Title: Not Gonna Deal Anymore

Notes: This is 'New Moon' leave now if you have not read it. This takes place about two weeks after Edward and the rest of the Cullens leave Forks.

Summary: I just can't deal anymore. (Bella's POV)

Chapter: Version 1 – Original Ending (Sad)

Author Name: OneShotWonderment

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Character Death.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of OneShotWonderment. OneShotWonderment is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

My legs were aching but I didn't notice. Numb. That was all I felt since he left. Maybe there was nothing left to feel. Maybe I felt my allotment of feelings. I pushed all thoughts away as the house grew closer and closer. Now was the time. I knew it.

I opened the door to the house and ran up the stairs. I didn't need or want to dwell. I stopped dead in my tracks when I happened to glance upward at the ceiling. It was still there. Just as it had been on my first visit to the Cullen residence. I forced myself not to linger. I walked swiftly to his room not turning to look back at the cross.

His door creaked as I pushed it opened. I stepped into the room and shut and locked the door behind me. Everything remained as it had from the last time I was here. Almost everything. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sliver CD sitting on top of the massive stereo system. I walked over it and gingerly picked it up. The reflective side of the disc blinded momentarily as I turned it over and over in my hand. The player opened on my command and I placed the disc inside. The click it made when it closed seemed to echo in the massive empty home.

The music began after I was seated on the black couch. I recognized it immediately. My lullaby was seeping through the speakers. I picked up the stereo remote off the floor and pressed the 'Repeat 1 Song' button. I sat through the wonderful melody one time through with my eyes closed.

The reason I came here poked me in the back. Reminding me. I pulled the knife from my shirt slowly. It was time. Truly. No one here needed me anymore. Not Charlie. Not Renee.

I hadn't heard from Renee in about two weeks. But she was happy. Desperately so. And I was happy for her. Deeply. She and Phil just received the wonderful news that she was pregnant with twins the last time I talked to her. Now she had a complete family and I was just a background memory. A memory that would fade with each passing moment. It was just as well. I didn't want any sadness to ruin her perfect family image. I hoped she would understand why I was about to do what I was about to do. It didn't matter, though, weather she did or not.

My mind flickered briefly to Charlie in worry for him until I remembered there was no need. He was well taken care of now. Better then when I had been taking care of him. Darcy was a wonderful woman who loved my father for all his quirks and faults. She made him more happy then I had ever seen him and he made her happy too. Their love, although deeply moving and beautiful, made the hole in me throb so painfully. Their love only served as a reminder to me of what I had and lost. Just thinking about it brought the pain back even more.

I gripped the knife tighter in my right hand as I doubled over in pain. This had to stop. I would make it stop. Straightening back up I placed the knife over the throbbing hole. With a deep breath I pulled the knife away and prepared to plunge it.

I didn't know what would happen to me, but I didn't care as long as the pain stopped. There was no pain in heaven and part of me so desperate for that. If I went to hell then I went to hell. At least there the physical pain would (hopefully) outweigh the emotional one. A single tear escaped my eye as I whispered my last goodbye to one who was long gone. I hoped somehow, wherever he was, he'd know. Know that he was the one I would miss.

"Edward." I whispered before letting my hand swing down with force. I watched the blood pool expecting my usual sickness to come over me, but it did not. I felt grateful. Grateful that the emotional wound was now a physical one. Grateful that it was over. As my eyes drifted closed I truly smiled for the first time since Edward left. My sweet lullaby led me out of the mortal world and into the next.