Severus was eager to go to Hogwarts; so eager he was spending his whole summer before start of term pacing restlessly in his tiny room - on daytime. At night, he was listening to his mom, when his father was too drunk to hear any magical mention. Both Eileen and Severus hid by the kitchen spot to whisper about Hogwarts and the magical world, while Tobias was snoring loudly on the couch.
Yes, that was true Severus already knew everything about his future school and more: the Four Houses, the different courses, Quidditch, Gobstones, the Daily Prophet, Azkaban, the Ministry of Magic, the wands (such as their making), Diagon Alley…
The boy even thought that he would go to Diagon Alley blind-folded.
Well, he didn't when he had to fetch his wand; nonetheless, that was as if he had always known about the magical community. Moreover, his mother had told him so much about her world that he already felt like home, like he belonged to somewhere.
Something he never had felt here at Cokeworth, at the primary school by the opposite river's bank from their slums.
To tell the truth, Severus unconsciously believed that he didn't belong to the Manchester impoverished area. Otherwise, the boy could barely tell to what extend he would feel ashamed of having such a drunkard as father, who couldn't earn enough money to eat fresh dairies and offer clean clothes, so much as not paying his bills and have the luxury of water for a shower.
Severus was barely ashamed because as soon as he could read, he had come across some newspaper front pages and even scanned a few articles dealing with the crisis.
Said crisis which became more and more tough, so that Tobias worked less and less, spent more and more time at the pub, trying to drown his powerlessness.
Oh, that couldn't explain and excuse his habit to drink. One could like drinking, and not taking care of the amount of drunk alcohol - even before the crisis. Yet it didn't help.
Yes, Tobias had always liked to drink Ale. Malted, triple-malted, blonde, red, white - whatever was good to drink. This habit, plus the crisis and his temper made him quite the aggressive type of miner. He sometimes had good ideas, had straight thought which was interesting to know and to debate further from it. Nonetheless, his illetrism and rough manners stopped him to be otherwise than that low-class miner who believed in conspiracies, hating anything unusual (magic!), and certainly slapped his wife and only-son.
No one would have dared to oppose against that robust man. Severus had soon understood that people witnessed but did nothing unless gossiping; so that he had to learn to protect himself on his own. That is hiding, letting the blows coming at him, lowering his gaze, saying no words, waiting that things would stop by themselves.
When Severus had to go to school, speaking hurt his throat and was so unnatural that he stammered and blushed from shame because it was like he was as illiterate as one would think about those poor people from the wrong of the river.
Either he spoke too low or too loud, he would end mid-sentence, lose the track of his saying and thought and hide his face under his long hair.
and waited, waited, waited that those loud laughs stopped too…
He hated speaking. He made everything he could to void speaking in front of a class full of well-fed and well-looking classmates ready to mock him.
- despite the fact he was knowledgeable.
School was boring. Not that boring but most of it. He learned quickly: knew reading, writing and calculating earlier than his mates; but the cultural aspects of classes were interesting. He couldn't learn them from home after all.
The boy had even surprised himself dreaming about those great figures who shaped History, science and technology. Half of time spent dreaming about them made him more miserable than he initially was. He wouldn't never be one of those great men and women, brilliant people who shone with their intelligence, their wit, their talent, their power. He never, ever, would bring anything great. He would only be among people one would forget about, one among millions, one of those who would die from disease or hunger - or both, maybe.
That was why he was eager to go to Hogwarts. Being magical made him special, gave him dreams and confidence enough to believe in a fragile hope he would make the difference in that magical world.
When Tobias was at the pub or recovering from a hangover, Severus would read his mother's books. Therefore, at the age of nine, he knew as much about reading, writing, calculating, politics, history as defence, transfiguration, herbology and potions.
That was around that time too he met Lily - properly. He hadn't remembered seeing her at school before then. They were in separate classes and the school yard was big enough for him to isolate from the other children. He had always hated crowds, noises and - yes, right, he too avoided the others from their constant teasing, and him being stolen his meagre snack (when his mother could give him some in his bag on mornings).
Severus's life half spent at home and the other half at school in total loneliness had suddenly brightened when he finally witnessed Lily and her sister in the park one day.
Oh, the first meeting had been wuite odd. As Severus had run away from home because his father had started to yell and accuse the whole world, the conspirators and his wife to mess up his life, the boy had found refugee under some bushes in the park.
He had always done that: hiding in the bushes. The place was calm, intimate, no one would bother him as it would mean to make an effort to reach that greasy poor boy and he could spend hours in these.
Nonetheless, on that day, he had heard some noise from the swings over there. At first, he was quite pissed that some other children had come to have fun. He had much difficulty understanding fun in life. His had always been a misery. They had no money to waste (his father wasted it in alcohol), that's all.
But soon, a girl's laughter had attracted his attention and he finally decided to have a glimpse at the author of such delighted laugh.
He never thought he would witness a flying red-haired flowery-dressed girl. Because she literally flew from the swing. She would swing hard enough, to the swing's limits of swinging, and she would float a few seconds and come down on the grass, laughing in delight, as if she was so happy to fly like birds.
Severus knew instantly she was like him, that she was a witch like his mother, that she only performed magic - and even if he despised heights, he thought that performance was impressive.
He had come back home before dinner time, forgotten the reason why he had run away from his father and spent the dinner submissive as always but his heart had pounded lightly for the first time from ages.
And he had spent a few weeks like this, peering at this flying girl performing her magic, sometimes all alone, sometimes with her older sister who pestered against her.
Indeed, he had been so glad to meet another magical person in the area. He had longly wondered if his mother sometimes made things up to cheer him, to help him to endure their life but… Anytime he thought like that, he immediately loathed himself for being such a rude child because his mom could perform magic - she only tried not to show it under Tobias' scrutiny. He also performed magic - incidentally. Still. MAGIC. And he had just met another witch, that red-haired girl.
She had performed the same trick. Her sister had warned her and threatened to tell their parents. He could not have kept quiet and hidden for long, anyway. So, he had come out from his bushes, surprised both girls, been sneered by Petunia who had immediately seen the poor boy from the other side of the river, and maybe the son of a drunkard yes, he's that Snape boy. A burst of anger had grown in Severus, and before he could realize anything, he had performed accidental magic on a Muggle, before witness - a branch had hit Petunia.
However, Lily had come back. They met several times a week, depending on Severus: if he could escape home, if he could escape his father's wrath, if he could manage to come at all. Lily suspected something, as she had heard of some beaten people on the TV screen, but she never said anything.
Almost two years later, both of them had received their Hogwarts letters. Lily had been delighted, joyful, jumped happily in Severus's arms who remained frozen on spot. She had told him Petunia never believed him (that was why she teased him), then had started to be jealous - because Lily was special and not her.
The Evans had been visited by a Hogwarts professor, according to Lily. Deputy-Headmistress McGonagall. She's strict, she's wearing a Tartan, she performed magic to convince her parents and reassure them about their daughter's abilities.
As soon as Lily had told him that, Severus had wished someone from that dreamed school would visit his home, to convince Tobias and maybe frighten him a bit? None of this occurred, as the Ministry of Magic was certain the magical parent would tell everything and make everything for their to go to Hogwarts - might they suffer from their Muggle spouse.
'Severus,' Eileen called from downstairs. 'Come, please, we need to fix your robes!'
Severus stopped pacing, had one more glimpse at the view from his small and barreled window, and joined his mother not that enthusiastically.
He was eager to start school in Scotland, not to wear his mother's old robes. Even though she performed magic on them to fit him better. But you're not that good in transfiguration, he thought bitterly. He crossed his arms, a pout on his face, clearly showing her he disagreed. Nevertheless, she tutted him, they had no other option, they were poor, her family had cut her money.
'Or, you should go naked, if you prefer,' she brisked. No need to perform any magic, she perfectly knew her son as if she had read his mind. They were so close in that shared misery and violence, so alike, that they spared words to communicate.
With no other assumption, she quickly dressed him with a long black robe, whose collar and sleeves were embroidered with shiny silver lines and the crest of Slytherin broided on the front.
Eileen was a tall woman and had been a tall teenager. The sleeves and hems were too long for severus. She measured the future hem from three parts, asked Severus to undress and she went back in work. Now the long skirt and blouse which would complete the uniform: fortunately to Severus, Tobias was at the bar. He grumbled under his breath, his cheeks hot. Here again, the clothes were too large, he even lost the skirt, as his waist was so thin. Even Tobias was massive so that he certainly gained that chetive appearance from an ancestor. Here, Eileen raised her wand and performed some reductive charm, slowly making the blouse and skirt waist fitting to her child's morphology. Then, she tried to transform the skirt into trousers.
Unsuccessfully. She grunted and tried several times before dropping, asking Severus to undress once more, hid the clothes and went under the kitchen's bulb to sew the robe's hems.
Severus climbed the stairs two at once, worried he would have no uniform on time. He worried over and over, pacing once more.
Tobias came back home, grunted some unintelligible word, then they ate in silence, finally he retrieved in his room to sleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. Severus spent his late evening reading, or trying to, not to worry much about his uniform - to end up praying for his mother's success.
At three in the morning, Eileen succeeded. She folded the whole uniform and placed it on a hanger, tiptoed in Severus's room, hanged the uniform at his window knot and tiptoed back out of the room. She could now join her husband as silently as previously not to wake him up. She did not want to risk such a thing; Tobias being particularly irritated when interrupted in his sleep.
On Severus's day to leave, Tobias went to the pub earlier than usual to celebrate his son's departure. Whether he was now free from supporting such an ungrateful and deformed child he would not have to nourish for a couple of months…
This day was special to Severus and Eileen made the point he should be wearing his best clothes. The boy also thought that was better for him not to display much of his poverty - and he did not want to make a bad impression on wizards and witches. With what her mother had told him, some of them were rich and powerful, mostly pure-blood ones and if he ever was Sorted in Slytherin, he better had to wear proper clothes.
So that he ended wearing a pair of trousers which had seen better days but were the less worn out of his whole wardrobe. Nonetheless, his ankles were popping out the trousers and his feet seemed larger in proportion, enclosed in huge old shoes who had belonged to his father when he was young himself. Eileen had Scourgified them and they were neat but not shiny. They remained old and used. He also wore an old blouse, one of his mother's, which was simple and as neutral as possible - Eileen not the kind of woman having much taste in lovely stuff. The colour of it was washed-out and one could not tell if it was greyish-blue or simply blue.
Severus was not that confident despite his mother's efforts to clean his attire. He had had a quick ablution and his long hair had some washing and brushing. Its aspect was a some sort of shiny greasy, still more shiny from cleanliness than greasy.
Both of them had a quick breakfast, some porridge made with mere water, that Severus ate anyway, even though his appetite was quite absent, due to his growing apprehension.
Eileen only managed to drink some coffee, apprehensive as well; but she would never admit it in front of her son. She knew he was quite stressed and as a mother she had not to show more of it in order to protect her son.
Eileen double-checked Severus's trunk with him so they both were satisfied. The adult then shrunk the trunk and put it in her old and raspy coat's pocket. She was internally thankful that Tobias had left early this morning so that she would perform magic as much as she wanted - as she could not bring her son at the train station to fetch London. Train tickets were so expensive!
She invited her son in the backyard, demanded him to grab her arm and not loosen his grip at any rate.
A weird sensation behind the navel, the feeling to be constricted in a narrow tube and… Both of them found themselves in a dead end street a few blocks from Charing Cross.
Eileen had decided that her son would experiment the wall between platforms 9 and 10 in any case he would need to go on his own and could not yet Apparate; as there was an Apparition zone on platform 9 ¾.
When one survived as they were, Eileen soon challenged Severus to be independent. It was a rude necessity to wake every next morning in dealing with autonomy.
She bade him goodbye in front of the brick wall, not wanting to show up in a large crowd, first because she had lost the use of it, secondly because she feared the others' judgement.
Severus believed mostly she did not want to revive her old memories. Eileen gave him his shrunken trunk, told him it would come back to its normal size once he would go on the other side, asked him to write to her regularly and to do well at school. He promised in nodding, not able to talk at that stage, nervous and impatient.
Severus watched around him carefully and somehow apprehensively. Before his eyes was the biggest crowd he ever witnessed: parents, children, pets of all sorts provoking a mayhem.
It was not but from Severus's view, mayhem should resemble this scenery.
The young boy tried to relax, clearly suffering from suffocation because of the crowd. So that to escape from reality, he found refugee in his own mind - as one would call mind palace for another character.
In order to appropriate the location, the boy made everything he could to remember anything he had read about King Cross Station. He had learned that it had been built in 1852, during the expansion of railways in Great Britain; and now it offered twelve stations.
Thirteen in fact, but the Muggles know no such a detail. Platform 9 ¾ had always been hidden from non magical people and that was better this way.
Like the other platforms, this one had arc-like walls elevating high and reminded of cathedrals. The stones used for the architecture were mostly greyish-white, reminding of other monuments in London.
A big red old-fashioned train was vomiting a huge white smoke from its chimney, as its nineteenth century fellow locomotives. On its front was clearly written Hogwarts Express; note that they would spend the whole remaining day to go through Scotland. Anyway, wizards surely wanted to bring a somewhat ritual, like those one would have to signal that children came out of infancy to enter the real world that we would find in some tribes.
Severus could not assert such a thing, a bit disturbed that such a slow and Muggle transportation brought several Pure-blood families… Something was missing to ponder a proper thought about it.
He was soon stirred from his thinking when a cheering call attracted his attention at once:
'Severus!' Lily cheerfully said, gesturing towards him, beaming.
Severus shily joined her, his eyes following her friend's direction and meeting her parents and sister. Right. His uneasiness squashed him once more and he felt his limbs were made of cotton, ready to melt to the floor. He nonetheless finished his stroll and curtly nodded politely to the three other people.
Severus clearly was ill-at-ease with people in general, even though he had encountered the Evans several times and that they didn't reject him for being too poor to befriend their younger daughter. Even if Severus could sense their worry, he was welcomed with that British finesse of their own, but not without some warmth.
The boy couldn't understand yet that this worry was typical to parents who cared about their children. Although he was quite close to his mother, she lacked empathy and motherhood anyway. One could say that their relationship was mostly on an intellectual level, or would go further, stating that Eileen only saw her son as the only way to fulfill her magical legacy obliviating everything else that was… her son.
However, Severus was happy ('till when?) with that relationship, which was far better than the one he had with his father. Nonetheless, both resulted in pure neglect. Neglect could be emotional after all - and Severus didn't understand it yet, while he was witnessing a strange bond between Lily and her parents. Some sort of mystery that he put on the side of the fact they were Muggles - both Muggles.
Soon, the train hissed and that mere noise pressed Mrs Evans to oblige both children to go into it at once. That move, pressed, forced, unnatural, conveyed some sort of suffocation to Severus's point of view. Lily only giggled, too excited to be disturbed. The girl had gone to London a couple of times and she thought that type of restlessness was amusing.
Once they collided behind the door which closed abruptly after them, Lily laughed hard, so happy to finally go to that school Severus had told her again and again, week after week, day after day for so long!
On his side, the boy gritted his teeth and started to show some nervousness. His only wish by now was to sit and never move till the night and cut himself from movements and noise as much as it was possible in a train full of teenagers.