I'm getting used to it.

People have been treating me as a girl since I entered high school. At first, it was just a mere joke, but lately I think it have become serious. I got love letters from boys, and even direct confession. Even the teachers gave me my own changing room for my own safety.

No, not only in high school. In the past, there's a lot of similar things happens. Even during my childhood. I can't clearly remember, but I do experience something like being bullied and called 'sissy'.

It's not like I don't mind. Of course I do mind. I just want to spend my youth as a normal young man. Dating a girl, being rebellious, and something like that.

But why do I begin to think it's fine if I keep on being this way? I begin to accept and enjoy the fact that I'm treated as third gender or female.

"There's no way….that could happen to me. Sister would get angry over it, and…."

One of the people treating me as a girl is my own best friend.

Despite being the dumbest of our class, he is quite popular. There are two girls that are in love with him, unfortunately he didn't realize that even one bit.

Sometimes, I can't help but feeling weird around him. He is kind, too kind. I lately begin to feel uncomfortable if he's close with those girls, and I enjoy the moment he treated me as a girl. I envy the fact that the girls could get closer to him without feeling guilty about it.

I believe this isn't love or something close to that. I must only felt that way because he treated me as a girl.

"….Hideyoshi, what happens? You look pale."

"Ah, I'm okay. It's nothing serious."

I tried to forget all of it with my own hobby. No result.

Both of my classmates and my friends at the club are really worried about me. They said I'm changing lately. It all because I begin to think that way. I just wanted to be normal, but it made people worry about me. But…if I'm not normal, will people keep on this way? That was what I'm afraid of, I guess…

When I think about it during my way home, all of sudden one of my junior, for exact one of the female members of the club pulls my hand and said "Senior, I have something to say to you.". I knew what will happen next. Something I actually never expected.

"B—but, I really like you. I view you as a guy. Is that not enough?"

"It's more than enough, but…I'm not sure about my own feelings. I'm sorry, let me think for it for a while…"

It was the first time a girl confessed to me.

She's kind and nice. We didn't talk much, but I knew she's a good person from how people said about her. I think it's fine if I date her, right? People's view of me will change, and I think I won't think that way again.

But…why does my heart aches? I feel weird. Come on, myself. I might not know her that well yet, but….Just accepting her feeling is fine, right? You won't feel this way again.

"So you two begin dating! I-I never thought of that! How did you betray our hopes, Hideyoshi! "

"A—Akihisa! You're treating me as a girl again, aren't you?"

"It's just a joke! Congratulations, Hideyoshi!"

It's been fun.

Her personality is better then what I expected. We get along well, and we have lots of similarity. She treats me like a guy, what I always wanted. But deep in my heart, I feel something is not right. Yes, that kind of feelings still lingers in my heart. I still feels incomplete.

That girl is really serious about me. Is it okay to use her to forget about my weird feelings?

Maybe I should talk about this to her.

But, could I?

"Hideyoshi-kun. What happens? If we want to browse for clothes for you, this isn't the right place to be."

"Ng? Ah, that's right. I'm sorry. I was thinking about something. Hey…what if…"

I ended up revealing everything to her.

My strange feelings about my own best friend, my enjoyment of being treated as what I'm not supposed to be, about me who am afraid of losing everything if I reveal all of it.

She cried. We broke up. But it's not because I revealed it. It's because she thinks she'll just get in way of finding my true self. She thinks we could stay as friends. Before we broke up, she said, if people aren't accepting me the way I am, they aren't my true friends.

I guess that's true. How stupid am I not realizing that?

"Eeeh, that's too bad for you. Cheer up!"

"It's okay. I learned something important as an exchange. It's just; I won't reveal it, just yet…."

I won't reveal my true self yet.

But I know that I didn't do anything wrong. If something was wrong for me to be the way I am, it's the people that hates me for being what I am. Though I believe my friends would accept me the way I am, but I'm just not ready yet.

Maybe one day….

.x.x.x.

It's kind of weird writing in Hideyoshi's first person view. I do once roleplay as him….but…I'm not sure if I did this right. Sorry for OOCness. Well this fic is….I want to write something else than Hideyoshi/Yuuko incest fics and this idea came up. I think it's interesting to try to explore more of this side of Hideyoshi (even if I'm not shipping Hideyoshi/Akihisa at all, it just the only thing that fits the idea, so…). I'm not sure this fic will represent it, but I have already tried…..Ah, I'm sorry if the random girl I throw is a Mary-Sue! I used her for the plot to progress, but it ended up like that. Actually I could use Yuuko, but she'll make it worse at the ending…