It was an unfamiliar feeling.
It felt so weird and there was no word she knew that could sum it up.
That clenching in her gut was only getting worse.
Her stomach was making a spot on impression of a roller coaster.
It wasn't that big of a surprise.
She'd skipped breakfast after all.
Kind of hard to eat when you are busy freaking out.
Today had probably been the one day in her life that she hadn't overslept.
She hadn't slept either, but that was beside the point.
All that was completely normal.
It was just nerves.
The feeling she couldn't identify was different.
She could feel the smile on her face.
It was small and strained.
Sad.
She was quite sure that if anyone would look into her eyes they'd see something different from the usual vibrant blues.
They'd probably be glassy and give off a far away look.
This was a big opportunity for her and it would be the start of her career.
It was amazing.
She would soon be in a first class seat on her way to New York.
She'd never even been outside of Paris before.
Now she was in the gate waiting to fly first class.
It was unbelievable on so many levels.
If that wasn't enough she was going to be working with Audrey Bourgeois, the biggest fashion icon in the world.
A dream come true wouldn't even begin to describe it.
She had never in her wildest dreams dared to dream something this good.
It would be her chance to enter the fashion world.
She wasn't even fifteen yet and she was well on her way to becoming a fashion designer.
Think of what she could learn from Mrs. Bourgeois or Audrey as she'd asked to be called.
First name basis with a fashion guru.
Could she put that on her resumé?
She would get first hand experience in the field she loved.
New York was a place of opportunities and she could see so many in her near future.
She would get to observe and learn from a lot of talented people.
Think about how many contacts she would be able to make?
Not only contacts, but maybe friends too.
She'd be continuing her education with online classes and tutors if she needed them.
She'd get to practice the basic english she'd learnt in school.
It would probably be a priority of hers to learn the language better.
Her dream of becoming a fashion designer wasn't just a dream anymore.
It had become a plan and a fulfillable one at that.
Audrey had even talked about letting her design her own collection for fashion week.
It was crazy and fantastic and many more similar adjectives.
It was an adventure.
She should feel excited or at least happy.
This is what she always wanted.
And it is.
But sitting there in the gate with her pink suitcase at her feet and her passport in hand led to a startling realisation.
She'd always thought it would be different.
Her classmates should have come to the airport to wave her off.
Alya would hug her and make her promise to send daily updates.
She'd laugh and assure her that she would stay in contact.
She would stumble over her words when it became Adrien's turn to say goodbye.
Everyone would wish her luck and tell her to take loads of pictures to show them when she inevitable visited.
None of that had happened.
Not one of them came.
She didn't think they knew she was leaving.
They probably wouldn't come even if they did.
It should hurt, but she was already past that.
She just felt empty.
It was a nice break from all the feelings of betrayal.
It had been tiring.
They were the reason she was actually going through with this.
In one week Lila had managed to turn them all against her.
One week was all it had taken for her friends to turn their backs on her.
Adrien made it clear he valued the liar's feelings more than hers.
Her crush didn't last long after she understood that.
When she had come to grips with the fact that she didn't have any friends left to stay for she'd thought long and hard.
She'd talked with Tikki.
She told her kwami everything she felt and how she couldn't take it anymore.
It was Tikki that suggested taking Audrey up on her offer.
She needed to get away.
Far away.
New York was an entire continent away.
They discussed it for a long time.
It took several hours to come to a decision.
Then all it took was a conversation with her parents and a phone call.
Saying goodbye to Tikki had been the hardest thing with all of this.
They told Master Fu that she couldn't be Ladybug anymore because of personal reasons.
He had to find a new holder for the miraculous.
She had only left a letter to Chat Noir.
And here she was.
Sitting in a gate on her way to the next chapter of her life.
She wanted to feel happy.
She really did.
It was impossible though.
This would be a new start, but it wasn't without sacrifices and it wasn't without bad circumstances.
"Are you okay?" the blonde next to her asked.
That had not been planned.
Chloe had been the only one that stayed by her side when everyone else turned against her and now she was coming with them to New York.
An apology and better behaviour didn't erase all their history, but it was a beginning.
But back to the question at hand.
Was she okay?
She turned her head to face Chloe. "I will be".
And she was sure of it.
The weird feeling didn't go away.
It stayed as they started boarding the plane.
The sad smile and the thoughtful eyes stayed.
She shook her head and bit her tongue to stop a laugh from coming out.
Marinette might not know the name of the feeling, but she now had a word for it.
It was all so very bittersweet.
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Until next time
ProudGeek4Ever