Losing Her

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gorillaz characters nor the concept; that belongs to the creators Jamie Hewlett and Damon Albarn.

I didn't understand that sometimes in a world that seems so cruel and unusual there is a light past the darkness that creates disorder in our lives; yet here I was, in the place that was the physical form of the chaos and disorder that had consumed us. In a strange way, this Plastic Beach was just like Feel Good Inc, the only difference was that music video was just a onetime thing, temporary but right now… this felt like it could be a possible permanent home after Murdoc told me of his plans to make a new album.

It was always funny how Murdoc Niccals could be so manipulative if he didn't have his way with the world, but right now I wasn't laughing at his sick joke. Instead I was living in a state of pure panic and fear; the eye of a massive whale always watching me like a paranoid person who was bent on making sure you would never disappear from their life… yet in a strange way… that's what took me back all those years ago.

Never had I thought that just by meeting that one little Japanese girl that my life would change for the better; already was I under Murdoc's care and under Russel's protection from the reoccurring beatings that were given by the Satanist. It never occurred to me that when the first English word that came from her lips would become the name that would always appear in my dreams or the name that I would always whisper with the addition of "it'll be awright luv" during those times where she wouldn't be able to sleep. At first it was a friendship that had formed between us; we were like brother and sister, we were almost inseparable and every night we would smile at each other and watch the movies that always made me jump and her giggle. Even when she fell asleep next to me and snuggled against me at the end of each horror film I had believed that this moment in time would never change.

Ai shite iru 2D-san…

Of course she could only speak Japanese with broken English by the time that cursed night happened. Even after so many years after that event I can still feel Murdoc's long fingers wrapped around my neck as though he's still plotting my murder over everything that I do which he finds pathetic or foolish… that was when we first separated for what seemed like the first time since we've met. When we both told each other where we would go we exchanged numbers to make sure we'd keep in contact so we technically wouldn't be apart. After a year away from the family you've grown to like despite their habits you start to get lonely; when that phone call came from Noodle I felt something that I hadn't felt since Paula Cracker was my girlfriend, before everything got so messed up with Murdoc.

My heart began to race and I felt the slow heat rise to my face, there was no doubt that I was blushing madly out of pure shock when I heard her speak perfect English. We had talked for at least an hour about all the things she's accomplished and compared that to what I've managed to do in my free time back home. She was happy to hear that I was making it on my own, she was even happier when I said I would come back to Kong to help record the vocals for our second album, Demon Days. I could hear the bliss flowing in the form of words through those lips that had always spoken Japanese; but what I heard now was something I had mistaken for something as a part of that brother/sister bond.

Thank you 2D-san! …I love you and I can't wait until you come back.

Going back to Kong was probably the easiest thing that I could ever do at the time; when the zombies tried to eat our brains I had to do the hardest thing, become brave enough to help defend Kong with Noodle. She would smile that innocent smile whenever I backed away from grabbing my scythe and attacking the zombies when I first came back; then she would tell me happily, "Don't worry 2D-san, I can handle it."

That was one of the things I've always loved about Noodle… how she could act brave in a difficult situation where Murdoc was always gone to drink booze and get lost in the sea of women, Russel was always in his room working on his new taxidermy hobby and I was in the midst of my own seemingly paralyzing copy of a horror film. Noodle's emerald eyes would always stare at the approaching zombies with determination and with her swift movements would wipe them all out and just take my trembling hand and guide me back inside to the safety of Kong. After making sure that no undead creatures would find a way into our comfort zone of the labyrinth of hallways and strange occurrences, Noodle would always find a way to cheer me up after my occasional panic attacks. Usually this involved us watching horror movies like we used to when she was ten and there I would still jump at every scary scene and she would giggle at my reaction. Then she would hug me once the credits started to roll down the screen and with a serene voice would always speak that simple Japanese phrase.

Ai shite iru…

Then those days stopped because Murdoc had developed a plan which involved our little Noodle. I almost remember the look on her face when she saw the floating island and she was just about to get on it for the El Manana video; raw determination and a calmness that she would always use when dealing with the zombies. It was the sparkle in her eyes that made me assume that everything was going to be okay and that she knew what she was doing. But at the last second she turned to me and smiled sadly.

"… 2D-san… be brave okay? Help fight off the zombies and make sure the others are safe."

"Wot 're yew talkin' 'bout Noodle luv? You'll be fine and when yew come back we'll watch Dawn of the Dead again awright?"

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

The lights of the television flicker as the static rolled across the glass screen; there was no television show that I wanted to see badly and out of all the horror movies that are scattered on the floor, none of them were playing those scenes that would always frighten me. Unlike all those times before, Noodle wasn't by my side to giggle at me; but a replica of someone I had grown to bond with… and eventually love.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

"Alright, we'll watch Dawn of the Dead when I get back… 2D-san… Ai shite iru… do you know what that means?"

She was willing for me to guess that Japanese phrase she had always repeated whenever she could to me; despite everyone being in a rush to get the video done, she had enough time and patience for me to figure it out. Yet it was Murdoc's voice that interrupted my thoughts and ordered Noodle to get onto the windmill island, the floating demise that would tear us all apart.

"W-Wait! What does it mean!"

Those green eyes glanced at me thought her dark bangs and when she finally set foot on the island she lost the determination in her eyes for the first time. My heart had stopped dead in its tracks and a single tear rolled down her pale face as she gave me the happiest reply I had ever heard from her.

"Ai shite iru means I love you."

Before I could react to that translation, the island had begun to float away and that's when I felt my heart being ripped apart as we all witnessed that island being shot out of the sky; of our little Noodle dying in the midst of the crash. I had fallen onto my knees and screamed at Murdoc with every ounce of hate that I could gather for the occasion. After that we had gone our separate ways once more and this time I had thought it would be forever since there was no Noodle. Yet Murdoc had the audacity to kidnap me onto this piece of floating rubbish in the middle of the ocean and show me the copy of the person I had loved.

This was my prison just like that tower in Feel Good Inc was; with the curtains drawn shut and the Cyborg Noodle by my side I felt alone in this world. Besides Murdoc who had caused my eight-ball fractures and this unsuccessful replacement for the hole in my heart, I had no one here on Plastic Beach. I could only imagine that this was probably how Noodle felt just before the island crashed. I close my eyes at the very thought that Noodle was so alone in such a cruel time.

Never had I imagined that someone who came in a FedEx box would be the little sister I never had, nor had I ever believed that Noodle would've been my best friend for so long… what I never really understood before the meaning of ai shite iru was given to me that all this time she loved me. What I realized after that day was that I had loved her all that time not as a sibling, not as a friend… but as something more.

In this darkness that now blinds me, that's always induced by these headache pills, always following me into my forbidden nightmares there is no light. When I was scared of whatever might've hurt me I always had Noodle there to comfort me, to be my light in this dark place. Without her there is no light… without her…

This world seems as dead as my broken beating heart. Then as all this unfolds in front of my eyes in this horrid pink room, I realize why Murdoc would be paranoid over me staying in constant sight. He had lost Noodle too… and maybe… just maybe… he doesn't want to lose me either.

This was inspired by my boyfriend because he and I were talking about Gorillaz couples and the one that I felt like I could write was this one, 2DxNoodle. That and I decided I needed to add another oneshot to my archive of stories rather than there just there being one little oneshot on Russel and the story Unexpected. So what do you guys think? I would love to hear what you've got to say and everything is appreciated. Thank you so much for reading.