A/N: This is kinda like a remake of that one SpongeBob episode where ManRay has to learn to be good.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter--J.K. Rowling does, who is more famous than I am. Enjoy it! Please R/R! Thank you!
VOLDEMORT GOES TO GOODNESS SCHOOL
CHAPTER ONE
Voldemort sat at the head of the Malfoy Manner dining room table. He felt strange. He had just had the impression that he could be a good Voldemort, not a bad one.
All the Death Eaters were circled around the table. Lucius to the right of Voldemort, Bellatrix to his left. Right next to Bellatrix sat Narcissa, and next to her, Draco. Lucius and Snape sat together, with Rudolphus Lestrange in the back of the line.
"My Death Eaters," said Voldemort, about to make his confession, "I must speak with you. This is why we called for a meeting right away."
"Why?" Bellatrix Lestrange asked, leaning forward slightly to take in Voldemort's white, gaunt face.
"Well," said Voldemort, "I want to be a good Lord, not a bad one. I feel nobody likes me."
"Nobody likes me either," Bellatrix said. "That's the way life is, My Lord."
"Bella," said Narcissa coldly, "why don't you shut your mouth? Huh?"
"Yes, Cissy," said Bellatrix. Narcissa turned to Draco. Bellatrix stuck her tongue out at Narcissa and went, "phhhhhhh."
"Please, you two," said Snape. "The Dark Lord is trying to say something. Go ahead, My Lord."
"I was saying that I would like all of us to be good people so society would no longer fear us," Voldemort said happily. His eyes were shining brightly, so they looked like the setting sun. "We shall start goodness school tomorrow."
"Why don't we all go to the reformatory down the block?" suggested Bellatrix.
"Bella, you need to go there and get reformed," said Narcissa, "not us."
"I had something more planned," said Voldemort, standing up and raising his hands into a "V" shape. "We shall go to Good School for the Bad. It's just down the road a pinch."
"Great idea, My Lord," said Narcissa. "Draco, Lucius, what do you think?"
"Yes, whatever, Cissy," said Bellatrix. "But I wanna be a bad girl, not a good girl like that Andromeda—" Bellatrix swore five times in a row "—idiot."
"Look who's talking!" yelled Lucius.
"Shut up!" yelled Bellatrix.
"Back atch'ya!" howled Lucius.
The following day, all the Death Eaters and Voldemort went to Good School for the Bad down the road, exactly where Voldemort said it would be.
"Is this it, My Lord?" asked Snape silkily.
"Ah, it is," said Voldemort. "The teacher's name is Nymphadora Tonks—"
"AHHHH!" howled Bellatrix and Narcissa.
"What?" snapped Voldemort.
"Not that brat!" cried Narcissa. "She married the werewolf…and, by the sound of it…had a kid."
"I think you should hold your tongue, Narcissa," said Voldemort.
"Yes, My Lord," said Narcissa. "I am sorry, My Lord."
"Be quiet. Ah, here we are. Get inside, my Death Eater friends."
The classroom had seven desks and one large desk for the teacher. On the blackboard, it said MRS. LUPIN—TEACHER OF THE EVIL AND BAD. On the desk, there was a clipboard, a cup full of quills, seven small inkwells, and a huge stack of parchment. All of them took their seats. The bell rang before Mrs. Lupin—Tonks—came into the room.
"Good morning, everybody," said Tonks sweetly.
"Good morning, Mrs. Lupin," said the Death Eaters and Voldemort in unison.
"I don't know you all, so I will have to get your names. First of all, my name is Mrs. Lupin," said Tonks in the same sweet voice, "and I will be teaching you how to be good and polite around other people. Let's see here…" she read everyone's names off the list. "Bellatrix Lestrange—"
"What?" yelled Bellatrix.
"Please, Bellatrix, are you present or not?"
"Yes, ma'am," said Bellatrix.
"Rudolphus Lestrange?"
"Here."
"Draco Malfoy?"
"Here."
"Lucius Malfoy?"
"Here."
"Narcissa Malfoy?"
"Here."
"Thomas Riddle?"
Voldemort did not reply. "Oh, yes, I am present, Madame Lupin."
"Very good. And Severus Snape?"
"Yeah, whatever."
"Very well, then," said Tonks. "I would like you all to say the pledge allowed. I will write it on the blackboard and I would like all of you to recite it."
I am a good person. Deep down, I love the world and everybody. Remember, treat others the way you want to be treated.
"Understand?" said Tonks.
"Yes," chanted the class.
"Very good," said Tonks. "Now, please, say it, class."
"I am a good person. Deep down, I love the world and everybody. Remember, treat others the way you want to be treated," chanted the class.
"Very well then," said Tonks. "Now, please sit, class, and I will hand you a piece of parchment. I would like you to write down the following vocabulary word." She erased the blackboard and wrote a word that all of them knew but had probably never used. "Please."
"Why would we need to learn that crap?" yelled out Rudolphus Lestrange.
"Rudolphus Lestrange, I would like everyone—if they have something to say—to raise their hands during class time. I will need to write your name on the board with a star next to it. Get three of these, Mr. Lestrange, I will have to kick you out of my class. That's just in a day," said Tonks as she took a breathe.
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