I hear the group of enraged people behind me yelling, and I silently wait for them to come for me.
"It is done!" I hear Lexa shout to her people. I quietly turn my back on the lifeless body of the boy Ioved and face my people. Faces mixed with shock and horror greet me, and the only sound I hear now, are Ravens screams.
Slowly, I make my way back to my camp. The walk that took me 5 minutes just moments ago, now takes me 10 as my feet drag with the weight of what I've just done.
I turn to look at my mother who's face appears to be masked with sympathy, but for who I'm not sure.
I then direct my gaze at the cramped heap that is Raven and Bellamy. Ravens face is contorted in sobs ripping out of her chest, and Bellamy's is as cold and unreadable as the day I met him. But he looks at me, all the while comforting Raven. His eyes seem to be trying to tell me something but I can't seem to put my finger on what.
I reach the gate now and two guards pull it open for me in silence. The whole camp knows or is soon to know what i've just done…and i wasn't sure what to expect from them.
"You son of a BITCH!" Raven says untangling herself from Bellamy and tackling me to the ground.
"RAVEN!" I hear a few people shout. She gets in a few good punches before Bellamy and Kane get her up off me.
"He was all I had!" Raven screams at me while still sobbing and struggling against Kane's hold. Bellamy appears at my side and tries to help me up but I brush him off.
"Are you alright?" He asked seemingly concerned, and i'm not sure which recent event he's referring to.
"No." I reply coldly as I stand up and make my way inside the ark.
I hear footsteps behind me, I should have expected to be followed.
"Mom I don't want to talk right now. Just go, I want to be alone." I say not bothering to turn around.
"Relax Clarke, it's just me." Bellamy said. And this time i do turn.
"Well, same goes for you. I just want to be alone." I say turning my back on him again and busying my self with medical supplies to treat my new cuts and bruises via Raven.
"I don't think thats a good idea right now." Bellamy says sternly. He had no intention of leaving.
"Where's my mom? It's not like her to actually give me space."
"I convinced her to go with Raven for a bit and let me talk to you."
"Why?" I say giving him a confused look
"Because, after everything we've been through together I've started t consider you as a friend. And you were there for me when I needed someone so, here I am." I nod. I had never really thought about what Bellamy was to me, he had always just been there. Someone I had to deal with, but he was right. After everything we had gone through with the grounders and coming to Earth to begin with, I had started to think of Bellamy as I once did Wells. I can't pin point exactly when or where or during which battle it happened, but Bellamy was the closet friend I had in the god forsaken place..I trusted him the most. I realize that I still haven't said a word and then realized that I didn't know what to say. He wanted to have one of those talks where feelings are discussed and I was never really good at that sort of thing. I was always the type of person to keep it all bottled up inside.
"Clarke." he says getting my attention
"Hm?" I say and he rolls his eyes.
"You aren't getting out of this. Talk." I sigh and then go and sit down next to him. He looks at me expectantly and I take a deep breath.
"I had to do it." I say simply, not meeting his eyes yet. But out of the corner of my eye I see him nod, both agreeing with me and encouraging me to go on.
"Lexa wasn't going to let him go…and I couldn't kill her like Raven said..I didn't see how that would help and Lexa is our only chance at peace and.." I trailed off.
"I know." He says simply. I look at him with a pained expression and nod.
"Remember when you said you thought you were a monster for what you'd done?" I ask him and he clenches his jaw and nods and I continue.
"Everything you did…you did, you did it out of love…for Octavia..to protect her," The words were getting harder and harder to force out. "But I..I killed him. I killed the only boy I've ever loved..what does that make me..?" It's getting harder and harder to control the tears that are threatening to fall.
"Brave." He says simply. I look up at him and he gives me a small but reassuring smile. "When Jasper was speared and dying, I told you you didn't have the guts to make the tough decisions, but when you found me and Atom in the woods and took the knife from me, you proved me wrong, And you did it again tonight," I was crying now, the tears flowing freely and Bellamy was looking at me like i'd seen him look at Octavia after Lincoln had disappeared, and it was strangely comforting.
"You sacrificed one to save the many." I looked up at him with shining eyes tears still spilling over the edges. "It had to be done." He said finally. He was right of course, but that didn't change the simple fact that he was dead..because of me. The tears come stronger and I feel Bellamy's arms wrap around me.
"It's gonna be alright Clarke," He murmured into my hair "Everything's gonna be okay." I sniff and do my best to dry up my tears.
"Bellamy?"
"Hm?"
"Don't make him have died for nothing." I pull back and look him in the eye "Lets go break our friends out of Mt Weather." I jump off the med bay bed and he followed suit with a half-hearted smirk and said,
"Lead the way, Princess."