The Sing-song Sound of his Voice
What is that noise?
No really. What is that noise?
I shoved the headphones off my ears and set down my pencil on the sheet paper. There was a humming. I knew that tune. It was a familiar and euphoric sound to my ears. I turned around to carefully search the room. The window wasn't open; I had wondered if perhaps someone outside sung the tune. The radio wasn't on. Where was the sound coming from? I chewed on my lip nervously as I searched for the source of the beautiful sound. It brought up such emotions in me that it was almost pertinent that I found where it was coming from immediately.
The humming stopped as Tokiya turned his chair around to face me. My dumbfounded expression seemed to amuse him. I could now taste the blood I'd drawn from chewing upon my lip. It was Tokiya. He was the one humming. I wondered if he even knew the importance of the sounds that he was making. He often had no idea what an impact his music had. He was truly only satisfied when he realized the value. I swore the only ulterior opinion he cared at about was Haruka's.
"What song was that?" I numbly asked, with my eyes round and wide. My mouth gaped unusually, most likely making me appear incompetent or at least more than usual to Tokiya. He raised an eyebrow and his lips curled into a snide grin. He turned around and began scrawling into his notebook once more. The humming started up not long after as he tapped his foot along. I felt my throat aching to hum along to the tune so familiar to my untrained ears.
"What song is that?" I asked again, more urgency in my voice this time. The movement of Tokiya's pen ceased as he debated his reply. He slowly began to speak, his voice calm and practiced.
"It doesn't concern you," he placidly replied. After my inherently annoying inconvenience I'd posed upon him he returned to writing once more. I turned around vehemently wiping a tear from my eye and attempting to write on the sheet music. The pressure I applied to the pencil merely caused the lead to break and leave tiny splinters on my paper. I wiped it away with the side of my hand without realizing the repercussions. The lead spread about on the paper, making a cloudy mess of my new lyrics.
Damn him. I felt my eyes watering up as I sniffed once, trying to regain my composure. My lip quivered despite my efforts. I rubbed at my eyes with fervor. I could not let him see me like this. He already thought me ridiculous and this would just throw him over the edge. Why wouldn't he answer my simple question? I swear he never tells me anything. How am I supposed to know what's going on in that mysterious head of his?
"Are you crying Otoya?" Tokiya asked. I wiped my eyes with my forearm. He wouldn't see me like this.
"No," I choked out without even attempting to disguise my thick voice. My throat was all choked up and at this point the tears were streaming freely. Tokiya remained in his chair staring at his roommate. He didn't know how to react to this sudden flood of emotion. I was usually so upbeat, almost infuriatingly so. I dropped my head onto the desk, making a loud and disruptive thunk as my skull made contact with the wood. I could see Tokiya flinch at the sound.
I didn't even care enough to push the sheet music away as I sobbed into my palms heedlessly. That song. That stupid humming of his. I felt puddles forming beneath me as my eyes flowed with the salty water. Out of the corner of my eye Tokiya stood slowly. He cautiously made his way to my side, kneeling on one knee and placing a hand on my shoulder warily. His movements were, even to me, measured. Tokiya was a particular man and did everything with a sort of system, but even this was uncharacteristic.
"Otoya," he whispered. His voice was very hoarse, very drawn out and almost sweet enough to make me forgive him on the spot. I flippantly moved my head aside and ignored his advances. He awkwardly patted my arm, apparently attempting to reassure me. "Seriously, Otoya, what's wrong?" he asked, growing impatient with my childish schemes.
I picked my head up and looked at him in the deep indigo eyes. He looked concerned, taken aback and certainly more interested in me than I had given him credit for. My eyes were surely bloodshot and filled with pools of water, as I knew there were trails of water down my cheeks.
"It's none of your concern," I spit; the venom in my voice so atypical that I even flinched at the inflection. He visually drew away from me, dropping his hand, the realization of his cruel ways washing over his face. I watched his reaction play out over his easily read expression.
"I—" he began, before stopping to rethink he words he was going to say. "You can tell me. I promise I'm a much better listener than I look," he stated simply. I didn't know how to react. While his words permeated my mind I fell into another sobbing fit.
"It's the song," I cried, my words less dignified than I'd hoped they would be.
"I'm sorry; I won't sing it again," he murmured, misunderstanding me entirely. These words only made me choke on a sob once more. My entire body heaved causing concern to flash in Tokiya's eyes. His arm reached out to catch me before I was even aware that my sob had rocked my whole body forward. He set me back in my seat with nimble fingers and soft touches. I hardly felt he was being himself as he was so gentle and tender. He used the sort of affection one used only with family or with lovers. I felt my face contorting in confusion as I was uncertain of his covert motives. He too raised an eyebrow at me, trying to figure out what was on my mind, just as I was trying to figure what was on his.
"That's not it," I stated simply, wiping my nose on my wrist and looking down at the clouded and bled lyrics sheet that I'd been tending to for days. Tokiya followed my gaze, but even he deduced that I wasn't upset about the lyrics sheet. This was more than just a homework assignment. He knew that much. His eyebrows caused an unattractive worry line to form on his forehead. I wanted to soothe his concern for me, but I just couldn't find the words to describe my emotions.
"I learned it from my nanny at home," Tokiya explained, his eyes going to a faraway place as if he still remembered that time in his life as though it were yesterday. I nodded; my experience was similar. "I never knew the name of the song. I actually never talked to the nanny about it; that's one thing I regret," he said, his lips forming a downward turn as if he were disappointed in himself for making such a fatal mistake.
"My adoptive mother taught it to me," I said, vocalizing what had been pent up inside of me for so unbearably long. "It was the first song I sang after—" I stuttered, stifling the sob that had built up inside of me. Tokiya wrapped his long elegant fingers around my wrist and led me to my bed where I crumpled into a heap. I was merely sobbing awful guttural noises now that my eyes had nothing left to cry. My face was dry, but warped in the pain of the memories. Tokiya didn't force it out of me. He sat and waited for me to regain enough composure to continue my confession.
"After what Otoya?" he nudged, his was voice calm and quiet. I felt a tickle on my wrist as he rubbed tiny, light, reassuring circles into my skin. It was so unlike him to be emotional. So often he was full of angst and secrecies. I felt he too was opening up over this song. It was an amazing thing that music could do such wondrous good in the world.
"After," I began, "After my mother died," I sighed.
"Otoya, I— Why didn't you tell me before? I had no idea," he said feverishly. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my unruly hair.
"It doesn't matter. I may be an orphan, but I still had the best adoptive mother I could ask for," I replied, a twinkle forming in my eye at the memory of her fair skin, beauteous looks and humble attitude. Her voice had been a saving grace to me as she rocked me to sleep each night. Her music could scare away the nightmares and calm my nerves perfectly. She knew just how to soothe me and that song that she taught me was the first one I'd sang after my mother's death.
"Still, I can't imagine," Tokiya said, his eyes glazed over as he tried to see how difficult it was for me to even go on. You learn to adapt after a while, but the hurt never goes away. That's one wound that would never heal. There was emptiness in the pit of my heart that yearned for the love that I'd missed from her. At this point I didn't care much where it came from.
"Your voice sounds fantastic singing it," I whispered, finally sitting up to look the taller boy in the eye. Tokiya smiled and seemed to almost blush under my watchful gaze. He scratched his eye while I watched him think over what he was going to say. He opened his mouth to begin, before rethinking and going back to his pondering expression.
"Would you like me to sing to you?" Tokiya offered, his voice was very unsure, as if he were walking on eggshells. I nodded avidly at the suggestion, wiping my eyes once more. It was no use crying over such historical happenings. If there was one thing my adoptive mother would have wanted it would be for me to live in the moment and make the most of everything life handed to me. She wanted me to never give up and chase my dreams as far as they'd take me. She was an inspirational woman, and the reason I applied here.
Tokiya cleared his throat, taking his hand from my arm and setting it in his lap. He sat up straight and closed his eyes. His voice that followed was the prettiest I'd ever heard that song sung. The sing song sound of his voice matched perfectly with the little tune. I found myself humming along and rocking back and forth to the sound of his voice. He smiled at the sight of my cheerful eyes once more. There was something hypnotizing about the sound of his voice. It didn't take long until I too was singing along with him. He seemed to enjoy the sound of our voices together, as he couldn't stop grinning.
"Do you feel better now?" Tokiya breathed, his voice happened to still be soft and seductive from singing the lullaby. I let out a sigh of contentment and nodded easily.
"Yes," I replied, throwing my body back on my bed and looking up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. I didn't expect him to, but after I felt the bounce of the bed beneath me I peeked through my eyelashes to find Tokiya lying beside me, with closed eyes. He seemed to be relieved to share that little bit of his life with me. Perhaps he didn't like keeping secrets as much as I thought he did.
"You know," Tokiya said, soft and breathily. I looked up at him, cocking my head to the side in expectation. "I think I do too," he admitted a smile gracing his lips. The look suited him far better than his customary scowl. I turned my head to the side and found myself nose-to-nose with my roommate.
I paused and stared at his eyes, trying to figure out what he thought of this proximity. It didn't seem to bother him too immensely. I let out a soft sigh and stared into his eyes. I watched his indigo eyes survey the way my face moved, how my eyes opened, my lips moved, my chest breathed. He seemed to be studying me as if I were something unusual to him.
"Why do you think that is?" I finally broke the silence between us. He let a grim smile form on his lips.
"You're the first person I've told anything remotely personal to," he admitted, his eyes sad with the realization.
"I'm honored," I said with gratitude that was unmatched by anything else. He saw the sincerity in my face.
"I think it's because I trust you. You seem to understand me somehow," his lips formed the words, it was obvious he was a singer by the way his mouth moved so carefully, yet practiced.
"I do," I murmured, "You know, Tokiya, you and I, we're not so different," I chuckled. He laughed along with me. Before realizing it my hand had landed on Tokiya's hand. I gasped, but was too afraid to move it. Tokiya saw my concern, but it didn't seem to bother him much. He lifted his other hand and placed it upon my own. His face was almost mischievous in the way that he stared at me.
"Otoya," he whispered. I felt his hot breath wash over my face. My mind was becoming clouded now. There were so many emotions running through my mind, adrenaline flowing through my veins. My head spun; my pulse rushed.
"Tok— I—" I stuttered to myself, watching with bewilderment as Tokiya placed a hand on my hip. He sat up to his side to look at me better. "I—"
"Shh…" Tokiya encouraged as his eyes stared at me, half closed and sultry. He didn't move to be closer to me, but I felt as if we were already closer than I'd ever thought possible. His fingers slid under my un-tucked shirt and rubbed my tan skin beneath it. I shivered under his touch, feeling like a young, inexperienced child in his hands.
"Tokiya," I wheezed out, my breath coming short to me now as his fingers lightly traced across the small of my back. He closed his eyes and refused to respond to me. I gasped as his cold hand made contact with my waist. He pulled me closer and held me tightly as if to keep me from squirming away, I wished my mouth would move so I could reassure him that I had no intentions of leaving his arms.
I wasn't sure if I was reading his face right correctly, but my body seemed to be acting on its own accord as I leaned closer, my eyes closing to match his own. I turned my head slightly, leaning closer slowly. Our lips touched.
"Otoya?" he asked, his lips rubbing against mine as he spoke. I opened my eyes.
"Yes?" I replied, caught off guard by his questioning tone. His hand on my waist tightened as he dove into the kiss. I felt his warm lips meshing with mine in such harmony it was almost as satisfying as the sound of our voices singing together. He matched my movement almost perfectly. I turned left, he turned right. He was almost like the yin to my yang.
I felt my chest heaving as I tried to fill my lungs just to draw out our kiss. I desperately clung to him, reluctant for the kiss to end. He pulled away slowly and seemed to chuckle to himself, wiping my saliva from his lip with the back of his hand. I'd never seen his face so animated.
"Why so clingy Otoya?" he laughed. I drew my hand close to my mouth and blushed a light pink color. Was I really that clingy?
"I'm sorry," I whimpered, "I didn't mean to—"
"Don't worry Otoya. That won't be the last time I kiss you," he reassured, pushing my hair behind my ear and placing a practiced peck right on the corner of my mouth. My tongue darted out to taste the sweetness of his kiss. He smiled to me, sitting up in my bed and looking down at me silently. As he pulled his hand away I reached out to brush fingers with him.
"I'm glad you told me," I murmured, looking into his dazzling eyes as he stood above me with a sort of authority. He nodded a sharp, decisive nod.
"Me too," he replied. His voice had returned to its normal measured cadence and practiced severity. I knew he had that soft side in him. He could cover his feelings with layers and layers of lies, but I would still be able to see through it. He could put on the Tsundere act all he wanted, but I knew his truths. I knew him better than anybody. I knew him as well as he knew me.
There would come a time when we both would cry once more. I was certain that we had a future of wholehearted emotions and confessions to feelings we never thought we'd vocalize, but luckily he would be there for me just as I would be there for him. If he needed a hand to hold, I'd offer mine. If he needed a pair of listening ears, I would patiently listen. If he needed soft lips to distract him… I would do so gladly.
I really love how this story turned out 3 I hope you do too! Remember to REVIEW, FAVORITE and READ my other work! Additionally, I'm writing requested works now! If you're interested PM me!