Always
Hello! This is my first fanfic... so I'm preeeety nervous! I finally brought myself to actually write one after storing so many things into my brain for so long. Since I started reading Gakuen Alice fanfics first, I thought I should try this out. Enjoy!
I think I should also mention that my pen-name was formerly Love-mikan...
I would always find her waiting for me after my missions under the Sakura tree.
However late; whatever the weather, she would be there.
Why does she do that? That was the biggest question that always lingered on in my head. Her painfully concerned look in her eyes, as I walk towards her softening.
How could they be so big, so round, so full of emotion? Where does it end? When will it end?
I would always sit down beside her under the glistening moonlight, not uttering one word as she fawns and fusses over me.
She touches her soft, cool hands on my wounds and rashes; scolds me for not taking care of my old ones, beaming with joy if some have healed over.
Tears brim when she sees me covered in my own blood. Frets over my bruises; cries over every cut.
She now has her own first aid kit – just for me, she says. I reckon she needs it more than me, that clumsy, clueless little girl.
She lets me lean on her shoulders or lie down with my head on her thighs. After a while, she then says I should get some sleep in my own bed.
She helps me into my own huge bedroom and tucks me into bed after washing dirt and blood that is caked in my hair and face.
She hums her own unknown song, and tells me how stupid I was for getting hurt and for worrying her. She strokes my hair until I fall asleep.
Every time, I forget to say thank you.
Every time, I forget to mention how grateful I am for her.
Every time, I forget to tell her I love her.
I wake up groggily the next morning, and look to my bedside, and yes, she's still there, holding my hand. Sometimes I shake her awake asking why the hell she's in my room, or I carefully leave to freshen myself up. Whatever my reaction, hers is always the same. She asks if I'm feeling alright. Of course I'm not. I grunt a little yes, and she laughs. When she laughs, my heart threatens to burst open.
When she smiles, I punch myself stop smiling back. Knowing I won't respond, she hugs me, telling me how glad she is that I'm back to my normal self. She then gasps at the time and she bolts out the room after saying how dirty she felt and how late she was going to be.
How long will I be able to hold up my barriers with just excuses?
God, Help me now.
God, get rid of ESP or Persona. Whichever one will do. Neither take heed to what I say or want. They don't care if I die, to be honest.
It's just a little bother. A minor irritation that they need to find another student to force missions on.
This school is mad.
Actually, does anyone care that I'm not there for whatever reason?
Maybe she will.
Why can't I bring myself to just tell her I love her? That's right, Ruka still likes her. And quite frankly, her best friend still scares the crap out of me – well, annoys is another word. Ruka, that silly little bastard, I can see right through him. She would be happier with him. He's nicer to her, and won't die any time soon.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of dying, afraid of hurting her, of losing her.
Each time I try to distance myself from her she comes closer.
When will she realize that I do this for her?
How long will I be able to keep this up?
I asked her once, when will she stop this?
She replied, never, and that she would do this forever...
Is she stupid?
If this goes on for any longer, I won't be able to keep on ignoring her.
I won't be able to bloody well keep away from her.
I love him.
It's as simple as that.
The reason why I stay up until the morning outside in the pouring rain is that I love him.
Does he not realise? Is he stupid?
His indifferent attitude to me won't work anymore. I hate how he constantly looks so sad, so depressed and regretful. I'm a big girl now. Why does he not trust me?
I hate it so much when he comes back so tired and so torn – in both ways. When did this start? I found out about his 'little' missions, and how his Alice ate away at his life. I thought that exchanging alice stones meant something. I thought that he liked me back. It's not really a 'like' stage anymore. Not a crush anymore.
He's so sweet and innocent when he sleeps, although I can't see his beautiful eyes.
However much he tries to pretend he's not interested and how he doesn't care, what I see in his scarlet eyes tell me something different. I want to heal him. I want to make him feel happy. I want to love him fully.
Why him?
Every night I stay with him, he looks at me with such sorrow.
Do I really cause so much pain to him? Am I that much of a burden? His mouth opens and he breathes out a silent word or two. It then closes as swiftly as I opened. Just say thank you, you idiot. You look funny opening and closing your mouth like that. I said that once. That earned me a glare.
He's on another mission today. Every day, I prepare myself to ask him questions. Questions about why he never gets closer past a certain point and about how he acts so cold when his eyes tell me something different. And then get something more out of him. I'll do it today. Well, that's what I always tell myself.
He came a little early today. He ran towards me. Wow. What? He RAN?
He NEVER runs!
I looked a little closer he looked quite roughened up, but not nearly as bad as the good days. He called my name, my actual name.
I stood up as he drew nearer and nearer. Now I was really freaked out.
'Natsume? What happened? Are you alright?' He paused for some breath and looked at me straight in the eyes. I could see his crimson eyes dancing with joy. I looked up to see his hair, so tousled and windswept. I reached up to stroke it and style it back into his original hairstyle. Although, this wasn't so bad either.
'Oi, polka.' What a way to ruin the moment. Where did my real name go? 'Why are you here?'
That question caught me off guard. Why? Because I always am. Because I worry about him. Because I love him? Take your pick, Natsume.
'What do you mean why am I here? I'm always here' I retorted.
'Who were you waiting for?'
''Natsume, what is wrong with you? Did something happen? This always happens! I wait for you after you finish you missions'
'Why?' Oh my god. What was wrong with him? Did he lose his memories in his mission or something?
'Natsume? Are you alright?'
'WHY? Why do you wait here every day? Why for me?'
'Because… I… care about you, 'Tsume.' I managed to weasel my way out of that one.
'Would you wait a little longer?' What was he trying to do? Is this some kind of joke?
'Natsume, you're really freaking me out at the moment. What is wrong with you?'
'Just answer the damn question. How long would you wait? What if I died?' Crimson eyes rolled.
' What is this about? Are you going to some kind of horrible mission?'
'God Mikan, why do you answer questions with questions?' He asked, exasperated.
That was the second time he used my name.
'I would wait forever. If you died, I would still wait forever.'
There it was again. 'Forever'. This girl.
Why is she making this harder than it already is?
'Do you even know how friggin' long forever is? You would wait alone.. for me.. forever?'
'Yes. I would. For you.'
That was way too close. Too much said! I covered my mouth in a flash. What was his problem?
'Is somebody implying something?'
'Oh my god, Natsume. What is wrong with you today?'
'Nothing is wrong with me today.'
'You use my real, actual, given name twice and you keep on asking why I do what I always do. Of course there's something wrong with you!' I grabbed hold of his face 'Look at me! Did they drug you? Have you lost your memories? What shall I do? Shall I take you to the medic-'
'I'm fine.' He cut me off and held my hands in his warm ones for a few seconds.
Yeah right.
He's "FINE". He then turned around and started running back, the warmth from his soft hands lingering in my fingertips.
''NATSUME! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?' I shouted after his rapidly retreating figure.
'Wait a little more.' He shouted back,
WHAT?
Wait a little more and I'll be free.
Wait a little more and I'll be able to say what I haven't been able to.
Wait a little more; I'll finally be able to tell you I love you.
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Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Well that's my first story, hope you enjoyed, even though it was REALLLLLLYYY short. :D
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Also, someone pointed out that the tense change was a little confusing... Natsume's part at the beginning was because it ALWAYS happens? (see that pun there? Ehehe ;;) and the parts after that wa in the perfect tense because it was a one-off thing. It makes sense if you think about it...
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If any of you guys have any ideas for stories but can't be asked to write it yourself.. I will be more than happy to do it!
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Thanks for reading :3
-j
xx