This Little World of Mine
A/N: This is my first fanfic, so as a reader I would expect errors although I promise to try to make as few as possible. As a writer I would love reviews and any constructive feedback, go easy on me though, I am new at this. I hope to update often, but will not sacrifice quality of the content in hopes to update quicker. Remember, reviews are inspiration. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Although it is sad to admit, I own nothing.
"Every artist was first an amateur." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
My heart shatters to pieces as I watch the one I love rip it from my chest and crush it in her hands. I lean against the wall of the common room after another victorious match for Gryffindor. Cheers and laughter fill my ears, like air into a balloon, my head threatening to burst from all of the noise. I watch her, her beauty mesmerizing me back into the fantasy world inside my head. This world I choose to live in because it is the only thing I wish to be real. Her flowing red hair, long toned legs, porcelain flawless skin, walking through the crowd. I pretend that she is walking over to me, pulling me into her arms, pressing her lips against mine… but she isn't. I look as she pulls Harry into a kiss for all to see. I love him, and I hate him. They have been dating for four months now, and each day I put on the act that I am completely happy for them, that they belong together, that I knew all along that they would be together… and maybe I did know all of these things. It was true that I knew it would happen, but false that I was happy.
I watch as every one crowds around them, congratulating Harry on his magnificent performance, that he truly does deserve. He's a great guy, I love him as though he is my brother, which is why it hurts even more that he has the privilege of holding onto the object of my desires. Even if they don't work out and by some miracle she would give me a chance, it could never be, I could never betray Harry in that way. I pretend in my own world that she had chose me first, that it was me that she wanted all along, and that Harry, and Ron, and everybody that we knew supported us, and they knew we were the ones that we supposed to be together all along, but of course, this is all in my mind because I know that it can never happen. No one knows of my dark secret, how could I possibly tell anyone of this? Ginny is not only the object of my desires, but my best friend, the only person I can confide in, and of course there is no way that I could tell her how I feel about her, my whole world would be over. So inside of me it must stay, hence, my little fantasy world.
"Hermione!" I hear someone call out pulling me out of my thoughts. I look up to see Ginny walking straight towards me, her smile lighting up the room and making me melt inside. "Why are you standing over her all by your lonesome?" She asks nudging me in a playful manner that I of course try to read further into, although under false pretenses.
"You know me, I'm not much for big celebrations, although Harry did great in today's match. He is brilliant." I scold myself for complementing him in any way, though everything I say is true.
"He is isn't he?" She says more to herself than to anyone at all, and another piece inside me dies just a little more. "Though, he better be good with all of the practices he puts everyone through." She says looking over at me giving a small laugh and I laugh with her because I have heard the horror stories of Harry's practices.
"He just wants to be sure that we will cream Slytherin in every match we have against them." I say simply trying to keep up conversation, afraid that if I stop talking she will get bored and walk away from me.
"Like they ever have a real chance against us?" She laughs boasting with pride and confidence, a thing I have grown to love about her. "So, what do you say we go for a walk around the grounds, I'm with you on this whole noise thing being a bit too much?" She says with an underlying seriousness to her voice.
"Sound good, I'm getting a bit of a headache from being up here anyways." I say glad to be away from the festivities and actually spend some time with Ginny. We walked down towards the lake in comfortable silence, standing close, not too close, not close enough. After a while she linked her arm around mine and put her head on my shoulder as we continued to walk, an innocent gesture that again I wish I could read into.
"So how have you been lately?" She asked me finally breaking the silence.
"I've been good I guess, you know how Snape likes to pile on the homework, but of course I still have great friends to pass the time with." I say and look at her with a smile and lightly squeeze her arm in what I hope is a friendly manner.
"That's not what I meant and you know it." She says looking at me with an expectant look. After a moment of silence and me not saying anything she finally speaks again. "You seem so distant lately, you always seem to space out and you barely talk to me anymore." The hurt look on her face was evident as we stopped walking and she turned to face me.
"What do you mean I barely talk to you anymore? We're standing right here talking, I talk to you everyday that isn't fair of you to say Ginny." I say flatly returning her gaze.
"Yes, we talk everyday, but not seriously, you used to tell me everything that was on your mind, and now, we make idle chat, but not like we used to. You should be able to tell me everything Hermione and you know it. I feel like you are avoiding me lately, and to be honest I'm a little hurt by it." The hurt growing in her eyes was killing me, I wanted to hold her and tell her everything, but I couldn't, I knew better than to do that.
"Ginny, I'm not avoiding you, and I'm sorry that you feel that way, you're my best friend, I don't want you to think otherwise." I say to her sincerely pulling her into a hug making sure to keep it brief for fear that I may never let go. She returned the hug and as we pulled apart she gave me a small smile.
"Good, and if I find out that you aren't telling me everything, I'll have to hex you." She stated with a matter-of-fact tone, then laughing. I laughed with her, knowing that if she ever did find out my secret she would do way more than hexing me. We started back towards the castle, knowing that people would come looking for us soon, bound to notice that Ginny was missing from the celebration. "You know you can trust me right?" She stated as we reached the castle.
"Of course I do Gin, I would trust you with my life, and I hope that you know that." I say, holding more truth than even she knows.
"Good, I would trust you with my life too." She says one last time before we continue the rest of the way in silence once more. If only you would let me have the chance. I think to myself, once more retreating to my fantasy world.
A/N: Yes? No?