A/N: I originally began this story in July after CBS announced Cote de Pablo's departure from NCIS. It will not necessarily reflect canon for Season 11 since I have not seen any of those episodes yet. I incorporated some of the spoilers and recaps I've heard when possible. Consider this story an alternate universe for Ziva's return. I will get back to my other story eventually.
Evening of Thursday, January 9, 2014 in Ogunquit, Maine…
Tony sat alone in his hotel room staring at the "I Will" list he'd made four months ago. Number two: be a father. God, he missed Ziva tonight. It was the worst it had been since the first month after he'd left her behind in Israel. There was one significant difference from earlier, though. Tonight Tony wasn't aching from the memory of leaving Ziva behind or from the wasted effort of trying to force his heart to stop longing for her. Nor was his body craving her passionate touch as it often did in his dreams. No, in this moment, Tony simply wanted his best friend. After the events of the past week, he needed the woman who would tell him honestly if he was worthy of the challenge ahead.
Until now, Tony had accepted his lack of contact with Ziva as a necessary part of her journey of self-discovery and his pretense of moving on. In the midst of his need tonight, though, he resented Ziva for not being there. The sudden beeping of his phone pierced the silence of the room and startled Tony. The message he saw surprised him more. It originated from an unfamiliar Israeli number.
Abby called me. Are you okay?
How could he even begin to answer that with a text? But would hearing her voice only make him feel worse than he already did? His fingers knew the answer before his brain did, it seemed.
Talk?
His phone rang immediately. Steeling his heart, he answered.
"Hey."
"Hello, Tony. How are you?" her voice was gentle and filled with genuine concern.
In the past Tony had sometimes found Ziva's attempts at empathy irritating but tonight her compassion felt familiar and soothing.
"How do you think I am, Ziva? I'm freaking the hell out. Of all the messes Senior's left for me to clean up, this one is the biggest cluster bomb of them all. He won't return my calls. He won't contact the attorney or the social worker. I don't even know where the hell he is and, believe me, I've been looking. Abby and McGee are looking. I don't suppose you could call any of your old Mossad contacts and find…"
"Abby has already asked me. He is in New York, Tony. I can give you the name of the woman he is with if you wish," Ziva interrupted softly.
"So I guess that means Senior's intentionally avoiding the fact that he has a ten year old daughter? I get running away from parenthood is his style but I thought he'd at least show a little interest in the kid's trust fund. It's not huge but it's enough."
"He's probably scared, Tony. He knows you are angry and…"
"You're damn right I'm angry! He screws around and gets some pill popping heiress pregnant and then skips town before she can tell him she's got a bun in the oven. Did you know about this? Did your little Mossad dossier nine years ago include the fact that I had a baby half-sister I didn't know about?" Tony demanded to know.
"Of course not, Tony. I would never have kept something like this from you all this time. There is no father listed on her birth certificate and her grandfather's will was sealed. There was no way to have found this before her grandfather's death without investigating her mother. I had no reason to do that," Ziva assured Tony with uncharacteristic patience.
"But you know about her now. And about the other kid too, right? The six year-old? Apparently birth control wasn't part of mom's designer drug regimen. My half-sister has a half-sister. What does that make her to me? Like my second sister half removed?" Tony quipped humorlessly.
"It makes her your responsibility, Tony. They both are. You and your father are their only living relatives. Their mother overdosed and their grandfather had a heart attack. They need you," Ziva told him bluntly.
"No, Jamison needs me. Kori's got a sperm donor out there somewhere who might actually want to get his hands on her trust fund."
"He is dead as well. He was killed in a skiing accident two years ago. I will email the information to you to share with the social worker. You are all they have, Tony."
"Yeah, I know," Tony agreed quietly the fight leaving him.
"You are not going to argue?" Ziva asked a little bewildered.
"I met them," Tony admitted.
"That is why you are in Maine."
"Ziva David, have you been…checking up on me?" Tony teased his tone becoming unconsciously flirtatious.
"I was worried for you," Ziva admitted defensively.
Tony was thankful Ziva couldn't see him or she would have easily read just how good it made him feel to have tangible evidence she still cared. He fought the desire to give her concern more value than it merited and quickly turned the conversation back to his newly discovered family members.
"So, the social worker wants me to be the girls' legal guardian instead of Senior. She thinks being an employee of the United States government makes me responsible and trustworthy. The joke's on her. No worries, though. Being a legal guardian doesn't mean I have to actually take custody or anything. I can find someone to adopt them. Like the Palmers. They've got one foster kid already but what's two more? Or, you know, I could always take a page from Senior's parenting manual and put the girls in boarding school. There's enough money in the trust fund for that," Tony explained his voice filled with bitterness.
"But you met them…," Ziva prompted gently.
"Yeah, I spent a couple of hours at the group home with them this afternoon," Tony sighed.
"Tell me about them," Ziva insisted.
"Hang on. I'm sending you pictures."
"They are beautiful. Your sister resembles you," Ziva told him a couple of minutes later after receiving and viewing his texted photos.
It was obvious the older child was Tony's sibling. Her hazel eyes and impish smirk were so familiar they pierced Ziva's heart. With thick, wavy, honey blonde hair, the pre-teen showed signs of growing into a beauty one day. The younger girl had brown eyes, dimples and a shy smile. Her curls were several shades blonder than her older sister's.
"Jamison is definitely a DiNozzo, alright. No need for a DNA test there. She's got the personality for it. And the little one, Kori, she…," Tony paused not sure how to describe the connection he'd felt with the whimsical little girl.
"She has stolen your heart," Ziva correctly surmised.
"Yeah. Maybe they both did," Tony admitted reluctantly.
"God, Ziva, what the hell am I supposed to do here? I've got all these crazy ideas, you know? Like maybe I'm ready to be a father and if I keep them, at least they'll get to stay together. I just need a bigger place and a good babysitter and we're all set. I need you to tell me all the reasons this can't possibly work," Tony demanded.
"I will not do that, Tony. This is not a crazy idea. You can do it. And you will do it because it is what is needed. That is the man you are," Ziva told him emphatically.
No one knew better than Ziva the unselfish sacrifices Tony was capable of making for those he loved.
"How can you think I'm what's best for two little girls? I don't even like kids. They need a family not some guy who…"
"If I could reach you through the phone, I would slap you. On the back of the head. Like Gibbs," Ziva interrupted.
"Your Israeli accent is getting stronger again," Tony changed the subject.
"You are what these children need, Tony. You love them already. Your team will help you. I will help you," Ziva argued ignoring his attempt to derail the seriousness of the conversation.
Tony almost physically gasped from the gut punch he'd felt when she said "your team." He wanted to argue that she would always be a part of "our team" but he left the words unspoken and fell back on old habits instead.
"Oh, right, so what? You're offering to babysit? I guess I can just ship the girls to the Middle East for the weekend when we have a big case, then? Nice sentiment but I don't think you're gonna be that much help from half way around the world," Tony told her his voice laced with sarcasm.
Ziva ignored the stab of pain at the reminder of the distance that lay between her and the man she loved. Ziva's determination to spare Tony from the hell of confronting her past along with her had done nothing to console the ache in her heart caused by the necessary separation. She missed each member of her NCIS family immensely and Tony most of all.
"I bought a two bedroom condominium near where Ducky lives. You will take over the mortage payments. It will not cost much more than your current rent. It is near a good private school that has an after-care program. There is a couple living nearby, Irina and Abram Feinstein. Irina is a family friend and her husband is stationed at the Israeli embassy. She watched Tali. If Ducky or Abby cannot be available during a case then Irina..."
"How long have you and Abby been working on this? I haven't even decided what I'm doing yet," Tony interrupted demanding to know.
"Abby called me two days ago. This is what is needed to convince the social worker you can be a parent, yes? A home with adequate room and a child care plan? Now you have both," Ziva explained her voice a little defensive.
"What're you doing, Ziva? You can't just buy me a condominium."
"Technically I am only giving you the down payment for a condominium. The mortgage will be transferred to your name."
"Ziva…"
"The money was from my father, Tony. I…sold the farmhouse. It was part of my inheritance. If you do not want to keep the town home, I will make it into a rental property," Ziva explained her voice sounding hurt.
"No, if I do this, I'm going to need it. It's not like I've got a lot of time to pull this together. That group home is definitely a temporary placement. I need to tell the social worker something tomorrow," Tony revealed.
"You have already made your decision, Tony," Ziva told him firmly.
"They said she's hard to parent. Jamison, I mean," Tony shared sounding apprehensive.
"Because she is a DiNozzo?" Ziva joked.
"More like because she's always been the parent. She's only ten years old and I felt like I was talking to an adult. She asked if they could stay with me, you know, like I was just going to rent them a room or something. She told me she can take care of her sister so I won't have to worry about that."
"She will need you to be very patient and strong…and kind. You will have to prove to her that you can be trusted to take care of them. She will undermine you but you must not give up. You are the perfect father for her," Ziva assured him softly.
They both grew silent for a moment before Tony acknowledged quietly with a hint of teasing, "So you're saying being your partner for eight years prepared me for parenting a ten year old with trust issues?"
"You will win her heart, Tony. I have no doubt about this."
"And then eight years from now, she'll grow up and break mine when she leaves me. God, why can't I just do this the easy way? Get married, have a baby and let my wife do all the heavy lifting. I'm in way over my head here."
Tony deliberately antagonized Ziva to mask the hurtful admission he'd slipped into their conversation. There was a part of him that harbored anger over her choice to remain in Israel but he refused to confront it directly. Ziva recognized his passive aggressive behavior but chose not to address it.
"I am going to pretend I did not hear you say something so ridiculously sexist."
"So, um, where are you anyway?" Tony wondered changing the subject.
"I'm at my uncle's beach house in Haifa…thinking," Ziva explained.
"Still thinking then?"
"Yes. How is Gibbs? His texts are cryptic," Ziva asked diverting the subject off of herself.
"Busy hazing the new baby probie. She's been pouting and sucking her thumb a lot but Boss hasn't made her cry yet. I'm starting to think she might work out," Tony joked nonchalantly.
"You like her then?" Ziva queried her voice hardening slightly.
"She's married," was Tony's rushed response.
"That is not what I asked, Tony," Ziva told him both amused and slightly relieved.
"Yeah, Ellie's alright. I don't know. It still feels weird. Too new, I guess. McGee likes her," Tony shrugged leaving his true feelings unsaid.
I miss you, he thought. I want you to be my partner. No matter how great this kid is, she still isn't you.
"You must do better than thinking she is alright if you are going to rely on each other in the field. Change is difficult, Tony, but you must accept it," Ziva told him bluntly.
"Is that right, Ziva? Well, I'm about to change my entire life here. I think I'm entitled to miss my old partner a little bit considering I'm going to become an instant father and give up every ounce of freedom I have. Oh, and as an added bonus, I get to move after living in the same apartment for more than a decade. I think I'm experiencing at least six of the ten most stressful life changes at once so excuse me for wishing I had somebody familiar sitting across from me," Tony whined.
"I miss you as well, Tony. I must go. There is something here that requires my attention. I…call me if you need anything…," Ziva's voice faded as she grew unsure what to say next.
"Yeah, okay. Uh…thanks for the talk and the place to live."
"Good night, Tony."
Tony sighed with bittersweet contentment as he ended the call and quickly added Ziva's number to his contact list. Talking with his best friend had given him the peace he needed. Ziva believed in him. She had convinced him he could do more than just merely take responsibility for these children but could truly become the father they needed. Tomorrow he would tell the social worker he wanted to adopt the two girls.
Wednesday morning, March 26, 2014…
"Come on, let's roll. Backpacks. Car. Now," Tony ordered doing his best imitation of a drill sergeant as he searched for his keys.
"You forgot to brush Kori's hair," Jamison pointed out as she joined him by the front door.
Her tone was sassy rather than accusatory. This was an improvement that had begun over the past week and Tony was grateful to finally see progress with the child. Normally she took great pleasure in angrily criticizing what she perceived as his parenting shortfalls.
"Thanks for the tip, Shortcake. Kori, come on, Monkey, time to go," Tony called for his younger daughter a second time but she completely ignored him.
"She's Merida today. You know, Brave. Red hair. Bow and arrow," Jamison informed him saucily reminding him about the details of Kori's new favorite Disney movie.
"Right. Who does that make us?" Tony wondered with a teasing wink at Jamison before calling for his younger daughter once more.
"Merida, let's go. Time for archery school. You don't want to be late."
"The dad's name is King Fergus. I'm going to be Mor'du, the fearsome bear. Grrrr," Jamison roared at her sister when the little girl finally appeared at the front door.
"That's enough, Mor'du. Come on, guys, let's go."
"Hair," Jamison reminded him again more forcefully this time.
"I bought an extra hairbrush and put it in the car. You can do it for her on the way," Tony told Jamison with a proud smirk.
"Daddy Fergus is very wise," Kori decided reaching for Tony's hand and earning a glare from her sister.
Unlike Jamison, Kori had completely embraced Tony as her father and Jamison was struggling with the perceived disloyalty. She manifested her feelings by tormenting her sister in ways that sometimes exceeded normal sibling rivalry and forced Tony to intervene for the younger girl.
"You're pulling my hairs," Kori complained with a whine a few minutes later in the car.
"You have tangles," Jamison responded unsympathetically.
"You could do it a little more gently," Tony admonished from the front seat.
"I could," Jamison agreed in a tone that implied she had no intention of doing so.
"I'll brush your hair tomorrow, Merida," Tony promised Kori.
"Don't worry, Daddy Fergus. I've drank from the fire falls. This scraffy witch can't hurt me," Kori announced proudly using a quote from the movie to remain in character.
"Don't call me a witch, you little…"
"Don't forget your soccer stuff, Mor'du. Practice tonight," Tony quickly interrupted to remind Jamison as he pulled to a stop in front of the entrance to the girls' school.
"Do I have to ride to with Lauren? I don't like her. She stinks," Jamison complained after Kori had exited the car and run toward the school door chasing an imaginary bear with a pretend bow and arrow.
"Lauren's mom takes you and I pick you up. That's how carpooling works. Practice starts at five-thirty. If you want to play, you have to ride with Lauren. I told you the deal when you asked to be on the team," Tony explained patiently.
"The other parents watch the whole time," Jamison told him sullenly.
"Not true. The ones with jobs don't. And I haven't missed a single game," Tony reminded her.
"We've only had scrimmages and they were on Saturday," Jamison countered.
"Just get your soccer bag and your backpack and get out of the car. You're making yourself late," Tony finally snapped irritably.
"Daddy Fergus almost had a chance to make it to work on time today," Tony mumbled to himself as he pulled out of the school drop off line after Jamison had finally exited the car with deliberately exaggerated slowness.
Any morning the two girls wore clean uniforms, ate breakfast, and brushed their hair before Tony dropped them off at school, he counted it as a success even if he was late for work. It had taken a few weeks but he was finally getting into a routine. It could still derail at any moment if Jamison had a tantrum or Kori retreated into a fantasy world where school didn't exist. Gibbs had given him a lot of grace so far. These weren't easy kids and his boss understood that.
Kori was an extremely creative and imaginative child. Her tendency to pretend she was a fictional character most of the time had concerned Tony initially but Ducky had reassured him that role play was an age appropriate way for Kori to express her emotions during this time of transition.
The character Kori played often reflected her mood. Hocus, the rabbit that lived inside Frosty the Snowman's magical hat, meant the little girl was sad. Lacey, the youngest of twelve dancing princesses, usually revealed Kori was scared. There were a variety of personas that had good connotations and a couple that indicated she was angry with her sister. Merida was new but she seemed to signal that Kori was feeling strong and empowered. Or maybe the little girl just really liked the Disney DVD Tony had bought her.
Tony didn't need imaginary characters as a barometer for Jamison's mood. She had only one most of the time and it was angry. She continually tested all the boundaries Tony set and pushed his buttons constantly in an effort to prove he wasn't worthy of her trust. His patience had worn thin a few times but for the most part, Tony had persevered. He'd worked hard to maintain consistency and give his older daughter the security she needed. She was slowly allowing him to be the parent. On her better days, Tony was developing a rapport with Jamison that he enjoyed. She was a fun kid when she didn't hate him.
Tony sighed as he rode the elevator to the NCIS squad room and made a valiant attempt to shift his focus to work. His becoming a father had altered the team dynamics yet again. Ziva's prediction had been correct and his NCIS family had rallied around him over the past two months.
McGee had become the mentor that their probationary agent, Ellie Bishop, sorely needed allowing Tony to focus on his new family. In his usual quiet way, Gibbs had been a pillar of support often interjecting simple, logical solutions when Tony felt overwhelmed. Of course, Abby had inserted herself into everything from helping him with laundry to signing the girls up for dance classes. Even Ellie frequently offered to complete the senior agent's paperwork so he could leave the office on time each day.
Tony had easily convinced his father to voluntarily relinquish his parental rights to Jamison. The senior DiNozzo was more than willing to let Tony parent the child. The girls' caseworker was prepared to endorse the adoption and Tony was just waiting for an assigned family court date and then both girls would officially be his. Anthony DiNozzo Sr. had at least visited and played the role of doting grandfather. He had quickly and easily won the girls' affection and they called him Poppy. Tony had encouraged it so that Jamison would have a relationship with her biological father.
Even Ziva had made good on her promised assistance. In addition to spoiling the girls with material things and securing a good family law attorney for Tony, Ziva had aided him on difficult cases when needed. As his mystery confidential informant, she had provided information gleaned from her former Mossad contacts that it might have otherwise taken Tony hours or days to find through conventional investigation methods. Gibbs wasn't fooled but he said nothing.
Although Tony knew it was risky for his heart, he had resumed regular contact with Ziva. With the seven hour time difference and most of Tony's waking hours consumed with parenting, they had fallen into a habit of video chatting after the girls were asleep on Friday nights. That corresponded to early Saturday morning for Ziva. Tony was usually exhausted and often discouraged by the end of the week and Ziva seemed eager to listen. Sometimes she offered advice or reassurance but mostly she was just the receptacle for his venting. Tony counted on that time of adult interaction with Ziva every week.
"Challenging morning?" McGee asked when Tony finally reached his desk.
"Just the usual. I'm the worst dad ever because Jamison has to carpool to soccer practice with a stinky kid," Tony explained.
"Who is Kori today?" Ellie wanted to know.
"Merida," Tony responded fully expecting Ellie to need further explanation.
"Oh, Brave," Ellie replied with a smile before adding, "Merida is a strong role model for young girls. I really like the way Disney has portrayed female characters in their newer movies."
"Of course you do, My Little Probie. You're only twelve," Tony teased using the nickname he had derived from one of Kori's favorite cartoons, My Little Pony.
"I watched it with my niece, DiNozzo. And I'm twenty-seven," Ellie corrected huffily.
"Wait, she's twenty-seven? I thought you said she was twenty-six," Tony asked McGee.
The senior agent returned his gaze to the most junior team member and asked, "Did I miss your birthday?"
"It was last week, Tony. Abby sent you an email," McGee reminded him.
"Sorry. Congratulations on finally being in your late twenties," Tony told Ellie his sincerely apologetic grimace taking some of the sting out of the dig at her young age.
Ellie simply nodded and returned her focus to her computer screen.
"So, how did our baby probie celebrate her birthday? Go out and party with all your friends? Get drunk. Help me out here. I'm trying to remember what it was like to have a social life," Tony teased knowing Ellie was mostly a homebody with a small social circle.
"I had dinner with my husband," Ellie shared reluctantly.
"I had a pretty quiet weekend myself," McGee admitted in solidarity.
"See, now I feel so much better about having no life. At least I've got the fatherhood excuse. You kid-free in-pro-berts are just anti-social," Tony decided with a grin enjoying his creative alteration of the word introvert.
"Grab your gear," Gibbs interrupted entering the squad room.