Penelope Garcia was speechless.
This phenomenon was rare enough without the sight in front of them, and JJ and Prentiss were trying desperately to decide what to focus their attention on.
"You know, when I first saw them arguing, I thought maybe Morgan had made a pass at one of Reid's sci-fi movies," JJ whispered.
"Or maybe he flirted with a cocktail waitress a little too much," Prentiss said. That had happened once, and Reid wouldn't talk to Morgan for a week.
"But this…" JJ said.
"Never saw it coming," Prentiss answered.
"Never saw what coming?" Rossi came up behind them.
"Reid and Morgan are in a fight. A big one," JJ giggled. Rossi frowned at her, obviously wondering how that could be funny.
"Are they going to be okay?" He asked. Morgan and Reid had become a couple about two years ago, and while they had arguments, their relationship was strong. Rossi never said it out loud, but he thought that Morgan and Reid were the cutest couple in the office, and seeing their love for each other helped him get through many bad days. He would hate to see them break up.
"Yeah, they'll be fine," Prentiss answered casually, "It's what they're fighting about that's so funny.
"What are they fighting about?" Rossi asked.
"Just watch."
As if on cue, both men came storming out of the break room. Reid had his cup of coffee firmly clasped in one hand, and Morgan was bearing down on him, looking absolutely furious. At first, Rossi felt the strange urge to intervene, before he remembered that Morgan would not kill his boyfriend.
"I can't believe you, Reid!"
"Come on, Derek, it was not that big of a deal."
"Not that big a deal? Tell me, is that what our relationship is to you, not that big a deal?"
Reid sighed, raising his hands in front of him as if he were talking down a deranged unsub. "Of course not, Derek. You're everything to me, you know that. … I just don't see why a conventional tradition matters so much to you…"
"Conventional tradition?"
"I just don't think it's that important…"
"Not that important?"
"Will you stop repeating everything I say in that tone of voice?" Reid was starting to raise his own voice now, which Rossi decided marked the perfect moment to intervene.
"Whoa, boys, hold your horses," Rossi said, ignoring the disappointed sighs from the women behind him. "I understand you're having an argument now, but please try to be civil while you're at work. Give each other time to cool down, and then you'll be able to address it more calmly when you get home." Both men stared at him as though he were a completely foreign insect. Reid came back to himself first.
"Somehow, I doubt that is going to work. Morgan is being completely irrational about this," Reid sniffed.
"Irrational?" Morgan stared at Reid in disbelief.
"Stop repeating everything I say!"
"Boys, please," Rossi was starting to lose his own temper, "I understand that you are angry with each other now, but try to remember why you're a couple in the first place. You've been together for about two years-"
"Exactly two years," Morgan interrupted. He looked like he wanted to breathe fire through his nostrils.
"What?" Rossi said.
"Exactly two years!" Morgan steamed. He seemed to have come to the source of their argument. "Spencer and I got together two years ago last night! Not that he did anything about it."
"Morgan, for the hundredth time, I was involved in a fascinating study of Cro-Magnon man, it completely slipped my mind!" Reid said plaintively.
"Nonsense. Reid, you have a photographic memory-"
"It's an eidetic memory-"
"Stop correcting me while I'm yelling at you!" Morgan shrieked. "And it wasn't like I didn't give you hints! I wake you up with kisses and chocolate – both the candy kind and the me kind-"
"Derek!" Reid squeaked, his eyes darting over to where Prentiss and JJ were laughing hysterically, a blush flaming through his cheeks. Morgan ignored him.
"I keep sending you gifts all day long, and then I prepare a gourmet meal for you, which we ate as a picnic at the same park where we had our first date AT SUNSET-"
"The sun was only setting for the first twenty minutes-"
"At which point I suggested we finish the meal by candlelight. Then I draw a bath for you - again, by candlelight - with our best bubble bath which we took together-"
"Derek!" Reid squeaked again.
"And I'm not even gonna mention all the things I did for you after that!"
Reid was now bright red. "You got off, too," He whispered.
"I faked it," Morgan hissed. There was a tense, uncomfortable silence. "Okay, I didn't fake it, but I definitely made it more fun for you than it was for me. And all day I sat there, and I waited, and I thought 'there's no way he could have forgot, he's just waiting for the right moment', and I didn't even get a lousy card!"
"I'm sorry, Derek," Reid looked mortified, "But I honestly forgot."
"I mean, some flowers, a box of chocolates, a 'happy anniversary, Derek', how hard could it be?"
"Happy anniversary, Derek?" Reid tried, looking at Morgan through his lashes. The death glare Morgan sent back at him was nothing short of vicious.
"That's it, Spencer. I hope you enjoyed last night, because you're not getting any more of this for a long, long time."
Morgan shook his backside in Reid's face and stalked off, leaving the room completely silent except for Reid's whispered, "Come on, Derek. Can't we at least talk about this?" As soon as Reid cleared the doorway, Prentiss and JJ burst into renewed giggling.
"Man, I'm going to have to tell Morgan to give Will some pointers," JJ sighed, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "A picnic dinner at sunset? Chocolate..."
"The candy kind and the Morgan kind," Prentiss reminded her. Both women lasted exactly three seconds before they cracked up again.
"And Reid doesn't take any of the hints," JJ shook her head. If Will had pulled that, he would be in the doghouse until their next anniversary. "Maybe this will teach him to look up from his books once in a while."
"It's so funny. I always thought that Reid was the chick in that relationship, but after that…" Prentiss said.
Garcia finally came back to her senses.
"Come on, girls, have you seen the way Morgan dresses? He's totally the chick."