TITLE: Viagra 90 Percent Off Discount
AUTHOR: VIDZ
SEASON: 7
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: we all know them and we all hate them... email spam. Also a little something to break up the Lemming-ness on this site that is Harm/Mac (sometimes I think they're more delusional about their pairing even having a chance than I am about mine. Oh, hell, make that "all the time" :p).
SUMMARY: Harm encounters the plague of the world wide web.
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Logging into his computer, Harm waited for the Windows to load fully before bringing up the email application. As the mail downloaded his eyebrows rose, then knitted together in a frown of irritation.
"Again?"
Sighing, he went about deleting the flood of annoying email messages that were insistently offering him services he had no use for.
He didn't know how they found out his work mail address, but this was getting out of hand, something had to be done about it ASAP!
x
It was later that evening that he managed to find Bud, who'd been out on interviews the entire day and ask him about it.
"Well, sir, when you surf the 'net, your computer downloads small packages called 'cookies' into a folder on your root drive."
"Bud..."
"Those cookies act like spies, tracking your internet usage, which sites you visit, find out your email addresses and even passwords you've typed into your computer,"
"Bud..."
"then transmit them to an off-site computer, piggy-backing on your connection..."
"Bud!"
Finally! thought Harm in relief when Bud shut up.
"Just tell me this: CAN you help?"
Bud nodded, but before he could give a vocal reply a female voice cut in on the conversation.
"What are you two talking about?" Mac was staring at them as if they'd grown second heads.
Harm looked embarrassed, but answered anyway "They somehow got hold of my email and for the last couple of weeks my account has been getting flooded with offers of discounts from Viagra to penis and breasts enlargement."
Mac looked him up and down, lingering meaningfully on his crotch, then sneered "Maybe you should listen to what they're trying to tell you."
With that she turned around, completely cutting off any chance for a response.
Baffled, Harm and Bud looked at each other, then at LT Singer as she walked by snickering, having overheard Harm and Mac's exchange.
Harm's eyes narrowed as he glared at both of the women, then grew thoughtful when he saw Loren disappear behind a corner, heading for the toilets.
With confusion Bud looked from where Singer had disappeared from sight, to the CDR, but then his attention was quite literally demanded by his wife.
That was the last the staff saw of Rabb and Singer that day.
x
Only barely registering as he went about pouring himself a cup of coffee, Bud noted LT Loren Singer enter the small break-room.
Nodding, he swept by her, but then it finally struck him. Whirling around he grew curious when he noticed she walked... actually, waddled carefully, painfully over to the counter. Frowning in concern he inquired.
"Everything alright, Lieutenant?"
"Yeah, it is, why do you ask?" Loren winced at the defensive counter-attack she'd launched at Bud, but after feeling as if everyone knew exactly what she'd done ever since she'd crossed on the JAG premises she had finally snapped.
When he opened his mouth to explain Loren stopped him with a shake of her head "Never mind."
She looked around to check they had privacy, the leaned closer "Remember, what you and CDR Rabb talked about last night at Benzinger's?"
Slowly, Bud nodded in the affirmative, looking at her strangely.
"Can you somehow block them?"
By now suspicious, Bud nodded again "Yes, not hard, I'll just have to..."
Cutting him off Loren shook her head "I don't care, just get it done."
Before Bud could respond to what was essentially an order from someone of equal rank, a jaunty tune was heard, drawing them out of the small room. The subject of their conversation was striding through the bullpen, whistling, a large, unconscious smile firmly on his lips. People stopped and stared at him as he went by and greeted them, not having seen him this cheerful in a long time.
Bud and Loren stood side by side just outside the door to the break-room, one wearing the expression of shock and the other of disbelief and exasperation, that deepened when Harm sent her a wink only she saw. Feeling a pain grip her lower body again, she was reminded of the reason for Harm's grin and her much-impaired ability to walk. Giggling at him had been the wrong move (or perhaps the right one?) for it had made him prove her just how wrong she and Mac were. Or 'had been' in her own case.
"Get it done ASAP!" ordered Loren, then walked off, muttering to herself "Cause if that man decides to try Viagra, I'm dead."
Hearing her words, Bud stared after her, then quickly got to work to block the IPs, deciding there are things you really are better off not knowing.
THE END