and popped it in his mouth, grunting with pleasure at the taste of real food.
"Yeah… she's fine," Ronnie assured between bites. "I sent her to Riley's for a sleep over with her cousins…wanted you all to myself tonight...hope that's okay." Their gazes locked for a moment before Ronnie's faltered and she looked down at her plate. Dean noticed her hands were shaking as she continued to avoid his gaze.
"Keek?" Dean's hand gently caressed her cheek as he coaxed her chin up so she would look at him again. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as they met his, causing his heart to clench in his chest. "What is it? What's wrong?" he whispered softly, his eyes pleading.
"I…I just m-missed you." Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks as Dean slid from his chair and knelt before her, his hands cupping her face.
"Kiki, it'll be okay…Sam's not gonna give up…not until he finds a way out…I-I promise I—" Ronnie put her finger to his lips, shaking her head.
"I…I know he will Baby," she breathed as her tears continued their descent. Dean stared at her in bewilderment. If it wasn't the deal, then what was making her cry? "Y-you should…you should sit down," she suggested, nodding to his vacated chair. Dean complied as her tone caused his legs to grow weak beneath him. "Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this." She buried her face in her hands for a moment, before taking a shaky breath. She looked at him with pain filled eyes and Dean felt his heart clench again, dreading what she was about to tell him. Closing her eyes, Ronnie spoke again her voice sounding hollow. "Th-those headaches…the ones that started during Lulu's treatment…th-they got worse..." Her voice trailed off as she opened her eyes again and looked at him with such sadness and regret. Dean resisted the urge to speak, knowing she needed to tell him, whatever it was, at her own pace. "L-last month I- I collapsed…Riley had to rush me to the hospi—"
"What? Why didn't he call me?" He demanded, anger swelling within him at Riley for not bothering to call him when the woman he loved was rushed to the hospital.
"H-he wanted to…I-I wouldn't give him the number…I-I even deleted it from my phone to be sure he couldn't," Ronnie explained, desperate that Dean understand that it was not Riley's fault. They sat, staring at each other for a long moment, both dreading the question that hung in the air.
"W-what did the doctors say…about your headaches?"
Ronnie took a shaky breath. "It…it's a t-tumor," Ronnie breathed barely above a whisper. "Th-they said…b-because of where it is…" Her voice trailed off as she shifted her gaze to the dark night outside the patio door. "It's inoperable…there's nothing they can do." Her voice was distant as she continued.
Dean sat, staring at her a long moment, feeling as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. The dark circles beneath her eyes, the weight loss, this explained it all. "H-how long?" he managed to ask as he felt himself crumbling beneath the news that the woman he loved, the only woman who had ever truly loved him, was dying.
"Months…ma-maybe six," she managed. "I-I wasn't gonna tell you…I-I didn't want you to possibly go to Hell with this on your heart…b-but I-I knew you could tell something was wrong…I-I'm sorry." She stood and moved toward the patio door, pressing her forehead against the cool glass. "I-I made arrangements f-for Lulu…she'll go live with Riley and his wife…she'll be happy there with her cousins, surrounded by family," she explained as she continued to stare out the window. Dean stared at her delicate form pressed against the glass of the patio door, watching as she shook gently and knew she was crying. He moved to her side and circled his arm around her waist his hand resting on her protruding hip bone. "I-I didn't want to…to force the responsibility on Sam…I didn't know if he was gonna keep on hunting after…" Her voice trailed off again, unable to say the words 'you're gone'. "B-but he can visit her wh-whenever he wants…H-he can even take her on tr-trips in the sum—" It was Dean's turn to silence her, he gently grazed her lips with own, tenderly caressing her cheek with his thumb. His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he listened to Ronnie plan for after her death. Why? Why God? His mind demanded, wondering why God would have let her lived through being possessed by the crossroad's demon and being shot, only to turn around and kill her with this tumor.
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They retreated to the porch swing after that, Dean's arm protectively around her as she leaned against him. Dean sat, quietly memorizing every aspect of Ronnie's being as she leaned up against him, lost in her own thoughts. He couldn't bring himself to think on the devastating news he'd just received. He absently petted her hair, a forlorn sigh escaping his lips now and again as he did. He tensed as Ronnie sat up suddenly and excused herself.
"I'll be right back," she promised as she slowly moved to the patio doors and headed inside the house. Dean stared after her for a long moment, before turning his gaze back out into the empty darkness in the forest beyond the yard. How can this be happening? How can God be so cruel? He wondered as he turned his gaze heavenward. What did Ronnie do to deserve this? And Lulu… the realization that his daughter would soon be without both parents hit him like a ton of bricks. The crash of broken glass in the kitchen pulled Dean from his thoughts. "Kiki!" he called as he rushed to see what had happened. As he got to the patios door Ronnie stumbled through and collapsed into his arms.
"It…w-worked faster…th-than I th-thought," she whispered cryptically through gasped breaths. Dean scooped her into his arms, carrying her to the porch swing and laying her down before pulling his cell phone from his pocket. "D-don't…there's n-no t-time," Ronnie breathed, weakly grasping his wrist.
"Wha-wha'd you do, Keek?" Dean pleaded, falling to his knees on the porch beside her. He gently pushed a strand of hair from her pale face.
"B-bella…Belladonna," Ronnie gasped, her blue-green eyes fluttering closed before she forced them open again. "I-I'm s-sorry…th-there was n-no other w-way…sh-she said…it w-was the on-only way…I-I c-couldn't let h-her lose us b-both," Her pleading eyes glistened with tears as she struggled to explain her actions. "Pl-please h-hold me…l-let me die…in y-your arms." Tears streamed down Dean's cheeks as he tenderly pulled Ronnie from the swing onto his lap, holding her so close he could feel her feeble breath on his cheek. "I-I didn't…ex-expect it to h-hurt so m-much."
"Your body's fighting it." Tears were tumbling down his cheeks and dripping onto her
as he forced a reassuring smile. "S'okay, K-Keek, I-I gotcha." He gently cupped her face with his hand as he gazed down at her.
"I-I love y-you…D-Dean W-winch-chester…" She lightly touched his cheek with her hand; her fingers were like ice as she forced a sad smile.
"I-I l-love you, t-too, Kiki." Dean tilted her chin up slightly, leaned in and kissed her. It was the deep and desperate kiss of a man struggling to keep his dying love with him.
"Al-always…my h-hero," Ronnie whispered with her last breath, the hand touching Dean's cheek falling limply to her side as she stared up at him with unseeing eyes.
A sob erupted from Dean's lips as he tenderly slid her eyelids closed, noting the sad smile that still graced her lips. "No-no-no-no-no," He mumbled softly his eyes closed as he pressed her still form to his chest. He rocked her back and forth for the longest time, willing her to wake up, to let it all have been a terrible mistake. "Why?" he whispered finally. He stared down at her limp form, wishing she would answer him, though he knew nothing she could say would ease his pain. It was then he noticed the letter clutched in her hand. Gently, he pried it from her already cold fingers. His name was written in Ronnie's rounded writing on the envelope. Opening the envelope, he pulled the hand written note from inside, studying its tear stained pages as he began to read:
Dean,
If you are reading this, it means I had the courage to do what was necessary. I'm sorry for the pain this decision has surely caused you, but it was the only way I could be sure that Lulu wouldn't lose us both.
About a week after I found out that I was...dying, I met Ruby. She said she was a friend of yours that she'd been working with you to fight some of the demons that had escaped from the gate. I remembered you and Sam mentioning her so I let her in…That was when I realized that she was a demon…I was surprised to say the least when she became trapped at the door in the Devil's trap you put there.
Anyway, she offered me a solution, a choice she called it. She said she could convince the demon holding your contract to take me instead…She said that she could convince the demon that it would be much more painful for you to lose me, knowing I'd done it to save you…than to send you to Hell when you were so willing to suffer anything to save Sam.
I want you to know that I didn't agree right away…I never wanted to hurt you, Dean. Please remember that I love you…But it really was the only way to be sure that Lulu wasn't left without a parent…I...we know what it's like to lose our parents…Imagine losing them both before you turn five….
So, I called her back…I told her it had to look natural…that I didn't want Lulu to know that it wasn't…Please Dean, she can never know that I left her willingly, even if it was to save you…
Ruby came up with Belladonna. It would stop my heart, it was perfect. But when Ruby came back she had a condition from the demon with your contract…It wasn't enough that you would know I had died for you…You… you had to watch me die…
That was almost the deal breaker. I didn't want you to watch me die...knowing there was nothing you could do to save me. I sent her away again…but the next morning when I saw Lulu, I knew I had to do it. I'm so sorry, Dean.
Please understand, it was never that I thought you and Sam wouldn't find a way out of your deal. Actually, that was what I was afraid of. If you'd found a way out and then found out that I was dying…We both know what would have happened…I just couldn't accept that, Dean. I couldn't accept it if you had sold your soul to save me, as much as Sam could never accept it.
I know it sounds unfair because of what I have just done. But understand Dean, I didn't die for you to live…I was already dying…I just chose to die on my own terms…saving you and Lulu in the process.
What I told you about the arrangements for Lulu that was true. Riley and his wife will take her. If you decide to give up hunting, to settle down then this house will be here for you and Lulu will live with you.
Somehow though, I know that you will still be out there, fighting the good fight. Making the world safer for Lulu and in that case you can rest assured that Lulu will be in good hands and can visit her whenever you want to.
Please, don't carry this sorrow in your heart for too long. Mourn me, yes, but please move on, find the happiness you deserve. Know that as willing as you were to sacrifice for Sam, I am willing to sacrifice for you and Lulu.
I love you both so much. Please, remember that and make sure that Lulu does, too. You will always be a hero to me Dean Winchester, always.
Always in your heart,
Ronnie
Dean reread the letter over and over, through his tear filled eyes. He knew he was adding his tears to the ones that Ronnie had shed as she'd written it. Crushing the letter to his chest, he looked down at Ronnie's still form. The smile that still graced her pale lips, gave the contented look of a dream-filled sleep.
"I-I l-love you," He whispered through his tears, pulling her wilted body against him again his heart clutching in his chest as he noted that she had already begun to grow cold. He pulled the blanket from the edge of the swing over them, carefully covering her crumpled form. "I-I've gotcha Keek, i-it's okay…I-I gotcha," He whispered softly in her ear over and over as he began to gently rock her again.
THE END
End notes:
Okay, what did you think? Please let me know. Personally, I am a little heart broken at the loss of my character…but I really do feel I did her justice…how about you?