Passion

madjack89: Howdy, guys! Wow, I started writing this, like, a year and a half ago and just found it on my computer! Then I decided to finish it! Yay!

Kouji: That had better not be one of your maniacal yays.

madjack89: Ignore him.

Kouji: *glares*

madjack89: Anyway, this starts the day after Zoe rejected Taki's little love confession. If you're wondering what THAT means, please direct your attention to the not-a-chapter of F2HF. The story is there. I promise.

JP: Uh, why is this called passion?

madjack89: I'm glad you asked! You see, while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I came across an episode in season two called Passion. In the episode, Angel (technically Angelus) has these little voice-over monologues about passion. Since listening to these (and watching the episode, oddly enough) gave me the inspiration for this one-shot, I decided to add them as little inserts between the story! Doesn't that sound like fun?

Kouji: No.

JP: Depends.

Takuya: Maybe.

madjack89: Your opinions don't matter!

Kouji: Then why did you bother asking?

madjack89: *ignores* Okay, here's how this is gonna go down. Each chunk of this story will be told from a different POV. First is Taki, then JP, followed by Kouji, and last but not least, Kouichi! Got it?

Takuya, Kouji, and JP: …Huh?

madjack89: To the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon Frontier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or the characters from said shows. I do, however, claim ownership over Seiko, who isn't mentioned much in this, but still.

—

Passion. It lies in all of us; sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open its jaws and howl.

-

I walked down the sidewalk, headed to school, the thorn in every adolescent's side. But for once, it wasn't the prospect of homework, teachers, or just plain school crap that I was worried about.

Yesterday, I'd told Zoe I loved her. And yesterday, she'd rejected me.

I guess I felt a little bitter about it. I mean, who wouldn't? Getting rejected isn't exactly a picnic.

But that was what worried me. I had never been rejected before, so I had no clue how to act in front of Zoe. Should I be angrier than I was? Should I give her the cold shoulder?

No, I told myself. That's immature kid crap. I can't do that to her.

As I approached the school gates, I took a deep breath, preparing myself. I would just go up to her, smile, and say hi, just like I always did. And she would pause, then smile back and say hi…

"Takuya!" Suddenly, Zoe had her arms wrapped around me, hugging me close to her. My world froze. Did this mean that she was…?

I felt my heart skip a beat as I murmured, "You're sending me mixed messages here, Zee."

As I feared, she quickly lowered her arms and stepped back, looking embarrassed. I clenched my fists to keep my emotions under control as she looked me up and down with an anxious expression.

"Um, Zoe, I'm glad that you're happy to see me on this fine day, but why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, noticing that Kouichi had come up behind Zoe and started inspecting me as well.

"I was worried," Zoe said, suddenly fixing me with an angry glare. "You ran away yesterday, and I had no idea what was going through your head! I thought that you were going to…I don't know!"

I cocked my head, confused. What did they think I was going to do?

Kouichi stepped up, looking a bit sheepish. "Well, I guess I overreacted, but…when you ran out yesterday, you looked…I don't know…overly emotional?"

I stared at them for a second, and then I laughed. They had assumed that I would do something to myself from grief over Zoe!

They both glanced at each other then glared at me indignantly. "What is so funny, Takuya Kanbara?" Zoe asked threateningly. "We were worried about you!"

I suppressed my chuckles as best I could and managed to say, "You really think I would go that far? You know me better than that!"

I finally brought my laughter under control and saw that Zoe and Kouichi were smiling in relief.

"I guess I did just jump to conclusions," Kouichi said, smiling at me. "Sorry, Takuya."

"Me too," Zoe added. "And sorry for…other things."

"I already told you, Zee, nothing to be sorry about," I said reassuringly (or so I hoped). "It's all water under the bridge, right?"

Zoe paused, then smiled, saying, "Right." How had I known she would do that? I swear, it was getting to be that we could read each other's minds.

"Well, we'd better get to class before we're late again," Kouichi said, turning around and heading for the gate.

Zoe began to follow, then turned and asked, "Are you coming, Takuya?"

I looked at her, into those pretty eyes of hers, and said, "I'll be there in a minute."

She shrugged and continued through the gate, leaving me behind to collect myself.

I hadn't been ready. I thought I was, but I was just lying to myself. Who could be ready to face their first real love after being rejected? Not me, apparently.

I leaned against the outer fence of the school for a moment, clutching my shirt in pain. It wasn't any physical pain, but it was pain all the same.

That same burning passion that had first made me fall in love was causing me immeasurable grief, and I didn't know what to do about it.

—

It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?

-

I stood, leaning against the tree that was just outside Kouji's school. I knew that I shouldn't have followed Zoe here, but after what had happened with Takuya a week ago, I knew that I had to make my move on her soon, too.

But not if she was about to get with Kouji. If that happened…I don't even know. I just had to find out for myself.

I had already suspected that she might one day end up with Kouji considering her crush on him, but I still had my fingers crossed that he would reject her. It was a terrible, selfish desire. But sometimes I'm just a terrible, selfish person.

As I brooded over these thoughts, Kouji was flagged down by Zoe as he left school. They were now standing right outside the school gate with their backs turned to me.

Before they had the chance to notice me spying on them, I got behind the tree, peering around it to witness their conversation.

My heart lurched. This is the deciding moment, I thought. Either he'll reject her, or…

I shook my head softly, clearing it. I would worry about that when and if it came. For now, I listened to Zoe as she said, "Kouji, you heard about me and Takuya, right?"

Kouji's face remained unreadable as he nodded. That was one of the things that got on my nerves about Kouji. He never seemed to let anyone in. But if he and Zoe dated…

"So you know that I rejected him," Zoe continued, glancing guiltily at her feet.

Once again, Kouji nodded. But this time, I noticed that his cool was beginning to falter. I had noticed that that happened to him a lot around Zoe. I gripped the tree trunk harder, barely feeling a splinter enter my palm. They were really going to…

Zoe's head shot up as she looked at Kouji, probably adoringly. "Well, Kouji, I was wondering…I…wow, Takuya really did handle this with more confidence…"

She fidgeted with her jacket's zipper before continuing. "Kouji, I…I think I love you. I really, really do. You're the first guy that's ever made me feel like this…"

She probably said more, but I was already walking away. I didn't need, nor did I want, to see what would happen next. Why had I even come? I knew I had no chance with her. I never had.

I had told Zoe I loved her so many times, but she'd never taken me seriously. My blind passion for her just hadn't been enough to gain her love.

—

Passion is the source of our finest moments: the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief.

-

My breath caught in my throat. This was the moment. The moment when I would break my friend's heart.

But…I didn't want to. I looked into her eyes and knew that I wanted her. All I had to do was…no, I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her. She deserved someone whole, not broken like me.

I took a deep breath, trying not to betray my emotions to Zoe. She could read me too well, and I noticed her expression grow hopeful for a moment. Damn. This wasn't about to get easier anytime soon.

"Zoe…" I began.

"Kouji, I can see it in your eyes," Zoe said, interrupting me. Her eyes shone as she continued, "Your eyes always betray you. I saw the look you just gave me. That look of adoration…"

She trailed off, hoping I would finish her sentence for her. I took a step closer to her, losing myself for a moment, blinded by love. Then I stopped abruptly, coming back to my senses for the briefest of moments. But I needed only that moment to remember the one thing that could make me push Zoe away.

Seiko.

My heart instantly hardened, and I revived the cold expression I'd worn earlier. I stared at Zoe and said one word. "No."

Zoe's expression went from triumphant to completely confused. "What?" she asked softly.

"No," I repeated, putting more force behind the word. I could feel my cool slipping, and it wouldn't be long until I'd want to take her in my arms again.

"Kouji," Zoe said, regarding me curiously. "What's going on? I know what I saw. Your eyes don't lie. So why are you…?"

My eyes widened as she took a step toward me, raising her arm to brush my hair behind my ear like she always tended to do. Her hand was almost touching me, when…

Seiko…

"No!" I cried, slapping her arm away with my hand. Zoe recoiled instantly, looking hurt.

"Kouji," she began.

"No!" I yelled again, glaring at her as tears began to sting my eyes. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no…" I repeated, hugging myself tightly. I was beginning to lose it. This was just too much. I couldn't handle it.

"Kouji, what's going on?" Zoe asked, sounding concerned now. "Do you need something?"

I took two steps back as she took a step forward. "No," I said, feeling incapable of any other speech besides this.

"Kouji…what is going on?" Zoe asked again, knowing now that something was definitely wrong. "Why are you doing this? You're beginning to scare me. I don't understand…"

Suddenly, I noticed an epiphany of some kind light up Zoe's face and she frowned at me, saying, "Kouji, I won't disappear. You're afraid of that, aren't you?"

This brought back a memory that I'd suppressed for so long, I'd forgotten I had it. But when Zoe said this, I was reminded of what Seiko had said to me so long ago.

Kouji…please don't be afraid around me. I won't leave you, I promise.

"NO!" I cried, glaring angrily at Zoe. "You're not her and you never will be! I don't love you! I never did! So stay away from me, bitch!"

I hadn't meant the last part (or the first part, for that matter), but I didn't have time to apologize, for I was already running frantically away from her. I couldn't be near her. I couldn't…do this. Not again.

I'd made a fatal mistake with Zoe. I'd let my passion overrule me. But there was something holding me back. It was the same thing that had always held me back.

My passion for Seiko.

—

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow: empty rooms, shuttered, dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

-

"It's all my fault!" I cringed as Zoe said this yet again, crying into my pillow.

"No it's not," I replied calmly, stroking her hair gently. There had to be some other explanation for Kouji's behavior. There had to be.

"You weren't there, Kouichi," Zoe retorted, wiping her eyes as she sat up. "You didn't see how upset he was. And I made him that way. I hurt him!"

"Calm down," I said gently, still trying to come up with a logical reason for all this. But this wasn't logical; it made no sense at all. Kouji had once told me in confidence that he did like Zoe, so why had he said he didn't? And why had he gone so far as to call her a bitch? It didn't make sense.

I quickly took my cell phone from my pocket and began to dial Kouji's number again. "He won't answer," Zoe muttered dejectedly, staring despondently at her hands.

I glanced at her for a moment, sitting on my bed with her tear stained, blood shot eyes, looking so infinitely miserable, and my resolve instantly returned. "I don't care how many messages I have to leave. I'm getting to the bottom of this."

As I listened to the ringing of Kouji's cell phone on the other line, Zoe lifted her head and smiled slightly. "You must really care about Kouji to be so determined to find out what's wrong."

I quickly turned so Zoe wouldn't see the hurt expression on my face. She had absolutely no clue why I was doing this. It wasn't just due to my concern for Kouji. I was doing it for her, too.

"Of course, we all know that you two are nearly inseparable," Zoe continued a second later, smirking.

I nodded, turning back to her and smiling. But it was a false smile. "Well, we are twins," I muttered as Kouji's voicemail sounded in my ear yet again. "Damn it."

"Told you," Zoe mumbled, holding her head in her hands. "He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," I said gently, scooching closer to her. How could anyone hate you? I added to myself, going back to the hair stroking.

We sat like that for at least ten minutes. With the bliss I felt sitting so close to Zoe and running my hand through her hair, it might as well have been an eternity. I was the first and only one she'd come to when she needed comforting. She'd picked me for some bizarre reason that I didn't really feel like figuring out. I'm pretty sure I was almost to cloud nine when our time alone came to an abrupt end.

"Zoe!" Takuya, JP, and Tommy suddenly burst into my room and wasted no time in clamoring onto my bed. I quickly jumped up as they crowded around Zoe, all looking extremely sympathetic. Oh. I suppose the word had gotten out.

"Zoe, are you alright? Your eyes are all puffy," Tommy stated matter-of-factly.

Zoe, being the trooper that she is, put on a smile for the youngest of our group. "I'll be okay, Tommy. Don't worry."

"Do you want me to kick Kouji's ass?" Takuya practically shouted at Zoe, probably unable to hold in his anger any longer. "Because I'll gladly do it, you know I will!"

While Zoe tried to calm Takuya's temper, I slipped out of my room as I felt the disappointment set in. Why had I expected any more than what I'd gotten? Why did I always have to get my hopes up? "Why…?"

"Because you're in love." I froze, momentarily stunned. How could he know that? I hadn't told anyone…

JP smirked, probably getting some sick satisfaction from my look of stupefied shock. Closing the door so there was less chance of our conversation being overheard, he continued, "Kouichi, I've known for a while now. Unless, of course, I guessed wrong and you're about to tell me otherwise?"

I glared at JP's smug smile. He was basically forcing me to confess my feelings to him. Well, I suppose it was better him than any of the others, particularly Zoe. "You guessed right. I'm…in love with Zoe."

"I knew it," JP muttered triumphantly. At the same time, though, he looked a little bitter. He didn't give me time to dwell on this before saying, "You know, I've known about this since the Digital World."

"What?" I said, stunned. "But…I didn't even know then…"

"I could see the sparks flying between you two from the very beginning," JP explained. "I have a sixth sense about these things."

"Alright, love guru," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "What was the point of telling me what you know? I mean, don't you like Zoe too?"

That melancholy look came back to JP's features as he replied quietly, "Yeah, I suppose I am. It doesn't count for much, though. I'm not even a contender in this race."

I was about to question this statement when I heard someone rushing down the hall of my apartment. Turning, I saw Kouji, who had stopped briefly in the middle of the hallway to catch his breath. From the looks of it, he'd run all the way here.

Before I had a chance to say anything, JP uttered sternly, "Kouji, you really outdid yourself today. Zoe's in Kouichi's room bawling her eyes out because of you."

"I know," Kouji snapped back a reply, regaining his breath. "Why do you think I sprinted over here?"

"A work-out perhaps?" JP bit back, glaring at Kouji.

"Guys, stop it," I demanded, intervening. Turning my attention to Kouji, I asked the inevitable question. "Why?"

Kouji took his time in answering, staring guiltily at his feet. However, I noticed another emotion in his eyes, one I unfortunately knew well; pain. I would have pointed this out, but just as I was about to, Kouji finally muttered, "I can't tell you. Not yet."

"Why kind of crap answer is that?" JP asked, anger still not diffused. "Why'd you come at all if you're not even planning on explaining yourself to her?"

"Because the least I can do is tell her I'm sorry for what I said," Kouji replied quietly. "Can I please see her?" he added, entreating me.

Disregarding his pained expression as inflicted by guilt, I said, "That's up to Zoe and partially Takuya, who's ready to kill you."

"I expected that," Kouji muttered, moving toward the door. "I'm kind of wondering why you aren't in a killing mood yourself since everyone else seems to be." He glanced at JP quickly, who was still glaring harshly at him.

"Been there, done that," I mumbled. I knew he'd need no further explanation if I said that. Even at Kouji's worst moments, I could never really get mad at him. Looking at it psychologically, I knew this had at least something, if not everything, to do with the Digital World.

Kouji nodded curtly, fixing his attention on my bedroom door. Taking several deep breaths, he slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. As soon as he entered, however, I quickly but quietly shut the door again. The brief glimpse I'd had inside my room was enough to get my heart racing almost painfully.

Takuya and Zoe had been sitting on my bed…and they'd been hugging. Sure, Zoe had hugged me earlier, but that was when she'd been in anguish. She was calmer now, and since she now had options, she'd obviously rather take comfort in someone better than me…

"I think they call that scarlet red," JP muttered thoughtfully, pointing at the huge blush that I knew colored my cheeks.

I self-consciously hid my face in my hands, mumbling through my fingers, "Why should it hurt this much, JP?"

"Because love's a bitch," he replied sympathetically. "Unfortunately, we're both stuck in her demonic embrace."

He was right. Love really is evil. But at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to despise my passion, because I remembered all too clearly what being without passion was like. Empty and cold.

So I allowed myself to continue loving Zoe, because if I didn't entertain the hope that my passion would someday be fulfilled, I knew I'd wilt away. I'd be truly dead.

—

madjack89: There you have it! Interesting, no?

Zoe: What would this be considered? A love square?

JP: Maybe it's a rectangle.

Kouji: It has to have an open angle somewhere to incorporate Seiko.

Kouichi: So it's an open-ended rectangle?

madjack89 and Takuya: *confused by geometry discussion*

Kouji: *sigh* Just end the story, Madjack.

madjack89: Okay! Make sure to R&R and see ya!