Disclaimer: Sorry, kiddies, I own nothing. Not Grey's Anatomy or the song, "Just Might (Make Me Believe)" by Sugarland.
A/N: Well, I was going to do one of those 10 song drabble fic things, to get rid of my writer's block, so I put my iPod on shuffle. I was listening to the song one time before I started writing, but when I started writing I got something a lot longer and a lot different than I intended. But I kinda liked it, so ya know, I finished writing it and here it is. It's kinda-sorta spoiler-ish for 6x17, "Push." But only sort of. It doesn't mention it much, not really, but there are the hints and all that. I was originally going to do it from Arizona's point of view, but Callie's came easier. So I switched it around a little. And here we go. Enjoy. =D
Just Might Make Me Believe.
Faith has always been an important part of Callie's life. Faith in God. Faith in what she was doing overseas with the peace corps. Faith that she would pull through after George, after Erica. Faith that she would walk tall once again. Faith that she would find the person she's meant for. Faith that her family will one day truly accept her sexuality, to the point where it isn't any sort of issue. Faith that she'll make a good mother someday. Faith that she has buried her skeletons well enough. Faith in her abilities as a surgeon. Faith that she's doing the right thing, even if people die under her care.
But right now, she's losing her faith. She gets in bed at night and it feels like Arizona is miles away. She goes to work and they speak in professionals. They go to dinner and the touches are scarce, the conversation is slow, and their smiles don't quite reach their eyes. They drive to work and the short ride is filled with nothing but silence, and she keeps both hands on the wheel. It's amazing how one little disagreement about their future can ruin things so easily. Every issue, every problem, every difficulty in the past, Callie has kept her faith in them. She has always believed that they would find a way to work through it. Arizona has always been there for her. They always found a way out of the hole they ended up in. She still loves Arizona, but now she's not so sure about their ability to do that. Nothing is working the way it should, the way it has in the past. And it's not all Arizona; Callie knows she has been running, too. They both are. And they're getting farther and farther away from each other with every step they take.
There are times that everything feels normal. Times that are reminiscent of the way they were a week ago. Before the problems arose, before the rift started settling in, before they knocked the hurdle down and refused to go stand it back up. Callie wants to get back to those times, to work past this, but she can't figure out how. She doesn't know what to do.
Slowly, she's losing her faith in 'them'. In their relationship. She wishes she could have that strong resolve she had a week ago, have that "for sure" image of a big house with a barbecue in the backyard, even without the kids. She wishes she could have that feeling of "we were meant to be" and "this is it." She still feels like Arizona is the one for her but she doesn't know how to move on from this. If things keep going like they are, she doesn't know how long she is going to be able to hold on. She's a runner. She runs from her problems; it's what she does. She doesn't want to run from Arizona but she feels herself doing it more and more everyday.
All she needs is something to restore her faith. She needs something to make her believe again. Because she wants this to believe in them, she really does. She wants this to work. She wants this to be it for her. She wants to spend the rest of her life with Arizona Robbins. But fixing things is not what she is good at; she finds that she usually leaves them even more broken when she tries. Arizona is good at fixing things. Arizona likes to fix things. If Arizona will just try, Callie will be there every step of the way, taking notes, following her lead, doing whatever she needs to so they can fix it. Fix it the right way. And she thinks Arizona knows the right way better than she does.
So after the initial shock wears off, she finds that she's only halfway surprised that Arizona slid closer to her in bed and wrapped an arm around her waist. There's a moment of silence between them, where all Callie can hear is Arizona's breath from behind her neck and the sound of her own heartbeat, before Arizona breaks the silence with a soft whisper.
"I love you, Calliope. I'm not going anywhere. This isn't over."
It's almost like Arizona just read her thoughts, but Callie finds that she doesn't mind all that much.
Because those three simple sentences just might have been enough to make her believe again.
"I used to believe in us when times got tough
Lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough
But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
you just might make me believe"
- "Just Might (Make Me Believe)", Sugarland