They were victors and they were loved by the Capitol. Those people claimed that they belonged to them. Johanna hated all of them. She hated anyone who acted like they cared for her because she knew that nobody would ever care for a monster like her. She hacked people away and got covered in blood in her games. When she had refused to sell her body, Snow killed everyone she loved. Whenever she acted up around someone they would tell her to calm down and try to be happy. She only got madder at that. This wasn't something she could brush off so easily and only the other victors knew that. Finnick and Haymitch were good friends of hers. At first she tried to hate them, but they wouldn't allow it. Johanna was scared that Snow would kill them like everyone else. She couldn't bare to lose anyone else. When the quarter quell conditions were announced, she had screamed in outrage and took off running into the woods with her ax. She hacked away at the trees and tried to block out her thoughts. This was it, her death sentence.
...
When Johanna entered that elevator with the people from district twelve she couldn't help but to see the same look she had in someone else's eyes. She looked at Katniss and saw that she was avoiding her.
"You look great." Johanna said in hopes of getting the girl to look at her. Katniss mumbled a thanks and Johanna frowned. "Unzip?" She turned her back to Peeta and he nodded before unzipping Johanna's dress. She let it fall to the ground and looked at Katniss. The girl had looked at her in disbelief before turning away. The elevator opened and Johanna turned and walked out. "Let's do it again sometime." The words made her mood drop even more as she realized there wouldn't be a next time. She would die in the arena and she knew Katniss was having very similar thoughts. Johanna went to her room and got dressed before running up to the roof and sitting down. She hadn't cried at all since she learned everyone she had ever loved was dead. Yet here she was on the rooftop fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Everyone said the feelings would pass or it was all in her head but she knew that the nightmares, scars, and all the pain would remain with her until she died. A moment later, a presence made her lift her head. She saw the girl from district twelve walking towards her.
"Mind if I join you up here?" Katniss asked. Johanna shrugged and turned her head away. She felt Katniss sit down beside her. "Johanna correct?"
"Yeah. And you're the darling of the Capitol, Katniss."
"Sadly yes." Katniss pulled her knees up to her chest and stared into the distance. Johanna looked at the girl.
"Why are you up here?"
"This is where I came to last year as well. I come here to escape."
"Have you ever thought about jumping?" Johanna asked quietly. She heard a scoff beside her.
"Yeah I have and it won't work. Last year me and Peeta tossed an apple down there and it came right back up."
"Damn force fields." Johanna muttered. She threw her head back and sighed.
"Why do you come up here?"
"To think. This was where I could always be found during my games." She tapped her fingers against the ground. "Sucks that you didn't have much time before you were tossed right back in."
"I guess." Katniss said. It was barely a whisper. She felt a hand on her back and looked over at Johanna.
"You're entering with the thought of death."
"How did you know?"
"I am too." Johanna looked at Katniss. The girl could see the tears threatening to fall from Johanna's eyes. "It's probably for the best. Isn't that what you're thinking?"
"Yeah. Snow made it clear that he hates me."
"What do you mean?" Johanna asked in pure curiosity. Katniss shrugged.
"He came by my home and threatened everyone I love because I defied him or something."
"Damn Katniss..." Johanna looked at her in disbelief. "He won't hesitate to take everyone you love. You do one wrong thing and he will make sure you know it was all your fault they died. Snow won't stop at anything. He uses fear to control people." Johanna didn't mean to say so much, but she couldn't help it. Her heart had been destroyed and she didn't want Katniss to have the same experience.
"What did he do to you Johanna?"
"Killed everyone I loved after I refused to sell my body." Johanna looked around them and let out a shaky sigh. "Hey brainless. You don't mind staying up here a little longer do you?"
"Not really why?" Katniss was caught off guard as Johanna leaned into her and wrapped her arms around her. She could feel Johanna shaking as if she was holding back her sobs.
"Do you ever feel like it hurts to breathe?"
"Yeah." Katniss stroked Johanna's short hair softly and began humming a tune. It calmed the other girl a little and Katniss stared into the distance. She could see how much pain Johanna was in. "You're human. We hurt, we get emotional, and we need to cry. Everyone needs a hand sometimes Johanna." She felt Johanna's hands tighten their grip on her back.
"Let's fight."
"Huh?"
Johanna looked up to stare into Katniss' eyes. "If we're going to die, then let's go out with a fight."
"All right. We'll fight."
"And don't even think about telling anyone about tonight." Johanna warned. Katniss rolled her eyes and nodded before leaning her head on Johanna's shoulder. They stayed like that for another hour until Haymitch came looking for them. He found them wrapped around each other sleeping.