Your one and only Naoi Ayato crack shipper is baaaack! Guess who I've paired him up with this time? …well, none other than our favorite Queen of Epic Guitar Riffs, Hisako! [^.^]
Oh, and this is rated T for a…well…a reason. Only teens would understand the theme. [evil laugh] Also, I warn you of the language that you might find offensive. I find it a tad hard to keep Yui and Hinata in character without having to say the words 'freaking' or 'what the heck' or 'crap' and things like that; though I won't go into the more offensive words, promise. But if those kinds of words offend you, please refrain from reading. :D
IMPORTANT NOTE: In this, all characters never met in the Afterlife. The setting here is in the real world—what I imagined would happen if they didn't all die early from their youths. ~sobs~
~o~ Guilty Innocence, a mini-story ~o~
Part One: Innocent
[HinataYui]
—written because I want to explore the comedy genre.
He didn't do a morally evil crime once in his life—never. Hinata swore over his baseball-obsessed head that, no matter what the world may say, no matter how much it may change if it was suddenly turned upside down, that he was purely innocent.
He knew, deep, deep into the darkest and most unconventional recesses of his ever nefarious mind of unspeakable blackness, by the power of every pulsating beat his heart would rhythmically thump in harmony with the swaying tree branch, that he was entirely, unequivocally, and passionately innocent.
It was like slow motion. But once his focused, and genius-mode face started to zoom forward, slashing through the air a thousand miles per hour with his blue hair whooshing by in hazy blurs, and barreled straight like a battering ram against his bowl of strawberry ice cream, he already promised himself to bury that annoying little twat in the grave she dug for herself before his face even made contact with the cold.
And then his face splashed against the pink, strawberry goo and everything turned black—er, pink.
"YOU BINGE EATING PIG!" Yui yelled from behind him, thrashing her electric guitar in the air like a madman. Then she pulled Hinata by the collar (he was still trying to recover from the shock of what just happened, and considering that he was just hit by a guitar from the back of his head, no one could blame his utter confusion) and she lambasted straight at him—
"THAT ICE CREAM YOU JUST GOBBLED WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!"
"Wha…wha?" Hinata gurgled, unsure of who that virtuous girl was of intimate beauty. His blue eyes were unsteady and a little wobbly, as if he was in a woozy state of consciousness. He started to flutter his eyes open, and the first thing he saw was a beautiful maiden, staring down at him with those bright, cherry eyes of hers that glinted against the soft rays of the summer sun. Her glowing, pink bubblegum hair sparkled against the sunlight, gracing her young and immaculate features, and Hinata felt as if he wanted to caress his hand through her luscious pink mane.
The blue-haired boy's lips started to stretch into a heavenly smile. Whoever that girl is, she's so…cute. Not to mention pink. Very angelic. She was like…she was like…
Bam.
"WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU PERVERT?!"
Pain suddenly burst through his poor skull, finally waking him up from his trance. Yui had hit him again with her bloody guitar.
"Ow!" he said, and he staggered, painfully clutching the side of his swelling head. Through his grunts and moans of pain, he at least managed to seethe through a murderous scowl. "What did you do that for, you annoying little brat?!"
She leaped at him and pinned him down, shouting as if to obliterate his eardrums. No puns intended.
"WHY DID YOU EAT ALL OF THE ICE CREAM?!"
This was all about ice cream? "JUST to remind you, we're in Yurippe's mansion and YOU have NO RIGHT to tell me I ate them all!" Hinata yelled back.
Yes, they were in the Nakamura mansion, which had been the choice of venue for three years now in a row, every time they'd set a reunion party. They rarely get to see each other nowadays, considering all of them had went to pursue their different careers once they graduated from high school. Take a look at Girls Dead Monster, it was only once a school band, but now they were a social phenomenon; TK, likewise, was famous all over Japan as a pop star. Matsushita was now a judo master, Ooyama the manager of a chips company, and Yusa a famous feminist in her own right. Hell, even Naoi was just recently voted the new vice president of Japan, and has been working in the office ever since last month.
It was a good thing they still keep in contact by holding these kinds of reunion get-togethers no matter how high they've all reached in life—their circle of friends never just faded away, even if until they started to get married and bear twelve children, such in the case of Chaa and his wife. Even Kanade and Otonashi had a five-year-old daughter, and Yuri couldn't wait for the birth of her first child this August. She told everyone that the identity of the father was to be kept a secret until the child was born, since the father was working in some halberd-making company someplace in America. [It was the worst-kept secret in the planet, though.] Life was beautiful when youth was enjoyed, where they could carry their memories even up to now, their adulthood.
Now back to the topic.
"Since WHEN did YOU own THEIR fridge?" Hinata was yelling. "And the ice cream I just ate—FYI, Yurippe told me I could—"
"SHUT! UP!" Yui got more pissed, and she started to actually cry through her irrational screaming. Tears came rushing down her big, welling eyes, and she started to break into a tantrum as if she was a little girl. "YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"
"I told you, Yurippe told me I could—"
"YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"
"Yuri told me I—"
"YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"
Hinata's eyes bulged out of their respective sockets in annoyance.
"It's on a first come, first served basis, alright?!"
"LIKE I CARE!" She sliced her guitar across the air, wielding it as if it was a halberd. If Hinata didn't throw his head back in utter horrification just in time, his head might've been cut off right now.
"I JUST—WANT—" She gestured wildly with her arms, throwing her body left and right like a little girl in a fit, hitting Hinata with her guitar over and over again.
"I—WANT—MY—ICE—CREAM—BAACK!"
"That—hurts—enough—hitting—guitar—OW!"
As Yui was hitting Hinata continuously without signs of ever giving up, the tree branch that they were perched on continued to shake, and Hinata felt himself tighten his grip around a sub-branch to keep himself from falling off. But the continued imbalance of weight was shaking the tree branch, and Hinata, hearing the branch beginning to crack, had his eyes widen into saucers.
"Yui! Stop—stop moving or we'll—"
"BUT YOU—"
She was not over with her tantrum.
"—FREAKING—"
Hinata could do nothing now to stop her.
"—ATE—"
Panicking, he crawled across the rickety tree branch over to her.
"—THEM ALL!"
He pulled her wild arms towards him and wrapped himself around her to brace her for impact.
"GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF OF—AHHHHH!"
Yui's shriek pierced through the air, and they landed together onto the grass, where several more empty plastic bowls of strawberry ice cream were thrown about. Yui crashed against Hinata's chest before bouncing off, causing the plastic bowls flying through the air and scattering across the ground. Yui's landing was a bit softer than Hinata's, as the latter had hit his head hard against a sharp-edged rock.
"Arrgghhh…that…that hurt…" he groaned.
Yui was scratching her head and was just starting to recover when she noticed that Hinata was motionless onto the ground.
"OH, NO!" she exclaimed, worry glinting in her eyes. She hurriedly ran over to him. "SENPAI, SENPA-A-I-I!" She started to shake his shoulders so wildly until Hinata felt like a maraca. "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL I'MTOOYOUNG I STILLWANNABEAMEMBEROFTHEGLDEMOSOIT'SALLYOURFAULTIFIGOTOJAILSODON'TYOUDAREDIE—"
"I'm not dead, you idiot!" Hinata pushed her off of him, and he stood up, looking down at the pink-haired girl who sat onto the grass. "Seriously, can't you find someone else to annoy?"
She made an angry pout, clenching her fists. She looked up at him. "THERE ISN'T SOME OTHER ANNOYABLE PIG OUT THERE WHO ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM, IS THERE?!"
What the heck.
"What IS your problem, you guitar-smacking git?!"
But instead of the scream he expected to come out from her mouth, she, instead, went silent, staring down at the green blades of grass.
Then, silently at first, she started to cry all over again.
Hinata's hard features transformed into panic as he watched her break down. Well this was unusual. Whenever he called her a brat or a git she never cried like this—and besides, she was already immune with it. He didn't do anything, did he? Or for worse…she wasn't hurt, was she? He was just about to ask when Yui's soft sniffles suddenly turned into wails.
"I NEED SOME ICE CREAM!" There she goes with her tantrum. "I'M DEPRESSED AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HISAKO!"
"What? What did that girl do?"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE HISAKO ACTUALLY EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF IWASAWA-SAN!"
Hinata cringed, and he put a hand to cover a dizzy ear. Why did the brat always have to speak as if in caps lock?
"You know, it'd really help if you lowered your volumes—"
"I-Iwasawa-san…I made a song for Iwasawa-san, but…Hisako…embarrassed me…" Yui wiped off the tears from her cheek, but as she did so, only more tears sprang, so she just let it all out, crying into her own hands. "IWASAWA-SAN WILL NEVER SHAKE HANDS WITH ME EVER AGAIN AND I WILL N-N-NEVER F-FORGIVE HISAKO—"
"Wait!" Hinata dove over and clamped a hand around her mouth. He thought he heard something, and he needed some quiet.
"WHAT ARE YOU—"
"Shhh! Keep the voice down, will you?"
Hinata strained to hear in the silence, trying to condition his abused eardrums to adopt to the sudden silence of the area. And that's when he heard it.
Footsteps. And Naoi's voice.
Hinata gently let go of Yui and crawled over to the bush, where he could silently spy on his target. Ah, finally. The main reason Hinata was perched atop the tree branch earlier, gulping some ice cream, was because he was waiting for this idiot to come and fall to his trap. As the baseball prodigy stealthily peeked over the bushes, he saw Naoi walking down the pavement in his usual clothes—a dark, navy blue overalls, which almost looked black; a Mao general-class cap placed on top of his green, chin-length hair.
Hinata frowned. Yes, Naoi was just as usual. But something…something seems…wrong here, somehow.
Well, yeah, everything about Naoi was wrong—the annoying smirk, the annoying voice, the annoying face, the annoying glint in his eyes that Hinata had itched to barb with chopsticks for so long now. Hell, the mere fact that HE was Japan's actual Vice President was utterly wrong. But…something else was wrong: Naoi Ayato was not alone.
He was with a girl.
A brown haired girl who looked so familiar to Hinata…only, he couldn't figure out who she was…
"Ah," Naoi was nodding, "and so I see you actually liked the kiss you shared with him?"
"Ayato, stop it," the girl said. "He's just a fan."
"So? It doesn't mean he gets a free kiss from you all the time."
"It's just on the cheek, you moron."
"It's still a kiss," an irritated Naoi insisted.
"You know," the brown-haired girl laughed, "you're so cute when you're jealous."
Naoi huffed, turning away to hide his blush. "You wish."
Hinata pulled back from the bushes, completely, utterly, unbelievingly stunned.
Ayato Naoi, Japan's Vice President and Asia's National Figure of Ultimate Idiocy, was with a girl.
This was sick. Who is it this time? A new girl he picked up from the bar? This playboy's just too evil—gone through far too many girls to be trusted with anything at all. It's just plain unbelievable how this snake could have possibly wormed his way up the office of presidency—more unbelievable still he was able to go out with girls.
Hinata lowered the binoculars he didn't notice he actually had. It was something he stole from Yurippe's cabinet, actually. He narrowed his eyes in malice as he observed his mortal enemy with utter disgust from faraway. He'd just have to wait until Naoi walked into the proper place in the proper time before the trap Hinata had set up for him would work.
This was Hinata's plan. There was a small, nylon string across the pavement, and once Naoi steps and trips over it, a string of events would happen. Once the nylon was stepped on, the tree branch connected to it would fling backwards, stretching a rubber band from faraway, to hurl a balloon filled with crude oil through the air like a sling shot—and it would hit Naoi straight onto the face, where the oily goo would splatter. There, Hinata would be ready to catch it all on tape. He'd blackmail Naoi about spreading the video in YouTube, and from then on he'd be able to make Naoi kneel down before him and beg for mercy.
It was an elaborate scheme which Hinata had devised himself, and he was proud of it. It was, in fact, a perfect plot for revenge.
Hinata was never really able to pay him back for what that idiot did with the clothespin thing.
And the tissue paper thing.
And, the latest, the toothpaste tube cap thing.
And everything.
It made Hinata so angry he thought he might burst in living flames.
"Uh, who're you spying on, Hina-kins?" Yui asked, crawling over to him, tears wiped away by her curiosity of what was going on.
He put his binoculars back on, business mode. "Naoi." He spit the name out as if it was poison.
Yui still looked confused. She wasn't familiar with the name. "Eh?"
Hinata raised an eyebrow. "Duh, he's the newly elected Vice President of Japan."
"I don't know that."
"His name's Ayato 'Ha-I'm-A-Hypnotist-and-I-Have-A-Big-Head' Naoi. Familiar now?"
Recognition suddenly sparked in her eyes. "Wait!" She clutched Hinata by the collar. "Is it the same Naoi-sama, Hisako's boyfriend?!"
What?
Boyfriend?
"What did you say?!" he whisper-yelled, imitating the way Yui managed to do it. His mind was running in gears now.
Ahh so THAT'S who the girl was—Hisako, the famous lead guitarist of the band GlDeMo! That was why she looked so familiar—she's a GDM member! Why didn't I realize it earlier? Maybe it's because we never really talk…and her hairstyle changed drastically…
And to think that Naoi was dating her…
Hinata was still skeptical. "Naoi had a girlfriend? I don't believe it!"
"DUH, it says everything in the official GirlDeMo magazine about who's dating who!"
"Huh. So the girl over there is the famous Hisako?" Hinata put his binoculars back on to observe the brown-haired girl walking alongside Naoi. "That explains it!" He slapped his own knee in laughter. "So he isn't gay after all!"
Yui's pink eyes suddenly burned with anger at the mention of her newest archenemy. "What? Hisako's there? Lemme see!" She grabbed the binoculars from him, rammed it into her eyes, and observed the couple as carefully as she ever could.
Her hands shivered while holding the binoculars. She was so angry she couldn't control it. That Hisako woman—that Hisako embarrassed her in front of her idol, Iwasawa, and told the rest of the GlDeMo that the song she submitted was hilarious. Hisako absolutely had the most disgusting sense of guitar riff style in the world, ever. And they say they're upperclassmen?
But before anything else, Yui turned to Hinata. She lowered the binoculars and looked at him. "Anyway, why were you spying on Naoi-sama again?"
At this, Hinata proudly puffed out his chest, Takamatsu style. He raised his head with arms smugly crossed, sparkling glitters shimmering in the air as large, red roses bloomed from behind him.
"I, the great Hinata Hideki," he bragged, "have formed an absolutely perfect revenge plan to—"
"Uh, Hinata? Idiot? Where are you?" Naoi was suddenly calling out, and Hisako, who was beside him, giggled at her boyfriend's mockery. "I know you're out there," the vice president continued, "but do you mind if I step over your nylon string? I don't want some…sticky stuff in my face. I advice you make a better revenge plan. It's going to take me more than this to intimidate me." Then the two walked away, laughing at the pathetic string of nylon left untouched on the floor.
The blooming roses behind Hinata wilted brown. Even Yui seemed annoyed by Hisako's laughter that she suddenly busted herself out of the bushes, ready to smack the guitarist girl with a guitar.
"WHY, YOU LITTLE—"
Hinata came just in time to pull Yui back to their hiding place before Hisako could turn around. After seeing only the empty pavement, Hisako asked, "Who was that?"
Naoi looked over his shoulder, then shrugged at her when he saw nothing. "I have no idea."
"I'm pretty sure there was someone there," Hisako muttered, gently stroking her now slightly-damaged ears. "My ear suddenly hurt."
Back from under the bushes, Yui was trapped in a swastika lock with Hinata, her hand stretched onto her back, Hinata's foot stepping down at her head, and his arm was there and her foot was there that it was hard to keep track of the knot of limbs.
"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-senpaaaii!"
"If you don't keep yourself quiet I'd kill you!"
"I just wanted to get revenge on Hisako, YOU IDIOT! NOW GET OFF OF ME!"
That made Hinata stop short.
I just wanted to get revenge on Hisako.
Suddenly, he stopped strangling Yui, and in an instant he was up on his feet, deeply weighing his options as he thoughtfully caressed his chin with a finger. His eyes suddenly brightened. His heart thumped fast. Hinata could already see it. Naoi's embarrassed face so priceless it would sell millions in YouTube. Ashamed as he was to even dare mentioning it, of all the tens of times he'd tried to trick Naoi, Hinata was never even close to being successful in his schemes—and so he was never able to avenge himself over the things that psychopath forced him to do. Not because Naoi was a licensed hypnotist and psychiatrist, he was already allowed to hypnotize people all he wanted!
But right now, as he looked at Yui, he realized that his revenge was near. His parched thirst for payback was coming near, oh-so-near. This girl, Yui, was almost unstoppable in everything she did when she had her eyes on it. If she was really angry at Hisako, then her fresh and young mind would be able to create new, never-seen-before ideas for scheming their enemies. Also, she was a moron—and morons are easy to manipulate. And, idiotic as she was, having someone as fresh-thinking like her on his side would make his schemes unstoppably unstoppable.
A light bulb had been turned on in his head, and it was blinking so rapidly it demanded him to put this plan on play, right now.
"Yui, I have an idea." He grabbed both her shoulders, his excited blue eyes shining like stars. "You wanted to get revenge on Hisako, right?"
Yui pumped an angry fist. "LIKE HELL I DO!"
"Keep quiet!" Hinata shushed. Then he continued, "And I wanted to get revenge on Naoi, right?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"My point is, the two of us want to get revenge on the two of them, don't we?"
"SO?"
"So what if we create an alliance? Me, the King of Scheming, and you, the Brat of Pranks—we can just do this once. We can work on something really awesome that would embarrass the two of them for the rest of their lives; it'd be more awesome if we did it. Together."
Hinata held out his hand for Yui to shake. The girl took one look at the hand, contemplating. Please take the hand, Hinata begged from inside his brain. Please take the hand, please take the hand, take it take it take it please please please please. Then Hinata's outstretched hand started getting numb, and he began to panic.
Why the bloody hell isn't she taking that hand?
After seconds more of sea-deep contemplation, Yui crossed her arms in decline.
"SERIOUSLY?" she lambasted, then pointed an accusing finger at him. "I'M not dumb to take that hand, You know! I'd just rather get revenge on Hisako myself!" She was just about to walk away when Hinata coaxed in a bribing tone—
"~I'd buy you a gallon of strawberry ice cream…"
With a handshake, it was a deal.
But the two suddenly jumped out of their skin in utter shock when a voice suddenly interrupted their shaking hands.
"Auntie Yu-chii, Uncle Hina-chii?" It was Miyuri, the ever so innocent five-year-old daughter of Yuzuru and Kanade, curiously cocking her head at the side. "Ahwen't you shupposhed to be bocksing? Why ahw you shaking hands?"
She looked so innocent, just like her mother Kanade with those bright yellow eyes of hers. So pure was she that she didn't even realize that Yui and Hinata looked guilty, wondering if the little child saw the two of them strangling each other just two minutes earlier. They sure wouldn't be a good example for any child.
And then it hit Yui.
Innocent little Miyuri.
Guilty Yui and Hinata.
Innocent.
Guilty.
Usually, it was Yurippe's job to smile evilly at the plots and plans that formed in her head. Now it was her turn.
Innocent. Guilty.
She repeated the words over and over again in side her head. Slowly, her plan was forming—a brilliant scheme to make Hisako and that Vice President dude embarrassed for the rest of their lives. And she would need young Miyuri to accomplish that plan.
"Um, Miyuri-chan?" said Yui in a sweet voice as she knelt in front of the little white-haired girl. "Me and your Uncle Idiot are just—"
Hinata flashed her a nasty look.
Yui cringed under the blue-haired boy's gaze and chuckled nervously.
"I mean, me and your Uncle Hina-chii are just forming a plan. And we'd need you for it, Miyuri."
That evil smile again.
Hinata arched an eyebrow, wondering what she was up to.
Oooh what kind of scheme are they going to pull out? Find out what happens next in part two! It'd be centered on Hisako and Ayato next.
Naoi: [drops hat] What the—?!
Argent: [crosses arms] You have a problem with that?
Naoi: [clenches his hands, then breathes in, breathes out.] First, you paired me up with Tachibana. Then Nakamura. Then that ninja girl whose name I forgot. Who is it this time? Who in the world is Hisako?
Argent: I'd pair you up with Yusa in my next fanfic if you don't stop complaining.
Naoi: [shuts up]
Argent: [thoughtfully caresses her chin] Hmmm, an AyatoYusa might be a good pairing, though…
Naoi: Don't you even dare. Look into my eyes.
…
…
…
Hypnotized by Naoi But Is Still Decided On Making An AyatoYusa One Day Anyway,
~Rival Argenti-chii
…
…
…
Naoi: [holds head in shock and despair] Why didn't my hypnotism work?!