This ficlet is written purely for the comedic value; if you take it seriously your brain just may explode. A big 'Thank you!' to Arrows the Wolf for beta'ing this first chappie! Also, I feel the need to add...things may start a little slow, but I promise you, it will get better as it goes on. Once the actual games start. Or, I hope so anyway, lol. Okay, so let's get started...
Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or Whose Line is it Anyway? Nor do I own pop-tarts, though I do find them delicious.
It was all a ruse. Fury had tricked them - or at least Tony, who would've never shown up had this been called what Fury seemed to be labeling it; 'a team-building' exercise. At least, that was what Fury had told Steve anyhow. Tony had been under the impression that there would be cameras and doughnuts. Cameras there were, doughnuts there were not. It took several minutes for Thor to realize there were no pop-tarts either, but when he started shouting and twirling his hammer in the air, Jane was forced to make a quick run to the nearest grocer. Bruce had simply been told it was a team meeting, and so here he was. Clint and Natasha had known something was up, but out of more curiosity (and for their own amusement, to be sure) they'd gone along with it.
So here they all stood, on the center of a stage, with high walls on three sides of said stage. By now Tony had pretty much figured it out (I mean, hey, they were in a huge studio-place, how stupid did Fury think he was?), Bruce too was pretty certain he knew what was up and was presently eying the walls with the highest of suspicious regard. Steve, on the other hand, was completely clueless. Thor was still fuming about his loss of pop-tarts and didn't much care about the high walls that were making strange, though slight, noises. Clint was standing to one side of the group while Natasha took up a position on the other end, effectively if not unconsciously hemming their teammates in. Which would be handy in the event any of them tried to flee. Fury was standing in front of a desk on the left side of the stage, his arms crossed, and tapping his foot impatiently.
"Why have you brought us here by means of this foolish trickery?" Thor was the first to question, in his usual booming way. Steve, directly to Thor's right, jerked a little and nervously eyed the huge, white walls...he could've sworn he just heard them squeal... Walls still weren't supposed to squeal even in this new age, right?
"Well, apparently the public isn't quite so sure on how well the six of you work as a team," Fury began, inclining his head a little, and still looking very, very irritated. He glared each Avenger down, his gaze particularly lingering on Tony in a rather pointed way; to which Tony only stood up straighter and kept an even gaze on Fury's eye. The Director scoffed and, as he continued speaking, turned and stepped around to the other side of the desk. "Which is why I got stuck with baby-sitting duties. The public wants to see you all working together as a team, participating in different games with me as your gracious host. You four," he raised an arm and pointed angrily at Steve, Tony, Clint and Natasha in turn. "Are up first." He now turned to Thor and Bruce. "You two, get lost for now - when you're up, I'll call ya."
Oh no. It was Bruce's worst nightmare, though thankfully he wouldn't have to face it yet. With a gulp, he glanced one last time at the huge walls that were slowly being wheeled aside to reveal...oh no, no no. Bruce quickly turned and fled the room. Jane appeared by the door Bruce had just disappeared through and jingled the plastic bag she was holding, which clearly held several boxes of Thor's beloved pop-tarts.
"MY TARTS OF POP! YOU HAVE NOT FORSAKEN ME!" The bellow was heard following the blur as Thor raced off-stage to claim his prize. Which left the four Fury had indicated to watch as the walls were wheeled away. Fury calmly took his seat at the desk as what was behind those walls were now revealed. Tony stood where he was, smiling brightly for the newly-revealed crowd and even gave a wave to the studio audience. Hey, this was what he lived for. Steve looked like he was going to be sick, and both the assassins, on either side of him, had to discreetly lay a hand on his arms to prevent Steve from bolting. For their part, Natasha and Clint each looked unpreterbed by this turn of events. At Fury's instructions to sit, Nat and Clint helped Steve over to the four chairs that sat toward the back of the stage, requiring a small step up to reach. It took a few more minutes before Tony had finished preening himself in front of the crowd before he too went and took a seat.
Next, Fury grabbed a mic and stood up to face the audience, to which they started to roar with shouts and applause. Fury promptly, and not so nicely, told them to 'shut it.' After his making several viable threats, they finally quieted. "Now, most of you already know how this works, but for his sake I'm going to explain anyway. Briefly." He stated, hooking his thumb in Steve's direction. Rogers had the sense to look a little affronted, and though he still had no real clue as to what was going on and the ioh-god-everyone-is-staring-at-me/isensation was ever-present, he still managed to pull it together enough to listen intently as Fury explained. Tony, meanwhile, was checking his watch and Natasha, who was on the other side of Steve, was looking at her fingernails. Clint, next to Natasha, was staring at the catwalks above them and wondering how long it'd take him to climb up there.
"This is based highly off a show were everything is made up and the points don't matter - that's right, the points are like your cares and concerns to me right now! I DON'T CARE! You all are going to sit there and laugh, you got it?!" Fury hollered, shaking a fist at the crowd. There were a few nervous chuckles that escaped, but it was otherwise silent as the Director collected himself once more and headed back to the desk. "Okay, so now then - the first game. It's called Superheroes."
"Hey, I got this one!" Tony exclaimed, raising his hand, which Fury immediately and figuratively bit off.
"Shut it, Stark. As I was saying, it's called Superheroes. Miss Romanoff, if you would kindly take the stage." Tony pouted as he watched Natasha stand and step forward to center-stage, then she turned one half-step to face Fury. After reading the cards on his desk, Fury sighed and turned to the audience. "I'm supposed to ask you knuckleheads out there for a made-up super identity for Miss Romanoff. So talk." Immediately, several people of the audience started shouting out things. Fury put a hand to his ear and leaned towards them, acting as if he couldn't hear, then paused and put a hand up. "Dog Catcher Lady! I like it." Natasha blinked, crossing her arms over her chest with a frown, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she watched Fury write something down. "Now, a made-up crisis for Dog Catcher Lady and her super friends to solve." Again, the crowd started shouting out ideas. "City over run by cats! That seems crazy enough, just might work. So, Miss Romanoff - Dog Catcher Lady - will start and she will introduce the next super when he comes in, that'll be Clint an' you'll go by ones, who will then introduce the next and so on. Miss Dog Catcher Lady, the city is over run by cats. Go."
Natasha quickly turned to face the crowd, one hand making a motion of grabbing a bag and holding it close to her face while the index finger of her other hand toyed with the 'trigger' of an invisible gun. She had a deep scowl on her face as she narrowed her eyes and ground out, in a mafia-like tone, "You've woofed your last, little doggy." In the next moment, she quickly 'holstered' her 'gun' and tossed the 'net/bag' thing to the side then made the motions of closing a small kennel door. "In freedom anyway," she muttered as she brushed her hands on her pant legs then looked up to the crowd and squinted, pretending to see something there. "What's this on - on the world crisis monitor? A city over run by cats! ... This is out of my jurisdiction. Sure hope the rest of my super team gets here soon..."
(Earlier, as Nat and Fury had been interacting with the crowd, Clint, Tony and Steve had stood and lined up by the 'door' in that order. Now, given his cue, Clint leaped onto to stage.)
"Sorry I'm late! Dang elevator's on the fritz again."
"Thank goodness you're here... ...Cat Catcher Man." Natasha speaks, never cracking a smile, and the two stare at each other for a moment. Then Clint grins rather crazy-like and produces a 'pole' from no where, "I heard there's some good game out there on the loose! Is it true?! Please tell me it is!" He shouted, a little too excited.
"Yes, it is. Look, the whole city has been over run with...cats." Nat said, seeming highly unmoved, as she nodded towards the 'monitor.'
"Yes! Ooo-wee, gonna have me some fun to-night!" Clint proclaimed with a maniacal grin, bowing out his legs and leaning forward a little, giving the appearance that he were searching that very room for the cats. Just then Tony entered.
"I would say, 'Sorry I'm late,' but honestly that'd be a lie."
"Oh, hey...Australian Lingo Man! Though I've uh, y'know, pretty well got things covered here." Clint greeted him, then glanced off to his left and proceeded to go after a 'cat.' Tony blinked, cocked his head, then grinned and fell right along with it.
"G'day t'all m' lovely mates! How've ya been?! Yer not startin' without me, are ya?" He asks, stepping forward and clapping both assassins on the shoulder. Natasha twitches and side-steps out of his grasp, Clint didn't seem to even notice.
"Will be better once this stupid game is-" Quickly changes as she catches Fury's glare, "I mean, once the city-to-cat ratio is fixed."
"Fixed?! You can't mean..." Tony begins to shout, but just then Steve reluctantly steps in. And by way of explaining his tardiness, Steve simply says,
"...I took the stairs."
"At last, Cap'n Tap Dance!" Tony bellows, without a second thought. Steve frowns and his cheeks darken a tad, and he sighs as his gaze travels heavenward, and he regrets the day Tony discovered him reading up on various dance types, in particular ones he'd missed over the years. Tony had just happened upon him during the tap dance sections. After another deep inhale, Steve stepped forward.
"I came to see if I may be of any assistance." He declared, punctuating each syllable with a particular step from a tap routine he'd memorized, ending his sentence with a flourish of hands.
"Look," Clint finally says, and points to the 'monitor.' "I can just take care of all these cats, I don't need y'alls help, neither!" he snorts, returns both hands to the 'pole' he was holding and nods.
"Ah, well to speed things up, why not have some of Dog Catcher's dogs help round 'em up?" Steve questions, ending this tap routine by gesturing with both hands, palms up and flat, towards Natasha. Then he jerked his head up and said, "Oh, think I hear someone callin' for me. ... Exit, stage left." Steve proclaims amidst another routine, taps towards the 'door' then rushes off stage, afterward breathing a huge sigh a relief.
"Hey man," Tony pauses, and tilts his head, then continues, "Dude, I...think I forgot t'feed my dingo. ... G'day!" Tony then ducks off stage himself, apparently out of words. Which has to be a first.
"Speaking of dingos," Nat cut in, looking at Clint. "Yes, I have one or two in mind I could release to help you round up the cats. There are too many for you to handle on your own."
"That'll work! I guess. ... Then, let's get to it - to the Cat mobile!" Clint shouts, and dashes off stage.
"Well, another crisis averted thanks to my teammates and I." She smiles, "Lovely day." And then walks after the other, to which the buzzer announcing the end of the game sounds.
"Excellent work, team! A thousand points each," Fury says as they all walk back up to the four seats and resume sitting. Steve, hearing Fury's comment, looks puzzled.
"I thought you said the points don't matter?" Rogers questioned, drawing his brows together in confusion. Fury waved a hand dismissively in response.
"They don't." Before Steve could open his mouth to ask the obvious question of why Fury was apparently bothering to keep score, Fury went on. "Now, next game is..."
Hope you all enjoyed reading! I'm very sorry if Tony's part appeared a little weak, for some reason he just wasn't working with me on this one. I really did try to bargain with him more in the coming chapters, though, so yeah hopefully will improve. owo Anyway. Please, if any of y'all find mistakes in here or things needing change, feel free to point it out and I will act accordingly. Let me know what'cha think! ^^