Disclaimer: I'm not J. K. Rowling and her characters are not mine. This was written for headagainstthesky's "Unseen Moments Competition". Thanks to BlackRoseBlue for her superb beta-ing. I hope you enjoy!
Remus Lupin, grey-haired and weary, sat behind his desk. Every now and then, as though pulled by an invisible thread, he looked out the window. The sun had yet to set, but the heavy clouds obscured much of its light. In a few hours, the moon would rise and the placid man would become an uncontrollable monster.
Well, that was how he saw himself anyway.
His friends, chiefly James, had referred to it as his "furry little problem", a moniker which had garnered some strange conversations over the years. They, for reasons he had never truly fathomed, had never feared the danger he could become. In fact, they had embraced it.
But that era was long gone. He was, in some respects, the last Marauder. Sirius did not count. The boy he had known – if he had known him at all – was gone. He had turned into someone unrecognisable, a man who would sell out his friends to Voldemort. With a pang, he thought of James and Peter. Their deaths, entirely senseless, still haunted his dreams. In the days following Voldemort's defeat Remus had sought to blame himself, weighed down by guilt. How had he failed to spot the clues, the signs of Sirius' true allegiance?
Had it been loyalty?
Whatever it had been, it had cost his friends their lives.
From time to time – especially during the early days – Remus had entertained the fanciful hope that Sirius was innocent, that it had all been a horrible mistake. Certainly, he'd seen nothing to suggest a traitorous nature before Lily and James' deaths. But there was no doubting it. Not really. He had been their Secret Keeper, Dumbledore had told him as much. There was no one else to blame.
These thoughts, well trod, passed through his mind. Gazing down at the parchment on his desk, Remus reminded himself of his task. He couldn't protect James and Peter, that chance had gone, but he would protect Harry. Tapping the map lightly, he muttered words he had said a thousand times before.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Suddenly, from the tip of his wand, inky lines snaked across the parchment. Peering over it, pushing sandy hair from his eyes, Remus sought Harry's name. Although technically forbidden to wonder the grounds at night, Remus had the feeling Harry would disregard those rules. The Malfoy boy's machinations had ensured that Hagrid's beloved hippogriff was facing execution and Remus knew – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that Harry would want to be with his friend.
He was so like his parents.
Shaking his head with exasperation, Remus looked at the map. Before too long, he saw the names of Harry, Ron and Hermione trace the familiar path down to Hagrid's hut. Satisfied they couldn't get into too much trouble with the friendly giant, he scoured the grounds for Sirius. Despite all he had done, Remus could not use the impersonal "Black". They had been brothers.
But even brothers, thought Remus sadly, could betray you. Ever since Sirius' escape he had suffered an internal struggle. He knew, on some level, that Sirius' abilities as an animagus should be reported. Hell, he should have reported it months ago! But that would mean telling Dumbledore everything and if there was one thing Remus couldn't face, it was Albus Dumbledore's disappointment. The headmaster's trust meant the world to the werewolf. Berating his lack of Gryffindor bravery, Remus returned to the map.
And nearly fell off his chair.
Shock rooted him to the stool, icy tendrils enveloping his heart. Without warning, he felt his world shift. He couldn't believe his eyes. Trembling, his shaking hands traced the words. It couldn't be true. It couldn't. But there was no mistaking the name which had joined with those of Harry, Ron and Hermione. The letters seemed to shimmer in front of his eyes, dancing on the faded parchment.
Peter Pettigrew.
Remus' breathing became shallow, all ideas of Dumbledore expelled from his mind. How was it possible? Peter was dead, at Sirius' hands. But the map didn't lie. Unlike humans. Dread shot through Remus, piercing his frozen heart. If Peter was innocent, why had he faked his own death? It made no sense. Unless…
Unless they hadn't trusted him with the truth.
It wasn't Sirius, he realised suddenly. It was Peter. They had switched Secret Keepers without telling him. They had thought that he was the spy. Pushing away the hurt this caused, Remus returned his attention to the details at hand. Peter had betrayed them, it had to be. The chubby boy had been a rat, in more ways than one. He had sold Lily and James to Voldemort, and left Sirius to deal with the consequences. Everything Remus had believed for the last thirteen years was a lie. With growing anguish, Remus re-examined his memories. No wonder he'd never found any evidence to support Sirius' culpability – there hadn't been any to find. The phrase "he's at Hogwarts" took on a new and frightening meaning. It was Peter – James and Lily's betrayer – Sirius was hunting, not Harry.
The guilt was excruciating.
Despite the overwhelming lack of proof, Remus had abandoned his friend. He had left him to rot, without hope, in a cell in Azkaban. Bleakly, Remus realised his friends were wrong. He was a monster. Who else would leave their friend in such a place? But before his "noble prat" tendencies reached dizzying heights, the cold voice of logic interrupted the maelstrom. Despite his guilt, there were others who had far worse crimes to answer for.
Like Peter.
And now anger – red, hot anger – was coursing through his veins, melting the ice that had flooded him. Remus leapt to his feet, grasped his wand and made for the door. Emotion had ignited his nerve and he knew he had to tell Dumbledore the truth, as soon as possible. However, he also wanted to run into the grounds, to throttle Peter to within an inch of his pathetic life.
Out of habit, he checked the map and his heart sank further than he would have thought possible. As if the situation could get any worse, a dot labelled Sirius Black was barrelling towards Ron and Peter. All thoughts of Dumbledore were thrown asunder, replaced by thoughts of his students' safety. Remus raced for the door, worries about the confrontation, and the danger it would put the children in, filling his head.
But it was the need to see Sirius, to apologise, that filled his heart.