AN: This is a really long rambley piece of Liarla. But, once I started, I just couldn't stop.
Reviews are loved and appreciated more than you'll realise
'From hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth..
I know you.'
Liam wandered around the streets of Weatherfield, it was raining and his clothes were wet through, making them uncomfortable as they clung to him. He swigged back more of the comforting Jack Daniel from the bottle that he'd been holding in his right hand. He didn't care if he looked like a tramp in his wet clothes, walking down the back streets with his liquor, as a matter of fact he didn't care about much right now. He was drinking to stop himself caring, stop himself caring about everything that had been buzzing round his head for months now. He wanted to stop caring about what his family thought about him, about how his love life was becoming a complete sham, about how he felt about himself, about today, but most importantly how he felt about Carla.
As he drained the last of the bottle, he threw it to the side of the road, watching in awe as it smashed, the glass pieces bouncing off of the concrete and each other as the shards collided, causing them to fling in all directions. It was almost mesmerising, he thought as he watched the scene he'd created by just a swipe of his arm and a quick release from his hand. But it wasn't enough to distract him, his head had not been sorted and his plan had not worked. He thought he could blot each of his cares out, one by one, with the more alcohol that he drunk. To an extent he had, he'd begun not to care about what his Mum or Dad thought about him, deciding only a few swigs down the bottle that they could 'go screw themselves'. He had pretty much forgotten about the fact that he had no girlfriend right now and that he would be returning home to his flat alone tonight, unless he did what he'd been doing every other night for the past month now and picked up a nameless girl in a shame filled bar. And, he wasn't even really thinking about himself anymore, unless it involved him alongside his last care. Yes, his alcohol consumption had managed to blot out the bulk of his cares, but it had not managed to discard his continuous thoughts about his last care; Carla Sinclair.
That's right, Carla Sinclair, he thought. Always Carla fucking Sinclair. He dragged his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, wiping the water residue from the screen as he scrolled through his contacts. His thumbs hit the buttons haphazardly as he struggled to coordinate properly, but eventually he reached her name. He didn't even think about it, he just pressed that little green button and brought the phone up to his ear, listening to the dialling tone. He didn't know whether to find the continuous ringing sound aggravating or calming, in fact, he didn't really know anything right now.
Carla sat in her apartment, lulling on the sofa, it was still new to her, Paul having only bought it for them about a month ago now, and she was loving having her own space, not feeling cooped up in the Connor household with Helen continuously sniping at her. She leant forward, pouring herself another glass of wine before lying back on the sofa, stretching out as she watched the TV lazily. Paul was away on a golfing weekend, usually she wouldn't be happy about him taking off for the weekend, spending large amounts of money on drinks for him and his friends with little to no consideration about her or the bills they would have when he returned. But, he'd given her control of his credit card before he left, telling her to go out and buy what she wanted. So, who was she to complain? She'd taken herself out and bought herself a lovely new dress and lots of stuff to decorate their new home. He hadn't seemed to notice the new dress or the new objects that had been dotted around the apartment, including a huge mirror and a large rug that adorned their living room floor. Never the observant one was Paul.
She rolled over as she heard her phone ringing, rummaging in her handbag beside the sofa, assuming it was Paul as she hadn't spoken to him all day. Finally she found it, right at the bottom, typically. Pulling it up to her eye line she frowned, seeing Liams name flashing upon her screen. She checked the time in the top corner, lowering her eyebrows as she saw 11:40. She answered, pulling the phone up her ear.
"Liam?" she spoke, confused about the time of night he was calling her at.
"Aye, it's me Carla. You got it in one, you genius!" He rambled.
"Or I just saw your name.. Caller ID and all that, wonder of the 21st century." She swigged some of her wine, sitting up as she continued to speak, "Anyway, what do you want? Do you know what time it is?"
"Oh she's a comedienne!" He lent against the wall behind him, not feeling steady on his feet, "Well Carla, it's pissing it down with rain and I just thought, hey who better to call for a chat than you!" He slurred.
"Jesus Christ, Liam.. How much have you had?" She rolled her eyes.
"Not nearly quite enough, thank you very much! In fact, I think I'll have to go and buy some more." He stumbled as he began to walk, tripping slightly and dropping the phone. She heard the clattering sound as the phone landed on the concrete. She sighed softly, rubbing her forehead.
"Liam, you are not buying more!" She spoke after hearing his rambling about how the phone was stupid for jumping out of his hand. "Look, where are you?"
Liam looked around, squinting his eyes as he tried to read the road sign about 10 metres away, "Leebar Street? Hey, that's brilliant that is. Lee, that's me. Bar, that's where I should be heading!" He laughed at his own joke as Carla sat shaking her head in despair.
"Look, mine and Pauls flat is just the next road from that.. Look around, do you remember? Walk to the end and take the first left. Aycliffe Close, yeah?" She asked as she heard him walking along the road."
"God no! I am not coming round to your flat to get an earful from Paul or a shedload of abuse about what time it is or how much I've been drinking. I told you I'll just head back into town, plenty more drink to be drank!" He looked around Aycliffe Road, he could see hers and Pauls apartment block.
Carla stood up, walking to the window, glancing out of it, "Paul isn't even here! He's away until Monday, he's gone golfing with some of our new clients.." She leant against the glass of the window, making out a man in the darkness, but not being able to tell if it was Liam or not. "Lee, is that you? Down the end of my road?"
Liam looked up at the window, grabbing on to a wheely bin to steady himself, "Oh 'iya Carla!"He waved up at the window in a childlike manor before stumbling, almost dropping the phone again.
Carla shook her head as she watched, "Get in this bloody flat. Now."
"Ooh, bit stressed?" He slurred as he crossed the road, making his way to her flat, somewhat swayed by the knowledge of Paul being away.
Carla hung up the phone, shaking her head as she threw it on the sofa, making her way over to the intercom and pressing the buzzer so the doors were open for him.
Eventually Liam reached her door, practically crawling up the stairs after tripping and stumbling on them so many times. Carla glared at him from the kitchen counter as she watched him shut the door behind him.
"No hug then?" He said sarcastically after observing her raging features.
Carla rolled her eyes, downing the last of her wine before walking round, "How and why have you got yourself in such a bloody state?"
"Like it's any of your business!"
"Liam, in case you didn't notice, you rang me and you're now in my flat. I think that makes it my business."
"Oh aye, just because I'm here then? Not because you've known me for years and happen to care about me.. No? Or the fact that you're with my brother, no?"
Carla frowned, "Liam, shut up. You're not even making any sense." She moved round, passing him the glass of water she'd got him.
"Just shut up, sit down, drink this and sober up."
Liam shook his head, refusing to take the glass from her outstretched arm, "I don't want to sober up!"
Carla shoved the water in to his hands, forcing him to take it, "Well you're gonna bloody have to. I'm not staying up to baby sit you all night."
Liam frowned, "Oh be quiet, you daft cow. Have a drink or something, lighten the fuck up. You're boring as hell."
Carla raised her eyebrow at his harsh tone, "I think you've had enough for the pair of us. Don't you! And I am not bloody boring. I'm just a bit more sensible than your tiny mind could ever make you be."
Liam laughed at her words, "I remember when you used to be fun, Car'! What happened, ay?" He swayed on the spot, keeping the water in his hand. "You remember?" He leant against the arm of her sofa, "All those birthdays, those late nights, the times when we'd go out and get absolutely bladdered and end up passed out together? Giggling the night away!" He reluctantly drank some of the water as his mouth became excessively dry, "You erased all that from your memory or something?".
Carla stood still, shaking her head as she listened, not really knowing how to respond as he kept slurring out more, not giving her a chance.
"Ever since I were 17, we made a pact, don't you remember? You were just 16.." Liam stared intently at her, "Don't you remember it Car'?" Carla stayed silent, she knew perfectly well what it was and she knew she'd broken it.
"We promised each other we'd spend every birthday together!" He laughed, "What a joke, eh? Only 3 years down the line and you've already fucked it up."
Carla swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched him, his anger boiling over. She looked into his eyes, thinking she'd practically see them glowing red with rage, but as she stared, she saw no anger, just pain and sadness. She stood up, stepping towards him as she spoke, suddenly feeling a wave of guilt rush over her.
"Lee, I-"
He cut her short, raising his hand, swiping it through the air, "Don't bother Car', I don't even want to hear it!"
He slammed the glass of water down, the water spilling over the sides and onto her new oak table that she'd splashed out on only yesterday. "Fuck it, eh? Only my 20th isn't it. Nothing special."
He looked at her one last time, the anger not reaching his voice anymore, "Happy fucking birthday to me, eh Car'?."
He nodded at her slowly before turning around, heading straight out of her front door, leaving Carla rooted to her spot, watching him leave as she tried to swallow back the burning lump that kept returning to her throat.
Liam made his best attempt to storm down her stairs, gripping onto the hand rail as he tried not to stumble on his way. His clothes were sodden and cold but he was burning, he just wanted to get outside again, hoping the fresh air and the constant rain would make him feel better. Anything would be better than what he was feeling right now, he told himself. But, he didn't get far, Carla had managed to swallow back that lump in her throat and had bolted after him, calling from the top of the stairs to get his attention.
"Liam! I'm sorry.. Please, come back up.."
Liam turned, looking back up at her, not saying anything, just watching her.
"Please?" She checked the clock on the wall, "There's still 10 minutes left of your birthday, let's make them count.."
Liam checked his watch, reading 11:50. He glanced back up at her, she was holding her hand out for him, inviting him back. He began his way back up the stairs, stumbling when he was 2 stairs away from the top. Carla quickly grabbed his hand, steadying him with a small chuckle.
"You're such a muppet.." She mumbled, calming down greatly after realising the extent of what she'd done to him by ignoring him on his birthday and wanting to make it better. She led him back up and into the apartment she shared with Paul, releasing his hand as they were now on level ground.
"Lee, I really am sorry you know.. I just.. Well I don't even know. I just thought this year was different. I'm with Paul now, it seemed weird to call up his brother, telling him we would spend the day together because it was his birthday." She ran a hand through her hair as she thought about it.
"Yeah, and remind me how long you've been with Paul?" He asked, trying to hide the envy in his voice.
"7 months.. You know this, why are you even asking?"
Liam shook his head, trying to stop her from talking, "Yep.. And how long have you been my friend for?"
Carla looked up as she thought about it, "6 years.." she said quietly, realising what he was getting at.
"Now do you see why I feel a bit.. deflated?"
She sighed softly as she listened to him.
"See, 7 months doesn't really compare to 6 years does it? Hey? Or am I working this out all wrong? Stop me if I am!"
Carla shook her head, "No I jus-"
Liam laughed bitterly, "Please don't insult me by spinning out some of your crap excuses Carla. I'm not in the mood."
He grabbed his water from before as he watched her sit down on the edge of the sofa.
"Have you just let all those memories escape you? Our memories from all those 6 bloody years?"
Carla looked at her feet, blinking quickly as everything came flooding back to her. The truth was, she had been trying to block it all out. Everything to do with Liam she had pushed aside, even her thought process, telling herself it wasn't fair on Paul to compare everything he did to the previous actions of his younger brother.
"You remember when we first became close, don't you? Like, proper close." He watched her carefully, "Because I do!"
He knelt down beside her, holding on to the arm to steady himself as he was now lowered, "That was your 16th birthday, wasn't it? That's where this whole bloody stupid pact started!"
Carla shook her head, not wanting to listen, "Lee, don't!" She looked at her watch, "Let's stop arguing.. there's only 5 minutes left." She tried to change the subject, not wanting to be reminded of the time he was talking about.
Liam shook his head, "You can't keep pushing me away Carla! And you can't keep ignoring our memories.. We have them for a reason you know."
Carla stood up, trying to busy herself, not wanting to go over it all.
"Car', you're not walking away from me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Your 16th.. Your Mum was off her face wasn't she? Darren, well Darren was already inside, GBH that time, wasn't it?" He could see Carla was uncomfortable, walking around the kitchen, moving objects that didn't need to be moved, just distracting herself from what was being spoken, loud and clear to her.
"And Rob, Rob was in his room, shutting himself away, ignoring everything that was going on around him. Including you. Meanwhile, your Mums new boyfriend is taking advantage of you.. Telling you he had a special birthday present for you." Liam spoke with force, not realising how harsh his words were, barely thinking about them in his drunken haze as they spilled from his lips.
Carla stood still, leaning over the sink as she felt the overwhelming urge to vomit serge through her body. Her mind quickly becoming a minefield of memories. Liam was oblivious and continued his rampage.
"He had you pinned up against the wall.. Didn't he Carla? And there was nothing you could do about it. He forced himself onto you and you had to take it."
Carla silently wretched as the images she'd pushed aside long ago came rushing to the forefront of her mind. His hand holding her wrists tightly above her head, his stubbly face roaming all around her neck, his hands over her legs, violating her.
"He raped you Carla, didn't he!"
Carla couldn't hold it in anymore and began to throw up into the sink, tears escaping her eyes, running down her cheeks as she gripped the kitchen counter tightly.
Liam heard and span round, running a hand through his hair as he rushed over to her, "Fuck.." He mumbled as he scraped her hair back off of her face, rubbing her back as she continued to heave.
"Shit.."
He realised how intense his words must have been, thinking over what he'd just been saying.
"I didn't.."
He was now suddenly lost for words as guilt coarsed through his veins, "I shouldn't have gone that far. I'm sorry." He continued to rub her back as she seemed to stop heaving. She kept her head over the sink and continued to grip the counter, not saying anything back.
"Car'.. I was just trying to make you rememb-"
Carla felt her anger levels rising as she built up her strength again. She span round, slapping him across the face with force, "You bastard! Why would you ever make me want to remember that?" She screamed, her voice wavering.
Liam gripped his stinging cheek as he shook his head, "I didn't.. I was just trying to remind you of back to how it all.." He sighed, knowing there was no way to correct his wrong doing.
"I wanted to remind you of what happened after that.."
Carla walked over to the sofa, collapsing on to it with no grace involved. She placed her head in her hands as she tried to think of anything but the rape that had taken place when she was only 16. Liam moved cautiously across the flat, his face still burning from the slap that he had rightfully deserved.
Liam rubbed his forehead, cursing himself for going too far. He sighed as he looked across at her, her hands shaking as she tried to calm herself down. It bought everything that had happened on that day all those years ago straight back to Liam. He tentatively shuffled closer to her on the sofa, reaching out his hand, placing it on her shoulder, slowly rubbing her back. After everything that he'd just done, Carla didn't want comfort from him, but she did want to be comforted and he was the only person that was there to give it. So, reluctantly, she leant into him slightly, excepting his arm as a stable and comforting support. Liam took this as a good sign and moved in closer, wanting to hold her, he wrapped his other arm around her, cuddling her in close as buried her head into his chest, moving her hands and gripping tightly on to his damp shirt. He hands were in fists, half in anger and half in need, need for the strength that he could give her, that she desperately needed right now.
She kept her eyes closed, hating herself for feeling so much better as his hands worked comforting circular patterns against her back, something he'd learnt to calm her, many years previously.
He bit his lip before speaking, not knowing whether to push it or not, "This is just like what I was trying to remind you of, Car'.."
Carla nodded in response as she settled more, realising now what memory he had been trying to get to, but clearly stumbling along the way.
"Because you do remember who you ran to, right?"
Carla just nodded into his chest, keeping her grip on his chest tight as they both sat silently, thinking it over.
Liam walked down the street with a football in his hands, all muddy from where he'd just been practicing with his team on the back field. He whistled softly, throwing the ball in the air and catching it with every few steps he took.
Carla ran as fast as her legs could carry her, falling down the steps of her block of flats, grazing the length of her shin and her knee cap as she slid against the rough surface. There was blood trickling down to her socks and her leg ached with pain, but she kept running, wanting to get as far away from her home as she could. Her eyes were wide, the fear obvious as she very literally ran straight into Liam, knocking the ball flying as he put his hands up, trying to steady her. "Woah woah, calm down Carla. Jheez!"
Carla stood in front of him, closing her eyes as she gripped on to his arm, trying to catch her breath. Liam frowned as he glanced down at her, "Oi, birthday girl, whats up? What you running for? I mean, I know I'm important and all that, but I thought I was seeing you later." He said playfully before glancing down at her legs, "You're bleeding you dozey cow. What've you done?"
He watched her face as her breathing slowed to its normal pace, her eyes still wide as he began leading her over to a bench, "Earth to Carla?.. Come on, sit down for a minute, I haven't seen you since Thursday, how's your birthday going?" He grinned, still oblivious to her situation.
Carla shook her head, pushing away from him, "No.. I haven't got time to sit down. I've got to go!" She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair, watching as Liam shook his head.
"What? Will you tell me what's up with you?"
Carla shook her head, opening her mouth but words failing her, "I can't.. I.." She shook her head again as she thought about it, finally squeezing her eyes shut as the tears began to swell in her eyes, threatening to fall.
Liam watched her, stepping forward again, "Hey.. You can't cry on your birthday.." He put his arm around her, sensing it was something serious as he'd only seen her cry on one other occasion.
Carla tensed up, biting her bottom lip as it began to wobble. "John.." she managed to mumble out.
Liam nodded, "What? Has he said something to you? Just ignore him, you know he's a bloody idiot."
"No, Lee.. You don't.." She sighed as she struggled to bring herself to say it, "He.. He raped me." She looked down at her feet, feeling embarrassed and ashamed after finally letting the words out, admitting it all to herself.
Liams face dropped in shock, but soon turned to one of anger. He'd always known something wasn't quite right with John, even after only seeing him about on the odd occasion.
"I'm gonna kill him!" He shouted, his anger levels rising more by the minute as he began to storm off, almost forgetting a broken Carla was standing just before him.
She grabbed his arm, "No!" She shook her head, "Don't.."
Liam shook his head, "He is not getting away with this Carla, I'll teach him a lesson!"
"Please Lee.. Don't go after him.. Just stay with me." Her voice was almost a whisper and she hated herself for being so weak.
Liam sighed as he listened, realising she really did need him right now. He stepped closer, "Okay.. Come on, I'll take you back to ours." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder, beginning to lead her in the direction of the Connors house.
Carla shook her head, "I can't.. I can't face seeing Michelle.. I'll have to explain." She ran a hand through her hair, panicking about having to go over it. "And your Mum.. I just can't handle her comments right now.." She mumbled.
"Take me away Liam, please. Somewhere I wont have to see anyone." She practically begged him, wanting to be anywhere but here.
It was hours later when she woke up, she mumbled slightly as she shuffled around, feeling her body move easily in the large item of clothing she was wearing. She opened her eyes and realised it was Liams jumper, still muddy from where he'd been playing football in it before. She hadn't cared, she'd showered as soon as they'd got into the tiny hotel room, wanting to wash away her thoughts as well as the excessive feeling of drit that masked her. She didn't want to put the same clothes back on and since they'd only had the clothes on their backs, she'd settled for his jumper. They'd sat in the bed and he'd comforted her as she sobbed her heart out for well over an hour. He did his best to calm her, hating seeing her in such a state. Eventually he had managed to settle her and she had fallen asleep on him, finally looking peaceful.
She stretched her legs slightly as she tilted her face up, finding Liams resting on the pillow next to hers. Carla had subconsciously curled into him earlier and he had wrapped his arms around her, wanting to be the strength in her now broken world. Carla pulled back as she realised how she was holding onto his shirt, gripping it for dear life as if he would disappear if she released. She unclenched her fists, letting his shirt go, watching the creases, she had caused, settle slightly. "Sorry.." She mumbled, but he shook his head, tightening his grip on her, pulling her back in, "Don't be stupid.." he spoke softly, rubbing her back in continuous soothing circles, like the ones that had settled her earlier.
She shuffled back in, letting her hands rest on his shirt again. She thanked him over and over again for taking her away from it all and getting them a hotel for the night. He'd said it was it his pleasure and that he'd be staying with her all night, there was nothing to worry about. She'd quickly set him straight after he'd asked if she wanted to talk about it and tried to talk about something else.
"What a shit 16th, eh?" She gave him a sad smile with one side of her mouth, not feeling the energy for both.
Liam sighed softly in response, "I promise your next one will be better.."
Carla nodded softly, not really believing him, "You got a crystal ball or something?"
Liam shook his head, "No.. But we'll make a pact. From now on, I'll make sure I spend every one of your birthdays with you. I'll make sure I'm the first face you see when you wake up. Hey, I might even bring you a cake if you're lucky." He winked, trying to cheer her up slightly, if that was possible after what she'd been through. "We'll spend all day together, right? And then I'll make sure I'm the last face you see before you go to bed. I think that's a brilliant birthday guaranteed, no?"
Carla smiled softly, rubbing his shirt gently, "Yeah? You'd do that for me?"
Liam nodded, "100%. As long as you'll do the same for me from now on!" He continued his soft circular motions of her back, seeing she was more relaxed since he'd began them.
"Okay." Carla agreed, lifting her hand from his chest, holding it out for him to shake. "Deal." She said, after he'd bought a hand round to her front, shaking it gently.
It wasn't long before she settled back into sleep again, clinging on to Liam once more, her face resting comfortably in the crook of his neck this time. He stroked through her hair softly, whispering sofly as he thought over everything she'd been through.
"I'm gonna look after you.. Forever." He whispered softly into her hair.
They stayed in this position until morning and had kept their birthday pact ever since.
Carla sat up after thinking over the memories of the night of her 16th birthday and how Liam had made it his duty to look after her after that. He'd even forced his Mum to let Carla stay with them, not wanting to leave her alone. She remembered the extent of what he'd done for her and how recently she'd neglected him and almost lost their special friendship completely.
"I'm really sorry Lee.. I've been a complete bitch lately." She sighed, keeping her hand on his chest as she spoke.
"Forget it.. I understand you're moving on now. I guess I just didn't expect seeing you with Paul to be so hard."
Carla nodded, understanding, "Let's get back to how we used to be, eh? I haven't forgotten everything you've done for me.. I still love you. You'll always be my bestfriend, Leebugs." She gave him a soft smile.
Liam chuckled ever so slightly as she used his nickname that he'd become so accustomed to, "Yeah? That's good.."
Carla took hold of his hand and lifted up his watch, seeing it was now way past 12. "The birthday pact.. Remind me what it was again?" She said, although she knew backwards and inside out.
Liam glanced at their hands as she'd kept hold of his before looking back up to her face, "Spend the whole day together and be then be the last face you see before you go to bed.. Making sure they've had the perfect day.."
Carla nodded, knowing they both understood that it had developed into meaning they would always sleep together on their birthdays, spending their slumber cuddled up in each other's arms, just how they had done all those years ago. Meaning it would always be the others face they saw last on their birthdays.
She licked her lip, suddenly feeling nervous about what she'd implied by asking him to remind her, not knowing how he'd respond to her suggestions.
"Well, I might've missed out on being the first face you saw today and spending the whole day with you. But, I can still be the last face you see tonight.. And if you want, you can see me first thing in the morning.." She trailed off as she leant in, pressing a kiss to his cheek, testing the waters.
Liam swallowed back as he simply nodded, sitting up slightly as she pulled on his hand gently.
"Take me to bed, birthday boy.." She grinned softly as she rose to her feet, quickly being scooped up in his arms and carried to the bedroom she shared with Paul.
That night they'd felt every emotion, from hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth.
Hours after climbing into bed, she finally let herself curl up into his body, his arms waiting to hold her exhausted body just like they had done 3 years ago. Although this was a completely different exhaustion. She grinned happily as she moved closer, her heart pressed against his chest, her lips pressed to his neck as he stroked his hand through her hair with one hand, the other circling the base of her back. The same familiar position they'd spent every night of January 3rd and February 25th in, over the past 3 years.
She knew it was wrong, but this was a pact she never intended to break again.
The truth was just too good to deny.