I do not own Boy Meets World.

XxX

Why did it always have to come back to this? Why did everyone Shawn love have to move on without him? How was that even fair? He knew that it wasn't fair. But Cory? Of all people, why did his best friend have to get married? He was with Topanga, on their honeymoon, doing god ~knows what. Shawn knew what they were doing, he knew exactly how Cory felt about her. It was the same way Shawn had felt about Cory since the beginning. But this was ~lust. Or maybe it was love. Shawn would never know. He had never felt this way about anything else.

Except this razor blade. The only thing that ever came into Shawn's life and never left him. He hadn't allowed himself this is years, because he had had Cory. He always imagines what would happen when Cory had found out. What would happen when poor trailer-trash Shawn went too deep one night and needed to call his best friend for help. How in Cory's rush, he would only have on loose fitting sweatpants and his baggy coat. How his hair would be messy and his body would be yearning to make sure Shawn's needs were met. But how selfish could Shawn possibly be? Cory didn't belong to him anymore, hell, Cory had ~never belonged to him. Shawn hadn't even noticed himself start to cry. His cheeks were damp and streaked, and he could feel his body begin to tremble. The more he became aware to his body's reaction to his thoughts, the more he couldn't wait to have his blade against his arm again. He was alone, alone with the past, with the present and alone with his blurry future. He was scared, he was angry, but most of all, he yearned for ~love. He was in love with his best friend, a best friend that now had a loving wife.

Shawn ran the blade across his fingertip. His finger throbbed, but the blade brought back memories. It brought back the screaming of his parents, the sound of his mom slamming the door as she walked out, and the tears that he shed on Cory's chest. This cut wasn't enough. It just made his brain scream louder. There wasn't enough pain, wasn't enough blood, wasn't enough distraction. Shawn pulled his knees tighter to his chest and set his arm on top of them. He moved the blade to his pale arm, and thought a moment before he dug it in. He thought about calling Cory, and explaining what he was about to do. But before he gave it another thought, he stuck the razor straight down and pulled it along. It had to be ~straight. That was crucial to him. The blood pooled over the edges of the injury, red and whit, a candy cane forming on his arm. He removed to razor from his skin and set it down. Using his clean hand, he pulled at the edges of the wound. He needed to make this bigger, he need to ~feel it. He needed to make himself feel logical pain. Shawn had picked his razor back up when his phone started to ring.

"Shit," He said to no one but himself. He put the blade back on the floor and grabbed for his phone. Cory Matthew's name was displayed.

"C.C.C. Cory. How. How are you?" Shawn could hear the tears in his voice.

"Shawn, what's the matter?"

"Nothing. I miss you man." Shawn cleared his throat. "When are you coming home?"

"I miss you too Shawny. I'll be home soon. Are you sure you're okay? You sound pretty shaken up." Shawn was sickened by the worry in his friend's voice. He hated when people worried about him.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I can't wait to see you Cor. It's really lone-…boring here without you."

"I know Shawn. I have so much to tell you when I get home. Only two more days. Do you think you can make it without me? I love you Shawny. I'll see you soon." Shawn could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"I. I can't wait to hear it Cory. Of course I can make it without you. What do you think? My life doesn't revolve around you." Shawn tried his hardest to laugh with Cory. "I love you too, buddy."

"Bye Shawn."

"Bye Cor."

Shawn hung up the phone. His eyes were soaking wet, and his arm was screaming for more attention. He stood up though, and walked into his bathroom to wash off the evidence that was spilt all over his arm.

I am not sure if I want to post the next chapter or not, so please let me know what you think!