Overview:

A really short story from Lightning's P.O.V, describing her feelings of affection for Tifa and questioning where she truly belongs.

Pairing: Lightning/Tifa - One-sided affection.

Fandom: Dissidia: Duodecim

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Square-Enix does

Unworthy

Her hazel eyes…are so delicate and innocent. Every time I speak, I can feel them watching me, I can sense her gaze falling onto my face, and for a moment my strength wavers. In that single moment, I feel weak and vulnerable. I feel that all of my power has vanished, melted into ash, and that nothing mattered more than to keep that gaze, keep her attention on me for a second longer.

I can't possibly deal with how she makes me feel. It's a worthless hope, a pathetic desire that will never be. She is beautiful, there is no denying…but her heart will never find comfort in mine. Her affections are directed to another…and he will be the one who she gazes at for longer.

He will be the one who never feels weak from her eyes…for he can look back into them and see his future.

Today we gathered at the Order's Sanctuary. Nobody spoke, not even Cosmos.

The silence was somewhat unbearable, but nobody wished to break it either…it was a peaceful pain…one that we all needed to face. For a moment I thought I felt her hazel eyes on my back, as I sat away from the other warriors, my own eyes fixated on the sky of the Sanctuary. After a few more minutes of silence, Cosmos stood from her chair, and finally spoke to us.

"My warriors…" Her voice was gentle and caring, but fragile…as if each word made her weaker. "We must not lose hope…" My head turned to the side slightly as I listened to the Goddess of Harmony, and I wondered how those words were meant to aid any of us. Cosmos sat back onto her chair, looking over at me. Sighing, I turned to face everyone, so she didn't need to ask me specifically to turn. She gave me a weak smile, to say thank you for facing the group.

When Cosmos didn't speak again, and the warriors seemed cheery once more, I decided to speak instead.

"That's it?" My voice was cold, my mood was as bitter as my tone and my hidden emotions were roaring inside me…desperate to lash out at anyone near enough. The warriors looked at me questioningly, and Cosmos's eyes reached me once more.

"The Goddess of Harmony tells us we must not lose hope. And so everyone's fine again?" My fists were clenched without me even consciously noticing, the Cosmos warriors fixed gazes only made me feel even more secluded, as if I was a world apart from all of them.

"Lightning, do not-" Warrior of Light was about to give me another one of his 'motivational' lectures that in reality, were his weak attempt at making us feel better.

"Shut up." I interrupted him, and some Cosmos warriors gasped while others looked away from me, feeling embarrassed or disappointed from my behaviour. Warrior of Light fell silent, mainly in shock from my demand. "You follow her like a blind dog. Have you not got your own life inside that head of yours?" My tone was even more venomous now, and I got to my feet, glaring at the man. His eyes narrowed from my words, but he did not speak again.

"Why are we all here in the first place? This is ridiculous. We fight against a lost cause. A cycle of battle that she dragged us all into." My hands were shaking as I pointed to Cosmos, I was even surprised at my own behaviour, something inside my mind had snapped, and I just had to let it out. This time, I knew her hazel eyes were watching me, just like the eyes of all the other warriors.

Cosmos remained silent, looking into her lap, sadness on her face.

"We have no purpose! Why do we even bother fighting like this? How are we supposed to go on with no direction?" My voice reached a shout, and Warrior of Light stepped forwards pointing his sword at me.

"You are wrong. Cosmos is our shining light…our guidance. She is our direction and our purpose. It is not about why we are here. We have been summoned to save the world, and that in itself, should be enough of a purpose for all of us." His words cut into me, and I turned my back on him, walking away.

"Lightning, where are you-" He began.

"Let her go." Cosmos finally spoke again, and as the other Cosmos warriors stood to try and reach me, they turned to our leader, shock in their expressions. My heart tightened from her words and I looked over my shoulder at the group of people, my eyes landed on the Goddess, and then they moved over to Tifa.

We locked gazes, and what little strength I had left wavered and vanished…as it always did when her hazel eyes fell on me. My expression was cold and empty…but inside, I was hurting more than was even imaginable. I felt guilt and regret for everything I had said to the team, but the words had done damage, and I couldn't take them away now.

"If she does not believe…she does not have to stay…" Cosmos finished, and my expression suddenly became pained and rejected. What I wanted was for her to tell me it was alright to have doubts…and that she had a plan for us. Something for us to do, so that we felt worthy of being called upon as her warriors instead of wondering about aimlessly picking fights and getting nowhere.

"…If I leave, how can I ever come back?" My voice was a whisper, and the pain in my tone was apparent. All the other warriors returned to watching me, and I had never felt so alone.

"This is…not for me to know…or decide…" The Goddess replied, looking at me with a sad look in her eyes. My own blue eyes fell to the floor, as Warrior of Light moved and stood in front of Cosmos.

I felt unworthy of Cosmos's Side, but how could I turn towards the darkness…?

How could I live with the pain and the guilt…knowing I had let down everything that I stood for?

I needed direction…and guidance…I needed my own purpose.

I took one last look at my old comrades, my gaze moved from every one of them and as I reached Tifa my heart stopped once again. Those hazel eyes were hurting…and it was my fault…at least now I knew that there was no hope for us. Any wish of a future with the woman had disappeared with my dignity and pride as I stood at that moment, facing the people I was supposed to stand beside.

Part of me was screaming at them, while the other part of me wanted them to beg me to stay…so that I felt needed…but no words came from any of them. Even Cosmos was silent.

I had said enough, and grasping my gunblade, I turned, walking from the Sanctuary.

Now I had even less direction…and certainly not a purpose…

I left the Sanctuary alone.

Tifa did not run to my side and take my hand…she didn't tell me it was going to be okay or that we'd work things out. Instead, she watched me leave, just like the others…and I had nobody to blame but myself.

I wondered if she would ever know how I felt…if she would ever look at me and wish there had been something more between us…and then I remembered that when she looked at me…she would just think of him. After all…Cloud would always have her heart…and he would take better care of it than I ever could.

How can someone who has no faith in herself protect anybody else?

Lightning doesn't protect…it only destroys…

It flashes bright then fades away.

With no purpose. And no direction…

Where do I truly belong…?

I would love some reviews... Would anybody be interested if I wrote a chaptered story for this pairing? (LightningxTifa) or?