Hey, guys. What's up? I'd like to welcome you to my second story, 'Beautiful Thoughts'! It's a bit darker than my usual stuff, and a lot shorter too, but I put a lot of work into it, just the same. The chapters I have so far are short, but they have a lot of emotion packed into them. Especially later in the story, if it gets as far as I hope it will. For those of you reading my other story, '48 Hours', let me just say I haven't forgotten about it. I am, however, sorry that I have gone so long without posting. If you go to my page, the explanation should still be there. And, to get my quasi-PSA out of the way, let me just say that I don't encourage some of the stuff that may happen. Like robbing banks, or attacking random people in the street, or suicide, or anything else along those lines that may pop up. In general, if the cops or a medical professional don't approve, you probably shouldn't do it. Just saying.
Disclaimer : I do not own Teen Titans, or any other copyrighted thing that may pop up in the story.
Enjoy!
Stupid. Creepy. Weird. Useless. Witch. Goth. Crazy. Freak. Ugly.
The words swirled around in her head. Each one another kink in her armor. Every cruel thought inflicting pain, their brutal assault punching away her breath. She longed to scream, deny the words that were tearing her apart, but she couldn't. Because no matter how hard she tried, deep down, she believed them.
Raven sat in her room, on the middle of her bed. Her knees were bent, pressed as far as they would go into her chest. Her hands were wrapped around them, making her into a little ball. Her head was down, her forehead pressed against her knees. It were as if she were holding herself together, or trying to protect herself from an attack. But that wouldn't stop the torture. Nothing could.
The words came back in another wave, this time accompanied with darker thoughts. The kind that made her want to curl up and die. She wanted to smash something, she wanted to scream so loud her lungs would explode, she wanted to burst into tears and never stop. She didn't do any of them. She couldn't. A wall of emotions started to rush to the surface, but she shoved them down. Just like she did every time before. Raven stayed like that, unmoving for hours. Trying to shove the offending thoughts out of her mind, waiting for the moment to pass, willing the repressed tears not to fall. Eventually she fell asleep, the torture postponed once again.
Raven woke the next morning, her head throbbing from the painful thoughts mere hours ago. She looked at the clock on her nightstand. 6am. Only three hours of sleep. Sitting up, she rubbed her head. She quickly changed out of her pajamas and into her uniform. She brushed her hair and donned her cloak, starting to head to the kitchen.
Raven put the now full kettle on the stove, starting to make her tea. She hoped her face didn't show signs of her practically sleepless night. The last thing she needed now was one of her teammates finding out about her almost-breakdowns that were becoming more and more frequent. Robin would try to keep her from fighting, and she couldn't let down Jump City like that. The kettle started whistling, signifying that her water was hot enough. Carefully Raven poured the boiling water into a mug, then putting in the bag of tea leaves. She added some honey, to make it taste sweeter. She had switched to a more caffeinated tea, but it didn't taste anywhere near as good as her favorite one did.
Raven sat at the table, occasionally sipping her tea, but mostly staring off into space. Her thoughts turned to last night. She needed to control herself better. That was her third freak out this month. She could have been caught. She needed to have better discipline. Instead of resting and keeping her body at top shape, she spent the night sitting there, feeling sorry for herself like a stupid child. She shouldn't be spending time having pity parties. She didn't deserve it. Her job was to fight crime and protect Jump City and its citizens, nothing else.
Eventually Cyborg came in, saying good morning. Raven merely nodded, her usual blank expression on her face. Cyborg started cooking his breakfast, and over the next hour or so the rest of the Titans drifted in. Other than greeting her teammates as they came in and declining Cyborg's offer of breakfast, Raven didn't interact. She simply just sat there, slowly making a dent in her now cold tea. This was the norm.