Author's Note: Things I don't own

Mini-Balrogs and Official Fanfiction Universities belong to Miss Cam

Mini-Aragogs, Mini-Reapers, and Bleeprin belong to whoever invented them in the Protectors of the Plot Continuum.

Sajeddy (Sarah Jane Teddy) was accidentally created by Blinded-Kit and stolen by me.

Doctor Who, The Sarah Jane Adventures, Torchwood, and all characters, tools, fictional locatons, and species therein belong to the BBC.

reTARDISes belong to the Family Guy/Doctor Who spoof "Doctor Stew"—in my case, the "re" stands for "Restricted."

All bad English was translated using lingo2word.

Dr+Rose4vrr and her fic "Eternal Rose" are entirely my own creations.

HONF(high-octane nightmare fuel) is a TV tropes term

"The Ultimate Doctor Who Survival Guide" is a real fic by Elvaro and is used with permission

Zoe, Ashley, Sara, Evelyn, Nichelle and Roheryn are based on real people with their permission.

And with all that said… here's the story.

T-Minus Seven Days

"Where's the transmit beams? The kitchen in reTARDIS 27 isn't installed yet!"

"I lost my sonic. What if a student finds it?"

"Cyberman 63 just deleted Dalak Caan!"

"Mistress Grace, the perception filter on Torchwood Five is phasing."

"I wish today was just like every other day," Someone warbled off key, just loudly enough to be heard in the clamor.

"Quiet!" Grace exploded. Everyone in the hall turned to look at her. "Don't worry about the kitchen in 27, it'll turn up. I think I saw a sonic in Galadrile's bedding. Don't worry about Caan; he survived the Time War, I doubt a random Cyberman could kill him. K9, ask Mr. Newman to analyze Torchwood's perception filter. And Esther, could you take over for a moment? I'm going to the lounge for a moment of quiet."

As the crowd dispensed down the hallways, Grace rubbed her forehead. "One week till the opening of the Official Whonivesity of Fanfiction. Whose bloody idea was it for the students to arrive the same day as Series 6 starts?"

If we start right at season six, we can train them before a new flood of fics distorts canon. After briefly assuring the others that they could still watch new episodes in real time, the motion had passed.

Grace gritted her teeth. If she remembered whose idea that was, she would unleash the minis on her. Granted, they only had two minis, but that was still a sufficient threat.

T-Minus Four Days

Miss Esther was researching Series 6 rumors in the W1L lounge (only non-canon staff were allowed in,) including the dozen-plus Facebook pages she subscribed to. After all, it was important to know what rumors would be circulating among pupils. At least, that's what she would have said to anyone who asked.

On the other hand, Galadrile was roasting Esther's Starbursts and marshmallows, while Sajeddy relaxed by Esther's feet. The min, properly named Sarah Jane Teddy, had been rescued from a Sarah Jane Adventures and Harry Potter crossover, and combined aspects of the Time Reapers with acromantulan features, as well as a crooked walk due to its spin-off origins

Ping. The laptop notified her of a new update to Facebook. Esther looked down at the screen. At the short notification, her heart jumped. No. No no no let it be a hoax.

Lis Sladen died of cancer today at age 63.

At that moment, the door buzzed open for Grace. "Whatcha doing, Esther?"

Lips trembling, Esther pointed at the screen.

Grace read the announcement twice before speaking. "Are you sure it's accurate?"

"Ask Mr. Newman." The Xylock kept records of both Whoniverse and World 1 media reports.

"The actress isn't the character," Grace reminded her. "I checked on the Brigadier after Nicholas Courtney died, and the Brig was fine."

"He didn't have a spinoff. They might have a funeral in SJA, that is, if they even keep it going." Sajeddy uncurled and stared at Esther as the girl spoke.

"On the other hand, we definitely should call an early meeting to inform the canon characters most likely to be impacted. All of the Sarah Jane Adventures characters, and then Three and Four from the classics…"

"Henry, the Brig, and Yates too. She met 1, 2, and 5 on Gallifrey's Death Zone, but 10 and 11 had longer interactions." Esther swallowed again. "I've seen all her episodes. Sarah Jane was my favorite."

Grace hugged the other girl. "Why don't you come with me as I make the connections? I was intending to teach you how to work the inter-reality cannon anyway. We adapted it from the parallel Torchwood..."

T-Minus Three Days

Roheryn took her sonic dagger and tested the settings on the inter-reality cannon again. Being a later hire for the most complicated sector compounded her stress. With only two surviving members from the cast, she had to time classes very carefully. Even with in-school immunity from most alien artifacts, she really didn't want to mess with things. The Resurrection Gantlets, for example….yeah, bad idea.

Thwarp. "Come in."

Grace stepped through the door, carefully avoiding the pile of sheet metal and a stack of pizza boxes. "Esther just wanted to make sure that the PG barrier is securely in place. Originally, she wanted to put a restraining order on Harkness regarding Maria, Clyde, Rani, and Luke, but she settled for the family-friendly banner. "

"Double- and triple-checked. Tried sending some high-rated T fics through the door—bounced them right back out. As long as it doesn't keep the team out entirely—"

"Most of them are dead. Permanently, buried six-feet-under, starting-to-stink dead." Grace shook her head. "And some of the fans still find them attractive. Pardon me while I request extra shipments of Bleeprin from the PPC. "

Roheryn nodded. "Esther downed half a bottle while reading the summery of 'Children of Earth.' Didn't get up for two days afterwards, and that was only because Galadrile nearly burnt the sheets"

"Well, I better make sure all the paperwork is in order. But first, could you point your sonic over there?"

Accustomed to peculiar requests, Roheryn didn't blink.

A loud, alarm-clock noise blasted through a set of speakers. Grace winced, but managed a smile. "I was just about to go through the registration forms, but it works best when you're in a bad mood. That way, for example, if someone says 'Time Lord,' I'll make them old and on the last regeneration instead of young with a full set."

Roheryn nodded and turned back to her tinkering.

T-Minus 1 Hour

The girl stared at the countdown running on the side of her browser. Less than an hour until the premiere of The Impossible Astronaut. Just enough time to finish her Rose/Doctor fic "Eternal Rose." All that was left was writing a summery. d dr learns dat };- isa tym Lord. R&R.

"Hello. Is this Dr+Rose4vrr?" The speaker wore a fine black suit and dark shades which were less than typical for a cloudy evening in the local coffee shop, but the girl didn't notice.

"Yes. Who are you?"

"Call me Mr. Black. Did you just upload fic #579801011 to fanfiction net, a piece called 'Eternal Rose?'"

"Yes. Didya read it? Didya like it?"

"Yes, I read it. Your work has come to the attention of the OWoF, a unique new institution intended specifically for individuals like yourself. Just fill out this form and I will escort you there."

She took the form Mr. Black offered and began to fill it out.

Name: Dr+Rose4vrr

Nickname: Drose4

Species: Time Lord!

Your Doctor: 10

Preferred Person to Glomp: 10

But some of the questions were strange. What was a Mary Sue or mini-Reaper? At least she could say she'd given the Doctor half-human offspring, written herself as a companion, and written about another Time Lord who wasn't the Master.

cn u read dis sentenC? DY wrt lk dis?

What kind of question was it? Yes i do it maks perfect senZ 2 me. Drose 4 took the sheet and handed it to Mr. Black. The man took her arm—what a gentleman!—and pressed something underneath his long jacket. Colors began to swirl around them, and suddenly the café disappeared.

"What? Help me!" Drose4 began screaming, but no one seemed to hear her.