AN: Hello :) This is a prompt from Julielein, btw I'm so sorry this is late, my week was busier than I expected. This story will have two chapters.
Summary: The pain and and illness is too much for Cosima, physically and emotionally, and she can't take it anymore. She tries to take her own life. Will Delphine be there in time to stop her? T/W: Attempted suicide
Also this is not beta'd so any and all mistakes are mine. Let me know if you find any and I will fix them :) ENJOY!
It had been a long day, Cosima could hardly stand by the time she walked into Delphine's and her's apartment. She had had another doctor's appointment that didn't go well, "It's not looking much better" the doctor had said. He also told her it wasn't looking worse, but she was at a rough place already and didn't think it could get much worse before she…
She took out a tissue and coughed into it, checking how much blood there was. Too much. Every cough would send another shot of pain through her entire body. She wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. Take the pain in her chest, coughing up blood, not being able to walk more than 10 meters without feeling tired. She took another pill to help the pain and sighed heavily as she sat down on the couch.
Delphine walked into the living room ten minutes later to see Cosima dozing softly on the couch. She let a tiny smile spread across her face but it disappeared seconds later. She knew how hard the last few weeks had been on Cosima, all the doctor's appointments and not getting any good news. And she was slowly getting weaker, not just physically but also emotionally. She could see the light slowly starting to disappear from Cosima's eyes, her smiles wouldn't last as long and she started to sleep more and more during the day.
She walked closer to Cosima and saw her bottle of pain medication sitting on the table. She was happy to see it refilled, it hurt her to see Cosima in such pain. Cosima would try not to let it show, trying to stay strong for Delphine, but the blonde always knew. She could see the pain in her eyes, watch her wince when she breathed and the scared look on her face when she coughed into a tissue and she saw blood.
That night Cosima lay in bed thinking. She was curled into a sleeping Delphine's side, her head resting on the blonde's chest, feeling it rise and fall with her every breath. It was getting so hard for her, every day she felt worse. Every day she could feel her body getting weaker and closer to giving up. She was scared her body would give up before she was ready.
'I have to be prepared for it. I can't just die one day without saying goodbye to everyone.' At that moment she decided, she was going to start saying goodbye now, so if it were sudden at least that would be done.
'I can't believe I'm going to die from this. This wasn't my choice, I didn't choose to be a clone with some fucking mysterious respiratory illness. NO, im done with other people or things deciding for me. I will decide from now on. I will decide when I die and how I die. Just me.' And she knew, she knew what she was choosing at that moment. She was choosing to end it on her terms. To end it when she wanted and was prepared. And with those thoughts, Cosima let herself drift to sleep.
A week later Cosima found herself staring at her half full bottle of pain medication. She had spent the last week saying her goodbyes to everyone she needed to. She tried not to make it obvious that she was leaving them for good but she couldn't help it if a few tears escaped each time she left. Nobody found it unusual though. They all knew how hard life had been for her as of late and thought her emotions we're just scattered and getting the best of her.
The hardest of course was Delphine. She wasn't sure how to go about it without tipping Delphine off that something was wrong. She decided to just tell Delphine every chance she got that she loved her and appreciated all that she did for her. That morning when Delphine left to go to work she hugged and kissed her with as much love as she could and when her girlfriend walked out the door, she broke down crying. But she had to do this. She couldn't take the pain anymore. She also wrote her a letter explaining why she was doing this and with words of love and comfort. It was next to her now, by the bottle of pills.
Delphine was on her lunch break and decided to call Cosima, she hadn't heard from her all day and was starting to get worried. They usually texted back and forth to check up on each other or Cosima would get bored at home so she'd talk to Delphine to entertain herself.
She decided to call Cosima to ask how her day was going and how she was feeling. Ring… Ring… Ring… Hey, you've reached Cosima. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Delphine hung up and sighed. She knew there was no need to stress, maybe Cosima was just sleeping. No big deal.
Cosima heard her phone ring and checked the caller ID. It was Delphine. She knew if she answered Delphine would immediately know something was wrong. She just let it go to voice mail, breaking slightly on the inside, knowing that was probably her last chance to talk to the love of her life.
When it stopped ringing Cosima took in a deep breath. She looked at the bottle and thought about everything again, making sure she said good bye to everyone and reminding herself that this was the right decision.
Half an hour later, at the end of her lunch break, Delphine saw that Cosima hadn't called back or replied in any other way. She decided to call again and if Cosima didn't answer she would go home to check and make sure everything was okay.
Again she reached the brunette's voicemail. She packed up her belongings and told her boss she was leaving for an hour to make sure everything was okay at home. He agreed quickly, knowing of Cosima's illness and not wanting Delphine to be sitting at work worrying.
Cosima heard her phone ring a second time. She reminded herself not to answer and knew this was it. She had to do it now or she would never let herself. She picked up the bottle and read the label again. 'Do not take more than two pills at a time. Go to a doctor immediately if you do.'
She poured the pills into her hand and counted ten. She hoped it would be enough to do more than just knock her out for a few hours. She counted to five and then lifted her shaking hand to her mouth, she let a few pills fall from her hand to between her lips and swallowed them dry. She repeated the action until they were all down and drank some water. She leaned back against the couch and waited for them to take effect.
Delphine hurried up the stairs to the apartment and quickly opened the door. She had a terrible feeling that something was wrong. When she stepped into the apartment she immediately called out for Cosima.
She heard nothing at first, but a moment later a soft "Delphine" was spoken from the area of the sofa. Delphine ran over and looked at Cosima. She was pale and looked much worse than ever before. She saw the empty bottle of medication and letter next to it, and just yelled "NO!"
Cosima's nodded but said nothing. Delphine walked over to Cosima and sat by her. She couldn't believe this, why the hell would Cosima do this. "Please tell me you just took them, please!"
Cosima nodded and murmured, "ten minutes."
Delphine picked her up and carried her downstairs. Cosima was conscious, but much weaker than ever before. Delphine hoped she would make it to the hospital.
AN: SO! What did you think of that? I will try to upload the second chapter as quickly as I can, either tomorrow or on Saturday :)