Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
It's been over a year since we moved to Malibu, California; four years since I became Hannah Montana; and five years since I've lost my mom. Don't worry she didn't die or anything, just decided that she'd be better off with some guy who had more money and a bigger house.
When she left it was up to me and my brother, Jackson, to pick up the pieces that was our dad. For a year all he did was mope around the house either sleeping or staring blankly at the television. Jackson and I never left the house, because we were scared dad would do something stupid that could cost us another parent. So for a year we took turns watching him; Jackson would stay up one night to keep an eye on him, then the next night it would be my turn. We had hired a nanny during the day to watch him while Jackson and I went to school.
She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
For a year we had no social life. For a year daddy could not look me in the eye; I reminded him so much of my mother. For a year I didn't know my dad. For a year I hated my mother for being so selfish.
Luckily it got better, and slowly Jackson and I got our father back. It started one morning, I had accidentally fallen asleep when I was supposed to be watching dad. When I woke up he was gone and I freaked. Jackson and I franticly searched the house for our father and was surprised to find him down stairs making us breakfast. When I saw him behind the stove I broke down, falling to the ground crying. For the first time in a year my father held me in his arms.
"I'm sorry, kids." He said to me and Jackson. "I know I haven't been myself this past year. But I promise from now on I won't make you kids worry anymore" He moved his head to look at Jackson. "I'm the adult, not you guys. And it's about time I start acting that way."
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
Six months later my career as Hannah Montana began to skyrocket. I used my voice to cover the hole I felt in my heart left by my mother. Sometimes I wish, in spite of myself, that she was here to see me in all my glory. I know that I don't need her but a mother's embrace is a good feeling.
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
A year later we decided to move to Malibu leaving behind a past would become too hard to ignore if we stayed. Here we could start anew, and it was a better location to cooperate with my career.
It was hard to make friends at first; after my mother left I had serious trust issues, fearing who ever I befriended would leave me like she did. A stubborn girl named Lily was the first friend in Malibu I ever made. Day after day she'd talk to me even when I'd continue being a bitch to her. Finally I decided to let her in, cautions at first but then warming up to her. Time after time she proved to me that she'd stay by my side. And a year later we are the best of friends, inseparable.
"Lily, can I ask you something?" I asked one day.
"Yeah sure Miles, what's up?"
"Why did you keep trying to be friends with me when I kept being a bitch to you?"
"It seemed that you REALLY needed a friend, so I thought I could be that friend." I smiled warmly at her knowing she's the best thing that's happen since my mother left. She smiles back.
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I have yet to tell Lily about my mother, or my past life in Tennessee. She asked once about my mother but never asked again after I started crying. For the rest of that night Lily held me in her arms while I cried. The next morning she apologizes profusely, until I stopped her by saying it wasn't her fault. Maybe one of these days I'll tell her, but for now the past will stay in the past.
Lily and I have been spending most of our time at the beach sitting in the sand staring at the ocean. It's spring break so we're working on our tans. It would be hard to believe that a week ago we were in a fight. Lily had stumbled upon my little secret of being Hannah Montana. She was mad that I kept it from her and I was mad that she accidentally called me Hannah, but thankfully we worked it out. Now whenever I have a concert Lily comes along as Lola to support me. Little by little the pain of my mother leaving begins to lessen.
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
Slowly my life begins to get use to being motherless. A new singer has popped up, Mikayla. I really don't like her, she just seems to want to make my life harder then it already is. What is her beef with me anyways? Lily says to just ignore her that she's jealous of me for being the "better, much prettier singer." But I can't help it Mikayla seems to have the ability to get under my skin.
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
In a few days will be the 10th anniversary of my mother's leaving. Lily has noticed my change in mood but I won't tell her why. She's a good friend and I wish I could tell her what is eating me up inside but I'm scared that if I do tell her that I'll have to bury the past all over again.
On the day of the anniversary Lily called and asked if I wanted to hang out but I declined saying I was busy. When we hung up the phone I went up to my room and crawled under the covers. I haven't been this depressed since she left. Why now ten years later that I start to feel something again.
"Miley?" It was Lily. Why was she here? "I know you said your busy but—, "I started crying and she stopped talking. She walked over to my bed crawling in next to me. She puts her arms around me holding me tight. "Shhhhh Miley its ok, I'm here." She says calming me down a little. "Please tell me what's wrong. Maybe it'll help you let go of what ever it is that is eating at you." Then it hits me. Lily's right I need to tell her if I ever want to let go of my mother.
"Lily," I sob out. "It's my mother." I begin the long story of how my mother left me and my family. And slowly as I tell Lily about her I can feel me beginning to let her go at long last.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...