Author's note: originally was a Sasuke and Obito character study, but then it turned into this. Warnings for rape, non-con. Please heed the warnings, this is disturbing stuff. :x
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They traveled on foot, because that would draw the least attention. Tobi walked a few paces ahead of him, hefting the heavy bag as Sasuke trailed behind him. Above them, streaks of sunlight passed through the canopy of trees, dotting the dirt path with irregular shapes of shadows: leaves, the shape of a bird flying overhead. It was a nice day, a sunny day, and even through the trees Sasuke could see the huge white clouds - cottony, the kind Naruto liked - moving against the blue sky.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tobi said, suddenly, and Sasuke glared at him, hitching his pack.
"No," Sasuke said, and Tobi glanced back at him, before turning forward.
"Well. It is not as if I can't relate," Tobi said, looking up at the sky. "Unrequited love can be so...difficult. And it's not as if you don't have enough on your mind," Tobi said. "The death of your brother. The destruction of your clan. He's looking for you, you know," Tobi said. "Seems to be as fixated on you as you are on him. It must be flattering, on some level."
"Don't talk to me about them," Sasuke said, and Tobi laughed, a bitter, low sound.
"You should go to a brothel," Tobi said, again. "Pay someone to let you beat them, if that is what you need."
"I take what I want," Sasuke said, and Tobi stopped. "I'm an Uchiha, the last of my clan. Only the weak would pay for it."
"Is that so?" Tobi said, and he turned. "You have endangered us, Uchiha Sasuke. Endangered us with your little stunt and undermined our plans. And on top of that, you dragged in an innocent. It was despicable," Tobi said, and he turned, walking forward. "Do not drag the Uchiha name into this. An Uchiha would not have to stoop so low."
"Stay out of my business," Sasuke said, and he pushed forward. Tobi snapped forward.
"You make it my business with your childish behavior," Tobi said. Sasuke glared.
xXx
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He didn't know what happened. A momentary lapse, a regrettable loss of control.
For some reason, it reminded Sasuke of Itachi. Not the Itachi of his childhood, the kind older brother who sacrificed himself needlessly for the sake of his village. No, it reminded him of the cold, heartless bastard he chased throughout the corners of the globe, sneering and laughing, mirthlessly. But even then, Itachi seemed to push him forward, taunting him, goading him. "Foolish little brother," Itachi had said. "You are still too weak."Sasuke thought about this now, walking through the dense patches of wooden sunlight, frowning to himself.
Naruto always seemed to know when Sasuke was thinking about his brother. He would be sitting, or standing, or leaning against the stump of some old tree, deep in thought, when Naruto would push up into his line of sight, clasping him by the arm. "Oi, Sasuke. You okay?"
"Shove off," Sasuke would say, and Naruto would just stare at him, blue eyes wide and worried. Sometimes, Sasuke wondered what the hell was wrong with him, why did he have to care?
The first time Sasuke saw Naruto - really saw him, not just grudgingly spoke with him or followed whatever dumbass idea he had - they were on some no-name mission that went terribly, horribly wrong. Sakura was injured and Kakashi was fighting behind them, and Sasuke was falling, diving head-first from a rocky edge of cliff. There was no place to catch and nowhere good to land, and he was panicking - panicking- as the size and shape of the rocks below him seemed to get bigger and bigger.
And then something crashed into him, slamming him shoulder-first into the embankment, and it took a moment for Sasuke to realize what the hell had happened, how Naruto, through sheer stupidity and dumb luck, had launched himself into the air and caught him.
After the shock of it had worn off, the panic and frantic thrumming of his heartbeat slowing to a manageable beat, he stared, open-mouthed and breathing hard, as Naruto stared down at him, a shock of yellow hair and cornflower blue eyes.
He was staring at those same blue eyes when Tobi came to collect him, hysterical and almost blind from his fight with Danzou, and he could see the same worry and determination he remembered from his youth: but now they were on opposite sides of a ridge, Karin dying and Sakura crying, while Sasuke's vision waned, Naruto's figure blurring into indistinct halos of orange and yellow.
xXx
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"You should consider yourself among the lucky," Tobi was saying. They were back in their hideout, Tobi rummaging through mason jars of eyes while Sasuke sat on the cold ledge of the examining table, glaring. "Only the foolish would use up his Mangekyou after one battle. You are lucky I saved your brother's eyes."
"Just do it already," Sasuke said, and he leaned back, staring up at the wall.
He tried to ignore it. Tried to ignore that uneasy feeling, seeing Itachi's eyes bob obscenely in the thin liquid. The retinas curled and spread open, thin tendrils of frayed nerves moving like hair underwater. "I will have to take out your eyes, first," Tobi said, and Sasuke's lip curled.
"Fine," Sasuke said. "Do it," and he felt Tobi's hand on his forehead, tipping his head back.
"I can't promise you it won't hurt."
Sasuke said nothing. He saw light, chakra bursts like the popping of gunpowder, and he concentrated on the feel of the cold metal beneath his bare back, how his fingers dug into the edges of the table. Itachi felt pain, the ice-pick searing stabbing at the backs of his eyes.
When Tobi bandaged his eyes, it felt surprisingly gentle, a calm hand steadying the side of Sasuke's face.
"It will pass," Tobi said, and Sasuke focused on the pain, the dull, throbbing ache deep in the insides of his sockets. "It takes some time getting used to another man's eyes. Do not push yourself."
"It feels fine," Sasuke said, and he could almost see Tobi frowning at him, nevermind that his eyes were bandaged and Tobi's face was covered behind his mask. "I can feel Itachi's power flowing through me. I can feel myself getting stronger."
"Hmph." Tobi seemed amused.
"Just remember not to do anything rash. You could blind yourself permanently if you use these eyes too soon."
xXx
.
It was difficult trying to move around with the bandages. The Mangekyou had all but sealed off his sight, and Sasuke could still make out the broad shapes of light and shadow, could see just enough to avoid bumping into walls or gingerly walk down stairs. With the blindfold, everything was shrouded in darkness, and Sasuke moved carefully, mapping out his steps with the greatest precision.
He spent his nights alone. Lying in bed, staring upwards into nothing and listening to the soft night sounds that permeated his room, his thoughts sometimes drifted to better times, of his team and his life in Konoha, the smiling faces of his classmates. This is what Itachi killed himself for, Sasuke thought, and it infuriated him. No one was worth that sacrifice.
He had seen Naruto just a few days before, jumping in front of Sakura and Kakashi and trying to reason with him. It made him angry - what the hell did Naruto know? - and Sasuke stared up into the darkness, mulling things over.
He remembered how it started: after a disastrous mission in the middle of Iwagakure, Sakura was chatting idly while Sasuke trudged forward, tired and bone-weary. They had run into Itachi, and as a matter of course, he had been beaten to a near oblivion before Naruto had jumped in the way. He was humiliated and angry, the differences in their strength a vast gulf between them; he was staring at the wall, angry tears pricking his eyes, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Oi, Sasuke," Naruto said, and he sat beside him. "Are you okay?"
Sasuke was going to turn, was about to spit at him, of course I'm not okay, you fucking loudmouth idiot, my brother nearly killed me and I was powerless to stop him, when Naruto said, "You're bleeding," and Sasuke glanced down, noting for the first time the angry gash slashed across his shoulder.
Before he could say anything, Naruto started rummaging around for a medical kit, and Sasuke closed his eyes, trying to brush off his growing irritation. "I'm not as good as Sakura-chan, but I used to get hurt a lot. Iruka-sensei taught me how to suture them."
And he felt it: warm hands touching the side of his shoulder. It prickled, and suddenly Sasuke was aware of how close they were sitting. Naruto was concentrating on Sasuke's wound, and Sasuke could see how his brow furrowed under sweaty bangs, the curve of Naruto's neck and the line of his collarbone peeking out from beneath his shirt. Reflexively, Sasuke wondered what would happen if he were to lean a little closer, if he would mouth the edge of Naruto's lip and suckle, gently. The thought made him dizzy and he caught himself, focusing on the sharp jab of the suturing needle and the ragged edges of broken skin.
"There! Not bad, huh?" Naruto said, and Sasuke frowned and couldn't look at him, turning away from Naruto's eyes.
He fisted his hand over his cock. The bandages slipped with the movement, but Sasuke strained, breathing tight, controlled. In the darkness, there was nothing there but the the ticking of the clock and the furtive, frantic sound of his hand pumping over bare skin. His penis swelled. Pleasure coiled, mounting and building up at the head of his cock, crowding everything out except the harsh spikes of pleasure and nauseating waves of self-loathing.
He came, coming in thick, white stripes across his belly and chest. And when his breathing slowed to something more manageable, he gingerly sat up, feeling his way through the darkness for a towel.
xXx
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Days passed before Tobi announced it was okay for him to take out the bandages. From beneath the folds, Sasuke could make out the shadows and reddish light filtering through the fabric.
Light. It was the first thing Sasuke was aware of when the bandages came off: bright torrents of light overwhelming his vision and making him blink. But then his pupils constricted and his eyes began to adjust and soon the bright wash of white light faded into the dull shapes of things of the room, the three chairs and the rickety bed, and the streaks of rain sliding down the greasy windowpane.
Four days and four nights Sasuke had worn the bandages, and he could see it, the streaks of dirt from the edge of the bandages covering his skin. His hair was matted in greasy tangles and Sasuke gingerly limped toward the shower in the bathroom, glancing at his reflection in the mirror. Hollow face and pale skin, yellow circles under his eyes, his sharingan was inactive, and it was as if nothing had really changed, not even the sight of his brother's eyes. The irises were dark and brown and his sclera was injected with thin red lines, lacy fingerling blood vessels snaking out from the corners, and Sasuke frowned at his reflection, turning toward the shower.
"Tobi told us the truth about Itachi. I don't know if I believe him or not, but either way, everything you've done, I understand why you did it..."
He stood under the shower. A drop of blood dripped into the water, then another, mixing together and swirling into the drain.
Naruto. It would be so easy to kill him. Sasuke dreamed of it, grabbing Naruto's neck and pushing his thumbs into his windpipe. He would strangle him, one knee shoved against his chest and resting the full weight of his body around Naruto's neck. And afterward, he would climb the highest point of the village, looking down at its citizens and at the Hokage monument, before unleashing his Amaterasu. Black flames would sweep over them, everything in his line of sight burning, burning. And as the ash rises and the black flames lick the sky, Sasuke would turn, his back facing the flames, and finally feel satisfied.
And yet. If he were to be honest with himself, somewhere deep down in the recesses of his mind, Sasuke knows that he misses him. It is foolish, stupid, some deep-seated longing he can't even begin to understand, and a part of him wants to curl up against the spaces of Naruto's chest, wants to rail and sob and cry like some wounded animal, because no one understands, no one knows what it's like. His grief overwhelmed him. His sorrow made it hard to breathe.
xXx
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They were staying at an inn somewhere along the outskirts of the Lightning Country, some civilian section far removed from any shinobi activity. Sasuke wasn't sure how they got here - a series of teleportations and walking by foot, long periods of listless inactivity and sudden swirling vortexes of darkness and motion - but it was low-key and discreet, its denizens moving silently, going about their business. "We can rest here for now," Tobi said, and Sasuke watched as he pulled off his large traveling cloak. "Many missing nin have come through this place. They are well known for their discretion."
"Huh," Sasuke said, but Tobi seemed satisfied, speaking quietly with the clerk and paying for their room.
There was a waiter, some thin-shouldered blond boy, who carried himself the way most civilians did: with a slight stoop at the shoulders, his boyish face open like a sunlit plain, unaccustomed to hard work or battle. He was probably the same age as Sasuke, but the thing that really struck him was his eyes. Pale blue, bluer than anything he had ever seen.
"Sasuke," Tobi said, and it was only then that Sasuke realized he had been staring. He turned, staring at the bowl of rice in front of him.
They ate quietly, Tobi adjusting his mask while Sasuke pushed around his rice with his chopsticks. Around him, patrons chatted quietly amongst themselves; at the bar, men sat hunched over their drinks while a painted up whore leered obscenely beside them, bosom spilling out from her corset and heaving, slightly.
Sasuke lowered his eyes. Tobi stood, leaving a few coins on the table.
"I have preparations to make," Tobi said. "Rest up. We have much distance to cover."
The table was empty when the whore slid into the chair opposite his, leaning forward and letting Sasuke take full view of her cleavage. She smiled, slowly.
"What do I have to say to get a nice guy to buy me a drink?"
"Not interested," Sasuke said. She leaned forward.
"Oh? What's this? You have a girlfriend or something?" Her voice dripped like honey. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."
Sasuke considered. Her skin was leathery; layers of caked-on makeup seemed to settle in the cracks at the corners of her eyes.
No one thought it odd that Sasuke ignored the besotted attentions of starry-eyed girls throwing themselves at his feet. He was an Uchiha and last of his clan; he had more important things to worry about than the fickle affections of lesser classmates. He knew the sharingan would die with him, and for some reason it reminded him of animal husbandry, the mating of endangered species to continue their bloodline. "I want to have your children, Sasuke!" the girls squealed, and Sasuke rolled his eyes, ignoring them.
But even when he was younger, he knew something was different, opting to follow his mother around the kitchen than train. It was only when his father glared at him that Sasuke started running after Itachi, trying to get better if only to gain his father's approval.
"Well?" the prostitute was saying, and Sasuke snapped back to the present, staring at the woman leaning obscenely over the table.
"Hey, he's busy," someone said, and Sasuke looked up, surprised to see the waiter coming up behind him.
The prostitute scowled. "Mind your own business," she said.
The waiter picked up the tip Tobi had left on the table, a handful of copper coins, and handed it to the prostitute, smiling. "There," he said. "Maybe you should buy yourself dinner, first."
The waiter's tip money. The prostitute closed her hand over the coins and rose. Sasuke watched her, dumbstruck.
"I'm sorry about that," the waiter said, and Sasuke turned to him. His face was round and soft. "Was she bothering you too much?"
"No," Sasuke said, and the waiter smiled again, blue eyes crinkling at the corners.
He was just a kid, really. Baby-faced and soft.
xXx
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The kid cried out. Sasuke shoved his head forward, the heel of his hand shoved hard against the kid's back, the other gripping him by the waist, stabilizing him. There was no one in the bedroom as Sasuke tore into the kid's clothes, one knee jammed between the kid's legs as he ripped down the kid's pants. The kid was a civilian, he couldn't defend himself if he tried.
His cock was hard as Sasuke fumbled with the clasps of his pants, releasing it.
The kid was sobbing. Fat, greasy tears slid down the sides of the kid's face.
"Please," the kid said. He bleated like a broken animal. "Don't."
"Shut up," Sasuke said.
"Please," the kid said again, and Sasuke slammed the kid's head against the headboard.
"I said shut up!" Sasuke said. The kid whimpered, pathetically.
His cock was hard, harder than he had ever felt in his life. He was already weeping fluid and a drop of cloudy, slippery liquid welled up at his tip. The kid grunted and Sasuke spread apart the cheeks of the kid's ass, pressing the blunt end of his cock against him, pushing hard.
It didn't go in. Instead, it slid upwards, grinding past the kid's asshole and rubbing up between the cleft of the kid's cheeks.
"Hold still," Sasuke said. The kid let out a strangled cry but Sasuke slammed a hand against the back of the kid's neck, repositioning himself. "I said hold still."
The friction was uncomfortable and only then did Sasuke realize he needed some sort of lubricant, but it was too late anyway and the kid was already bleeding a little, making it easier for the head of his cock to pass. The kid's entrance was puckered and stretching and there was a loud squelching noise, the smell of sweat and shit like rotting garbage, and only then was Sasuke able to push all the way in, up to the hilt.
Everyone knew Naruto loved Sakura. Just like everyone knew Sakura loved him. It irritated him, stupid useless girls, wasting his time and everybody else's.
"You're so lucky," Naruto said. They were walking in the forest, Naruto bright and loud and Sasuke just watching him, silently. "All the girls fall over themselves for you, but no one looks at me. Even Sakura-chan," Naruto said, and he looked even more depressed. Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"You're an idiot if you want her. There are other people out there."
The kid's ass was a vice grip around his dick, and each centimeter forward was another small victory. He moved and his flesh scraped against the dry mucous membranes of the kid's raw channel, pulling back the skin of Sasuke's cock and chaffing him, painfully. A dry fuck. Sasuke understood, finally, what the others had talked about, how raping a bitch wasn't always the best lay.
And the kid? He didn't do anything. Just stayed bent over, his mouth shut, grabbing fistfuls of bedsheets and steadying his breathing.
At the time, he had just barely managed to conceal it: hurt and longing and pent up want hidden behind a well-practiced apathetic veneer. Naruto complained and whined and had no idea that the strongest boy in their class was secretly in love with him, heart in his mouth and watching him with darkened eyes.
"You were always alone," Naruto said, years later, after the disastrous fight with Danzou and with Sakura crying and Karin dying in the corner. "It made me feel better, knowing there was someone out there just like me. I started with nothing, but then I made a connection."
Yellow hair. It was the thing Sasuke focused on. Yellow hair and thin shoulders, the knobby bones of the kid's spine and the sound of the mattress rocking as he fucked him, slow and steady, as the kid seemed to brace himself against the rhythm of Sasuke's thrusts, a steady pulse of constant pain.
With Naruto, it wouldn't be like this. It wouldn't be this desperate, disordered fucking, flesh smacking against raw, chaffed flesh, the smell of fear and pre-cum and sharp sweat rising up his nostrils. There wouldn't be bruises, he wouldn't have to be forced. He would smile and laugh and his blue eyes would flick upward to meet his, and Sasuke would be lost in them, would make love to him, languorous and gentle, caressing warm skin with bare hands.
"I never thought I'd have a bond between anyone," Naruto said. "Not until I met people like you and Iruka-sensei."
"I'm really glad that I had met you."
And then he realized he was crying. Unexpectedly, inexplicably. Crying like a goddamn kid. Sasuke squeezed his eyes and tears dripped down his face, landing on the kid's back and rolling with dirt and sweat. He was crying and the kid was sniveling beneath him, and Sasuke jammed into him harder, tightening his grip around him and spearing his cock with his full weight behind it, faster and harder, harder and faster, pleasure mounting and crying out as if the rest of the world was burning up in front of him.
The hand came out from nowhere, yanking Sasuke by the shoulder and throwing him against the wall.
"What are you doing?" Sasuke said, but Tobi backhanded him across the face. Sasuke staggered back, pants tangled around his ankles and making him lose balance.
"Are you okay?" Tobi said to the boy. The kid nodded, wide blue eyes staring up at him, trusting him.
Sasuke never hated anyone as much as he hated Tobi in this moment. In the darkness, Sasuke straightened his clothes, dimly aware of Tobi's figure as he knelt by the crouching boy, touching him on the face.
"You won't remember," Tobi said. Without seeing it, Sasuke knew Tobi's sharingan was turning. "You won't remember what happened. You were beaten. Your money was taken. But this," and Tobi's voice lowered. "Never happened."
The kid was staring up at Tobi with wide, wet eyes. Cornflower blue, the kind that pierced through the murky dark. "Do you understand?" Tobi said. The kid nodded.
"Yes," the kid said, and Tobi stood.
"Good," Tobi said. "Now get dressed. Already your memories are beginning to fade. You will feel better once you step outside this door."
"Thank you," the kid said, and he moved and pulled on his clothes.
A few moments passed. The kid dressed and left, and now it was just Tobi and Sasuke, Tobi standing at the head of the door and Sasuke, pissed off and humiliated, crouching by the corner of the room.
"You," Tobi said. "Up."
"It's not what it looks like-"
"I said get up," Tobi said, and he yanked Sasuke up by his feet. "Don't ever do anything like that again. Do you hear me?"
"Why do you care?" Sasuke said. "You're going to remake the world anyway! We kill people," Sasuke said, and Tobi's fist slammed into Sasuke's face, knocking him sideways. Another punch. A kick. A sickening crack against his ribs.
He shoved Sasuke against the wall again, invading his space. His sharingan glittered behind his mask.
"We kill," Tobi said. "Because it has a purpose. This had no purpose."
"Fuck you," Sasuke said.
"Are you done?"
"I said fuck you," Sasuke said, and he wrenched his shoulder away.
Moonlight. It filtered through the window, casting a thin silver halo over the shapes of things in the room. Slowly Sasuke sat on the edge of the bed, nursing his shoulder, as Tobi just stared at him. Humiliation, regret, and sorrow seemed to choke him by turns, and Sasuke stared, blinking back the warmth behind his eyes, when Tobi looked at him with his good eye.
"What would your brother think?" Tobi said, and Sasuke hunched into himself, ashamed.
xXx
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"Hey, Sasuke?" Naruto said.
"What?"
They were lying on the grass, Naruto and Sasuke, watching the clouds.
"You're my best friend, you know that?" Naruto said, and Sasuke turned, regarding him, silently.
Naruto's hands were behind his head. He was wearing a T-shirt, a loose, cotton thing, and his bare elbows jutted out from the grass. From the way they were lying, if Sasuke wanted to, he could touch Naruto's shoulders with his fingertips. He didn't, though, just watched him, bright face and broad strokes of sunlight, two blue eyes looking up at him, smiling.
"You're an idiot," Sasuke said, and Naruto laughed. He reached a hand and gripped Sasuke on the shoulder.
xXx
.
Tobi was packing. Sasuke watched, sitting gingerly at the edge of the bed, as Tobi moved around him. He moved efficiently, shoving things into his pack and pulling on his cloak, when Sasuke decided he was done sulking and should probably ask him what the hell was going on.
"What are you doing?" Sasuke said. Tobi threw him an irritated glare.
"We are leaving," Tobi said. He rolled up a blanket, then shoved it into his pack. "After your little stunt last night, we cannot stay."
"I told you, I was sorry."
"Irrelevant."
"Whatever," Sasuke said, and he turned his back toward him, staring sullenly at the wall.
The inn they stayed in was a nondescript place, gray walls and sullen faces. Tobi paid their fee as Sasuke stared angrily at the floorboards, expecting Tobi to reprimand him again for the incident the night before.
But Tobi didn't say anything. He handed the innkeeper a satchel of coins and said nothing, taking the keys to their room.
His arms ached. Dully, Sasuke pulled off his shirt and thick traveling cloak, pausing to look at his reflection in the mirror: Itachi's eyes staring back at him, and the thin trickle of blood making its way down the side of one hollow cheek.
"The pain will pass," Tobi said. Sasuke looked past his reflection and saw Tobi sitting heavily on the side of the bed. "For now, you must bear with it."
His sharingan turned beneath the eyelet of his mask, and it was as if he could see inside him. Could see his insides twist, anger and frustration knotting up in his chest.
"Yes," Sasuke said, and he turned.
"I know."
A/N: some lines taken from chapter 485. I ship them so hard, but apparently in only a screwed up, unhealthy way :x