Disclaimer: Joss is Boss, I am merely a lackey. His characters, not mine. I'm just borrowing them for a while, and not getting any payment for their actions. All I can ask for are reviews, so please write some!
Spoilers: None, although set after the movie. Implies no Wash or Book.
More Than a Game
Two men stood on a low hill looking skyward. Above them, a Firefly-class Midbulk transport descended. The spaceship was maneuvering for a landing half a mile from the two men. The two men gave each other questioning looks, then looked back to the ship as it landed. Its loading ramp immediately swung down, and two men sprinted out of the ship. One of the runners was Malcolm Reynolds, the captain of the ship that had just landed. The other runner was Simon Tam, the ships medic. They were running towards the two men on the hill. When the two groups were close enough, Mal shouted, "Hey there, Monty!"
"Mal…," Monty replied looking more confused.
Simon and Mal slowed to a stop in front of Monty and the other man before stooping over to catch their collective breaths. Between pants, Mal said to Monty, "Nice to see the beard's grown back."
Monty was stroking his beard absent-mindedly when Mal's comment brought him back to his senses. "Why yes, took a few months, but Mal is there a reason why you parked your ship half a mile off and come running up here without the goods?"
Mal straightened up and said easily with a smile, "Sure there is. You see, me and my medic, here, have a very busy day ahead of us, and we thought we'd pick up our payment and head back to the ship. Zoe and Jayne will be along to give you your goods."
Simon smiled and nodded in agreement, but Monty continued to eye them both almost suspiciously.
"Now Mal," Monty said slowly, "We've known each other for a while, and you've always been straight with me. You always show your goods before getting paid, and I do the same."
Simon's face dropped along with Mal's. "I can't help but think something else is goin' on here," Monty finished with a nod to his partner who reached for his gun.
Seeing this, Mal quickly threw out his hands and said, "Monty, there ain't no call for this."
"What kind of trouble are ya in?" Monty asked sternly.
"No trouble, really," Mal said anxiously as Simon looked over his shoulder.
"Then why's he lookin' over his shoulder?"
"It's nothing," Mal said shaking his head.
"Uh, Captain…" Simon said hesitantly.
"Don't seem like nothing," Monty countered while gripping his gun.
"Really, Monty you'd be all full chuckles if I told you," Mal said trying to smile.
"So why don't ya tell me?"
"Cause…" Mal began to say.
"They're almost here!" Simon interrupted.
"Feds!" Monty roared as he drew his gun. His partner did the same. Monty then continued, "Mal, why didn't ya say something? If ya told me you was pinched, I could of helped ya."
Mal lowered his head as he raised his hands higher and said, "Look, Monty I ain't got time to explain. Just trust me, there are no Feds. We just want the money, and we'll be on our merry."
"I'm sorry, Mal, but I can't give ya the money until you tell me why ya acting so peculiar," Monty said in a reasoning tone.
"Captain!" Simon shouted as he whipped his head around. Mal clapped a hand down on his shoulder to steady him.
Monty looked past Mal and Simon to see two women running up the hill. Looking back at Mal, Monty asked, "Who's that behind you?"
"Kaylee and Inara," Simon said looking more fidgety.
"Who?" asked Monty as he looked at Simon.
"My mechanic and resident companion," Mal said sounding almost defeated.
"What?" asked Monty looking as confused as ever.
Before anything else could happen, Inara and Kaylee ran up and slapped Mal and Simon on their backs. In unison, the women said, "Tag, you're it!" The women then curtsied to Monty and his partner before running back to Serenity.
The men stood there for a moment not saying anything. Monty and his partner had their mouths agape while Mal and Simon had their eyes downcast. Not realizing that he still had his gun trained on Mal, Monty asked, "Did they just say, 'Tag, you're it'?"
"Sure did," Mal answered lowly.
"Why's that, Mal?" Monty pressed.
"It's because we made a bet with them," Simon interjected.
"Bet?" Monty cocked his head, "What kind of bet?"
Mal was not going to say anything more, so Simon answered, "We bet them that we could get the payment and be back on Serenity before they could catch us."
"You risked me shootin' you all for a bet?" Monty asked incredulously. "What'd ya wager?"
Simon was about to answer when Monty held up his hand. He looked pointedly at Mal.
"Pole dance," Mal said just above a whisper.
"Pole dance?" Monty repeated.
"If we won, they would pole dance for us tonight in the cargo bay," Simon explained. "If we lost, we would be dancing."
Simon shuddered as he finished his sentence. The four men stood in silence. The only sound was the distant whine of the Mule's engines as it approached them. Slowly, though, a deep chuckle began to build inside of Monty. Soon he was shaking as it seemed to reverberate through his body. Suddenly, Monty through his head back and he allowed the laughter to erupt from his lungs. His partner followed suit. Both Simon and Mal looked at the other two men sheepishly.
Monty holstered his gun as he clapped Mal on the shoulder. Shaking Mal almost violently, Monty said, "Mal, you really had me going there. Game of Tag! Honestly Mal, how'd you get yourself mixed up like that?"
Mal answered anxiously, "Wish I had time to explain, but we can still win this if the Doc and I beat them back to the ship."
"Then I'm supposin' you want your money," Monty said continuing to chuckle.
"I'd take it as a kindness," Mal said almost pleading. The Mule set down near them.
Monty retrieved a bag of coins from inside his coat and tossed it to Mal, saying, "I don't know which would be more fun to see dancin': the women or you."
"Not likely you'll find out," Mal said before he sprinted off with Simon hot on his heels.
Monty turned and walked towards Zoe and Jayne who were unloading the last of the goods from the Mule. He was still chuckling when he asked Zoe, "Did you know about that bet your dog of a captain made?"
"Dang ran," Zoe replied.
Monty shook his head, "It's a wonder you still follow him around."
"Been doing that for years," Zoe answered, "Not likely to change. Besides it keeps things interesting."
"I says the whole thing is unsettlin'," Jayne said as he set down the last of the goods and looked at the two couples racing back to the ship.
Later, as Serenity headed for the common Fed base, Mal sat alone on the bridge. He had his old army blanket wrapped around him. Zoe entered the bridge behind him. She did not say anything initially, because she could see that Mal was upset. She knew that she had to, however, because her shift was about to start. She cleared her throat. To this Mal turned in his chair to look at her.
"Good day," she said struggling to smile against Mal's determined scowl.
"How you figure?" asked Mal.
"We got paid. Normally that means a good day," Zoe explained.
"Normally," Mal mocked as he turned back to the windows.
"It's not Monty's fault that you lost."
"One minute! That's all we needed!" Mal said loudly.
"Is it really that bad?" Zoe asked. To that Mal stood up, turned to her, and threw off his blanket. He was bare-chested, wearing tight black leather pants, white cuffs, and a white collar with a black bowtie.
"Oh!" Zoe said as she covered her mouth and looked down.
Simon appeared in the doorway behind Zoe. He said, "They're ready."
Zoe looked behind her and saw Simon in the same outfit as Mal. His skin glistened, though. Mal noticed this and asked, "How come your skin is all shiny?"
"Oh," Simon said as he tossed Mal a bottle. "It's an oil. It tightens the skin and gives it luster."
To Zoe's curious look, Simon responded, "Inara wanted to ensure we fulfilled our end fully."
Zoe looked back to Mal to see him rubbing the oil across his chest and arms. She stifled every urge she had to laugh. She walked to the pilot's chair and said to Mal, "Guess I'll be taking over."
"Course is laid in," Mal said as he rubbed the oil on his back. "Notify me if anything happens. You'll know where I am."
"Yes, sir," she said taking her seat.
Mal straightened and looked at Simon. "Alright, let's do this."
Mal and Simon then exited the bridge. Zoe maintained her stoic expression for all it was worth.
Walking by the crew quarters, Mal said to Simon, "This is all your fault."
"Mine!" Simon said as he continued walking. "I just told Kaylee about how I paid off my first year tuition at Medacad."
"Which led to the discussion about who would look better pole dancin'," Mal countered.
"It was a private conversation; you had no business getting involved."
"I got involved when Inara did. Wasn't private no more."
"You didn't have to make the bet."
"You didn't stop me. Hell you was gettin' all dreamy about seein' lil' Kaylee swingin' round a pole."
Simon quit talking, and the two men continued in silence as they took the stairs down to the cargo bay. Behind them, Jayne poked his head up out of his bunk. River's head popped up next to his.
"Still unsettlin'," Jayne said as the two men rounded the corner. "Why can't they get their sexin' normal like everyone else?"
River turned her head to Jayne and asked, "This is normal?"
Her head then dropped back into Jayne's bunk. Jayne's eyes went wide as he said, "Gorramit girl, can ya wait till I get off the ladder?"
Entering the cargo bay behind Simon, Mal noticed a large ball covered with small mirrors hanging in the center. Colored lights had been arranged to strike the ball, causing floating spots of reflected light to move along the walls. Kaylee and Inara were sitting at a small table in front of two brass poles that had been placed under the rear staircase. They were sipping on Kaylee's home brew and were in evening wear.
Inara looked up at Simon and Mal, and said, "The men have arrived."
Looking up, Kaylee squealed when she saw Simon. Inara gave her an admonishing look. Simon looked back at Mal with a smile, but received an admonishing look as well. Inara turned a knob on their music box, and the bay was filled with heavy, beating music.
The song was an ancient one, but Mal noticed that Simon was familiar with it. Simon seemed to break into a well rehearsed routine almost immediately. Mal stared for a moment, then he followed doing his best to imitate every strut, butt wiggle and pelvic thrust that Simon made. The song hit its chorus saying:
It's
Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go
out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's
Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall,
blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
Suddenly, everything seemed right. Mal and Simon had reached the bottom of the staircase and made teasing passes at Inara and Kaylee before assuming their positions at the brass poles. Inara looked visibly pleased in a very composed way, while Kaylee was nearly beside herself with glee. Simon was looking looser than he ever had before, and Mal's anger had completely melted away. It didn't even bother him when Kaylee pulled Simon back into the passenger dorms twenty minutes later. Mal just kept dancing, while Inara watched, and the music echoed through the ship.