Three days had passed since she had shot and killed Eric Plummer. Once he had been an innocent victim of circumstantial evidence and a justice system that had not yet had access to DNA analysis technology. Wrongful incarceration and the torment and torture that came with being labelled a rapist had twisted his mind to the point of seeking revenge against the woman he blamed for it all.

Detective Olivia Benson had hardly slept since the shooting, and had only been to work for the mandatory statement and internal affairs investigation of the shooting. Early indications were that the shooting had been deemed clean. In her mind though, Olivia couldn't help but feel responsible for the monster that Plummer had become. She sold the jury in his rape murder trial on his guilt and she could understand his anger. She had created the monster and she had been forced to put him down, he had ensured that.

Every time she lay down to sleep without the assistance of alcohol she would relive the moment she shot Plummer. It plagued her. He had told her before he made his last move to pull the trigger of the gun he had trained on a hostage that his gun was empty. He had told her knowing that she couldn't take the risk that he was lying; and perhaps in hope that it would cost her, her badge.

Olivia sat with her legs curled underneath her on the couch, staring at the dancing shadows on the wall created by her television. In front of her a half empty bottle of vodka sat on a solid wooden coffee table, tempting her to quell the demons. She had resisted the temptation for hours; fear of turning into an alcoholic like her mother had over ridden the guilt she felt.

Two nights of drinking had preceded this one and she knew she was close to tipping over the edge towards dependence. The craving for the alcohol was stronger than it had ever been in her life, but she knew it was just a symptom of a bigger problem; an inability to let anybody get too close.

Olivia knew that she needed to talk about what had happened with Plummer and how he had gotten into her head, but she had felt betrayed by her partner Detective Elliot Stabler when he had requested a protection team for her against her wishes. He was the only one she had grown to trust, but she still felt angry with him for going behind her back. She knew that he had only done it out of concern for her safety, but still it stung. As a result she just wasn't ready to forgive and it left her short of a needed confidant.

Olivia averted her eyes from the wall to the Vodka bottle; anger welled in her chest and she lashed out. Rising from her position on the couch she flipped the coffee table, sending the vodka bottle flying across the room. Frustrated with the persistence of the desire to drown her thoughts she stalked across the room, through her bedroom into the en-suite.

Turning on the cold faucet Olivia splashed some cold water onto her face before looking at her reflection in the mirror. Staring back at her, her own tired brown eyes betrayed the anguish she felt. Her short dark hair with several blonde streaks was matted down with dried sweat. She wore a grey NYPD sweatshirt and grey sweatpants. Closing her eyes momentarily she was flooded with images of Plummer falling to the ground as her shot entered his chest. Opening them again she splashed more water on her slightly olive toned features before turning off the faucet. She needed to shower.

The loud buzz from the apartment intercom dragged Olivia from the en-suite to the front door. Pressing the talk button she growled, "Elliot I'm not in the mood. Leave me alone."

"It's Alex."

Olivia paused for a moment, surprised that the Assistant District Attorney assigned to work the cases from her bureau the Special Victims Unit was downstairs buzzing her apartment at 10pm. "What can I help you with counsellor?"

"Mind if I come up?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment before buzzing the ADA in to the apartment building. While she waited for the attorney to reach her door she picked up the coffee table and put it back in place. The last thing she felt like was an inquisition. Alexandra Cabot was a formidable woman, highly attentive to detail and quite direct. They had only been working together for a short time but Olivia had grown to respect the ADA, even though they had cause to butt heads on occasion when it came to the prosecution of long term victims who had fought back against their abusers in a criminal way.

When she heard the soft knock on her door Olivia wondered why she had agreed to allow Alex in. Resigned to her decision she opened her door and forced a weak smile, "Counsellor."

Alex stood for a moment taking in the clothing the detective was wearing, "Is this a bad time?"

Olivia looked down at her clothing, "Only if my casualness offends your sense of style."

The attorney's face softened into a smile, "Not at all Olivia." She walked into the apartment, following the Detective and taking a seat on the couch as offered. "How are you?"

"Fine, is there some thing you need me for?" Olivia remained standing, with arms crossed in a defensive manner.

"No. I thought you could do with a friend."

"A little late for a visit don't you think?"

"Perhaps," Alex surveyed the apartment, neat and orderly apart from the bottle of vodka on the ground near the entertainment unit. She frowned briefly before returning her gaze to the woman standing in front of her, "You know you can talk to me, I'm not here to judge. Elliot has been worried about you and he mentioned you haven't returned his calls."

"So, you're here at Elliot's bidding?" Olivia tried to ignore the fact that her guest had seen the vodka bottle she had forgotten to pick up and put away, instead focusing on her annoyance with her partner.

"Not at all, I share his concern." She allowed her gaze to return to the bottle of vodka on the floor.

Olivia picked up the bottle and sat it on the coffee table in front of Alex. "About this?"

"Should I be?" She shifted her weight forward, clasping her hands in her lap.

"Honestly? I don't know." Olivia paced backwards and forwards in front of the attentive ADA. She knew she needed to trust someone and there was only one person sitting in the living area offering a friendly ear. "My mother was an alcoholic. I don't normally like to drink alone, I worry that I inherited that predilection."

"A predilection for using alcohol to forget?"

"Very observant counsellor," Olivia sat down on the edge of the coffee table and looked directly at Alex. "He was innocent."

"No. Plummer ceased being innocent the moment he began stalking you to plan his payback. You didn't have a choice in the matter Olivia, he had a gun and he was going to use it. You did the right thing."

"It was empty."

"Could you know that for sure?"

"No."

"And what would have happened if you didn't shoot him and he had been lying?"

"Another innocent woman would be dead."

"Exactly." Alex reached out to place a comforting hand on the detectives shoulder. "You did what you were trained to do."

The hand on her shoulder had a surprising calming effect on Olivia. She took a moment to really look at the attorney sitting before her. A blonde blue eyed beauty, sleek and slim dressed in a navy skirt suit with a white shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail and her eyes pierced through stylish black rimmed glasses.

Exhaling deeply the detectives shoulders slumped and she averted her gaze. "I have never wanted to drink more than I do now."

"St Mark's has a bi-weekly AA meeting, perhaps it would help you confront and overcome this desire?" Alex could feel Olivia's shoulder tighten under her touch and realised her genuine attempt at support may have been taken in the wrong vein. Removing her hand back to her lap she met the simmering gaze head on, "I just thought you might find an anonymous environment helpful."

"I would find going back to work more helpful."

"You weren't suspended, so why are you not back at work?"

"Desk duty until IAB clears the kill." Olivia met the inquisitive look from the ADA, "Come on counsellor you know no cop worth their salt wants to be stuck on a desk."

"How many cops face their stalker, shoot them dead and go back to the streets straight away?"

She knew that Alex had a valid point but she couldn't stand the thought of being tied to a desk. She also knew that calling in sick again was not going to impress unit chief Captain Cragen because of the mandatory counselling that she had been avoiding. "I'll see you in the morning counsellor." In her mind the bonding time was over.

"I hope so; we need to do some trial prep for the Marquez case." Alex stood and shared a friendly smile, "see you in the morning detective."

Following her co-worker to the door she realised for the first time that the attorney had brought a briefcase with her, no doubt to run through the trial preparation that they were now going to do in the morning. "Alex…"

The ADA turned, "Yes Olivia?"

"Thank you."