A/N: This is my first time writing Cophine, just because I'm drowning in the feels. Also, I'm not a native English speaker, I've learnt on my own accord, and I keep learning all the time, so please bear with me. Another thing: this is the cheesiest thing I've ever written, I felt like throwing up the whole time, but I just felt that we always need some Cophine fluff, so yeah. Enjoy ! :) Reviews are always much appreciated :) Ps. I thought of this as a one shot, but truth is I'm feeling like writing a second part, so maybe there'll be another one later. Cheers! X
Admissions / A Cophine Fic.
The first thing that came into my mind the moment I woke up was the terrible ache creeping up my back, probably due to the uncomfortable position we had fallen asleep in, snuggled into each other on the couch. The second thing that came into my mind, making me jerk up alright, alarmed; was the fact that I was, in fact, on my own, Cosima's warmth gone. What if she had suddenly changed her mind about everything; about silently, for the time being, letting me back into her life, letting herself, step by tiny step, trust me?
'Cosima?' I venture shyly into the emptiness of the apartment, dim as the morning slowly starts replacing the night, casting queer shadows all around me. I let the blanket fall when no answer comes my way, standing up to take a better look around before I rush to the conclusion that freaking out is a good idea.
'Cosima?' I repeat, this time louder, a hint of panic in my voice. I can't help but to wrongly conclude that she has taken off, suddenly incapable of being around me anymore.
Détendez-vous, Delphine. Penser.
'Yeah? ..Delphine? I'm right here'. I sigh in relief, darting towards the archway that separates the bathroom from the rest of Sarah's brother's flat, not stopping to consider the fact that she's probably in the bath.
'You scared me.. Are you alright?' I ask bashfully upon realizing she's, in fact, curled into the bath, her arms hugging her knees, her cheek resting atop, making her a small naked bundle beneath steaming water.
'Yeah, just needed some cleansing, you know?' she answered somewhat weakly, unmoving, but keeping her cheeky tone, as if coughing up blood, being terribly pale and faint was everyday routine, and being naked into a tub before me was the most natural thing to begin her days with. Despite not knowing what to do with myself at the sight of her, I can't contain a hesitant smile, my hands awkwardly struggling with the drapes hanging above and around me. After all, we haven't actually been around each other completely naked before, not even after having sex, our underwear always still in its place, resulting in a somewhat awkward situation. The sudden remembrance of the night I fell completely keeps my shy smile in place, and she disentangles slightly to let her arm reach out towards me. 'Come here', she whispers, her tone ever unchanging, as if to reassure me she's alright (as well as that it's alright that I'm here).
I hesitate for a second before kneeling before her by the tub and placing softly the back of my hand against her pale cheek, as if to feel her temperature; trying not to let my eyes wander too far from the delicate frame of her face. 'Are you feeling faint, chérie?' I ask gently, as she leans again into her previous position, closing her eyes at my touch. 'A little' she admits, her voice soft as that of a child caught behaving badly. I do not know, in all honesty, how to respond, knowing Cosima wouldn't want to cope with other people worrying over her, treating her as a sickly patient, least of all me. So, instead, I stay there, ignoring how awkward my knees start to feel against the tile floor (or how awkward the situation may be, for that matter), offering my silent company, caressing softly her temple, her nose, her lips, her messy dreads. Cosima relaxes under my touch, her eyes closed, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips as my thumb draws the curve of her eyebrow tenderly. A murmur escapes my lips. 'Si belle'. Her smile widens and, for a moment, those big brown eyes open up and stare into mine, directly, no glasses, no eyeliner, just Cosima: pure, lovely, simple Cosima; and my breath catches in my throat at the realization of how much I want to just hold her and never let go. I hold her gaze; smile up at her with sparkling eyes, and tug at the band that barely keeps her dreads in place, letting them fall free and all over the place, just to find something to distract myself with.
I know it is probably too soon for us to be at complete ease around each other, but there's a glint in her eye when she looks at me that tells me it's alright. That after hours and hours of talking into the night after cracking the code, and sobbing and holding onto one another and promising, and healing and feeling, it's going to be alright. It tells me she's willing to let herself trust me once again, and, in fact, it tells me how she's just too tired of trying to keep distance. My heart swells, because right now, the only thing I want is instant proximity to her.
Once my subject, now my everything.
'Cleansed these already?' I ask jokingly, emphasizing the word she had used just before, while toying with a dread with the tips of my fingers. 'Nope', she chuckles lightly, and I decide it's the most delightful sound to begin my days to. 'Bien. May I?' I ask, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth. 'Course' she murmurs while nodding softly, her small smile letting her fangs show.
I find a little vase with dried flowers on one of the bathroom's messy shelves and empty it carefully. 'This will do' I say into the air, feeling Cosima's questioning stare on my back. Her face instantly switches from questioning to silent wonder when I kneel by the tub once again and sink the vase into the water, next to her folded legs, filling it to the top. It changes to a lovely smirk when I spill the water onto her dreads, gently keeping it from falling to her eyes using my other hand as a screen. I feel her stare into me as I get the shampoo, as I gently massage her scalp, as I rinse it off, and try not to flinch under her gaze. When I'm done I see her gulp, still watching me intently. 'Vous allez..?' I begin, suddenly unaware that I'm babbling in my mother tongue again, which makes Cosima suddenly come out of her trance, giggling lightly. 'I meant...are you ok?' I correct, cursing myself for asking her about her well-being so repeatedly. Merde. I don't want to annoy her. 'Yeah' she says lightly, far from annoyed, not looking away. 'Bien' I repeat, crossing both my arms on the edge of the tub, resting my chin atop, cursing the floor for being so terribly uncomfortable, never wanting to move from this spot either way. I suddenly have a sense of déjà vu, thinking back to the moment I took this same position on top of her desk back in Minnesota, leaning in defeat upon finding she knew the truth. That moment seems so far away.
'I just..' she trails off, looking at me intently, mirroring my position, folding her arms around her knees, resting her chin atop. She blinks, licks her lips before speaking again. 'I just didn't expect you to be this...'. She trails off again, rising her eyebrows in search for the correct word, struggling to keep her hands from flinging into the air and around to put her point across. Instead, she reaches one of them out to place one of the blonde locks escaping my bun behind my ear, and I sigh, closing my eyes at the contact. It felt it'd been too long since her last affectionate little gesture and it felt like breathing again after a long time holding underwater. '…this..this tender.' she finished, caressing my hair. 'Non?' I murmur, my eyes closed still, a small smile at my lips, enjoying the tranquility of this moment, imprinting it onto my memory. 'Non.' she repeats, trying to imitate my accent, and I sense in her voice she's smiling. Then I feel her kiss my cheek softly, her lips lingering a bit before pulling away. And I didn't expect her to be this tender. Not even after how gentle and patient and caring she'd been in bed.
'Delphine?' Her voice's suddenly quieter, trembling. My eyes open on their own accord at the sound. 'Could you, um, ..could you hold me?' she asks doubtfully, bashfully, as if worried it might sound lame. Suddenly she's not looking me in the eye, but looking down at her fidgeting fingers and it makes me think I don't recall ever seeing her this shy. I don't recall having seen her asking for comfort, either. 'Of course, oui.' I whisper, disentangling her fingers to lay a chaste kiss on the back of her hand, before standing up, my back complaining at the sudden change of position.
The morning light is now creeping inside the bathroom's windows, leaving the night behind, welcoming a new day, making the water droplets on Cosima's back shine ever so beautifully. I wonder what time it actually is, before realizing it doesn't even matter, as I slid my tank top off my body, revealing the black lacy bra I had hoped to impress her with the day before. Her eyes widen slightly and she lifts a hand in an attempt to make a gesture of some kind. 'Um, Delphine..I didn't mean for you to..' she trails off once again, blinking rapidly, her hand gesturing towards my body. 'You don't have to..', she continues, moving her hand around in that way of hers and blinking repeatedly, suddenly, in a way, coy. 'Oui, I have to, unless I want my only clothes to get wet' I explain, and she raises her eyebrows, realizing I mean to get into the tub with her. She nods lightly and bites her lip, trying to look away as I unhook and remove my bra, and I assume she's trying not to scare me away or make me uncomfortable by staring too much at my newly revealed skin. I try and not think too much about it or I might lose my nerve, and as I look up after removing both my jeans and underwear in one go I see she is looking, her lip still tugged beneath her teeth, her eyes shining bright, her cheeks now blushing red. 'Sorry, I couldn't help it', she murmurs apologetically, offering me a hand to help me in. 'God, you're so gorgeous', she whispers as if it were a thought spilling out without her permission, as she traces softly an invisible line with her thumb above my navel, and now it's me who's blushing intensely. I get into the hot water, shoving at her back softly with my foot, before settling on the bottom. 'You'll have to move, Cosima'. 'Hey!' she feigns annoyance, and we both giggle lightly, relieving the tension in the air, as I rest my back on the end of the bath, leaving space for her between my legs. 'Come here' I murmur softly, sliding both my arms around her belly and pulling her close, resting my chin on her shoulder, and we both shudder as skin meets skin, my breasts pressing on her back, yet there's scarcely anything sexual about it: instead, there's this quiet intimacy I haven't known before, and we find ourselves relaxing completely entangled in each other. Mon dieu. 'You meant holding you like this?' I tease, smiling into her dreads, the back of her head now resting on my chest, as she relaxes more into me, her arms finding their place with mine, over her belly, intertwining her fingers with mine. 'I didn't mean like this, but it's definitely much better' she murmurs hoarsely, her eyes closed, her expression serene for the first time in hours. I bite my lip as if to avoid the sudden stream of love admissions threatening to spill out, aware that it probably is not the right moment for Cosima to hear yet. And not for the first time since I got up to find she was not there with me, I'm wrong. 'Can I ask you something?' she asks quietly, as if not to spoil the peace we had fallen into for the last couple minutes. 'Oui, of course', I whisper back, suddenly holding my breath. 'Did you mean what you said, um …back in Minnesota?' she starts, fidgeting with our intertwined fingers nervously. I don't answer, and she takes the hint, taking a deep breath before explaining further what she meant to ask. '..about, um, about..falling for me?' she concludes, and I sigh, pulling her impossibly closer and breathing her in before answering, just above a whisper. 'I did, oui. Every word.' She smiles, quietly tracing invisible patterns over the skin of my hand and forearm with her fingertips, whilst I just enjoy the feeling of her petite frame pressed against me in a tangle of limbs, our bodies firmly tucked together under swirls of hot water and bubbles. I get lost in the pattern the water and bubbles move in, as Cosima can't keep still, barely covering the curve of her breasts, then uncovering, then covering, then uncovering, droplets shining against her silky skin. And I've never felt more in love. I don't ever want to move.
After a few glorious moments she sighs. 'Just so you know, I didn't mean what I said'. I frown, confused. 'What do you mean?' She starts again with the fidgeting, and I can see she's biting at her lip. 'When I said it showed.'
'Oh' I can't bring myself to push the matter any further, blushing; but Cosima rambles on, not needing any encouragement. 'I mean, it did show, but,..um, not in a bad way.' Her hands are suddenly on the air again, flying around on their own accord as she tries to explain and I can't help a little smile at the gesture. Then she's pulling away from me, and I instantly crave the lost contact. She's trying to turn around without making too much of a mess by moving the water around, and sits in the same spot, but this time facing me, her legs curling behind my back, a shy smile on her lips as she takes my arms and places them around her once again, since I'm frozen in place, suddenly too aware of both our nudity. I instantly relax all over again as she keeps speaking in that cheeky way of hers. She's very cheeky, this girl. But that's why I like her. 'I mean I didn't..I was pissed and- and hurt, I just..I didn't mean it like that', she splutters, her gaze fixated on a freckle on my right shoulder. 'C'est bien', I find myself murmuring reassuringly, relieved at her admission. 'Actually, it did show, but it was…perfect', she looks me in the eye, her eyes sparkling, smiling; and then she loosens the band that barely keeps my hair together, the same way I'd done to her. 'You were perfect' she whispers, a smile creeping up her lips, her right hand reaching to caress my now loose strands of hair. I smile back, aware that my blush must have spread from my face, to my chest, to my every last shred of skin. And then she kisses me, sweetly, tentatively, just like the first time she'd made a move on me. Our lips brush together tenderly, and suddenly, no matter the circumstances, I feel whole again. She then presses her forehead against mine, puts her arms around my neck and we hold on to each other, eyes closed, hearts beating rhythmically. 'I think I may have fallen for you, too'.