Hey, this is fatima. This is my first fanfic! I am here to forewarn you that I am not a professional and that this is my first time ever posting a story on my favorite book.
So, please enjoy. No flames please, but you can give me tips and criticism. I would really appreciate it actually. I have a beta already, but its good to have other people tell me from their point of view..
So please enjoy!
Ever since she told Jacob goodbye she's been having second thoughts. Did she really want to give up her family, friends,and life for Edward? She loved him theirs no doubt about that, but was it selfish to make that kind of decision that could hurt her family?
The kind of decision you cant take back no matter what you want. I say I want to be a vampire but its not something I can just try out for a few days and say "well this isn't for me".
But I know this isn't the only reason that I have doubts. Jacob. My Jacob. The guy who was my sun when my life was so dark. I love him. I love him. But can I actually choose him and sever my ties with the Cullen's. The family that took me in like I their own.
Ive really become attached to them all in different ways and I love Edward. Well, I think I love Edward. The more I think about it the more I think that Jacobs right when he said that Edwards like a drug for me. Maybe I feel like I owe him something. I do.
I owe him my life and I plan on giving it to him. Marriage. Oh god, I'm going to marry him and I'm going to let him change me. Ive made my decision but I want to see Jacob one last time.
Charlie told me he finally came home and that he was back but he's still not the same Jacob. The guy that was always joking around and having fun. I did that to him .I hurt him.
What kind of person hurts and abandons their one true friend after they've helped them through the hardest time of their life? I asked myself that everyday. The doubt I feel is mounting everyday, growing inside me. Its making me withdraw from the ones who love me.
I know Edward has noticed and probably blames himself. Thank god, he's on a hunting trip because I don't think I would be able to keep up with this charade today.
"Alice" she spoke into the phone.
"No, Bella" she replied
"I need to see him. If you love me like a sister you would not tell him and just stay away from him. Please" she begged.
"Uh, okay Bella. Be back before 10:00 and he wont hear anything from me. One minute later and I can't promise you anything"
Okay thanks sis, I really owe you for this one. I love you"
She jumped in the shower and then threw on some simple blue jeans and a black T-shirt. While she was driving, she was thinking about what she wanted to say to Jacob.
What exactly was she planning on doing when she got there? All her thoughts left her when she pulled up Jacob Black's house and he was out side in his garage working on his Rabbit with a tight wife beater on.
Being there brought back so many nice memories of her and him just being. Together. Free. Wild. Wow she loved him and he loved her but why wasn't it that simple? Why couldn't it be that simple? She asked herself.
She got out the car and walked up to the garage slowly. All of a sudden Jacob looked back at her and her heart stopped. Everything stopped like the world was waiting for their reactions to seeing each other again.
They stared at each other in silence for what seemed like hundreds of years but in reality only a minute.
"What are you doing here" he asked with his eyes sad and his tone hard.
"Are we like that now, Jacob?" Bella said crying softly.
"Please don't cry Bella" he said as he walked over to her and took her into his arms.
I'm in his arms again. This feels so right. But then again so so wrong"she thought.
The tingle that ran down her spine at the touch of his skin upon hers was so profound she shook a bit. He was beautiful. Could she go eternity without feeling like this.
Could she let her body go cold and never feel his heat again? His brown eyes singed her. His eyes spoke his pain louder than his words ever would. "I love you isn't it enough"she whispered.
"No it isn't. I know that I cant deal with having a piece of you. I need you. I love you."he said intensely. She said nothing. She couldn't say anything that wouldn't hurt him more.
Breaking the silence he screamed "Just choose me".
"I cant" she screamed back at him just as loudly.
He backed away from her and looking at her with an incredulous expression.
"Why was she here?" he thought.
" Then why are you here?" He asked.
She looked at him through thick lashes and said "Because it hurts to be away from you."
His breath caught in his throat and he wondered if her hold on him would ever cease. He pulled her up to his chest and whispered in her ear "Well don't be".
He laced his fingers through her hair and drew her up to his mouth and paused.
She wanted him to kiss her. He knew what she wanted but he wanted her to know that he wasn't forcing his self on her and that she was in control.
So she couldn't tell herself that she didn't want it.
"Tell me what you want, Bella" he whispered huskily in her ear.
"Oh god she thought I cant believe I'm about to say this."
"Please kiss me Jake"she said whimpering. He didn't make her wait any longer. He wasn't gentle. He kissed her as if this was their last time and he knew that it may be.
She moaned in his mouth and pulled her harder against him. She shook with passion. She never got to be this way with Edward. She wrapped her legs around his waist and grinded against him.
He groaned in pleasure and put her down and backed up from her trying to get his body under control.
"Bella, I don't have that kind of control. If you touch me like that I cant be blamed for my actions".
That pause gave her time to hear her conscience. It was now screaming at her "your getting married you slut.
"Jacob was really surprised by her actions. He wasn't complaining but he didn't want his feeling toyed with. He didn't understand how she could be so passionate with him and be marrying someone else.
"Bella,you cant come over here and play with my emotions. Why did you kiss me like that?"
"I'm sorry I wont bother you again. I'm so stupid I just couldn't help myself. When I'm around you Jake I cant control my feelings" She said.
"That should tell you something don't you think" He said, amusement thick in his voice.
"I have to go its already 9:30. If I'm late all hell will break lose." She said looking at her watch
"Curfew?"he said laughing and she saw her friend again without the pain in his eyes and the stress.
She ran to her car and knew she would have to tell Edward where she had been all day,knew she couldn't lie to him.
"This isn't fair to him" she thought as she drove to his house. But she couldn't get that kiss out of her head. How it felt with his hot body pressed up against hers.
She pulled up to the house and saw the lights on through the whole house as soon as she got out the car he was there in front of her. She screamed and he put her her hand around her mouth.
"Why did you scare me like that Edward?"she asked with her heart pounding fast. She knew that he could smell the werewolf smell on her.
"Why do you smell like a dog" he sneered. She smiled up at him and said "You probably smell this stray dog I was playing with after school."she said smiling sweetly sarcastic.
"Don't play with me Bella. I was worried about you". "Why, I'm sure you guessed where I was".she said coldly. Edward stood back in surprise at her tone. Bella never spoke to him like that.
He's been noticing the changes with her behavior for weeks now. He thought she would deal with it on her own and come back to being his Bella. Now he was worried.
"Bella whats going on with you lately?". She said nothing. "Bella"he called. She said nothing. "We need to talk about this"he said calmly.
She knew it was time to air out their problems. She was nervous, still not sure what would she choose to do.
"Uh, I'll talk to you tomorrow Edward, okay"she said speedily. "Bella, we need to talk now. Something has been bothering you,my love. What has changed? What have I done?Did I say something to hurt,or upset you? Speak to me my only love!"
Bella couldn't stand it any longer. She screamed "I cant do this Edward!" She turned and ran up to the house as fast as her clumsily legs would carry her.
Edward didn't follow her.
So, what did you think? Do yall think that is too short for the chapter, my friend seems to think so, and I don't know. Please opinions are welcome! Wait till the next chapter..bye!