Nevermore For The Better
This isn't right.
That single thought stayed with Feli as the vision passed. As the future changed and warped inside her crystal ball, that one thought remained. It was an even greater torment than what had just conspired against her. Her mind focused on those words, clinging to them, grasping at them with intangible hands as she tried cementing herself back to reality.
This isn't right.
Fate was changeable, but she believed hers was set in stone. She had the power to foretell it, allowing future events to come to fruition only if she willed them to happen. Feli prided herself in her knowledge and ability to shape the future to her own desires with an absolute will that refused to bow to anyone.
When she saw herself with Lemres, than that was it. Her goal was predicted and accepted by the future. She would absolutely end up with Lemres, and no one, not even that sniveling Klug, would defy her.
Despite the future's claim, Lemres refused and cut fate to pieces. Every word was a blade and hacked through the future, chopping it down right before Feli's wide eyes.
"Let's be friends, okay?"
"Thanks for the chocolate, my friend!"
"It's always a blast to hang out with a sweet friend like you."
"Sorry, Feli, but I only wanna be friends."
"Oh, yeah, Ms. Accord, we're just friends."
"Hey, what you're doing to Klug is pretty mean. You don't have to frighten him. We're all friends here, okay? Pretty sure Klug would love to hang out with a fun girl like you, too, if you gave him a chance."
"Feli, I'm sorry, but I can't accept your feelings. I'm a lot older than you. You're like a little sister to me."
His gentle tone never raised. His kindness never wavered even when he was stern. Always offering candy to placate her, Lemres turned down the future she crafted for him and her.
This isn't right.
With each rejection, Lemres subtly changed the future, and now, they were parted. The future she saw with her crystal ball showed him on a different path, and she had her own destiny. It was muddled, uncertain, obscured with swathes of darkness, but they were no longer at each other's side.
Her body trembled as she edged away from her seat. Her classroom suffocated her as if the very air was suctioned out. She gasped, struggling to find any oxygen as she drew to her feet, letting the chair clatter behind her. She couldn't even grasp her dowsing rods resting in her backpack as the world blurred, becoming a mixture of white and brown, an ocean of dull colors drowning her.
"Feli?"
Lemres' voice called out as the door opened. She covered her face in her hands, hearing his footsteps stomp on the smooth wood floor. His large hand cupped her shoulder, but she couldn't see him, her mascara running down her cheeks in inky blobs.
This isn't right.
She cried, staring through Lemres. She couldn't take in his furrowed brow or pursed lips. Before her was a stranger and the one she tried to make fall in love with her. He was someone she couldn't touch, and she backed away, nearly tripping over the legs of her chair, hiccupping.
"Feli, talk to me," Lemres said, ignoring the students gathering in the doorway. He held her shoulders firmly, refusing to leave her. "It's gonna be okay. Whatever you saw, it's gonna be okay."
She choked, her throat clogging. Wiping her eyes didn't help, forcing her to weep aloud. She couldn't stop the tears even if she wanted, his words already ringing in her head.
Lemres glanced at the crystal ball. He set his hat down on top of it, hiding it from Feli's sight. He crouched slightly, his grin practiced and genuine.
"You're a good girl, Feli. You're one of my best friends. Whatever you saw, it's gonna be alright."
That one thought that tormented her. She wanted to squeeze it, strangle it, and stomp it down into the cracks of the earth. Lemres' voice wormed into her head, tackling the cruel thought, and she sniffled, slowly regaining control of her voice.
He reached for his pocket, but he hesitated. He released the lollipop stick and grabbed her chair. Helping her sit down, he knelt and grasped her hands, rubbing soothing circles on her knuckles.
"Want to tell me what happened? I'll listen." He shot a rare glare at the students in the doorway, and one of them snatched the door, shutting them all out.
"It'll be alright."
She spoke as if parched. Feli swallowed again and again, trying to control herself. Every word she made quivered and died, sucked back into her mouth for its final resting place.
"It'll be alright," she forced herself to say, gritting down on her teeth.
"We'll always be friends. I'll always be with you, okay?"
She raised her head, her vision burning into the backs of her eyelids. "Always?"
He nodded. "Always."
Those words would have once charmed her. They would have proven that she was supposed to be with him.
Now, they reassured her that they would be together in a different way. As friends, as fellow students, maybe even rivals if she could master magic as poignantly as him, they served so many different futures.
Her fate wasn't to be with Lemres. She only loved him because she tried to twist her fate to suit that adoration. She had even lashed out at others who seemingly interfered, damaging any growth in her friendships. Their looks of contempt and fear, it all pricked her mind as she threw her arms around Lemres, bawling like a baby.
He held her and patted her back. Consolation was all he could give. Sighing, he opened his eyes and gazed at her crystal ball, wondering if Feli had finally broken free of the fate she imposed upon herself.
"I'm awful."
"You're not. You're a good kid."
"I'm not. I hurt people."
"But you can change. You're already changing."
"What if I can't?"
"Little by little. Day by day. Even if we gotta take it year by year, okay?"
His little joke earned a small chuckle in return. Her tears slowed to a stop, and she went limp in his arms. He leaned back and let her slump into her seat. She pushed aside his hat and peered at her somber reflection in the crystal ball. Mucus dribbled over her upper lip, disgusting her, forcing her to repress the urge to smash the ball into sharp shards.
"Need a tissue?"
"Yes. Thank you."
He procured one from his pocket, and she wiped her face as best as she could. Black smears blotted her found cheeks, and she felt like a little, whiny kid in all her life. Sighing, Feli closed her eyes and refused the listen to the sneers hissing in the back of her head. She didn't need such cruel words tormenting her anymore as Lemres lowered his voice.
"You're gonna be okay, Feli. I promise."
His words always soothed her, but this time, her heart didn't leap for him. It didn't pound or race and simply pulsed to beat of her breathing.
It's alright.
She could actually believe herself this time and returned his smile.