Wiz: Allow me to introduce to you... the most powerful yet soon to be coming warriors of Warhammer 40k: the Sonic Guard.

(cues The Last Stand by Sabaton)

(scenes of them revealed Dangerios decapitating Cassie Cage and her mother Sonya Blade in one slash, Illisha firing lightning from her eyes and hands, zapping apart Shantae to pieces, Remus blowing Mine's head off from far away, Rev'Aris firing down on D.Va until she exploded, Rogen distintegrating Trish to bloody ashes while laughing manically, Dafzil crushing Ruby Rose's throat by snapping it like a twig singlehandedly, Gunrunna firing his big shoota, tearing down Cammy White, Kinessa and Lady to pieces, and Rhynamos devouring Chi-Chi and roaring in the sky)

Boomstick: Wait a minute, the Sonic Guard? Are they bodyguards of Sonic the Hedgehog or something? Is Sonic a king to them or what?

Wiz: Not really. The Sonic Guard are the chosen champions that survives for 10 thousand years of war, heralded by the Gods of the Warp to protect Sonic the Hedgehog, as if he was the Pope.

Boomstick: I... don't get it.

Wiz: Keep up. Reciting a bloodier and longer parody of the 1527 sacking of Rome, the Sonic Guard are bound by duty and honor. Tasked to keep Sonic's Ultimate Harem away from Sonic, the Sonic Guard was the perfect solution to combat the Harem. But it's merely a façade.

Boomstick: Well, confusing or not, the Sonic Guard's kinda diverse in so many ways. There's Dangerios, the leader, Illisha, the space elf psychic, Remus, the best shot in the Sonic Guard, Rev'Aris, the giant mecha thing that packs heavy firepower, Rogen, the psychotic yet powerful sorcerer of Chaos-

Wiz: And Dafzil, the Necron Lord and vanguard, Rhynamos, the ever hungry Tyranid Hive Lord and Gunrunna, the best warrior/engineer of the Sonic Guard.

Boomstick: But you said before that it was a farce. Why?

Wiz: Well, truth be told, the whole thing was a fake. In truth, the Gods of the Warp were becoming suicidal to the point where they believed that Sonic can help end their sufferable lives, thus they claim him as their property. And thus so, the tower they placed him in was part of a ritual where they begin to drop inches of their blood as it was needed to fuel him in that tower, which turned out to be a rocket ready to launch to the warp.

Boomstick: So the gods the Sonic Guard prayed to just basically wanted Sonic to kill them?

Wiz: Yes indeed. So as such, Sonic becomes techincally their property so the Gods of the Warp began to view the Harem as an obstruction of their ritual, and as a result, they've locked the Sonic Guard to war against them, to keep him away from them.

Boomstick: Well given that they've killed so many women and girls in the Harem, almost 400 of them, to be frank, it's a huge surprise to see how they still win over them even if the Harem got the numbers against them.

Wiz: Right, as absurd as it may be, the Sonic Guard's ironclad discipline and sheer stubborness often helps them win over so many battles with the Harem... while not losing one of their own.

Boomstick: Just look at those guys!

(Dangerios: They tend to assault us in the front! Rev'Aris, Gunrunna, tear them down!)

(both Rev'Aris and Gunrunna assumed positions separately and fired their guns, tearing the assaulting Harem down in a hailing mix of plasma and gunfire while the rest stayed back to shoot down any of the Harem members that either have missed)

(cues Last Dying Breath by Sabaton)

Wiz: The Sonic Guard often wins over the most impossible odds, no matter how insurmountable the circumstances might be.

Boomstick: Well duh, even if they were surrounded or even flanked or attacked in the back, they still win... and kill tons of bitches by the thousands. They're totally unstoppable.

Wiz: Not beneficially. The Sonic Guard are extremely powerful, but what really counts is their main drawback.

(Dangerios: To dare submit to such deals, would mean deviation of duty!)

Wiz: They're just too stubborn.

Boomstick: Yeah, well even they got problems of their own, not even saying yes to even the sweetest deals the Harem makes all cause they knew that they just had to turn Sonic over to them. Plus, the Sonic Guard hate corruption and would do whatever it takes to avoid it.

Wiz: Well many of their victories often stem from teamwork, coordination and even solid defense, but also from supply shortages, reliance from G.U.N's supply support and logistical problems, which limits the Sonic Guard's offensive and counteroffensive operations.

Boomstick: But what was gonna happen to them afterwards?

Wiz: 7 of them left, leaving the last, Gunrunna alone, before the war between them and the Harem was over, because their gods claim that they want to discuss 'matters' with the seven of them.

Boomstick: Warhammer seriously confuses me.

Wiz: Given it's extremely complex for the basic nerd, it is. But even then, the Sonic Guard are basically unstoppable, always prevailing, no matter how grim their circumstances might be.

(the Sonic Guard are seen, standing tall at the cliff with Dangerios carrying the banner with one hand)