Authors Note: This was inspired by a prompt to start a story with the sentence "The silence woke her." It was written to "New York" by Snow Patrol which is the backing track for one of the greatest new Bellarke fanvids. Hope you guys like it!
The silence woke her.
She'd become so used to the silence over those six years. Her and Madi had been the only living, breathing humans on the surface of the planet for so damn long. She had grown comfortable with the silence that the two created, but now this silence was different.
This silence was filled with the soft, slow breaths of her long lost friends as it floated through the tent flaps and collected at her ears in a thunderous roar.
Madi didn't seem to mind as she slumbered away beside her, but then again, Madi hadn't just been reunited with five of the only people she had left in the world only to realize that they no longer existed. That time changes people.
Harper and Monty had grown even closer and truly only needed one another. Emori and Echo were now clearly a strong and important part of the group, perhaps more than Clarke herself was anymore. Emori had gotten close with Raven she was told, they had developed a strong friendship and the once drifter was making herself irreplaceable. Echo was at the head, making decisions and leading discussions. She had taken the confident place at Bellamy's side.
Bellamy.
He had kept her friends alive. He had continued on without her, only to realize that he actually could. There would never be any coming back from that. He was stronger now, but he was also kinder. He had finally found his balance in those years without war. She had recognized the shift from reckless to cautious almost immediately, and that had opened the floodgates for all the other differences she would now have to accept.
She hadn't even realized that she had changed as well. Octavia had always been Bellamy's first priority, but he had always been Clarke's. Now that space was taken by Madi and their dynamic was irreparably changed.
Everything had gone so well at first. Bellamy had appeared, just as she should have known he would, just as he always had, just when she needed him most. He had saved the day, worked out a deal to share the land, and they had embraced, and everything had felt just as it should.
They had both realized the issue as they were walking back to the group. There was the "oh my gosh I can't believe you're alive's" and the "I can't believe you're actually here's" and then the silence had set in. So much time had passed and there was so much that needed to be said, but Clarke couldn't bring herself to utter a single word of it. The words were getting all clogged and cluttered deep in her throat. So instead they opted for stealing sideways glances at one another like awkward school children, and that is the way it had remained.
It only truly hit her however, when the pair had returned the makeshift camp that had been created. The reunions were happy and tearful of course, but it wasn't long before everyone settled in and suddenly Clarke felt very much like she was looking in from the outside.
Monty and Harper were settled in each other's arms by the campfire exchanging content murmurs. Emori was fiddling with the radio while laughing quietly as she swapped grounder stories with Madi. And Bellamy and Echo, well it didn't take a genius to realize that the group had found ways to fit into a comfortable cohabitation like puzzle pieces.
She had stood there at the edge of the trees and tried to come to terms with the fact that for the first time since Octavia had stepped out of the dropship door, she wasn't needed.
Bellamy had appeared at her side, she's not even sure when, and had just stood silently, so close their arms brushed up against one another.
Because that's what he was to her. Always quietly having her back.
She watched him open his mouth, suck in a breath, and then close it again. She watched him repeat the action three times. And then she watched his shoulders slump in defeat.
She watched Echo meet his eyeline across the camp, watched something flash brightly in her eyes, and then she watched his retreating form.
And now she was watching the roof of the tent and trying not to suffocate under the weight of that silence.
The thought that she was now more alone than she had ever been finally had her bolting upright, and the sound the tent flap made as she pushed it aside was a welcome noise.
But then she found Bellamy sitting outside on a log and froze. His back was toward her and it was so dark that she contemplated retreating back into the safety near Madi's side. But then he was patting the space next to him without ever turning.
"It's hard to sleep on solid ground now," he shrugged as she joined him.
"It's hard to sleep with all your breathing," she replied and he raised an eyebrow but didn't question it.
And then there was that damn silence again. It picked up tempo faster and faster until she could barely resist throwing her hands over her ears.
"The silence between us used to be comfortable you know," she finally muttered if only to pull herself back from the brink of insanity.
She expected him to look at her shocked or at least confused. She expected him to sleepily mutter "what are you talking about?"
She did not expect him to continue staring straight ahead and nod. She did not expect for him to whisper, "I know."
"I thought everything would go back to how it was," she admitted. "What a fool I was."
"And I thought you were dead."
Suddenly he was staring at her so intensely that she could somehow make out his pupils in the pitch black.
"I thought I had left you for dead," he rephrased and it made all the difference. "But instead I left you to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. Doesn't seem much better."
"I had Madi," she weakly protested, to which he dismissed with a wave of his hand.
"You had a child that you had to raise alone," he corrected.
"I had you."
She said it so quietly that she wasn't even sure he had heard until she realized he had frozen completely from head to toe.
"I… I spoke to you through the radio everyday," she continued hesitantly. "I thought maybe you could hear me up there. More than that, I just needed you. Because you're right, I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't do it without you… not like you could do it without me."
He let out a haunted laugh, one that held no happiness, and shook his head so his hair fell over his eyes as he stared at the ground.
"I never could do it without you Clarke," he let her name hang in the night air for a moment. "From the night that Charlotte flung herself over that cliff, it's like I've been depending on you for every breath I take, whether I've always wanted to admit that or not."
He grasped the edge of the log and she watched his knuckles grow white at the strain.
"I was drowning up there," he ground out and she wasn't even sure he was talking to her anymore. "Everytime I closed my eyes I saw you in that awful green suit disappearing into the edge of the forest. The others, they needed to move on to keep going, but I just never could. So I played the part instead. Of the fearless leader they needed me to be. And I hid inside myself."
"You've always hid inside yourself Bellamy," she murmured with a small smile and moved to brush the hair out of his eyes, but he jumped at the contact, eyes wide.
"How are you alive?" He exclaimed, tears glistening ever so slightly.
"How are any of us alive?" she countered sadly.
It was now he that reached out but seemed unable to actually touch, letting his hand linger just next to her cheek.
"I missed you so damn much," he was whispering but all she could hear was the look in his eyes.
They had always met each other halfway, so without thinking she was moving mere centimeters to rest her cheek on his hand.
"I waited for you," she murmured, and they both knew it meant so much more.
"I like what you've done with your hair," he smirked quickly as though to mask that he had taken a step closer.
"I've never been a fan of mustaches," she tried to giggle but it came out sounding more like a relieved sob.
He took another step.
"There's so much that I imagined saying to you if I had ever gotten the chance," he was now looking right down at her.
Her body stilled as she feigned patience, but her eyes were screaming louder than any silence she had ever faced.
His forehead slowly tilted forward to rest against hers, and she breathed in his scent like fresh air for the first time.
"Echo?"
She was whispering her concern before she was able to talk herself out of it.
"She wants to leave for Azgeda territory in the morning. Alone." His other hand found her face. "As hard as I tried, she was never you."
"Octavia?"
"We'll get them all out of the bunker, we always find a way," he assured, his nose brushing against hers. "We'll all be together again."
"Madi?"
"She will always be the top priority, nothing is going to change that," his eyes fluttered shut.
The silence stretched out before them but he waited, once a boy who feared for every next moment, now a man who had all the time in the world.
"Bellamy?"
And his lips found hers.
A moment that had nearly happened countless times in all the years that had passed between them. A moment that had been waiting just around every corner. Within every glance. Within every May We Meet Again.
Within every unfinished sentence.
It had lived in that space where words met silence.
In the morning it wouldn't take the others long to realize that the moment had finally broke free. To comprehend what Echo had the instant Madi had made her appearance. To understand what Clarke herself only had when trying to explain him to the young nightblood.
Monty and Harper would share a knowing glance, Madi would grin from ear to ear, and Echo would depart on good terms to discover her own future.
Raven and Murphy would make it down, and eventually they would uncover the bunker. Octavia would notice immediately of course, from something as subtle as the pair standing just a bit too close together, and she would no doubt unabashedly announce her excitement to the crowd. Bellamy's face would grow a tinge of pink but his eyes would be shining to match his shy smile. Clarke would shrug and grab his hand, intertwining their fingers. And then she would once again step outside of herself and observe the moment around her. All of her friends and family happy and smiling. And finally, everything would be alright.
But for now she would settle on resting her head on Bellamy's shoulder and staring up at the night sky. She would settle for his strong yet gentle hold on her. She would settle for his slow breath on her cheek.
Because, for once, the silence wasn't quite so loud.