"Mistakes are the opportunities you decided to take." - Lauren OwensMy hand ran smoothly over the sheets, unconsciously at first but I liked the way the cool fabric felt. I was content and not really alert, between sleep and reality. No worries, no cares, no responsibilities and no guilt.
There was faint light I realised, but only when it disappeared. I frowned and stretched out, finding nothing. The mattress shifted as someone climbed into the bed and my heart stuttered for a moment and stopped when a strong arm folded around my waist. It started again when Damon sighed into my hair.
Smiling, I fell back into sleep.
I muted bang and someone's call woke me up. First I thought I'd dreamt it or imagined it, but then it happened again and much closer to Damon's room. I froze.
"What the fuck" Damon mumbled sitting up on his forearms as the door burst open and Santana came in already talking.
"Why the hell is no one answering their phones?" I thought my eyes were going to roll out of my skull in fright or shock, not sure, as she strolled casually in and sat down on the end of Damon's bed.
"Well?" she asked expectantly looking at us both. I clung the covers so tightly around me and tried to put together some kind of alibi. Damon was no help as he fell back into his pillow and ran his hands over his face muttering about changing the locks.
"It's not what it looks like." I blurted out. Any chance of her buying it wasn't helped by Damon's snigger and I wanted to kick him.
"No, no." she said sympathetically, "Just two kids skipping school for a lie in."
Damon sat up and I thought he might help me with this but he just grabbed some boxers from his bed side drawer and headed off to his bathroom.
Son of a bitch.
"The night I had and not one of you were concerned about how I was. I'm taken for granted, well that's one thing I won't stand for." Santana ranted in a fake wounded voice, then she sprung up, "I'll go put the coffee on then because I'm sure you need it."
"It's not what it looks like" I repeated again just for the sake of it.
"To make that convincing you might want these back" she said taking my panties out of back pocket and flinging them at me. I was going to kill her. "Found them on the stairs", she laughed at my expression and disappeared out the door.
Damon came out of the bathroom and leaned on the door frame, "Good luck to Matt." He said after a few seconds.
I felt like I was in some sort of twilight zone as I stared wordlessly at him. He just stared back at me, as I sat in his bed, with his cover clung to my chest.
"Good luck to Matt? That's all you can say?"
"It's too early for insightful and tactful conversation." He said walking a little bit into the room, "So I think I'm going to take a shower and try and waken up before I have to deal with anything…..Your welcome to join me."
He smirked and eyed the sheet my fingers were already loosening around. Well I was already a sinner so why not.
A little while later I padded down the stairs, deciding that if Santana could let herself in and stroll around then that meant not one else was in. I couldn't help but smirk a little as I passed discarded clothing, then feel bad about not feeling bad. Morals do not come into this house, they wait outside.
I heard Santana banging around in the kitchen and feeling refreshed and braver I went in. She eyed Damon's sweat pants and shirt, and the wet hair I was modelling, "Likes to get you wet doesn't he?"
"Shut up." I told her. She handed me a mug of coffee instead of throwing it around me.
"Well I'm impressed is all."
"With what?" I asked cautiously.
"That you haven't run out screaming full of remorse and whatever."
I shrugged, "I'm surprised myself… you never know, could still happen"
Before bad feelings and thoughts could creep in the delicious smell of coffee took over and Santana said no more about it.
"So what happened with Matt?"
"Well he carried me out, told me I was embarrassing him, I mean me embarrass him he'd already done that to himself, sharing salvia with her in front of everyone, Mr Moral high ground or whatever, so I slapped him and he freaked out a bit more and there was a lot of shouting and then I slapped him again, I think, and got in a cab and went home."
I blinked, "And?"
"And then he followed me home and started throwing rocks at my window because I wouldn't open the door, I think he thought it was meant to be romantic or something but he fucking threw one through an open one and it smashed a vase and I was ready to kill him. So more shouting, can't remember what about, and then he kissed me…" she smiled at this bit while I tried not to 'awh' because I know she'd hit me, "So then we talked, just about stuff, and I think, yeah, were, um, dating now."
"And?" I pushed again.
"Well there are conditions" she said, hopping up on the stool beside me as Damon strolled in. He winked at me before pouring himself a cup of coffee. Santana snapped her finger in front of my face, "Jesus, listen to me!"
"I am! You and Matt have conditions."
"Conditions" Damon sniggered pouring out some coffee, "God love him"
"Hey at least I'm getting my shit together" She snapped at him and the first stab of guilt hit somewhere in my middle, "which is more than I can say for you."
She basically meant me more than him. Damon's eyes darkened as if she'd hit him where it hurt. "I'll be taking bets of how long it lasts" he replied smoothly, walking out.
"Asshole. Anyway, Matt's not allowed anywhere near Quinn, she walks into a room, he walks out, she talks to him, he solders her mouth shut. In return I'm not allowed to beat the crap out of her." She took a long gulp of her coffee.
"So…definitely not 'friends' with her anymore?"
"We haven't been friends for a long time." She shrugged and drained the last of her drink.
Well that's good to know. All this time I've been having problems with the witch and I thought Santana refused to do anything about it because they were friends… obviously not. Not that Santana should fight my battles… but if she could extend some kind of influence it would really help.
"So what's going on with you two besides it not being what it looks like?" Santana said, looking like she had difficulty getting her tongue around the words.
"I…. did what I wanted to?" The words fell off my tongue and after they were out I realised they were right. But I didn't like them, "But it's not like I have a boyfriend, I mean Jesse's not my boyfriend, and um, Damons, well…"
"Hot. As. Hell?" Santana sounded out.
"Well there's that but then there's…"
She waited for an answer I didn't have.
"Am I an idiot?" I asked suddenly feeling like one.
"If it feels good it can't be wrong. Well, not really wrong anyway."
"Sounds like the same thing Hitler lived by"
"So ask Rachel, I'm not exactly a candidate for moral guidance."
Rachel was going to kill me.
Santana jumped off her stool, "Well, you figure out who is your boyfriend is and then things will be sorted. I have to go. I'm meeting Matt. I think were going on a date." She grimaced on the word 'date', "Another one of the conditions, we have to go on them and I have to hold his hand..."
"How awful."
"Yup" she agreed and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, "See you later. By the way movie night at my place on Friday. Work out who you want to sleep with and the guest rooms yours" She laughed.
"That's not funny." I growled but she waved me off and strolled out of the kitchen.
I threw my cup into the sink and followed her out, she was bearing over Damon's chair pointing her finger at him, and he looked like was debating biting it off.
"See you guys tomorrow." She called cheerily and flounced out.
"What was all that about?" I asked suspiciously. I've always thought they had secret conversations, like they were unofficial best friends.
"Oh Santana got a guy to date her steadily and thinks she has the answer to everything now." He replied bitterly but smiled when he looked over at me, "You wanna sit down?"
I was standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room…and even more awkwardly now he was staring at me.
"Not there." He said when I made a move towards the sofa. He quirked an eyebrow and stretched meaningfully. I rolled my eyes as I walked over to him, hoping he wouldn't be too satisfied with himself. He had a bigger ego than I had ships. He pulled me down onto his lap and I snuggled down, trying to settle the anxiety in my stomach. I wonder if this was the start of things being transparent and honest. Things could just fall into place easily now if me and Damon had the right kind of conversation, and I had the right kind of conversation with Jesse. It could go either way, me and Damon could agree last night was just something that had to happen to ease the tension between us and that was that, or we could try picking up where we fucked it all up. I couldn't tell what I was hoping for though…because it still pissed me off the things he said to me.
"What do you want to watch?" I asked flicking through the channels.
"I don't care." He murmured pulling my hair slowly away from my neck.
"Ohhh I like this show." I barely got out, distracted by his lips on my skin.
"I like you in my clothes."
Every time I directed my focus at the show it trailed off again to what Damon was doing. Whether he running his hand lightly down my leg and laughing because it was making me jump or kissing the patch of skin behind my ear.
"When's Stefan coming home?" I managed to say.
"Could be any minute" he whispered his hand gliding underneath my shirt.
By the end credits I didn't know whether Blair had married the French loser or not. When I was dressed in my own clothes and ready to start thinking about right and wrong, I decided it was time to leave.
"Do you want me to give you a lift?" Damon asked pulling his shirt over his head. I held back from telling him he looks better without it.
"No its okay. Um have you seen my phone?"
"I'll call it."
I waited to hear the familiar ring tune but it didn't sound anywhere through the house.
"Maybe you left-" Damon stopped talking as a faint voice greeted him through his mobile.
"Whos.." I started but he held his hand up.
"Is Niamh there?" he asked innocently to whoever had picked up, they snapped an answer back at him to which he rolled his eyes, "Just wanted to ask her about an English assignment we had. Anyone would think your insecure, good thing I know better. So have her call me back, bye bye."
Oh hell.
"Your boyfriend has your phone." He told me without looking at me and dialling another number to order me a taxi.
"He's not my boyfriend." I muttered, although I'm not sure what difference it would make. Morals seemed to have been camping outside with Panic as they came running in together and clung to me.
"I'm going to have to tell him." I told Damon when he got off the phone.
"Why would you do that?" He asked, putting his phone in his back pocket and fixing me with an expectant look.
"Because it's the right thing to do…" I frowned, the familiar feeling of aggravation that Damon brought out rippling over my skin.
"Right for who?" he challenged, "It's just unneeded drama. Besides he's not even your boyfriend right?"
I glared at him. Why did he have to go from being so lovely to being such a dick head and making me want to hit him.
I shook my head, "The difference between me and you is that I actually have some decency."
He smirked, "Before you go you might want to go see if you left it in my bed."
"You're such an asshole." I exclaimed snatching up my jacket.
"So what's new?" His voice thick with sarcasm as a horn beeped from outside.
I give him a last filthy look before storming towards the door and that's when it opened and Stefan walked in. I rushed out past him before his judging face could say anything. Damon wasn't in the mood for questions either as it seemed as I heard, 'Don't say one god damn word', from behind me as I got in the cab and slammed the door.
No Stefan don't try and talk sense to the selfish asshole, who likes to mess with people and their feelings to satisfy his own needs. I didn't need to ask Santana or Rachel, I was a fucking idiot.
I didn't want to be a dishonest idiot either. I gave the cab driver Jesse's address.
I went over it in my head, what I would say, but nothing sounded right. How could anything sound right? I was about to tell him I basically cheated on him with the irritating dick he hated just because he was being an ass around my friends and not paying me attention. By the time I was in front of his apartment door I'd just worked myself into an emotional mess. My hand felt like it was made of lead as I knocked the door. My chest clenched when the door swung open and the handsome man that may or may not be my boyfriend gave me a warm smile.
"Hello beautiful." He said softly stepping aside to let me in and then gathering me up into his arms.
"Are you okay?" he asked my hair.
My eyes welled, "I'm having a bad day."
He rubbed soothing circles around my back.
"Jesse are you my boyfriend?" I mumbled into his sweater.
He laughed quietly, "Do you want me to be your boyfriend?"
"That's a question not an answer." I huffed.
He pulled back and peered into my face and I hope he wouldn't find anything, "I'll make us some tea."
He led me into the living room and made me sit on his sofa. I tore ideas up in my head and tried to put together new ones on how to tell him but it was so hard. His apartment was so welcoming and I felt so safe. I tucked myself up into his sofa.
I jumped as he slid my phone onto my thigh, "I said Santana called me and told me you'd stayed at hers and were looking for your phone."
"Oh right, yeah"
I owed her one. Jesse handed me my tea and I moulded up against him.
"I'm sorry about yesterday." Jesse said, "I didn't behave very well."
Yeah me and you both.
"You don't like my friends."
"It's not that I don't like them, I just think we run in different circles. They're okay."
"You're telling me you think Santana's okay?" I smiled despite of myself.
"Well maybe I don't like Santana" he admitted with an apologetic smile, "But if you like her then there must be something good there. I'll try harder. It's just, I looked at them last night and yano, I've done that, I've gotten drunk at the grill and been part of all the teen drama's."
"Are you saying were immature?"
"No. I'm saying I'm just older and I've already done what you're doing now."
Not patronizing at all.
"So….what are you doing with me then?"
He pulled me closer to him and tilted my chin up towards his face, "You remind of the best things about growing up. Your lovely, you're bright and you're sweet. You try and see the best in people."
His brown eyes roamed over my face and I knew he meant every word. So the flood of emotion hit me harder and I was crying again. He let me hide in his shoulder as his hand smoothed over my hair, "So yes, if it's up to me, I'd very much like to be your boyfriend."
So it was just my move now.
He didn't once complain that I was in last night clothes and they smelled a little funky and faintly of Damon's cologne. He didn't chastise me for not going to school, we watched movies all day and made popcorn. When we watched Rent he got a little goofy and stood on the sofa to belt out a number and when he couldn't get me up to join in he sat down with his knees on either side of my hips and leaned down over me.
"I should get you home" he murmured against my mouth.
"Stop being so responsible."
"You're a bad influence."
"You're a paedophile." I giggled and then laughed at his face.
"That's not funny" he frowned and I laughed harder, then turned into a squirming, screaming ninja when he started roughly tickling me. I managed to fall off the sofa and crawl away from his grasp but he caught me again and forced me to apologise or the torture would continue.
"Speaking of responsibilities." He said, releasing my wrists and running a hand over my face, "Damon called. Something about an English assignment. I said you'd ring him back."
It was very hard not to let the panic spread all over my face. I swallowed as he watched my face closely, "Oh right, okay. I'll get back to him tomorrow."
Jesse pulled away and stood up, retrieving my phone from the coffee table, "Better do it now and get it out of the road and then we can get back to being irresponsible."
I got up and put on my best sultry look, "I wanna be irresponsible now" and started tugging at his sweater.
"Ring him" Jesse ordered, holding the phone out to me.
"Fine." I said defeated, snatching the phone out of his hand.
I turned my back for a little privacy but Jesse shadowed me as the phone rang.
"Hey Damon, what was it you wanted to know about the assignment?" I tried to say evenly as soon as there was a click on the other end.
His voice was flat, "So you didn't tell him then."
He sounded disappointed, "No, the way you had it planned the first time was a better idea."
"Since when do I have good ideas?" he muttered, "I'm assuming he's beside you now or something."
"Yes. So if that's all you were worrying about-"
"I'll have a look for you, for that decency you're so fond of but couldn't seem to find this morning. It might be under the bed."
Pain plumed in the back of my throat at his words, and also because he sounded upset, like I'd hurt him. He was the one that told me not to, he was so fucking backwards.
"You do that." I said in a hard voice, "Bye Damon."
I didn't hang up straight away, I waited for him to say something but he must have thought I'd already gone. His voice sounded fainter and he wasn't talking to me when he said, "She didn't tell him."
I composed my face before turning to Jesse, "There, all done." And then I secured my mouth to his before he could say something that would make me feel worse and not forget.
-
"So what are we planning on watching at yours then?" Jeremy asked Santana in the cafeteria the next day.
Santana rolled her eyes, "A movie most likely."
Matt nudged her shoulder meaningfully and she sighed, "Whatever you guys want". I tried not laugh, another one of Matt's conditions was that she had to be nicer to people.
"And who did you invite?" Jeremy asked sweetly, trying to wind her up.
Santana took a deep breath, "People, you lot and stuff."
"How big is your living room?" I asked.
"Big enough."
"Is Jesse coming" Rachel asked around her carrot stick.
Santana looked at me, "I don't know, is he?"
"If that's okay with you" I shrugged and taking drink from my coke can.
"Guess so" Santana said quietly and I glanced up to see her look at Damon who burning holes into my face. Stefan was staring at me to, no expression on his face but his eyes were searching mine for something.
"I am not fucking watching Twilight" Puck said scarping back the chair he'd temporally occupied, "Seriously, anyone brings it, I'll snap it." And he strode back to the jocks.
I don't know what size Santana had deluded herself into believing her living room was but it certainly wasn't big enough. That I found out when Jesse pulled up outside her house.
"Maybe it's the wrong house" Jesse said frowning.
"No this is it." I replied drinking in the place. People were on the front lawn, the signature red cups in their hand and music was spilling out of the open door.
I got out as Jesse sighed and Matts truck pulled up behind us.
"What the hell?" he exclaimed getting out with Jeremy and Sam.
"Ooohhh hell yes!" Sam said striding off towards the house. Matt and Jeremy followed off after him.
Jesse was watching the house.
"More crappy teenage stuff you've to put up with?" I said playfully, hoping he wasn't about to march me back to the car.
He glanced down at me, "Oh I think I'll survive one night."
I intertwined our hands and starting walking towards the house, "If it's too awful we'll leave and spend the night at yours."
"That sounds like a far better plan, can we just do that?" he said hopefully, kissing my cheek before we navigated people at the front door.
I led him through the house, holding onto his hand encase he tried to bolt. Truthfully I was clinging to him for my own means of safety to; as there were less people here from my school and more people I hadn't a clue about. They were a completely different crowd and most of the guys had wife beaters on with black tattoos binding around their biceps. The girls were like trashy Santana's…
Finally there was a tanned guy I recognised and I pulled Jesse, who looked a bit disturbed, in Pucks direction.
"Who are these people?" I asked him as he promptly handed me a wine cooler.
"The neighbourhood" he said simply.
"But I wanted to watch Edward and Bella brood over their doomed love." I mock whined and Puck rolled his eyes.
"Want a beer?" he asked Jesse.
"No, driving."
"Santana said we could stay here…" I trailed off not really knowing if I'd want to stay here or if anyone would have any intention of leaving.
"Thought you didn't know it was party." Jesse said.
"I didn't, she said when we all thought it was a movie night." I defended but then again I didn't know whether it was all just a part of her sarcasm. Jesse just looked at me.
"So…beer?" Puck asked awkwardly.
"Fine" Jesse said without expression looking around. I rolled my eyes at Puck who shrugged; well this was going to be fun.
"I said excuse me!" Rachel shrieked holding her hands up as she shimmied through the cluster of people and reaching us," Did I get the night wrong? She said Friday right? Maybe these people took over her house… should we phone the police?"
"Hi Rachel." I said holding out my wine cooler to her.
"But we drank on Wednesday…and you didn't come in the next day."
"No school tomorrow." I said nonchantly and hedged, "You only live once."
She thought about it, "True" and she took the drink, "I don't like the look of people here though."
"Riff Raff." Jesse said without even a trace of humour.
"Oh don't judge a book by its cover." I said.
"Don't be niave" he countered sliding a hand around my waist.
Jeremy and Sam found their way over to us and Jeremy put his arms around Rachel which immediately made her relax.
"Does Santana know there's guys giving tatoo's in the back yard." Sam asked Puck snatching up a beer.
"Does anyone know where she is?" Matt cut in appearing at Jesse's arm.
Some how I think a party went against a condition or two.
"I'd recognise that ass anywhere" Santana voice declared as her arm slipped around my shoulders.
We all looked at her waiting for some kind of explanation.
"Small gathering, movie night" I finally quoted her, gesturing around.
She shrugged, "YOLO. Lost track of invites and when they smell a get together round here word spreads like herpes."
I grimaced, "I hope that wasn't a tested statistic."
She laughed and opening my drink for me, "See, I sure as hell didn't invite her." She nodded to the other side of the room where Bonnie was standing with a blonde who looked uncomfortable.
"Ow" Jesse's fingers had tightened around my hip and I looked at him confused. He muttered an apology and took a long drag of his beer. Weird.
"You think you'd have told us that." Matt half laughed.
"What? Just because we're dating I have to clear everything with you now? Have to make sure it's okay with my boyfriend first if I want to have a party!" She burst out and I jumped, "Screw that!".
"That's not what I..." Matt struggled as she disappeared off into the crowd. He looked at us for some kind of help before scurrying off after her.
"He's going to have his hands full." Jesse said.
"I'll say." Rachel agreed.
Naturally being with Puck we had to do at least two shots. My stomach dropped with Jesse took the one Puck was handing me and then I gaped at him when he took it, someone's attitude had changed. Turns out the imitating people surrounding us weren't two intimidating, I ended up having conversation with this guy about dogs and cats which ended up me being picked up in one arm and Rachel in the other and being carried into the room where music was blasting Nicki Manaj.
In the middle of crazy dancing I noticed these two girls looking me and Rachel up and down and thought this is where the girls from the block where going to beat the crap out of us. I wondered if I could make it to the exit if I pushed them hard enough when they came over.
"You both have really good boobs. Did you go abroad?"
What. Rachel blinked then started laughing hysterically. They convinced her to rip the sleeved off her shirt and open three tops buttons and made her put on lip gloss. One of them demanded her boyfriend give her his belt so she fastened it around my waist rolling up my dress a little and tucking in behind the strap.
Rachel hauled me through the house looking for Jeremy and we found Stefan stumbling in the back door, "I got a tattoo!" and he pulled up his sleeve to show us. Before I could say anything I was off the ground and clinging to someone's neck, someone with poofy black hair.
"Will we ever meet sober?" Blaine asked setting me down and looking into my shocked face.
"Where's the fun in that?" I laughed
"I want one!" Rachel declared letting go of Stefan's bicep and heading for the backdoor.
"Jesus, Rachel, wait!" Blaine shouted running after her when we realised she was serious.
"That's really awesome" I admired and Stefan flexed some more.
"To be honest it hurts like a bitch" He said honestly dropping the whole façade and pouting.
"Let's get some ice…and I'm pretty sure you need a bandage over it" I said leading him into the kitchen where familiar faces were. Blaine came back with a pouting Rachel who tried getting Jeremy's permission to get inked….but he was having a hard time not looking down her shirt.
"I can't believe you got this done", I said a little dazed tending stefan's arm, not really knowing what I was doing.
"The guys good, had a shop in town. Been thinking about it for a while, if I regret it tomorrow I'll blame Damon for telling me to do it."
"Damon's here?" I asked not looking up.
"Of course he's here."
Yay. Hopefully I wouldn't have to talk to him, there was plenty of people here….plenty of girls here that were all quite confident. I clenched my jaw.
"Then again, everyone's here." He continued and then added, "I think I saw Quinn."
I looked up at him wondering why he felt the need to add that on, he was watching me closely before he smiled, "Thanks for that, I need a beer."
Jesse wasn't in the kitchen anymore, he better not have bloody left me. Santana came in with Matt shadowing her, hands on her hips.
"The lovers' quarrel over?" A sarcastic voice speculated. I hadn't even notice Damon had come in. Leaning back against the counter and smirking beside Puck and Bonnie.
"Oh I'm sure some making up was down in a deserted corner, or bedroom" Puck guessed, equally smirking.
"Fuck up." Santana said bluntly.
"Ohhh three guesses for who wears the trousers." Puck guffawed.
"Three guesses to who'll have theirs round their ankles with their boxers on fire if anymore smacks said about me and my man." Santana warned and Matt hid his smile in her hair. Guess Santana was over whatever relationship panic attack she had.
"Tell me" Damon said leaning forward as everyone else tittered and 'ohhed', "Is that part of the conditions."
She picked up an empty beer can and threw it at him but he dodged it laughing and then she had her finger in his face again trying to threaten him. He pulled Bonnie in front of him as a body shield. He glanced up at me and then bent down to nip at her ear and slid his hands around her hips. The blonde Bonnie had been with early came in and approached Stefan, looking really apprehensive but nobody paid attention, too engrossed in Santana yelling at Damon, she looked like she was asking for something and Stefan walked out with her. Damon watched them subtly over Bonnie's head, and then saw me watching him. I became engrossed in my drink. I was far too fucking observant for my own good, or maybe just nosey. I don't know.
"Tell me, can you recommend what corner or room you used." Damon asked Santana when she was threw cautioning him. Bonnie giggled and slapped him away like she was embarrassed. Bet she was loving it.
I went to look for Jesse.
I caught him coming down the stairs.
"Can we go back to yours now?" I asked slipping my arms around him.
"Uh" he said over my head, "Sure, in a while. I'll be back in a minute."
"I've hardly seen you." I whined, He looked down at me then and took my face in his hands.
"I'll give you all my attention later, promise. I've just met some people, you want me to get along with your friends right?"
"Well yes-"
"So enjoy yourself" he have me a quick kiss and disappeared.
Since when did he become so eager for me to party with my friends.
"That guys an idiot. I'd be given you all my attention." A brash voice decided.
"Thanks Jacob."I said absentmindly trying to decide what way to flee.
"Why don't I give you all my attention." He suggested biting his lip. He looked like a right dickhead.
"You repulse me." I stated clearly. He snorted obviously not getting it and I turned on my heel. Then for the second time that week he slapped my ass. Hard.
I jumped and half screamed, "That fucking hurts!"
"Want me to do it again?" he leered. One of the wife beater guys was looking at him behind his back, obviously wondering whether he should stand in or not.
"Do it again and I'll kill you." I hissed. He looked at me for a moment before cruel smirk appeared on his face and I basically ran back in the direction of the kitchen, banging into Santana.
"What's wrong with you?" She asked leaning back to look at me.
"You don't have a tolerance for who you let come that's what" I growled, "Like who the hell invited her?"
Santana looked over he shoulder at Bonnie, "Told you it wasn't me."
"So Damon brought her" I said before I could stop myself.
"What does that matter to you?" she laughed but it still felt harsh. Her smile disappeared when she caught the look on my face, "Does it matter do you?"
I blinked, "Well…You see the…I…No"
I found myself in her in bathroom with her locking the door. She handed me one of the four drinks she's brought with her, how she learns to hide this stuff I don't know.
"Matt's not happy." She smirked.
"So why'd you do it then?" I asked sitting down on the toilet seat.
"What? Just because I get a boyfriend, delete my booty call list, and only want to with him means I have to change everything about myself so he's always happy? He likes me, well thinks he likes me now, yano the way I am. So…if he doesn't like it, well I guess I have to put all them numbers back in my phone book."
"Aren't you scared?" I asked.
"Yes." She answered quietly, "But don't' you think Rachel would be a lot happier if Jeremy didn't get stoned and he wouldn't want to suffocate himself in his grungy hoodie every time she makes him listen to beathoven or whaever. "
"Jesse thinks he's more maturely evolved than us" I said taking a long gulp of my drink and furrowing my eyebrows. Jesus she needs to learn vodka to coke ratio.
"Maybe he is. What do you think you have to change to be with him?" She asked trying to sit down but fell back heavily onto her ass.
"I just feel, sometimes, I have to think about what I say before I say it…" She waited for me to go on, she was rocking a little back and fourth…I made a mental note that she may be wasted and cannot be responsible for what she says. Then there was wild knocking on the door.
"Were in here!" Santana screamed. Yes, she was hammered.
"Exactly!" Rachel shouted back, "Let me in!" Santana leaned back and freed the lock. Rachel flung the door open, hitting the back of Santana's head in the process.
"Sorry" Rachel sang and sat down on the edge of the tub. She looked from both of our faces and sipped innocently on the straw of her drink, "What are you two keeping from me."
"Lots and lots of sex secrets because you have your V plates." Santana stated.
I might be blessed with some kind of sixth sense because I was staring at Santana's bathroom tiles but could feel Rachel burning holes into me.
"I'm going to guess it has something to do with Damon…or Matt…or Quinn. But mostly Damon because Niamh won't look at me."
"Jesse wasn't my boyfriend" I whined putting my head in my hands and briefly wondered if the police would show up, the music was making the floor shake.
"But he is now?"
"He wants to be." I mumbled, sitting up.
"Jesse looks really uncomfortable down stairs." Rachel commented.
"Do you want him to be?" Santana said clearly and very seriously. The effect was ruined when she hiccupped.
"I don't know what I want. I know what I want when I feel it. I feel like such a crappy person because I don't know…I should right? You want Matt and you want Jeremy, why don't I know what the hell I want?"
"I didn't think I wanted Matt…" Santana said after a few seconds silence, "but I just decided to try it out… in my head it was like, well I've already tried everything else why not this."
"I don't think I really want to get to that point…no offence."
"I think you do know what you want" Rachel declared, looking very concentrated, "I think you're just scared to admit it because you'll lose the prospect of the other. In a perfect world you'd have choosen one and been friends with the other one."
"They're both just so different though…" I frowned.
"Well, so are me and Santana and were your best friends."
"If you say so." Santana said looking disgusted. Her reflex against anything warm and nice being said about her.
"Am I a bad person?" because I really, really was feeling like one.
"You're human." Rachel said softly, "Just, stop running from the problem and make up your mind."
"Speaking of running from problems" Santana groaned getting up, "I'm going to go find Matt before anyone tries to fight with him or something."
"And I should go find Jeremy before he buys a crack pipe" Rachel decided and I couldn't help but laugh. She gave me a long hug as Santana disappeared out the door, "Don't end up kissing the wrong person goodnight."
Then I was by myself in the bathroom, polishing off my first drink and starting on the second, trying to think about my life. My life was a mess. I didn't want it to get the point where I wasn't left with options because things had blown up in my face. Looking at it logically there wasn't anything with Damon, he was volatile and sensitive and arrogant. But how long would Jesse be here for, was I just in his life because he was here, back in Lima and away from New York where all the more maturely evolved girls were who could make decisions about who they wanted to date.
I took another gulp of my drink, maybe I should just be single and concentrate on my SAT's. No I was far too horny for that.
I took another gulp of my drink when there was more knocking on the door. I stood up and stumbled into the counter, yeah definitely going to have to talk to Santana about her vodka to coke ratio.
More banging, "I'm coming!"
I unlocked the door and barely got it open before Damon slid into the room closing it behind him, "That's what I like to hear."
He leaned back against the door folding his arms, oh Christ. Commence the options blowing up in my face. I shifted from foot to foot, "I'm sorry you know."
"For what?" he said in a lazy tone. He was hammered too.
"For going to Jesse's after leaving yours." I said.
"It's only right. He's your boyfriend." He let out a short laugh, "like I sort of was, the fucking irony. Did you go from his to mine?"
I didn't have to listen to this. I made for the door and tried to push out past him but he pulled back and held me at arm's length, "I didn't mean that."
"Then why did you say it?" I demanded furiously
He let go and ran his hands through his hair, "I don't know, it's a habit. Saying things I don't mean."
"Why?"
He didn't answer me, just stared at me with burning blue eyes. I felt myself getting nervous and tension whirring in my chest.
"Because you're jealous." I said taking a shallow breath. His eyes got impossible dark and I thought he might be furious.
"Why would I be jealous?" He said quietly and I didn't let my insecurity get a hold of that one.
"Because I'll be leaving with him" I said carefully and when he didn't say anything I kept pushing, "Later I'll be sleeping with him and tomorrow I'll wake up with him."
He took a deep breath and I waited on an explosion but he said just as evenly, "You'd be jealous to"
"What?"
No! He didn't get to turn this on me.
"Say I left with Bonnie. Say I left with anyone, maybe Quinn." He laughed darkly, "Before Santana throws her out."
My jaw clenched, "You do that, you leave with the evil bitch. It'll say everything about you."
I tried pushing past him again and got the door opened but it slammed closed under Damon's palm. His chest pressed up against my back and his lips were at my ear, "Why can't we do both. You can have your boyfriend and you can have me." His hand traced down the fabric covering my leg and I caught it, "I won't tell him."
There it was the perfect situation and I couldn't think like I should have, I didn't have clear head, it was clouded over by vodka and the feeling of Damon's body pressed up against me. It was difficult to breathe.
"Someone will get hurt."
"I don't care."
I shoved him back, "That's the problem! Until you start caring then this isn't happening again. Ever. I'm not going to turn into a person I don't like or do things to hurt people for someone who doesn't even care."
His face became softer, around the edges not so intense but he didn't say what I wanted him to, "He doesn't care about the way you want him to either-"
"What" I said shaking my head in disbelief that he'd go down this route.
"Otherwise he wouldn't be down stairs with another girl. He'd be more jealous of me leaving here with her than he would be if I left here with you."
"You're so full of shit." I spat at him.
"Why would I lie to you?"
"Why do you do anything you do Damon? Why do you like to piss your brother off? Why do you like messing with girl's heads? Why do like having things on your terms only? Because you're selfish!" I screamed the last part at him and glared at him, glared at him through angry tears.
I took a long, steadying drink and heard him sigh. He tried putting his arms around me and I flinched back, pissed off even more when a tear slid down my cheek. With the door against my back I was in Damon's arms unwillingly.
"If I'm selfish and he's …" his voice trailed off with anger burning it to cinders. I was too confused to push away from his grasp and I wanted to enjoy the way he smelled and the tingles that ran over my skin.
"He's what?" I pressed wary I was about to hear more jealous bullshit.
"It doesn't matter." he muttered after what felt like forever.
"Your unbelievable" I said exasperated beyond belief and pushed him away, "He's my boyfriend now you know. So you can't do this. Either we're friends or we aren't."
He considered that, "Friends then."
Even I wasn't convinced and I was the one who give the ultimatum.
"It not going to work though." He said with a short laugh.
"Why?"
He leaned down into my face, almost kissing distance and reached past me. He said simply, "Jealousy" He pulled the door open and walked out.
Well I wasn't going to be made Jealous. I stormed out after him, back to the kitchen and took the drink Sam had just poured for himself.
"That's really strong" he protested but I gulped down the vile liquid anyway.
"Irish girls can drink!" the cats and dog's guy praised.
"Aye." I agreed roughly trying not to choke.
"What's wrong with your eye?" Sam said concerned and I started giggling.
"ITS MY PARTY AND I'LL BE A BITCH IF I WANT TO!" Santana sang flouncing past us with Matt rushing in after her and grabbing her around her waist. He started trying to reason with her and she was shaking her head and smirking.
"Are you throwing Quinn out?" I asked taking another drink from Sam.
"That is a mighty fine idea!" Santana said slowly smiling up at Matt.
"Great I'll help."
"No, no. No fights, you promised." Matt chastised.
"Then you have to dance with me!"
"No."
"Have you seen Jesse?" I asked Sam but he hadn't. I peered out the window but I couldn't see him in the garden.
"C'mon." Sam said, taking my hand, "Let's go dance."
"Sam's dancing with Niamh!" Santana whined as we made our way into the other room. A hand closed around my wrist as Santana latched on muttering about having to pull out someone's hair to prove a point.
Sam was a great step in for a boyfriend, mainly because we could dance flirty or just like complete retards and know there was nothing in it. He was just a friend. Which is more than I could say for Damon as him and Bonnie grinded at the other side of the room.
"I'd throw her out but I'm only allowed to beat one person up if Matt doesn't get in here." Santana shouted into my ear, "And we both know what blonde I'd be saving it for."
I laughed knowing just who she was talking about. I hadn't even seen Quinn and she was on everyone's crap list. Why did she even bother coming, idiot. Matt eventually did appear with a coy smile looking really awkward in the room full of hyper/drunk dancing people.
A song with a slow intro came on and people booed.
"TURN THAT OVER" Santana yelled at the appointed DJ and then turned back to Matt, "Although I wouldn't mind slow dancing with you, practice for prom."
Matt grimaced.
"Hopefully it goes better than last prom" Quinn remarked from under Tyler's arm as they passed.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh here it is. I could actually feel my face turning into something disgusted.
"Hello Quinny, you be nice to me or you won't make it to prom." Santana said sweetly as Matt put his arms around her.
"I'd rather not go at all than be caught in the gym supply store with, who was it? Brittany and three guys off the football team?" Quinn's words stumbled over each other a bit, she was drunk.
It was a good thing Matt was holding onto Santana. Tyler put his arm around Quinn and tried to steer her away but she was having too much fun smiling at Santana and working her up more.
"You're making a fool of yourself." I told Quinn harshly.
"Well you would know." She smiled, "Be careful Sam, you don't know where she's been."
"Nobody wants you here Quinn." Sam said plainly from beside me, "And she's my friend, she's from New York and Ireland. I know where she's been."
I started laughing and turned into his shoulder, he was so blonde sometimes. By the time I'd turned around Matt was trying to soothe a muttering Santana and Quinn was gone.
"I'll be two minutes!" Sam yelled over the music that had started blasting again, he motioned he was getting more drinks.
After ten minutes of dancing with some randomers it was clear Sam wasn't coming straight back and I wasn't drunk enough to dance by myself. Matt and Santana were in a bubble and I didn't want to be the third wheel.
A hand slid into mine and spun me around. I gripped Damon's shoulders as reflex so I didn't fall over.
"Were friends" he shouted at my objecting face, as I tried to step away from him.
Yes friends, friends that notice when other friend's shirts are half way unbuttoned.
"Have you seen Jesse?" I yelled, just to be bad.
"No! Have you seen Stefan?" he yelled back seriously.
I shook my head.
"Well until they make themselves present again…" he grabbed my hands and pushed me away and back to him again, "Starships were meant to fly…"I couldn't help but laugh and let him lead, I really liked this song.
I tried to keep a distance between us, like I'd done with Sam but it wasn't working. Although I couldn't see anyone I knew around, so when Damon's hands grabbed my hips and pulled me against him I didn't pull away.
We aren't kissing, it's fine.Just basically having sex with clothes on as his leg moved in between mine and I held onto his shoulders so I didn't fall over. I refused to look up at his face; afraid I'd kiss him so I looked everywhere else… then I found my finger tips tracing the exposed skin on his chest.
"You can't keep doing that" he murmured in my ear….well I think that's what he said, it was hard to hear anything above the music.
I took a deep breath and stepped away from him, to which he gave me a really disappointed face. I motioned I needed a drink and he nodded, taking my hands and leading me through the crowd and back to the kitchen. I dropped his hand just before we came through the door.
If he minded it didn't show as he tackled Stefan, who pushed him away making angry noises about his arm.
"What happened to my drink." I pouted at Sam who was in the middle of talking to Bonnie.
"My fault" Bonnie said loudly looking over at Damon, "Me and Sam just got talking and he's just so lovely."
Well she was transparent.
"Here" Sam said starting to put liquids together, " enjoy"
"Thank you darling." I sang, "Have you seen Jesse yet?"
"I haven't seen him anywhere." Sam said
"He's catching up with an old friend" Bonnie said vaguely dethatching herself from his side and walking past me.
"What friend?" I asked but she wasn't paying attention, she already had her hand in Damon shirt basically demanding his attention from Stefan.
"Wanna get reallllllllllly drunk?" I asked Sam holding up the vodka bottle. He laughed at me and took it out of my hand.
"I think were well on our way to drunk city."
"HERES MY NUMBER SO CALL ME MAYYYBEEE" Rachel sang at the top of her lungs then laughed as she stumbled into the fridge.
"Well she is." I told Sam and he nodded.
We had our own dance party in Santana's kitchen, the people trying to get from room to room getting caught up in it. One wrong sway of the hips and I ended up on the floor with Blaine.
"Why does this happen to me when I'm out with you, you're a jinx!" he giggled, trying to get up and falling on his side.
"At least I can stand!" I told him pushing myself up to quickly and stumbling backwards until I crashed into someone.
"Sorry" I choked out, while Blaine rolled around on the floor laughing.
Puck grunted something at me before he became attatched to Bonnie's mouth again.
"When did that happen?" I shouted, pointing my thumb over my shoulder at them. Blaine's attempt to stand was blown again he fell back on his ass howling with laughter at my confused face. Where was Damon then?
"What happens at costa del Lopez's stays at costa…yeah" Santana tried to tell me and then went back to making out with Matt. Stefan helped Blaine up and I wandered out of the kitchen.
Damon was back in the dance room, at the other side of the room talking with three other guys, beer in hand. His shirt had been opened fully now…had Bonnie done than that. A firey feeling licked over my skin and I wanted to go over and trail him back into the kitchen with our friends where he would sit with Stefan and not do anything.
But even though I was drunk, I wasn't that drunk…
I wandered out into the back garden.
"There you are" I exclaimed reaching for Jesse who'd was sitting on the patio steps.
"Hi" he said looking a bit distracted and taking a sip of his beer, I sat down beside him.
"Can we go back to yours now then" I whispered kissing his jaw.
"I can't drive."
"Lez get a taxi."
"How much have you had to drink?" he asked giving me a critical look.
"Not a lot." I brushed off sitting up straighter, "Besides don't start that again."
"You've ripped your dress."
I inspected the little frayed hole at the hem, "That was Blaine."
"Why was Blaine pulling your dress?" He said irritated.
I laughed, "I really don't think you have anything to be worried about."
"Of course not" he muttered taking a sip of his beer and staring off into the dark.
"Are you okay?" I asked softly reaching up to run my fingers through his curls but he pulled away from me, "What?"
"Nothing. I just need time to think." He said. Well I knew where I wasn't wanted.
"Okay, come find me your done thinking then…" I mumbled trying not to show how rejected I felt.
Walking back to the house I heard a girlish giggle that made my hair stand on end. Quinn and Tyler were sitting on a bench a little way off and she was clearly laughing at me. My fist clenched as she ducked under Tyler's chin, he shook his head at me as sympathising with me.
"When you're done with her put her throw her out on the curb where she belongs." I told Tyler and he rolled his eyes as Quinn snapped up straight to glare at me.
"Well it takes trash to know trash." She said and then she started giggling again. Jesse's hand appeared under my elbow and he pulled me back towards the house.
"She started it" I whined, because she did, I hated her.
"Grow up." He snapped at me and pulled out of his grip.
"Well why I go grow up, you sit in the garden and sulk like the ignorant jack ass you can be!" and I stormed towards the back door.
I made my way back into the music room and lifted an abandoned whiskey bottle from a table. Brittany had her shirt off and was dancing between two different guys but her attention turned elsewhere and she walked over to sit on the edge of the seat Damon was on talking to Jeremy. He smirked at her and she leaned back across the arm so their faces were almost touching. I took a swig of the bottle I was holding and tried not to spit it out everywhere.
Brittany coaxed Damon into dancing and eventually started kissing his neck and when she tried to go for his lips he turned his head. I wondered if what Santana said was true.
Some guy started trying to flirt with me and I was half listening, I easily enticed him into dancing with me and not very conservitably either. When he got too handsy I glanced over his shoulder at Damon who was watching with an intense look on his face. I untangled myself from the guy and strolled back to the kitchen.
Rachel was talking animatedly to the girls that had made her rip her shirt with Santana. Stefan and Matt were arguing over some championship. I poured myself a drink that I'd actually like; just about…I split a lot on the counter. Arguing with Jesse had really put a damper on everything, it was going to push me to play with fire, so the plan was to lock myself away and get myself together.
The bathroom had a queue, and even if I got in there some idiot would bang on the door the whole time until I got out. I'm sure Santana wouldn't mind if I used her room, but I doubted the plain room I ended up in was hers. I finished applying my lip gloss at the small vanity and decided I'd rather go home than sit upstairs at a party and feel sorry for myself.
"God" I gasped in fright. Damon was standing in the dark doorway staring at me.
"You wanted me to see that." He said eventually, in a low voice.
"See what?" I asked almost panicked. Fire had followed me upstairs and was inviting me to play.
"You either want to be friends…" he said sauntering into the room with his eyes fixed on my face, "or you don't."
"I don't know what you're talking about." I babbled as he came to stand in front of me, his chest fully exposed, the little trail of hair disappearing into his waist band.
A shiver ran down my spine as he leaned forward so his forehead was touching mine and his breath fanned my cheek, "You can have both…" his finger started trailing down my sides.
"Why didn't you kiss Brittany?"
"I didn't want to kiss Brittany" he murmured against my lips. He waited for me to close the gap and like a magnetic pull I couldn't fight I did.
It was like a flame becoming a raging fire. The first kiss was soft and then it became more needy as hands tightened around my clothes and pulled me impossible closer to him and my finger fastened into his hair. His tongue swept along my bottom lip asking for entrance and I obliged with a soft moan.
"What is this?" A surprised voice inquired and then a bright flash went off in the room.
Jumping away from Damon's embrace I blinked trying to figure out what had just happened. Quinn was standing in the doorway with one of her little minions. I was so infuriated at being cockblocked and seeing her lips curl into a smile that I almost didn't notice the camera her little friend was holding.
-
And the crappy thoughtout plot thickens.
I don't own anyone but Niamh… and Damons shirt rights.
xo