AN: After last week's episode I think that all of us got a little shaken by that last scene. I tried to do something with that and well, this one-shot is what came out. I really hope you like it.

AN2: I've never been to a Therapist before so I don't really know how it works. If you have and it's WAY different of what I wrote, please, just pretend it's similar and just go with it lol

AN3: Thank you so much 'MaybeIShouldGetACat' for all your help with the beta reading thing and everything, you rock!

ARIZONA'S POV

"I'm not going in that room."What? Words were coming out of Callie's mouth but I remained convinced that I didn't hear it right. "But I think you should. I think you need to."
"Please. I really need to talk. I really need you to do this." I pleaded desperately. I really needed her to go in that room with me. I need her there, by my side, giving me hope that I could fix the mess that I've made. I just needed her with me.
"I know." She said with a smile. But that wasn't my Calliope's smile. That was a smile of love... but also a smile of sadness. "You wore the red dress and everything."
But I didn't even have time to smile because she noticed my dress, because she just left. She probably noticed my haircut too even though she didn't mention it. But she didn't need to. I could see that she noticed and that she liked it, it was in her eyes.
But wait... she left. She's not doing it. She said she would but... yeah, I said I wouldn't do a lot of things and well, I did.
After a few minutes standing all alone in the room trying to process what had just happened I was woken from my daze by the sound of a door opening.
"Dr. Robbins?" Said Dr. Wyatt as she was exiting the room. "I thought you weren't coming anymore."
"Yes, I-" I started but she cut me off.
"Isn't Dr. Torres here? I thought she was coming. Is she in surgery? We can wait a little more if you still want to do it tonight."
"She came but she already left." I said looking the doctor in the eyes. "She's not up to it."
"Oh..." She said with a sad tone. "I'm really sorry about that, Dr. Robbins."
"Yeah, me too." I said quietly before taking a deep breath. What if it was a first step? I mean, what Callie said... She said that I should go in there, that she knew I needed to talk. What if it was her way of saying if I go in there and talk... she may give me a chance. Maybe she's not just ready now but later another day... who knows?
"Actually Dr. Wyatt" I said getting the woman's attention. "Do you mind if it's just me?"
"You mean you still want the consult? Just you?" I noted her tone of surprise. Apparently even the shrink knew that I was more messed up than I let on.
I nodded. "Yes, I would like to." Came my firm reply. That's it Arizona, go for it.
She nodded her head stepping back to give me space to enter her office. "Yes, sure. Please, come in."
The room was kind of dark. There was a couch and in front of it there was a chair that didn't seem to be very comfortable, I guess it was her chair. Thank God I didn't have to sit on that thing, I don't know if I'd be able to feel my butt at the end of the day when I got up. "Sit down please." She said as she pointed to the couch.

Complying, I sat there. I didn't know what to do. My mind was running like crazy, I couldn't stop thinking about all the things that had happened.
"So..." She said as she noticed I was lost in my thoughts.
I cleared my throat nervously before speaking. "I'm sorry, I've never done this before I um…I don't know how it works." I finished in a quiet tone.
"Okay, that's not a problem, I will help you with that. Let's start with what brings you here. Tell me what happened and then together we're going to make the links. Figure out what it is that you need. Is that okay for you?" I could see her get her notebook and a pen.
"Yes, I guess that... that's fine." My fingers started to drum nervously on my prosthetic leg, a bad habit that I seem to have developed in the past week since I destroyed my marriage.
"Okay, so... what brings you here?"
I knew that answer. I knew what it was that brought me to her room. I just... I was ashamed of it.
"You don't need to be ashamed, Arizona." I mentally rolled my eyes.
They tell us all about "naming" our patients emotions in medical school. It is supposed to make us seem more empathetic, more open. But good Lord it's annoying. I do need to be ashamed. Don't tell me that I don't. I screwed a woman that wasn't my wife!
I was snapped out of my self-loathing when the good doctor cleared her throat. "Arizona? Can I call you like that? Will that make you feel more comfortable?" I just nodded and she continued. "It's just you and me, it's your chance to talk, to vent, to let everything that's been bothering you come out."
Well Arizona, it's now or never. Things can't get any worse than they already are. I took a deep breath and decided to start. "I-I cheated... on my wife."
Dr. Wyatt didn't say anything when she heard me, I thought it was her way to say, "Keep going, that's not all."
"I cheated on my wife and now she... she left home with my... I mean, our baby. She can't stay in the same room as me for more than five minutes. The way she looks at me feels like she's killing me with her eyes." I could feel the tears in my eyes. Suck it up Arizona, you're not going to cry. You cheated. You don't deserve to cry.
Still she said nothing and it was making me nervous. I started to bounce my good leg, "Please say something, you said you would help me."
"Arizona, I asked you what brings you here." She said as she crossed her legs and tried to make herself comfortable on the chair. Even though I think it's not possible to be comfortable sitting on that thing.
"And I answered you that." An annoyed edge crept into my voice.
"Are you sure?" She raised an eyebrow. " Are you sure you told me everything?"

"Yes, I guess." I said. "That's why I'm here. I miss my wife and my daughter. I want them back, more than anything... I'd do anything to get them back, I'd change-"
"There it is." She cuts me off again.
"What?" What's she talking about?
"There are things that you regret."
"Yes, I know that. I regret that I cheated on the woman I love." Please, you don't need to be a therapist to notice that. Even a tiny human could see that.
"I'm saying that that's not the only thing you regret. Just work a little harder, try to think about the things you've done. I mean, do not focus only on the cheating."
"But that's the main reason why I'm here."
"Okay, let's try this another way. Why did you cheat?"
'Why did you cheat?' That's the question I'd like to know the answer to. "I don't know." I suddenly found my fingers really interesting.
"Do you think that's the only reason why Dr. Torres left? Was everything good before it happened?"
"Yes...no…I think?" Yeah, now I'm totally confused. I thought she was going to help me clear my mind not confuse it more than it already was.
"Did you give her any other reason to leave? Or to think about leaving?"
"I-I don't know..." I stuttered out.
"Arizona, I can clearly see that you're confused," Ugh, there she goes with that "naming" thing again. "so let's go to the point where everything started to change. When was it?"
"Well, after our wedding everything was good until the..." I couldn't finish.
"The plane crash?"
"Yes." Damn it tears, do not roll down my face.
"How did it effect you?"
She's kidding me, right?
"How did it change you?" She tried again.
"Well, I guess you can see that." I pointed to my prosthetic, the lifelike flesh-toned one that Callie had gotten for me so that I could wear heels again.
"So you lost a leg..."
"So you lost a leg? You think this was easy? To wake up and see that you were minus a limb?" It was my turn to cut her off.
"Can I finish, please?"
I took a deep breath and nodded. This was the anger that had destroyed so many things between me and Callie. Well that and me screwing that woman...I'm an idiot.
"You lost a leg and as I can see that is what affected you the most physically but... what else changed since the plane crash?"
"I don't know... I mean, many things have changed. I was grieving for my friends, I was being a bitch to everyone who tried to help me, pushing people away, pitying myself."
"Pushing people away? Including your wife?"
"Mainly my wife." Damn, the bitch is good, maybe I can put some stock in this nonsense psycho-babble. "I made her promise me that she wouldn't let them take my leg and when I woke up and found out... I exploded. I exploded like a bomb at her, blaming her for it and maybe... maybe for things that weren't even her fault."
"So you think it's her fault?"

"What?"
"About your leg. You said you blamed her for this and for other things that weren't her fault. So you think that this one is her fault."
"No, no I don't!" God, my voice suddenly became much loude. "I did before but not now."
"So now you understand it wasn't her fault?"
"Yeah, I mean... she saved my life. She did it to save me." I knew this. I really did. But now saying it out loud, I feel even dumber. Now it's so easy to say that I don't think it's her fault but when we were in that room fighting... I just couldn't help but say it was her fault.
"Anything you want to share?" She probably noticed that I was lost in my thoughts.
"After I told her what happened with L-Lauren we had a fight. A huge one. I'd say it was our worst fight. And while fighting I ended up saying things that I shouldn't have."
"What exactly did you say?"
"I told her that she hadn't lost anything. I told her that she was acting as if she was on the plane. That if she wanted the warrior wounds she..." I can feel the tears burning my eyes again.
"If she wanted..." The good doctor prodded.
Give me a minute to breathe damn it! I took a deep shuddering breath and continued "If she wanted the warrior wounds she s-should go grab a bone saw, stick out her leg a-and we would even the score." I had kept the tears away for as long as I could but right now, remembering the things I've said, I just couldn't keep them in anymore.
"And then..."
"She said apparently she had lost me and... left."
I watched as she took notes for a while. Why isn't she asking me more?
"You said she left... with your daughter?" Finally you said something!
"Yes."
"And does she let you see her?"
"Yes, we made up a schedule. She stays two nights with Callie and the following two nights she spends with me."
"And do you notice if it's changing her somehow?"
"I'm sorry but I don't get what you mean..."
"Sometimes, during parents' divorce children tend to-"
"We're not getting divorced!" Before I could notice I was on my feet.
"Please Arizona, sit down."
"No, no!" I yelled. "I'm not going to stay here and listen to you tell me Callie left me for good. We are NOT getting divorced!"
"Okay Arizona, I'm sorry." She said as she touched my arm. "I'm sorry, please calm down. Take your seat."
I sat down on the couch again now breathing heavily. God, her calm tone was stressing me out. Isn't that the opposite of what it's supposed to do?
"You didn't answer my question." She said after a couple minutes of silence.
"What question?" I asked, not really remembering what she had been talking about before she uttered the "D" word.
"About your daughter..."
"Oh yes... No, she's not different." I stopped to think a little bit. "I mean, she is... somehow. I can see she notices something is wrong, she keeps asking when mami is going to come home to watch TV with us."

"And what do you tell her?"
"I tell her that mami... that mami is working."
"And she…?"
"Well, she's 2 and a half years old she doesn't really question it. When she insists we wait for Callie to arrive so we can watch a cartoon I just call Callie and she speaks with her on the phone."
"How long has it been?"
"Since she left... a week or so."
"Did she tell you why she wasn't coming?"
"Like I said she did come but... she didn't stay. I was kind of disappointed because I was looking forward to it, I even wore a red dress... Callie says red is my color." I could feel a little smile on my face but it didn't last too long. "But she said she couldn't stop picturing me with... that woman... and she just couldn't talk about it, she wants a break from picturing me cheating on her. But she said I should come and talk... she said she knew I needed to talk."
"That's what convinced you to stay and talk?"
"No…Yes... I mean, that too. I'd say that it did but it wasn't the main reason."
"And what's the main reason?"
"The hope her words gave me."
"And isn't it the same reason?"
"No, I mean... she gave me HOPE." I emphasized the word, trying to get my point across. I sighed and continued. "Hope, that maybe if I came and talked that she may try it later. That maybe, she'll be up to it. I mean, she didn't say it... but that's what I hope to happen. And believe me when I tell you that hope is something that I haven't had in a while."
"I do believe you."
Another couple minutes of silence filled the room.
"I don't want to lose her. I... I don't want to let her go. When we first started dating, she was a newborn-"
"Newborn?" Would you stop cutting me off?'. My temper flared again. Maybe that was another thing I needed to work on.
"Yes, that's what I called it. I was the second woman she ever went on a date with…in a romantic way I mean. When I met her she was broken because of another woman and I... I don't know, something about her, something in her caught my attention." I could feel the smile spread on my face. "She was gorgeous... she is gorgeous. I find her miraculous, breathtakingly stunning... when we started dating I never thought we'd come this far, I mean, getting married, having a child... being a real family, you know? I think that before I met her I never thought about having a family, I mean, not really, we once broke up because I didn't want to have kids and she wanted..." I shook my head to dispel the bad memories. "That was terrible but ended well... I mean, until I left for Africa and I broke up with her in the middle of an airport... but after I left I noticed it was a mistake and-" The annoying screech that every physician comes to hate cut me off as I tried to explain. 'Great time to go off pager!' I thought sarcastically.
"I assume we'll have to continue this another day?"
"Yeah, there's an incoming trauma and they need me, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I know you're a surgeon and things like that happen all the time."
"Yeah, too often to be honest." I sigh, who am I kidding? Without Callie and Sofia, surgery is all I've got.
She let out a small laugh. "But, I'll see you again, right Dr. Robbins?" Her question stopped me at the door, just as I was about to exit.
"Tomorrow at the same time?"
"Tomorrow at the same time." She nodded.
"Okay, thank you."
"Don't thank me, that's my job after all, right?"
I just let out a laugh and left the room.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I had another chance to talk. Tomorrow I had another chance to hope.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." Albert Einstein.

Well, that's it.

Let me know if you like it, I really appreciate your opinion.

#CalzonaStrong