A/N - This story comes from personal tragedy and I needed to get my thoughts and feelings written down in the only way I know how, through a story. In a strange way I feel connected to Beckett, even though she is fiction, because we have both gone through something so tragic, though not in the same way.

Every year on the anniversary of her Mum's death, Kate Beckett called in sick. Everyone at the precinct knew on this particular day not to bother her. No one knew what she did and Kate liked it that way. If they ever found out she would bet her job on it that they would gossip behind her back and recommend she saw someone to talk to someone about this 'strange behaviour'. For on the date of her Mum's death, every year, Kate spent the day with her. To anyone, this would seem strange, weird and even creepy. But to Kate, it was what she needed to help get her through the day. She would go to the cemetery, sit beside her Mum's grave and talk to her like she was right beside her. Sometimes she talked about happy memories, sometimes sad memories, sometimes she cried, sobbed her heart out, and sometimes she just sat there in silence, not saying a word.

'Hey Mum,' Kate smiled sadly as she placed the flowers beside the headstone. Even after all these years, the memory of coming home to find the detective on their doorstep brought tears to her eyes. She remembered every single detail of what happened that day, and the days leading up to her Mum's funeral. Kate remembers after receiving the news, sitting on her bed for days staring off into space, thinking about nothing but of what happened, and going through every possible scenario to see if she could have prevented it, if anyone could have. She remembers the endless phone calls and house calls both her and her Dad received, being surrounded by people constantly and yet wanting to scream at them to leave her alone. Kate wanted to stay strong for her Dad, because if she broke down, who would hold him together? When she was by herself that was when Kate let her guard down.

The day before the funeral, close family and friends had a viewing of Johanna Beckett. Before this, Kate had never seen a body of someone deceased. She had never really thought about it before, but knowing she was about to see her Mum's lifeless body scared her. As soon as she saw her she couldn't hold it in anymore, she cried because seeing her was like a freight train hitting her with full force. It shocked her, and it was proof that this wasn't a nightmare, this was actually happening.

The funeral came quite quickly, once they had released her body. A lot of people turned up to say their goodbyes, people she hadn't seen since early childhood. By the time it was all over, she was glad. If she had to hear one more person say how sorry they were, everything happens for a reason or things can't get any worse she was going to scream.

'Sorry I haven't been able to visit you in a while, work has been keeping me busy. Seems like I can't get a moment to myself, but I guess I should have expected that when I decided to become a cop. I see Dad's already been to visit you.' She stated, looking at the other flowers on her grave.

'We really miss you, you know? Even after ten years, if I'm having trouble with something or need advice, I'd go to call you. You'd think I'd be out of that habit by now, but I guess it's just hard to adjust. I know Dad still thinks about you every day. You have no idea how glad I am that he isn't drinking like he used to. He's all I have now, and the way he was drinking, I was afraid he was going to do something stupid and get himself killed. I used to have these nightmares that I would get a call from someone telling me that he was dead. I can't say what I would have done if that turned out to be true. It's hard enough losing one parent without losing the other.' Tears started running down Kate's cheeks.

'Do you remember the first Sunday of every month we all used to go to the markets? Dad hated going because you always spent more money then you should have and we'd somehow end up taking home more 'junk' as Dad called it.' Kate smiled through her tears at the memory.

'We would be trying on clothes, looking at some jewellery, or gushing over the baby animals and Dad would be sulking, waiting for us to hurry up.' Kate laughed, 'He'd always try to fake some kind of illness so he wouldn't have to take us and we would tackle him until he agreed to go. I miss that every night I would come home and we'd cook dinner while dancing and singing to our favourite songs.'

Kate lapsed into silence, hearing the distant rumble of thunder. She was so lost in thought she didn't even notice it was raining until it was pouring down onto her, or when it suddenly stopped raining only on her. She looked up, confused, only to see the one person she wasn't in the mood to talk to holding an umbrella over her.

'How did you know I'd be here, Castle? '

'I remember the date of your Mum's death when I looked through her file, figured this is where you'd be. Let me take you home before you freeze or get sick.'

'Go home, Castle.'

'Kate, if you stay here much longer you're going to get sick, and while you recover at home, who am I going to annoy?' He joked, trying to lighten the mood.

After more silence, where Castle thought he would have to drag her away, Kate gave in and followed him.

'I'm here, Kate, whenever you need to talk, or just need a friend to sit with you.'

'Thanks, Castle. Whenever you find that friend you let me know, will you?'

'Ouch, that hurt!'

'You'll get over it,' Kate smiled as they made their way from her Mother's grave.

In Loving Memory of

Johanna Beckett

Aged 45 years

Loving Wife of Jim, Beloved Mother of Kate

Gone From Our Lives, But Forever In Our Hearts