Author's Note: I don't know what Neil's accuracy was. It was high though. Sorry if the number is wrong. Anyway enjoy some Lyle!Angst.
Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form own Gundam 00.
"Haro, percent accuracy?" He demanded.
"Eighty percent! Eighty percent!" The orange robot chirped in response.
His fisted hands came down on the dashboard of Cherudim. Would he never measure up to his brother? That awful shadow still hovered over him. Neil had had exactly 96.5% accuracy. Exactly. And here he was with a pitiful 80%. "Goddamnit. That's not good enough,"
"Good enough! Good enough!"
Even the damn robot was mocking him. Lyle jumped out of Cherudim and bent his knees to cushion the blow. He straightened to see Feldt staring at him. Hadn't he proved to her already that he was not his fucking brother? What the hell did she need a fingerprint? "Eighty percent is good, I can't seem to get over twenty percent my self,"
He stared at her coldly. "Eighty percent is sixteen and a half less than Neil's accuracy. It's. Not. Good. Enough," And then he left unable to bear her shocked aquamarine gaze. He entered his room…no…it was Neil's room. Lyle hadn't changed a thing since he'd inherited it. From the wall his brother smiled with the rest of the old crew of the Ptolemaios. The same colors decorated the small space.
"Lockon! Lockon!"
Even that codename was his brother's. Lyle went to the bed. "What do you want, Haro?"
"No smoking! No smoking!"
He considered throwing the thing into the wall. Hard. But he stopped himself. "I didn't even take a cigarette out," He'd been considering it. Could Haro read minds now? Is that why that robot predicted his every move.
"Lockon smoked when he was bad! Lockon did!"
Fantastic, just fan-fucking-tastic, not only did he get hand-me-downs from his brother but Haro knew everything he was going to do before he did it because Neil "Told him! Told him!" or Neil "Did that! Did that!"
"Just give up, Lyle, you never did measure up to me,"
And now his dead brother was talking to him. Yep. His day had just gone down the crapper. "I can get better accuracy," Oh, hell he was crazier than Allelujah might as well just lock him away.
"But you can't ever be me, that's what Feldt wants you know. That's what they all want. They want you to be me,"
"I'm not you!" His voice cracked. "I'm not, I'm not you…"
"What's the matter? What's the matter?" Haro chirped breaking in on Lyle's meltdown.
"Shut up, Haro," He shoved the robot away from his face.
"Haro doesn't know any better. He only accepts you as master because he's programmed. But no one else accepts you, Lyle. No one."
Lyle slapped his hands over his ears as if that would shut his brother out. By now he was shuddering in pain. "They gave you all this stuff because they want you to be Lockon Stratos. But you can't even be Lyle Dylandy. How are you going to live up to their expectations?"
"Shut up!" Tears began streaming down Lyle's face. "Shut up, Neil, I hate you. I hate you," He fell off the bed with a thump dropping to his knees.
"Lockon! Lockon!" Lyle grabbed the orange ball roughly. "Lockon! Lockon!" He opened the door to his room and roughly threw it out. "What's the mat-?"
The door slid shut on the robot's words. "You can't shut me out so easily, Lyle."
The momentary strength faded and his legs collapsed out from under him. "You try so hard to copy me. And yet you still can't deny that you aren't anywhere close to me. You'll never be the true Lockon Stratos. You're just a weak copy,"
"No!" The word ripped from his soul and flung itself full-force into the little room.
"Lyle, don't you remember what mom used to say when you got in trouble? I do. 'Be more like Neil,'" A shudder cascaded down his spine. "'Neil's always so much better behaved, Lyle, why can't you be like him?' Why can't you be me, Lyle? Why can't you? You're only hurting my friends with your presence, if you can't be me you should go back to your old life. That is if you have one,"
"Stop it. Ple-please, Neil, st-stop," His voice was small now. "I can't-I can't d-do this,"
"But you have to, Lyle," Lyle shook his head violently. "Don't you see? Veda never chose you for a Meister. Veda chose me. You're nothing but a poor stand-in for the real thing. The computer never even brought your name up. You're too weak. Don't even want to kill Ali al-Sanchez? Don't you want revenge? I wanted revenge. For Amy. For Mom and Dad. Aren't you going to help me?"
"Stop…" Lyle repeated softly. "Stop it, N-Neil,"
"I wanted to make the world a better place for you, Lyle, and you refuse to even think about revenge. Why is that? Too weak-minded to get it done?"
"PLEASE!" He sobbed and his whole body shook with it. "Please, Neil! Stop it!"
"You should be trying to get revenge right now. You should be more eager for it than Setsuna or Tieria. They think you're too much of a woman to do it. Lyle, you're a woman. You haven't gotten over the deaths of our family, you haven't even had time to get over my death. You're just locking it away deep inside yourself you still feel that grief. You aren't as 'grown-up' as you want them to think you are,"
"Lockon! What's going on in there!"
"Stop it. St-stop it. Stop it," Lyle gasped in pain. "I'm Lyle. I'm Lyle!"
"Lockon! What's wrong?" It was Miss Sumeragi pounding on the door. But Lyle only knew this foggily.
"I'M LYLE!" He shouted at the apparition of his dead brother.