So Perfectly Broken, So Horribly Shattered
Original author: Greenkittenkid4 I only post this because he wants to quit FF due to the fact he can't keep up with the stuff anymore.
~Fairylust~
You left us again. For the fourth time this week, not the third or the second, but the fourth. Fourth. And it's only Wednesday. You've left Matt and me after beating us and watching us cry and bleed and beg for mercy. Isn't the physical pain enough? No. You must hurt us emotionally, as well. You must wound our pride as well as our bodies. Why do you torture us so? Why do we deserve this cruelty? What did we do wrong? I thought you said that you'd always protect us. Always. And yet your going back on your word and beating us like disobediant dogs.
The loud slamming of a door in the next room let the boy know that the angry blonde was home.
You are so loud. Why are you being so loud? We know when you get home. You do not have to be loud. I'm worried. Please. Just tell me. You can trust me. I won't tell Matt if you don't want me to. Just please tell me why you're doing this to us. We've shown you nothing but love. Matt was your friend, but now you two argue and fight like a rabid cat and a starving dog. You're almost always at each other's throats and it frightens me. More than anything else ever could. Do you remember when you both were friends and you played video games together? Do you remember how much you both joked around? How about the time you both caught me naked in the shower? You both laughed whilst my face flushed and tears of embarrassment formed in my eyes. Do you remember that? Do you remember anything from before all this? You were friends. Best friends.
An argument followed by an angry cry made him flinch.
And I was your lover, but now I feel like your punching bag. You used to treat my body so well. I remember the sweet caresses that only seem like a dream now, and I remember those tender kisses. Kiss, kiss. I remember how gentle you were and how loving. Kiss, kiss. There were butterfly kisses and hugs and pet names and soft voices. I remember when we made love. It was bliss. You used to cradle my small, pale body in your arms in the afterglow of our orgasms. I felt so safe. Where did the blissful gentleness go? Perhaps, it died just like L and Beyond died.
There was loud swearing and the sound of someone throwing things against a wall.
Now you abuse my body and not care how much you break it. I don't know how much more I can take. My body may some day reach its limits and shatter. You would like to see me dead, wouldn't you? I once loved you, but now I fear you. I don't like this fear. It gives me an unpleasant feeling in my chest and stomach. Please make it go away.
There was silence, but it didn't disturb him much.
Every night I cry myself to sleep and wonder what went wrong? And sometimes I wonder if you will kill Matt and me while we sleep. I sleep with him, in his room now, because you frighten me so, but I guess you already know that, but you don't seem to care, so...why bother? You only want me in what used to be our room when you want to slate your lust for my body. You want the pleasure it can give you. I comply and allow you to take me, because I love you even though you may not love me anymore. But why must you always make it painful? When I ask if you love me anymore you never reply. Never. Does that mean you do not love me? No. That can't be. When we are in your room you mutter things that only a lover would say, but you disregard them later.
A loud curse made the pale child wince.
I wish for the happier times. Do you remember them? I do. You and Matt were sixteen and I was fourteen. The three of us went to school together and went on a field trip to the beach; do you remember how much you and Matt joked around? I thought the trip was the dumbest thing ever. Now I treasure the memory, because it is all I have of what used to be us. Once we were there, however, you led me off to that little cave Matt and you had found; off where no one could see us, and do you remember what happened once we were out of sight? I still remember. You told me to close my eyes and I did, because you promised me a surprise. Do you remember what happened after that? I remember and feel my spine tingle every second I think of it. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kissy, kiss. Yes, that was what happened you kissed me. I thought it was so unreal, because of how warm and tender it was, but I opened my eyes and knew it was real. I became flustered when you asked if I wanted to go further, for I was a naïve child and you laughed. Matt laughed too once he found out. Must you make those happy times only a dream? Do they mean anything to you?
A cry of agony was heard in the other room followed by the shattering of glass. He felt panic mixed with fear rise within him. Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes as he silently cry soon escalated growing louder and louder, then quieter and the white-haired boy felt frightened, not for his life, but for Matt's. The redhead was so kind and warm. He was the only one the dark-eyed albino had to spill his heart out to and he was, now, more like family, rather than a friend.
Please, please, don't kill him. He may not be your friend anymore, but he is the closet I've got to a friend. No. He is more than that. Matt is my big brother. Please, spare his life. I couldn't live another second with you if you were to take his life away. You may do whatever you like to me and my body, what haven't you done, just please, don't kill Matt. I need him. And even though he would never admit it…I know that he needs me as much as I do him, because without each other we would only be broken bodies with no reason to live. We already made a pact that if you kill one of us, then the one of us who is living will take our own life. If you have even one shred of compassion left don't hurt him anymore. Please, Mello, stop hurting my big brother!
His thoughts went silent as a redhead stumbled into the room. Blood bubbled from between his lips and he fell to the floor. Near crawled over to him and cradled his head in his lap, whispered soothing words and ran his fingers through his hair of crimson red. "Matt." he whispered the gamer's name. "I-is Matt alive?" he asked shakily.
The redhead's head lolled to the side as though his neck were broken, but it clearly was not. His emerald eyes were open and they blinked twice. Matt groaned as he forced himself to sit up against a wall with tears streaming down his face. "It's okay." He said in a hoarse voice. "H-he won't hurt you, not tonight, a-at l-least."
"You did not have to take the beating for me, Matty." Near sighed brokenly. "I-I would have been o-okay. I-I would have been okay, so you didn't have to…." Near's voice trailed off as he heard something break in another room. The gamer put two shaky fingers to the smaller boy's lips. "Shh, I wanted to, now be quiet or we'll both get in trouble." Near nodded, but let his silent tears slide down his face.
He got up and padded over to the door. He locked it quickly and hurried back over to Matt who held him gently in his arms, despite the pain he felt.
He cared for Near but had feelings beyond friendship in mind. He just wasn't sure if Near felt the same way, but he guessed not. The boy didn't really pick up on emotional things as quickly as he should. He waited for Near to fall asleep before he bent down and connected their lips. It made him feel a million times better. It was too bad that Near wasn't ever conscious when Matt did what he did. He loved the boy and knew that in time Near would pick up on that and they could leave the horrid life they lived together.
Because the sad truth was they were both two broken pieces completing each other. Near was once a complete piece of a three piece cycles, but since the first, dominate piece broke away and started hurting them Near had only been broken, but the gamer knew that Near would come around in time and if he didn't then they would forever remain broken.
Nobody else wanted them. It was no secret. The only people they could rely on was each other and when the world didn't accept them they were only ever so totally, perfectly, completely broken.
Near stirred in his sleep. It was another nightmare. Matt could tell. He was probably having a nightmare of getting raped. Near was the only one who had to endure that pain. The redhead stroked his snowy white curls studying the albino's body.
He was so much thinner than he used to be. Matt lifted his shirt and was able to count all of his ribs. His face was skeletal, yet still sort of cute, even though Matt was able to see his cheekbones sticking up from beneath his milky white skin and his hipbones protruded strangely from his skin. His fingers were spidery and skeletal and his breaths were shallow as he slept. Sometimes Matt wondered if Near was dead.
One morning he'd woken up and nudged Near. That normally woke him up, but he didn't stir. Matt nudged him some more, but his body just lay there. Matt couldn't hear soft breathing like he used to and became worried. The previous night Mello had beaten Near badly and the boy sobbed that he thought something was broken inside. Matt panicked after nudging and light shaking didn't work. Matt had to shake the as hard as he could until the poor boy was awake. He was just so still and pathetic looking.
But then again, Matt wasn't much better himself. He'd always been a skinny type of guy, but never so emaciated that he could count almost every bone in his body. His stomach growled but he ignored it. He hadn't eaten in days, but knew how to cope.
He was used to the hunger pangs.
He was used to the fear.
He was used to the humiliation.
He was used to the pain.
So why wasn't Near? Well, Matt believed that Near always had been a fragile creature, so that could be why, but the redhead wasn't sure. He was careful and quiet as he got up and went to the kitchen. He picked the lock to the fridge quite easily.
He grabbed an apple, two carrots, a stick of celery, a couple of orange slices and a few cherries. He fixed the fridge back to where it looked untouched and he headed back to his room. He shook Near awake. The albino seemed confused at first, but Matt kept him silent and showed him the food he managed to grab. A small grin spread on Near's face.
It made Matt's heart flutter to see him smile for once. Near ate everything Matt brought him, but the redhead knew it didn't make up for the past few weeks of malnourishment. The food he brought Near meant nothing. But the younger boy thanked him and kissed him on the cheek. It made Matt blush a pale pink color.
He knew he had to keep secretly feeding, caring for and protecting Near, not because he had to or because he needed to, but because he knew he'd be nothing without the boy, who he loved so much. He loved Near and with every caress and every soft murmur he gave the albino Matt was sure that Near knew it as much as Matt, himself, knew it. They were broken; they needed to give each other love, so they would not be so broken.
So perfectly broken and yet so horribly shattered.