Some call it unrequited love. I call it being a general dumbass.

I guess that's what happens when you accidentally sleep with a married man and he just happens to start to get feelings for you? I'm not sure. I can't even begin to process what just happened. I should explain this a bit better: I'm a whore. A dirty one, at that. Would it be considered my fault though? Isn't that slut shaming? I'm not the one who made the commitment. I'm not the one who's married. I'm not the one who was just feeling lonely that one time - several times, actually.

Okay, scratch that. I think you could say I initiated it. Well, I think I could, at least. It wasn't supposed to happen. I completely ignored the fact that several days prior we were looking for his family, I ignored the fact that he had a wife and a kid. I didn't care.

Whatever happened happened, is what I want to say. I didn't mean for this to turn into something serious, honestly. It was just a night where I was feeling bored and lonely. Something to pass the time. At least I'm not thinking too much of it.

The thing is, Rick was the one who did that. He was the one who thought I was interested. Am I supposed to feel bad? I mean, yeah I was interested in the beginning. It's inevitable to become attracted to (who you think) the only other person alive in Atlanta, shit even the world. I was until I saw well...ahem, his wife and kid. I just have to ask though, am I truly a bad person? Is it bad for me to have slept with a man who I knew was married? Is it bad that I enjoyed, hell even go far as to say craved, the attention he gave me? Is it bad that I was jealous when we met the group and her?

And now? I don't - I really fucking don't know what I or am supposed to feel.

It started with little things. He gave me all the attention when we were alone, obviously. I wasn't the "other woman", I was his woman. Was. He didn't know where his family was. I sure as shit didn't and still don't know the whereabouts of my family. It was just a nice, cute little fling. More of a mutual respect with some sex added in there. I watched his back, he watched mine. It wasn't all that romantic I have to say, well that could be because I'm just naive and oblivious. For all I know, he could've developed feelings the whole time we spent together.

Even with my naïveté I still noticed the differences when he found his family. We were both shocked, I think me more than him. We were also embarrassed. She didn't know, of course. But it felt like she did. I could feel her eyes lingering on me whenever I had my back turned, swear I could hear her whispers when she thought I wasn't listening. That or I was beginning to lose it.

Like I said, It started with the little things. The first being avoiding eye contact when talking to me. I was an object now, not even a human being. I was replaced. He had his wife and kid now and I had no one. After the no eye contact, it turned into generally avoiding me. Oh it's time to eat? Well just happens to be the time Rick was on watch. My turn to be on watch? Well he was asleep. With his family. I couldn't find a chance to even talk to him or listen or just clear the air. What angers me more is that I didn't even make any attempts. That and I hadn't made it clear that it was just sex and nothing more.

Things turned around a bit before the camp was attacked though, a small touch here and there. I remember when I softly gasped when I felt his hand brush against my hip. Then it would be his brushing his fingertips against my lower back. All an accident, right? Well whatever it was, it was making me fall. Fall pretty damn hard for someone I couldn't have. And it was a challenge.

He thought I didn't hear his arguments. Thought I couldn't or I was just plain stupid. Yeah right. As if I didn't know how shit his marriage was. The way that Lori acted made me glad I could give him pleasure that she would never be able to give. Bitch.

Looking back, I think it was just a small crush. I don't think it turned into love, even when it felt like it at the time. Like that one time he finally cornered me after I assumed we both agreed to avoid each other. I tried to cut him off before he could say anything to mess with my emotions, but he quickly cut me off. Started apologizing, telling me I didn't deserve this treatment and I kept nodding my head and repeating "okay" over and over, I didn't want to hear it. Yes I knew that it was sex and that I needed to get over it.

But then he confessed.

He admit that he was frustrated at the fact that he couldn't love his wife anymore. He was upset that he had feelings for me, whatever the hell that meant. I, on the other hand, was dumbstruck. I had a small attraction but nothing like serious feelings. Same as before, really. He talked about how his wife and kid didn't know. Nobody knew. He said it wasn't because he was ashamed of me or anything, but didn't want to disrupt anything within the group. I understood and I didn't take offense to it, I was completely okay with it.

Not so much on reciprocating the feelings though. I just couldn't figure out what I was feeling. "I just...need to process this, Rick. This is," I shoved my hands into my pockets to avoid myself from fidgeting, "way too much for me. I don't know anymore." I shrugged and avoided looking at him, "I wish things were different." and with that I turned on my heel and left to my tent.

"The hell was that about?" I could feel his piercing glare even in the dark.

I sighed and pulled my top off, followed by my jeans, "Nothing important." I smiled him a toothy grin and crawled into the sleeping bag with him, "What matters is that I'm here with you."

"C'mere already, don't keep me waitin'." I slipped into the sleeping bag and he pinned me down.

"Be a little more patient, Daryl," I whispered with a smug grin.

It was a long night.

I was on a vacation a couple months back and I didn't have my computer with me, so I decided to start a different story I'd been planning on anyways. This story follows the same basis as Dying to Live, where the main girl is Isabelle and she's immune, same background blah blah, same way she met Rick, same things. However, I asked myself, what if Rick and Lori were married like in the show? And thus, this was born.

I do not have a plot planned out, unlike with DTL, so I will be playing it by ear. I am still writing DTL, so don't worry my lovelies!

I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this, and if this is your first time reading my work, I recommend my other story and my favorites list :) Don't forget to leave your thoughts in a review :)