Guilty As Charged
Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or Iggy, but instead, a frying pan that I frequently cook scrambled eggs in.
I suddenly woke up, snapped out of my reverie by a terrible noise. I stood up. Nothing seemed unusual. Then I heard it. The wonderful sound of Gazzy farting. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks.
All of a sudden I had a brilliant idea. Plugging my nose, I rummaged around in our closet. Finally, I found it; (Well,more like felt it, actually) our old tape recorder. Man, I had a lot of good memories with this thing. I stuck it by Gazzy's thin little ass and pressed what I thought ws the record button. It was actually the play button. Some random discussion that Gazzy and I must've done years ago started blasing at full volume!
Gazzy jolted awake. "Whus dat?" he mubled groggily.
"N-Nothing," I said, feeling my cheeks flush.
He rolled over and was asleep within minutes.
Dang it! My evil plan would have to wait until tomorrow.
Well, it was tomorrow night. Once again, Gazzy woke me up in the middle of the night with his farting. But this time, I was ready. I pulled out the tape recorder, (I now knew which button was 'record'.) walked to Gazzy's butt, and pressed 'record'. There was a sudden stream of his particularly violent (and ripe) flatulence. All of it was recorded. I hit the stop button, turned the volume to the lowest setting, and briefly played it.
What a beautiful noise. I sotpped it, rewound it a little bit, and set it under my pillow. Now I just needed theperfect prank to go with it. I sighed and went back to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I immediately smelled a horrible burning smell. (This whole 'smell waking me up' seemed to be a recurring theme) Max must've tried to cook breakfast again.
When would she learn? I grumbled and groaned down the stairs.
"Max," I said, leaning against the doorframe.
"Oh thank God you're here! I'm trying to make scrambled eggs. Can you help? Please?"
"More like burning them from what I can smell."
"What? They are not burnt!"
"Yes they are. Just look at them!"
I picked up a spatula and pushed some of the eggs around. The stench was even stronger. I don't know how she couldn't smell it.
"Go sit down," I said with a sigh, using my spatula to direct her where to sit.
"Thanks, Iggy," she said, relieved.
"Yeah, whatever, just don't do it again."
I scraped all of the soiled eggs into the garbage can. I set the pan on the stove and cracked 3 dozen eggs. That would probably be enough food for 2 of us. This was going to take a while.
After all of the eggs were cooks and everybody sat down at the table to eat, I pressed play on the tape recorder. A stream of Gazzy's farts exploded from the machine.
"Gazzy!" everybody groaned. "Take that thing outside!"
"It wasn't me!" he protested.
"Yeah right," said Fang. "And secretly I love pretty pink unicorns."
"But it wasn't me!" he yelled, as soon as I played the tape again.
Suddenly I sensed Angel looking at me. Curse her mind reading/controlling abilities! As soon as Angel looked, so did Max. I could just tell. All the chatter seized.
"Was that you?" Max asked accusingly.
"Guilty as charged," I said, standing up while laughing. I held my hands up in a surrendering position. As soon as I did that everybody could see my tape recorder.
"It was you!" exclaimed Gazzy.
Yep. Yes it was.